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Whatever Scarecrow was throwing around Gotham this time, it was different. At this point, he ran through so many different formulas with varying effects, but they all had the overall same outcome: thrashing, panic, chaos.
No toxin before simply made people lay down and take it.
Hopelessness, Dick had said over comms
They hadn’t seen anything like this before. A different style compared to Scarecrow’s usual attacks, but in some ways it was easier. Victims required significantly less restraint, and it was easier to get them to safety.
Bruce was hiding it well, but Tim could tell he was freaking out about it. Way more than he usually would. It was subtle: a shift in tone, asking for reports more often, but it’s clear as day to Tim. That’s his job. He’s always the one that knows how Bruce feels, how to fix whatever’s wrong. He’s had to be.
Even so, when Scarecrow is spotted on the east side of Gotham, Bruce manages to shock him. “Robin, report to western corner.” Damian was already on the east side. Bruce was on the west side. It would make more sense, be more efficient, more timely for Robin to take care of it. It’s not like Bruce doesn’t think he’s capable. He just wants Damian out of danger.
Even Batman was scared shitless.
Bruce is terrified of what he doesn’t understand. Tim doesn’t fully understand it either, but that isn’t the concern right now. They needed to get victims to safety and get Scarecrow. All the other Bats reported victim cleanup going very smoothly, so there was only one other concern.
Bruce took care of it less than ten minutes later. Nearly record time, considering that he was all the way across the city, but it didn’t matter. Scarecrow was detained.
And maybe, if the situation made more sense, maybe if Batman wasn’t scared out of his mind, Tim would have been better. Would have remembered to wait to take off this goddamn mask. But he didn’t. And by the time Batman yelled “Take cover,” over comms, he didn’t have time to put it back over his mouth. The extra bombs went off over the city, including one right next to Tim.
He inhaled the smoke before he could think about it.
It didn’t feel like toxin. The metallic taste never came, the head rush held off. Tim felt perfectly fine. It didn’t matter. He was supposed to know better. How did such a cheap trick get him?
He’s losing his touch.
“Is everyone okay?” Dick asked, responses slowly coming through. Everyone else was fine. Everyone else kept their masks on.
The line went silent. They were waiting on Tim. They were waiting to hear his failure—
“I’ve been exposed.” His voice shook as he admitted it. Hiding it wouldn’t do any good. He just needed to get this over with. “Reporting back to the Cave.”
“Don’t go alone!” Barbara yelled back. “Spoiler, get over to him. You’re closest.”
“On it,” Steph said. “Stay put, Red.”
“I’m okay though.” It was a pointless argument. Even if he didn’t feel the effects, he’d been exposed. He had to be treated as such. However, Tim couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want them prepared for a fight they wouldn’t face, worried over nothing. “I don’t feel like I’ve been dosed. No observable effects yet.”
“You can’t go alone,” Bruce commanded.
“Let’s go, Red.” Steph said from right next to him. She grabbed Tim before he could respond. They were back at the Cave in the time it took Tim to blink. He must’ve passed out from the toxin.
Dick and Bruce were already there. Jason sped in a second after, tossing a vial at Bruce “From one of the victims.”
Bruce nodded, rushing to get the toxin isolated, a cure made. Dick rushed to Tim, slowing as he got closer. “You were exposed?” he asked, confused.
Tim nodded. “By the second wave.” The one he should’ve been prepared for.
“You seem… fine?” Even behind the mask, Tim could feel Dick eying him up and down. Looking for some sign, for anything at all.
“Get him in a containment unit anyway,” Bruce grunted. “No risks.”
Dick nodded, guiding Tim and grabbing blood drawing supplies on his way.
Tim should try to fight him. That’s usually what happens when someone gets exposed to toxin. Tim had no desire to fight though. He only wanted to figure out what was going on. Even as Bruce ran his samples alongside the others, he just sat in the containment chamber. He might feel a little heavier than usual. He couldn’t find any trace of fear past a heady fog. The toxin should be doing something to him. It did something to everyone else. Did he somehow manage to get hit with the toxin wrong? Was something wrong with him?
What the fuck?
Cass and Damian rolled in together. “Father, we have taken care of the rest of the city. All victims should be safe.”
Cass nodded along. “City clear.” She frowned the second he noticed Tim, slowly approaching the containment unit. He was well used to Cass’s soul piercing stare and only barely flinched.
She cocked her head once her assessment was done. “Not Tim.”
“The fuck you mean not Tim?” Jason asked, doubling back at her.
This is where Cass would usually have an answer. She was good with body language. More than good. Tim wondered sometimes why Bruce never tested her for psychic aptitude.
She didn’t though. The distress showed on her face as she shook her head. “Not Tim,” she merely responded.
That made Tim’s stomach drop. It was official. Something was wrong with him, so wrong with him that even Cass couldn’t figure it out.
Both of the systems running blood samples dinged at the same time. That’s not right. Tim’s samples went in way after the other ones. No way they were done at the same time. He couldn’t read the results from the containment unit, but he saw how Bruce froze at the results.
Tim was prepared for a lot of things. This was already a weird night. Scarecrow’s attacks never went like this. Nothing could have prepared him for what Bruce said next.
“Tim’s clean.”
*************************************************************************************************************
The second wave must have been a placebo. It was the only conclusion Tim could come to after all of the other tests came back clean. All of the other tests. Bruce ran at least four more after the initial, including one Tim didn’t even know existed. Nothing came up. At least he let him out of the containment unit after the antidote was made. Now he was sitting on a bed in the med bay, in more comfortable clothes. The Red Robin uniform had been starting to get uncomfortable. He was also exhausted, but Bruce didn’t want him to fall asleep yet. Oh well.
“Why would Scarecrow run a placebo?” Bruce asked, slamming a hand on the desk. Tim was wondering the same thing.
Dick put his hand on Bruce’s shoulder. Jason stopped pacing back and forth to squint at Tim again, like he would notice a problem that he didn’t all the other times he squinted at Tim. Cass was hovering farther away, seemingly torn between comforting Tim and keeping her distance. Damian had been sent to bed against his will and Steph stayed until she literally couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.
Tim understood their worry, but it seemed… unnecessary. It had been hours. The chances of there being something in his system that still showed no effect were almost none. And there were no effects. Cass hadn’t taken her eyes off of him, and she would have noticed if anything showed up other than her general uneasiness about him. And all of this for him. For Tim. They all knew he could take care of himself. As much as it seemed wrong, there was nothing wrong. Tim was fine. This wasn’t worth losing sleep over. He wasn’t worth losing sleep over.
“Maybe it wasn’t only Scarecrow,” Dick reasoned. “He’s never run a toxin like this before, and the placebos aren’t his style, but what else could it be? Is there anything that could be in his system?”
The scene switched faster than Tim could keep track of. He was on the ground, he was bleeding out, but where was he? The manor? The tower? The desert?
He ripped his eyes open, bolting upright and panting. He was in the Cave. Everything was fine, he was fine. He’s had this nightmare before, he knew the drill.
Bruce whipped around. “Hallucinations?”
Cass shook her head. “Asleep. Tired.” She took her eyes off Tim for the first time in hours, glancing around the room. “Everyone is tired.”
Dick sighed. “Cass is right. We’ve been at this forever. If there’s anything we’re missing, we’re not gonna catch it like this.”
Bruce looked hesitant to accept that. Tim had to say something. “It was just a normal nightmare, B. I’ve had this one exact one before.”
Bruce finally relented, tension releasing from his body as he collapsed into the chair. “Just… someone stay with Tim. In case anything happens.”
“I got Replacement,” Jason grunted. “I’m not tired anyway.”
Tim whipped to look at him, expecting some sign of sarcasm. There was none. Jason never cared what happened to Tim before. He completely refused to acknowledge Tim’s presence directly unless it was necessary until a couple months ago. He can remember dropping his fork when Jason asked him how breakfast was. Jason, of all people.
“You sure, Little Wing?” Dick asked. “If you don’t want to—”
Jason snorted. “Don’t, Dickiebird. You’re so exhausted, you aren’t even bouncing around anymore.”
Oh. There it is. He didn’t care about Tim, he merely was worried about Dick. Finally, something that makes sense.
Dick sighed. “You gonna be okay, Timmy?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
Dick looked doubtful, but turned to the stairs. “Goodnight everyone, see you in the morning.” Cass gave Tim one last look-over before wordlessly following.
“Jason, take Tim to his room. I need to work on things,” Bruce said.
Jason scoffed. “Of course. Big Bat has to have everything figured out, as always.”
Despite his words, he didn’t argue before scooping Tim up in a bridal carry and starting towards the stairs. “Wha— Jason, put me down! I can walk by myself!” Tim argued, trying to squirm his way out of his arms. It’s so annoying when Jason does this. It’s like he can’t decide whether he hates Tim, or just thinks he’s weak.
“And wait for your slow ass walking? Not a chance.” The annoyance seeped into his voice. Tim wanted to tell him that it’s okay, he doesn’t have to stay with Tim if he doesn’t want to, he feels fine, but arguing any of that in front of Bruce feels like a lost cause. “Night, B!”
Jason carried Tim the rest of the way up the stairs, but Tim didn't miss how he threw him into his bed.
Like he was sick of him.
*************************************************************************************************************
Tim barely made it a step through his own door before getting tackled to the floor. He wasn’t prepared for it, he was never prepared for anything, never good enough.
He didn’t put up a fight when he was yanked to his feet, slammed against the wall. He couldn’t breathe, spots danced in his vision. Red Hood was choking him out.
“‘Bout time, isn’t it, Replacement?” Hood asked. Tim couldn’t respond, tears slipping down his face. Couldn’t agree. Some distant part of him, no matter how comfortable he got, knew that this was bound to happen. Jason had always wanted him dead. He never stopped. “Normally, I’d go for something a little more… painful, but the Demon Brat has good ideas sometimes. Did you know that?” He sneered. His eyes glowed sickly green.
Tim could barely register Damian in the corner of his vision, fully dressed in Robin regalia, katanas and all. Matter of time.
Damian scoffed. “I often have good ideas, Todd. It is for both of our benefits that you decided to listen to this one. This false heir has overstayed his welcome.”
It dawned on Tim that it was better off this way. He’d always been Jason’s placeholder, never anything more. Damian, Bruce’s biological son, the “blood heir,” would never be happy with him here. Dick and Bruce don’t need him for anything anymore.
Jason chuckled a dark chuckle. No one was going to save him. He wasn’t worth being saved. “Demon Brat, wanna deal the final blow?”
Damian laughed, honest to god, laughed, and raised a katana. “Gladly.”
And spots were still dancing in his vision, why couldn’t Tim just sleep, and a katana was coming for his head and… and…
And no one was going to save Timothy Drake.
Jason caught him as he jolted up in his sleep. It took Tim a second to register that he was in his room, and Jason Todd was steading him.
There’s no way Jason wanted to be here, Tim knew that at the center of his being. He was fine, it was only a nightmare, and he wasn’t going to force Jason to watch over him anymore.
“Replacement? Christ, can you hear me?” Huh. Jason was trying to get his attention. Tim barely managed to look him in the eye, “Fuck, Replacement, you scared the shit outta me. What the fuck kinda nightmare were you having? Do you always dream like this?”
Jason was so worried, over Tim, over nothing. He shouldn’t have to be worried over Tim. He’d stopped trying to kill him, yes, but Tim wasn’t going to let him play nice. He wasn’t worth the effort. “I— I’m okay. Can you leave?”
The request caught Jason off guard. Even in the dark, Tim could see his mouth pulled into a thin line, full of anger. “What?” Jason’s tone was dark, heavy. He was mad; mad at Tim? He flinched back before he could decide. Even if it hadn’t been purposeful, the flinch did its job. “Oh. Okay. Yeah. I get it.” He was leaving, but he stopped in the doorway. “Just, you know where I am, you know where Dickhead is, you know where Bruce might be. You’re smart. You’ll get someone. Night, Replacement.”
He slammed the door with a little more force than necessary. He was mad at Tim, he decided. He always was.
The thud from down the hallway a minute later solidified this theory for Tim.
If he ever had a doubt, the answer was no. Jason wouldn’t miss him, why else would he have tried to kill him. Damian wouldn’t either.
He touched his face and his hand came back wet. Weak, a voice in his head whispered.
Tim laid his head on his pillow and went back to sleep.
*************************************************************************************************************
Family dinner had literally never been so peaceful. Tim could read it on everyone’s faces.
Dick was overjoyed. He was usually happy when surrounded by his family, even more so when said family wasn’t trying to kill each other.
Damian sat sandwiched in between Dick and Bruce, clearly pleased by the attention he was getting. Jason’s presence didn’t disturb him— no, he was smiling at Jason. Huh.
The corners of Bruce’s mouth were tilted upwards, which was practically a beaming smile from the man. He spoke, Dick responded, but Tim couldn’t hear what they said. He could only hear the laughter that followed.
And Jason was, for lack of better words, grinning like an idiot. Jason Todd.
And this is how it would have been. If Tim never showed up, Jason wouldn’t have as much to be mad at. He would have reintegrated into the family, and spared Dick and Bruce all the pain that came with his anger. Damian wouldn’t feel the need to fight for his spot.
They didn’t even look at him.
Family dinner has never looked so peaceful, and it never would. Not with Tim around.
The wakeup was softer this time. No fear, no jolting, just tears down his face and a dead weight in his chest.
They didn’t need him. They didn’t want him. He’s known that for a while, how did he forget? Jason and Damian never did. Dick and Bruce only used him as a replacement for Jason, and he’d been a paltry imitation at best. Plus Jason’s back now. The original younger brother. Bruce never wanted him, Tim literally forced his way into his life.
And maybe Tim was smart, but not smart enough. If he was smart enough, he would have been able to figure out Scarecrow’s plan. He wouldn’t have been exposed to the second wave either.
Dick has his little brother back, his Little Wing. Jason deserves his spot back. Bruce has his son back, plus an extra one to boot, a real one.
Time wasn’t good for anything anymore.
He needed air, he distantly remembered thinking so before he blinked and ended up on top of WE Tower. He didn’t remember leaving, or putting on the Red Robin suit, but none of that mattered anymore.
No one was going to save Timothy Drake. Not this time.
He stepped off the roof.
Free fall was a special thing, he thought. Nothing was quite like being weightless. The air rushed past him, like he was flying. Watching the sky get farther, the lights rushing by… the last thing he’d ever see, and it was beautiful.
Something interrupted his free fall, snatching him out of the air and upward. How rude.
Clutched to someone’s chest, Tim became acutely aware of the way his head was spinning. When had he gotten so dizzy? He also couldn’t really hear, which didn’t become apparent until someone started talking to him. That didn’t happen to him before, he would have to record the symptoms later.
Where was he? Was he on the ground? No, this was the top of WE Tower, right? Someone was holding him tight, rubbing circles on his back.
“...you’re okay, you’re gonna be okay, I’ll always catch you, baby bird.” That was Dick talking, wasn’t it? Was Tim “baby bird?” Why…
Why wasn’t he dead?
Nightwing finally pulled back to look at Tim, cradling his face, brushing his hair out of his face. “Baby bird, please never do that to me again, oh my god.”
“What the fuck, Rep— Tim,” Jason corrected himself. He sounded mad, mad at Tim. “Who the fuck calls taking a dive off a tower ‘okay’? What the fuck, Tim?”
They were in uniform, Tim distantly recognized. “No names,” he said, shaking his head.
“That’s what you’re thinking about?” Jason asked incredulously.
“He’s not thinking straight right now, Jay,” Dick responded. He brushed Tim’s hair out of his face again. “B found it. The toxin. It was subtler than anything we’d been looking for, but he found it.” Tears were streaming down his face.
“Just in time too,” Jason grumbled. “Fuck, if Barb hadn’t been able to find where you went…” he didn’t finish the thought.
Tim couldn’t stop his head from spinning. This didn’t make sense. Why were Dick and Jason here? He couldn’t force any more complicated words out of his mouth, he could only ask “You care?”
Dick froze. “Care— you’re my brother!”
Tim frowned. He couldn’t form words, but he tried to gesture to Jason. Dick looked confused for a second. “What— no! God, no, Tim. You’re my brother, you’re all my brothers, and nothing is ever going to change that.”
It felt like the words were hitting a brick wall in his head. It felt wrong, but Tim felt too light-headed to find an argument. Instead he gestured to Jason again. “His brother?”
Jason started swearing up a storm, coming in closer to squat down next to him. “The fuck— yes, you’re my brother.” Jason looked shocked. “I’ve fucked up, I know I’ve fucked up, and I’m never going to say this again, but yes you are my brother, and yes I love you, Tim.”
Tim. Jason had never called him that. Was everything all right?
If the strangled cry that came from Batman was any indication, no. Cowl-less Batman. Why was he being so risky? Someone could see them. No, everything is not alright. “Tim!” he cried, rushing up to embrace him on top of Dick. “Son, I’m sorry. It took too long, I’m sorry. I should have found it sooner.”
Bruce, Batman was frantic. Why was Batman frantic? Tim couldn’t make sense of it, and only one word made it out of his mouth. “Son?”
Bruce just held him tight. “Yes, my son, you will always be my son and nothing will ever change that. I can’t— I can’t lose you, Tim.”
“Didn’t want me?” Tim asked. He was faintly aware that he couldn’t form full sentences, but couldn’t really work out why.
A horrified look crossed his face. Tim could read Bruce, he could tell that he was fumbling for words. “I was wrong!” He whispered desperately. “I was wrong. I was grieving, and I will never know how I could have ignored such a special person. I want you now. You’re my son, and I love you.” He was rambling.
The words only made Tim’s head spin more. Who was calling him son? “Dad?”
A lot of noises happened at once. Someone comforted him with “Yes, I’m here son,” someone cursed quietly, someone asked “B, what’s the status on the antidote?” What antidote?
Tim couldn’t really see anymore. The world was just a blur of colors. Why was his face wet again? Should he know the answer to that? “Should be done soon. Damian will bring it over. I— I should have stayed with it but…”
“No more dead Robins,” Someone said soberly.
“No more dead Robins.”
“Father, here!”
Tim barely registered a point of pressure in his neck as the world went dark.
*************************************************************************************************************
Bruce insisted Tim stay in the med bay for a week, which was way longer than Tim needed, but he wasn’t complaining. Bruce stayed nearby most of that week, cup of coffee in hand and looking at Tim like he’d disappear if he dared to look away. He only slept at Alfred’s insistence.
He had explained the toxin once Tim was lucid enough to understand it. Rather than trying to force a feeling or mindstate onto him, it used his brain’s neurochemistry against him. Subtler, much harder to catch. Much more dangerous. Tim’s memories were still a little out of whack. He couldn’t entirely remember whether he knew his family loved him or not before the toxin, and he didn’t entirely believe it yet, but he was starting to. Bruce kept discussing treatment plans with him. After all, this version of the toxin didn’t pull issues out of nowhere. Bruce was… understanding. He was keen on making sure Tim was comfortable with treatment options while being steadfast that he would never, under any circumstances, let this happen again, but he never treated him like he was weak, or incapable. Tim asked him about it once. “You’re not,” he had said simply. “You’ve always been so strong, and nothing will ever change that.” Tim didn’t fully understand it, how this made him anything but weak. He was trying to anyway.
Dick was very similar to Bruce, staying at Tim’s side at almost all hours. The big difference was that Dick needed physical contact. He was always holding his hand, cradling his face, doing anything to convince himself that this was real. He took every opportunity he could to call Tim his brother, or baby bird. It seemed important to him that he knew that.
Jason alternated between apologizing verbally and with actions. He never said the words “I’m sorry,” but he did a lot of threatening anyone who hurt Tim in the future. He also did a lot of promising to protect him, no matter what. No matter what. Every now and then, he would show up with an offering instead, usually a treat he made with Alfred or a thing he figured Tim missed from his room. However, he seemed ready to bolt every time he visited if he so much as suspected that he was making Tim upset. Jason Todd, Red Hood, was scared of staying with his brother for too long. And maybe Tim was a little scared of him, but Jason wasn’t going to hurt him anymore. Tim tried to tell him that he wanted him to stay. After all, Tim was Jason’s brother, and Jason was Tim’s brother. Each time, Jason hesitantly accepted the compliment, but didn’t seem to take it to heart. Still, in the rare moments Tim slept (the nightmares could always come back), he could hear the quiet tones of Jason reading to him.
He felt Damian more than he saw him. He couldn’t figure out where he was hiding so that Alfred couldn’t find him and make him rest, but Damian was always watching over him. Maybe, a year or two ago, that would have freaked him out, but it didn’t anymore. Every time, without fail, if Tim fell asleep, a small body ended up in his arms. If they were alone, sometimes Damian would apologize. Tell Tim that he wasn’t allowed to die because he was his brother, and his brothers weren’t allowed to die.
So yeah. Maybe, just maybe, Tim’s family loves him.
Tim was a little disappointed when he was told he was allowed to sleep in his own bed again, but he never would have admitted it. His family already did so much for him, and he wasn’t going to demand more. Everything had to go back to normal at some point. Regardless, Tim worried as he laid in his own bed that he would forget his family loved him. That he’d stop believing them, and some villain would come by with some new tactic and use that against him. He quickly realized that he was an idiot for ever thinking a change in scenery could stop them.
He woke up that night to a figure in his doorway, and he was very aware that he wasn’t alone. A small body was in his arms again, but a larger one was curling around both of them. Considering that the bulky figure guarding Tim’s back was probably Jason, it had to be Dick. Cass had even somehow managed to position herself on top of everyone in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable.
Tim lost sight of him, but he heard the quiet sounds of Bruce pulling a chair up to his bed. Sleep was threatening to pull him back, now that he was safe with his entire family surrounding him, but he still managed to catch Bruce’s whispered “I love you.”
Yeah, Tim was going to be alright.