Work Text:
Sigh...
Nikki groaned as she leaned back, squinting her eyes as she stared at the blaring screen of her laptop.
She took a drink of her energy drink and winced at the taste.
Nikki had never been a fan of them, but now it felt like it was the only thing keeping her alive
...or at least awake.
Blinking her eyes, she wondered if she should just drop this and finish it another day.
But she was so close!
Just these three, technically four, chapters and she would be done!
But these four....these were the most difficult ones.
She stared at her drafts and frowned
Ian
Sarah
Bear
Her thoughts on them...her final words to them. What they meant for her.
It had now been exactly seven months since they left her hometown, and since then, both she and Skye had just been... traveling around, like nomads.
They never stayed in one place, and when they did, it was so that Skye could do some odd jobs here and there.
Granted, they didn't need them; Skye was still VERY rich from her former job as a pop star
Maybe it was because Skye wanted a sense of normalcy; maybe she even wanted to find a place to stay...
Maybe Nikki was the one holding her back
She shakes her head out of those thoughts.
And instead focuses back on her autobiography...not really an autobiography of her but of what happened.
...minus mentioning the whole wish thing and getting possessed by Bear's obsession.
The entire process felt surreal, and she was stuck figuring out the pieces.
There were plenty of things she added simply because she wasn't around Bear when he was outside or the few times he managed to get away from it; but unfortunately, Nikki had been aware.
She had been awake the entire time.
Nikki wrote about all of that.
The pain, the horror, the humiliation...the dehumanization, the control...all of it.
By the end, her trauma was written out right in front of her.
This was just the draft; most of it would be edited so as not to give too much away.
After all, so many other people had used the one wish willow...they'd figure out immediately what happened.
At least, those that made a similar wish to Bear will....and that's contemplating the fact that they might not be alive to read the book.
She was...proud of herself.
Nikki had actually poured all of this out of her.
Skye had brought up therapy. For both of them.
And Nikki had immediately denied it.
She couldn't do it.
Wouldn't do it.
Talking to Skye and opening up to her was enough for her already.
Talking to a stranger? Who could go to news outlets and ruin her newfound peace...as much peace as she had at least.
No.
Nikki wasn't going to risk it.
She had started journaling.
...but every entry was always just two words
I'm tired
The action of writing more than those two words hurt her head.
Nauseating would be the right word for it.
What more could there be said?
She tried, she really did...but nothing would come up.
The irony doesn't escape her: Nikki, an inspiring author... couldn't find the words to express how she felt on a daily basis.
It was just difficult.
Writing about what happened was easy. Writing about how she felt after was the hard part.
Nikki didn't even want to be here.
She was here...because Skye wanted her to be.
Skye told her to live, so she would.
And now, she's just existing. Living day by day...with no real meaning.
Nothing except existing for someone else.
Was it toxic...probably?
She wasn't too sure anymore.
But then she remembered everything that happened after Bear's wish...and she doesn't really mind what she has now.
Nikki had been trapped inside her own body; she couldn't say anything, couldn't feel anything.
She screamed, but there was no sound.
She cried, but nobody heard.
She moved, but her body refused to listen.
It felt like she was a ghost inside her own body.
The things her body did...the things he made her do.
She could feel it.
Bear was so happy when he had gotten what he wanted, so happy...until it began to ruin his life.
Nikki, before she realized that it had been him who made the wish, felt bad for him. Bear looked so happy when they got 'together'; she wondered just how long he had feelings for her.
All he had to do was tell her...just six words, Bear. Just six FUCKING words.
And then...it dawned on her: He did it to her
"Just be normal."
"Just be Nikki again."
He wanted her to be with him.
He wanted her to love him.
He took her autonomy away from her.
And he didn't even care.
Bear only began to care once it began to affect his life.
That hurt.
It hurt so much that she just screamed for a long time.
Nikki tried, tried to fight whatever he had done to her.
But she couldn't.
She could only watch; her body could only feel.
The friend who she had trusted used her body like a fucking fleshlight.
All Nikki could do was sob to herself and comfort herself and tell herself it was going to be okay, that she would find a way out.
That once she broke out of it...she'd run as far away as she could from Bear.
So that she would never have to see him.
But the worst part, out of all of it, was just how Bear wouldn't understand.
He wouldn't-couldn't take no for an answer
She had told him to kill her.
To set her free and put an end to her.
And his response?
It was the very first line in her book:
"...What's so bad about being with me?"
It hurt.
She begged, begged for death.
And he just walked away.
Nikki paused and looked down at her hands
She shook her head and slapped her cheeks
"Focus..." she muttered to herself.
Fingers levitated atop the keyboard; she stared at the laptop that Skye had gifted her and once again blanked.
What was there to say about the people she killed and the man who started it all?
And I am so sorry I killed your son and daughter under the influence of a wish?
She scoffed
They'd send her to prison.
...at least, they would if not for her wish.
And of Bear?
What couldn't she say about him?
But that wasn't the issue; the issue was how to say it, how to explain to the possible thousands of people who might read the book.
And that wasn't even certain! For all she knew, she was doing this for nothing.
But Skye had been supportive.
Even when Nikki could hardly leave the apartment- not because she was afraid but because she didn't feel bothered to- Skye was glad to pick up the pace.
It felt horrible.
Nikki knew she couldn't live like this.
This wasn't really living.
And maybe, that's why she was trying to do this in the first place.
To finally move on from her hometown, from her friends that were now dead...from Bear.
The thought, ironically, terrified her.
She'd have nothing left to obsess over...she'd be leaving one thing behind and moving on to the future.
Nikki had nothing.
...Except Skye.
"Hey, you. Still awake?"
She doesn't jump; she doesn't do that anymore.
Instead, she looked over her shoulder and tilted her head at Skye
"You're back early."
"Slow day at the cafe?"
"Any creepy customers?"
Skye may have retired from the pop star gig, but she was still relatively famous; more than once, they had to leave a city because the fans got so crazy whenever they spotted her.
It had slowed down, but there were still some times when it happened.
Skye shook her head. "Not really. Just a slow day at the cafe."
Nikki hummed, turning her head back to the screen
"Are you...okay?"
"Yeah"
She heard shuffling behind her
"Really? You don't seem to be okay." She pulled a chair and sat beside her.
Her presence was immediately calming.
Call it weird, but there was just something about Skye that made all of this worth it. That made every small moment of doubt and frustration worth going through if it meant she'd be here with Nikki.
Nikki...didn't like being alone.
It reminded her of what it was like inside her body, watching it interact with Bear and how Bear took advantage of it.
...She still remembers how it stood there, despite the vomit and the piss.
Humiliating and torturous at the same time.
"...It's complicated."
"Complicated?" Skye echoed
"Mhm"
"Tell me."
It's soft, but Nikki can hear the quiet command behind it.
And Nikki...Nikki can never deny Skye anything.
"I'm just struggling," she admitted to her
Nikki snorts
"Just like always."
"Hey," Skye spoke firmly. "What did we talk about?"
"...Not putting myself down and that my feelings matter?" she murmured tiredly
"Exactly," Skye nodded, looking proud of her
Nikki's lip twitched at that
"So what's bothering you?"
"My book," she nudged her head toward the screen. "I'm almost done with the rough draft...I'm just stuck on these last parts."
Skye stared at the words, and she gave a sharp inhale
"Shit"
"Yeah"
"Shit"
"Yeah"
Nikki almost wants to laugh at their interaction.
Only the two of them would really understand why this was so hilarious...and sad at the same time.
Skye looked at her and murmured
"You don't owe them anything."
Nikki shut her eyes
"I know that."
"Then why-"
"Because it's the only time I'll ever be able to express how I feel about them... him." She opened her eyes. "Not just for myself...but for them too."
Skye stared at her
"You have a big heart."
"Doesn't feel quite big right now," she hissed under her breath.
The other woman chuffed and lay her head on her shoulder. "You, Nikki Freeman, are too hard on yourself for things that aren't your fault."
"...I know it wasn't my fault."
It felt like a sin to even say those words.
Because it had been her that killed Sarah.
It had been her that killed Ian.
All of the things that happened may have been a result of Bear's wish...but she was the one who committed the actions.
"God, I know it was Bear's wish that made my body act that way...but I saw everything. Felt everything"
Skye snapped her head up
"Everything? Then-" she cuts herself off, "Oh...Nikki-"
"He had...sex with me, Skye. He touched me, he kissed me." Nikki's eyes watered.
"Oh god...and then Ian and Sarah. They got killed because of me. They died because he wanted me so badly that he couldn't handle letting me go and dying."
She let out a soft, broken laugh
"And the worst part? There were times I broke out of it. When I freaked out and was confused...I talked when it was asleep, told him to kill me."
Nikki looked up at Skye, who was staring at her with wide, sympathetic, horrified eyes at what Nikki had just revealed.
"What's so bad about being with me?" She quoted
"That's what he told me, Skye. And then...he just left." she sniffed "Until it woke up and began the slaughter."
Nikki looked back at the computer
"...I know they weren't perfect, and I know as hell Bear doesn't deserve me even mentioning him."
The memories flooded back, and she smiled
"There was a time when we were just...kids full of life." She nodded. "I don't want Ian and Sarah to be Bear's victims...and I guess part of me wants to let go of the hold Bear had on me."
There was silence.
Nikki kicked herself internally for ruining the mood
"Anyway, I just-"
"I blocked my mom."
She blinked
"Huh?"
"I blocked her." Skye shrugged. "Along with my producers and all of the people that were related to my "Popstar-Life"."
She stared at Nikki and softly said, "I will never know what you went through because of that guy, but...believe me, I get the whole 'Moving on' thing you're going through right now."
Skye extended her hand, and Nikki stared at it.
...She hated being touched without her permission. In the past it was different...but now? To see Skye so willing to let her take the lead.
It did something to her.
Something she wasn't quite ready to name yet
Nikki grasped Skye's hand and almost gasp
Bear's hold was always cold and rough; she could hardly stand it even before he made the wish.
The soft warmth of Skye was enough to almost make her cry.
"Don't laugh but...I get freaked out over smiles."
Nikki blinked. "Smiles? Really?"
"I escaped it, maybe I killed the curse," Skye shrugged. "I'll never know. But I get freaked out whenever anyone smiles too widely."
She snorts
"You wouldn't have liked FreakiNikki." She shook her head at that.
All of a sudden, her bullies' nickname for her didn't hurt as much as it used to.
"The point is...we had different experiences, different traumas, different pain." Skye glanced at her and smiled
"But you're not alone. It's cliche, but...I don't think I'd be doing so well if it weren't for you."
"...Really?"
Nikki found that hard to believe.
Skye was...everything she wasn't. Confident, loud, and bright.
Maybe she was once like that...maybe that's why Bear 'fell in love with her'. But now she was nothing but a tired, depressed husk.
How could someone like Skye possibly care about someone like her?
"Yeah"
She's blinded by Skye's grin; it's soft and so full of life.
Her lips twitched into a soft smile...at least she thinks it's a smile, but it's probably crooked and awkward.
Skye let out a soft chuff
"What I'm getting at is...you don't have to justify the way you're coping with all of...this."
Nikki gazed at her before looking at the laptop again
"...If I do this, It'll make it real."
Skye hummed
"I already knew that your wish wouldn't change their fates...but I hoped that maybe it would reset everything. That maybe I could just see them again."
She snorts
"Even Bear, just so I could slap him," she shut her eyes. "...Ian and Bear weren't the greatest friends, and Sarah, Sarah was nice...too nice to be hanging out with guys like them."
"And you?"
"Hm?"
"You're talking a lot about them but...what about you?"
Nikki paused
"What do you mean?" she tilted her head
"What do you want?"
Nikki halted at those words.
It was obvious what she wanted...she wanted to move on.
But as she took Skye's words in, she realized that besides that, there was nothing else pushing her to keep going.
She stared at Skye and-- "Huh."
"Really?" Skye looked at her with a tired expression. "You haven't thought about that?"
"It's been a long couple of months."
"And yet," Skye huffed, "You've been so focused on them and not on yourself."
Nikki looked down
"...Sorry."
"No. Don't apologize, just...Type."
"What?"
"Type"
Skye nudged the laptop toward her and waited.
Nikki's hands hovered above the keyboard, and after a deep breath, she nodded to herself and began.
She lost herself.
How much time had passed? Minutes? Hours?
All she knows is that her fingers move like she was running out of time, like her life would end if she didn't type all of this out.
Tears fell from her eyes, and she couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
Skye doesn't say anything, just waits patiently for her to finish.
When she does, she stares at the screen and lets herself sag
"...I did it."
"You did."
"Now what?" she turned to face Skye
"Now? You sleep"
"But-"
Nikki blinked and stopped as Skye raised a finger at her
"Nope. We are going to sleep, and tomorrow you're going to come with me to the cafe. I can probably convince the manager to give you a part-time job there."
"I don't want to be a bother."
Skye snorted at her. "You're never a bother."
Nikki felt warm at those words.
As Skye led them to the bed -Nikki didn't like sleeping alone anymore; it felt like she was trapped in her own body again-
"I'm not letting you die on me, Freeman. Not after all of this."
Nikki stared at the other woman and nodded softly at her.
She didn't really have anything to say.
In a matter of time, the two were lying on the bed.
The ravenette was still awake, staring at the ceiling and swallowing as she thought back on what she wrote.
It was rushed. It was rough. It was too much.
She'd have to change it; she knew she would.
...But maybe she would keep this version, all for herself.
Nikki felt...happier now that it was out.
She was still tired.
Still... empty in one way or another.
Her head turned to stare at Skye, her hands lifted and hovered above Skye's face before she pulled it back and held it close to her chest.
Nikki was still on her side and stared at her friend, the only person she had.
"...I'll try."
She whispered and lay her head on Skye's shoulder, the only contact she felt comfortable giving at the moment.
"I'll try, I swear."
Bear had taken so much from her.
Her autonamy.
Her control
...Her voice.
Nikki wouldn't let him take this from her.