Chapter Text
life, a few days after the season finale
Charlotte
I didn't know why I had agreed to more work when I already felt stressed with everything going on as an attending in this clinic.
But then, I also didn't want to disappoint the expectations Dr. Keller had of me. So now nights have become even shorter and I don't know when I last went grocery shopping. But I somehow was managing.
When I came to my locker and changed into my scrubs I heard Greta's voice before I saw her. The talk with Dr. Keller was in a week and until then we had to keep everything calm. I had asked if we could talk after me and Greta agreed that it probably was for the best if she knew.
"Hey, Dr. Mohn." Greta said, sounding casual but her look at me had changed ever since the night at my apartment.
"Good morning." I replied, trying to be professional but already feeling Irina analyzing our interaction.
"I have to meet with Dr. Keller excuse me." I lied, walking to the elevator to get out of the situation quickly.
I quickly sent Greta a text saying we could meet up on the roof once on our break.
I hated the fact that I had cried on this rooftop. I hated that I had cried in front of people more. But I also realized how comforting the hug from Greta had been, so I tried to push my mental breakdown in the background of my memories of this day.
And now I want to collect some happier memories at this place.
It was a rare day, because it was a calm day. Except for the scheduled operations nothing major happened which made the hours pass incredibly slow. I sat in my office doing some sudoku to pass time. My finger taps my screen every few minutes to check the time. And to see if I had any new messages from Greta. I know she was busy so it was unnecessary to think she would text. But somehow I still hoped for it.
–
“Come on I'm sure people saw us hanging up here before.” Greta said laughing when I was looking around and gesturing to the corner that was less visible from the windows.
“Yeah, but back then I didn't have the urge to constantly check you out” I defended, feeling my cheeks heat up slightly as I admitted that. “And remember, until we spoke to Dr. Keller people can't know.”
“Well, then…”
We quickly went to the corner, and I left my coffee standing where I had put it earlier.
“So this is our new spot now?” Greta asked.
“At least here at the hospital. We're still at work.” I replied looking into her eyes, again realizing how beautiful there are.
It seemed like she wanted to add something but didn't so she just nodded slowly, her lunchbox still in her hand.
“Come here now.” Charlotte said, voice lowered, she came closer.
I wanted to give in to the urge I had since I saw her this morning when she was getting ready for her shift but I felt like whatever we would start now would affect me so much there wouldn't be any turning back. And she then just grabbed my waist, I automatically tilted my head as she reached for my face and we finally kissed again. I knew these were the moments when my thoughts, no matter how persistent, stopped for a while and I could get lost in the moment. I smiled afterwards, happy that we finally spoke…
“I could get used to breaks like this” Greta commented with a smirk.
“I see where you're coming from, it's quite nice with you up here. How much time do you have left though?” I asked.
“Ten minutes.”
“So we should get our lunch now.” I said, walking towards my lonely looking cup of coffee next to Greta's lunchbox.
“Yeah probably, Coffee doesn't make the greatest lunch though.”
“I need to get groceries. I will probably feed my money to the vending machine first” I said laughing.
“You know you can get them delivered right?” Greta said, taking a fork of her salad.
“I haven't sunken this low.” I said, shaking my head. “I will manage to get groceries today.” I said, mentally adding it to my to do list.
Once halfway finished Greta got up, and we said goodbye. I still waited a couple more minutes before I went to prepare for my next surgery again.
I was still not quite knowing where all of this was gonna go.
I was trying to not overthink the meeting with Dr. Keller, how I hadn't even expected any of this to happen in the first place.
Greta
When I woke up I saw the box of chamomile tea was still on my nightstand. I don't think I will put it away anytime as it made me smile several mornings now. I hated chamomile tea though, obviously.
I felt better. Somehow, since the confrontation at the rooftop I felt like pressure was released between both of us. And since the house visits with Anna I felt more comfortable around the pregnant women again, which helped too. I was sure I most likely wanted to be doing this too instead of staying at the OB Gyn section of the hospital the whole time. Even though I still respected the on call part. I wanted to have some free time after all. Preferably shared with Charlotte, if I'm honest.
It feels so strange that it took two years until I got a little more insight of what Charlotte really is like, outside of work. When we met a few times in the beginning we for sure talked but it was mostly work related or brushing on the surface level.
I knew that she was a cat person, and when I told her I liked dogs more she just laughed and said she works too much to have one.
I didn't know if she had siblings back then. From what I know now it seems like she doesn't. But I feel like Charlotte is good at hiding. so I'm not too sure about anything anymore.
The last weeks made me eager to just spend a night at her apartment just talking, and waiting for her to open up. But for now I was just happy to see her today. Maybe she has time this evening. Do I ask her or do I wait until she asks me? We hadn't hung out after work for so many months I lost count. Then we did, and now it was all I wanted again.
–
I adapted my pace to Charlotte's when dressing back into our normal clothes. Luckily, we both had the same working hours so it would be the perfect opportunity to ask her out on a proper date again. After the Lunchbreak on the rooftop I was feeling a little more sure of myself. I just hoped I hadn't misunderstood any signs, but I felt like she enjoyed it too.
“So, what are you doing in your free evening?” I asked, as I slightly picked up my speed to be able to hold the door open for her.
“Uhm, I was gonna go home, I guess?,” she questioned.
I felt my palms get slightly sweaty, her honesty was making me nervous at times, even though it was also something I found lowkey hot.
“You?” She asked now, walking beside me and slightly raising her eyebrow, and I knew she was messing with me.
“I wanted to ask on a date actually, but if tonight is bad, we can reschedule, or…” I started rambling nervously…
“Greta.” She interrupted
Nalan
It felt like the universe saw me happy and wanted me to suffer when it made one of my patients miscarriage around the same time I did.
"I can also cover for you if you don't feel like it right now, I know your hormones are through the roof right now." Anna told me on her way out of the hospital after
"Thank you but i think it will be okay hopefully. She said she just wants me on the phone and not present in her apartment. So she'll eventually call at some point tonight or tomorrow."
"And you can call me anytime too, since I also have to take care of you now, remember?” Anna said with a smile and I felt the tears pooling in my eyes at the thought that this time she might actually be delivering my baby this time.
“Stop, I cry again.” I said, accepting the hug Anna offered me.
“Take care Nalan.” She said as she opened the door to the driver's seat.
“See you on Monday”
–
I came home and immediately recognized the smell inside our kitchen.
“David?” I called out and heard him calling that dinner was just about to be ready
“I made pizza, I figured you need comfort food tonight.” He explained. I quickly took off my shoes and went to the bathroom to wash my hands.
“Thank you so so much, I need that.” I said, already sitting down on the couch when he carried the tray into the living room.
“Do you wanna talk about your shift?” He asked.
I had quickly told him what had happened over a voice message earlier. “Right now, I just want to eat.” I said. Needing one moment to not think or talk about pregnancies or babies. I was trying to stay optimistic, but the worries wouldn't leave my brain completely and I didn't know much I could do about it.
Just then, my phone buzzed and I felt my brain already switching into work mode. The thoughts about my pregnancy immediately lessened. Just then I saw it was just some stupid newsletter mail.
“The pizza is getting cold Nalan” David said and I realized I still hadn't eaten a bite.
“Oh, sorry.” I said, putting my phone away and grabbing a piece of pizza.
“Sure you don't wanna talk about anything?” He asked again, looking at me with the same face he did so many times last year when we lost the baby.
“No, for god's sake.” I said, raising my voice.
“Okay, sorry I asked.” he said
“It's just a lot right now.” I tried to reason. “I didn't mean to snap, I just sometimes feel like I need a break.”
“I get that, why didn't you ask for someone to cover some of your appointments?”
“Because I can't just disappear?” I said even though Anna had already offered to help me. “These women chose me for a reason and might exactly now need me most.” I continued.
“Just, let me know if you need anything okay?” David said and I saw how he wasn't in the mood for more discussions.
“I will, thank you. Anna might call me later. Just so you know.” I told him as well.
“One more thing,” David said, with a shy smile. “I love you and I'm proud of you”
“I love you” I replied, feeling so lucky with this man in my life at that exact moment.
“And I can't wait to meet the little blob” I told him, one hand resting on my stomach instinctively.
“Are you just gonna call them little blob until we decide on a boy and girl name?” David asked amused.
“Yeah, I think i will”
Then my phone rang, with the ringtone indicating it wasn't anything private, but my skills as a midwife were asked now.
“I'll be in the bathroom.” I said, as I grabbed another piece of pizza when answering the call.
Our bathroom wasn't big, but I think that was the reason I sometimes felt a certain different level of peace and privacy in there. I spent so many minutes of my life there by now.
“Trust me, the time ahead of you will suck, it will suck so much and you feel like nothing else truly matters in your life anymore… and sadly you just know that you feel better when suddenly you do, the process itself isn't really noticeable.” I told her over the phone. It had been almost two hours on the phone without much talking from either of us except me again explaining what was likely going to happen when her cramps got worse.
But I knew that you didn't always have to share many words to feel comfort. It was enough that I was there whenever she needed me. Just as Anna was, even if I didn't even tell her what had happened. So I hoped she felt just as supported. I told her I spoke from my own experience, I didn't tell anyone right away but here it felt right.
“Thank you… for being here and all, I feel like I'm totally wasting your time”
“Oh you definitely are not. This sadly can be part of a pregnancy too and so I'll go through that with you too.”
–
I saw Anna had texted me asking if I wanted a call, I replied that right now I just needed some time for myself but was very thankful for her offer. I sat on the couch eating chips, and watching trash tv. David was already asleep next to me, I knew I wouldn't be motivated to go to bed anyway already knowing this night will be spent on the couch, and since my pregnancy I'll probably wake up with back pain tomorrow, though right now I couldn't care less about it.
Surprisingly despite everything happening today I felt okay right now. I enjoyed my ice cream and my evening, not spiraling or overthinking. Allowing myself to be happy for this little moment.