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Martin remembered that night with painful clarity.
The moon hung full in the sky, so bright that it had swallowed the stars whole. He made his way into the backyard, the path before him stretching into a thin ribbon of moonlight.
The grass softly crushed beneath his feet as he crossed the lawn. He pushed open the creaking wooden gate, revealing the pool beyond.
The floor lights painted the water in turquoise. Moonlight shimmered across the water, ripples stretching toward the figure floating in the middle.
Juhoon…
Martin swallowed hard, his steps faltering. For a moment, he quietly watched Juhoon lying on his back atop the water, eyes closed. His expression was serene, a stark contrast to the turmoil weighing heavily on Martin's heart.
“Jju?” he murmured as he reached the pool’s edge.
Juhoon’s eyes opened slowly. He shifted into a proper swimming position, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “You came faster than I expected.”
Martin hovered at the edge, looking down at him. “I thought we were going out for dinner. Why are you swimming this late?”
Juhoon pushed his damp hair from his forehead and met Martin’s gaze. For someone who hated water, he looked strangely calm.
“I wanted to relax.”
“That’s a strange way to do it.”
Juhoon let out a soft chuckle. He drifted closer and reached up, arms resting on the edge. “Pull me out, Martin.”
Martin caught his hands as he crouched. “You’re cold,” he muttered, thumb brushing absentmindedly over Juhoon’s knuckles. “You’re going to get sick, you idiot.”
But before he could pull him up, Juhoon yanked him forward.
Martin should’ve seen it coming from the way Juhoon’s fingers tightened, the faint curve of a grin at the corner of his mouth. But he barely had time to react before he let out a startled yelp and plunged into the pool.
Water crashed around him, the shock of it stealing the air from his lungs.
When he surfaced, sputtering, Juhoon was already laughing.
Martin couldn’t even get mad. He could only stare at the way water droplets clung to Juhoon's bare skin, glimmering beneath the moonlight. His dark hair hung over his eyes, his cheeks were pink from the cold.
Martin watched mesmerized as Juhoon tipped his head back, eyes turning into crescents with his laughter, soft and unguarded, echoing into the night.
He was beautiful. Painfully beautiful.
Martin felt like he was drowning although his head was above the water, because he knew it was the last time he would see Juhoon like this.
Tomorrow, Juhoon would board a plane back to Korea. And Martin would stay behind in Los Angeles.
A whole ocean would be between them as if they had never loved, never touched, never felt each other’s warmth.
Martin didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until Juhoon spoke.
“The moon is pretty tonight.”
Martin lifted his head, eyes briefly lingering on the moon’s pale halo before returning back to Juhoon.
You are prettier.
He swallowed the words. They were futile anyway. He wished he could go back to the day they met and freeze time. Or maybe even further, before they hadn’t met at all.
A splash of water hit his face, snapping him back to the present. Juhoon was watching him, his expression unreadable. “Looks like you need to relax too.”
“I guess so,” Martin sighed, offering a half-hearted smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
He still didn’t understand how Juhoon could be so calm, standing there like tomorrow wouldn’t take him away with the first light of dawn.
He swam toward Juhoon, who was leaning against the wall of the pool, resting his arms at his sides. A brief silence clothed the night as they leaned back against the pool tiles side by side, shoulders brushing against each other.
Martin stared up at the sky, trying not to think about what tomorrow might bring. He didn’t think he could ever get into the pool again after Juhoon was gone.
It was their special thing. It held no meaning when he swam on his own, when there was no one to kiss underwater, no one to dry his hair afterwards.
“You’re shaking.” Juhoon’s soft voice cut through his thoughts. “Are you cold already?”
Martin couldn’t reply. His throat tightened with each word he couldn’t say out loud.
What will I do when your warmth is gone?
Juhoon stood in front of him, searching into his eyes. His face was shining through the gloom, twisting Martin’s stomach painfully.
Then without a word, Juhoon reached for him. Slowly, he took Martin's hands and guided them to his waist. He slid his arms around Martin’s neck, pulling him closer.
Close enough that Martin could see every droplet caught in his lashes, close enough that breathing suddenly felt difficult.
Martin drifted closer without realizing it, almost like a magnet. His hand rose, fingers tracing Juhoon’s collarbone absentmindedly, the small scar on his jaw, the faint mole at the corner of his lips.
His other hand tightened at Juhoon’s waist. “Jju…”
But Juhoon didn't let him speak.
He collided their lips together.
Martin froze for a fleeting second before gripping Juhoon’s waist tighter and pressing their bodies beneath the surface. He tasted chlorine, salt, and Juhoon, and felt his head spin a little from the sudden overwhelming sensation.
Juhoon let out a soft sound as his tongue brushed against Martin’s.
Martin felt his heartbeat stutter. He briefly pulled away to trace kisses along Juhoon's jaw, then the curve of his neck, kissing away tiny droplets of water that shimmered against his skin under the moonlight.
There was no lust in the way their lips moved against each other, no hunger, just the desperation of a man trying to cling to the last piece of his lover.
When they broke apart, only slightly, Martin didn’t move far. His forehead dropped onto Juhoon's shoulder wearily, arms still wrapped around him. “Can we stay in here a little bit longer?” he murmured.
The water lapped softly around them.
Juhoon's fingers slipped into his wet hair, stroking gently. “As long as you want.”
He nuzzled against Juhoon’s neck, inhaling his scent, still evident despite the layer of chlorine. Juhoon shivered beneath his touch.
Martin’s thoughts drifted, unsteady and half-formed. Something like an inner child surfacing when exhaustion stripped everything else away. A desire to drift, choosing to fly just to stop hiding.
What if they just ran away from everything? Fuck up their lives and their dreams just to have each other?
Dreams feel elusive, but it’s all we got.
“Stay with me,” Martin whispered, voice breaking at the edges. “Please.”
Because once Juhoon stepped out of the pool, Martin knew that he would be gone.
Juhoon pulled back just enough to look at him. His hand rose to cup Martin's cheek. “You know why I can’t.”
Moonlight softened the edges of his face. “But even if I'm far away,” he murmured, his thumb brushing beneath Martin's eye, “I'll always be here.” His hand slid down and settled over Martin's heart. “Right here.”
Martin covered Juhoon's hand with his own. A tear slipped free before he could stop it, dissolving instantly into the water.
“Don’t cry,” Juhoon whispered. “This is not the end.”
Martin let out a small, broken laugh. “But it feels like it. Why is everybody leaving?”
The question slipped out before he could stop it.
Not just Juhoon. Everyone.
Every person who had ever become important to him, every dream he had, kept slipping through his fingers in the end.
Juhoon's expression softened. “It's inevitable, Martin. People come and go.” His fingers intertwined with Martin's beneath the water. “But what matters is what they leave behind.”
Martin swallowed hard, turning his head away because now Juhoon’s eyes shimmered wet under the moonlight too.
“Tell me, Martin. Didn’t we create happy memories?”
“We did.”
“See?” Juhoon said softly, though his voice trembled a little. “Then maybe it's not so sad.”
Maybe loving someone always came with a little sadness because moments didn’t last forever, no matter how tightly you held on.
But maybe it was never about being forever. It was about how deeply something could be felt while it was there.
Juhoon looked at Martin’s face for a little too long, seeing his own weary reflection there. “Don’t forget me,” he whispered.
Martin let out a choked laugh, far from amusement, but pulled him closer. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
Their lips met again.
This time it was hungry, urgent, and maybe even a little angry. Just a kiss that seemed to say everything they couldn't bring themselves to speak aloud.
Martin’s hands traced their own map across Juhoon’s body, as if engraving each detail into memory. “I love you,” he breathed out between kisses.
Juhoon didn’t reply. He just smiled into the kiss as he always did, and Martin understood.
The water was getting colder and their lips had turned blue. Their skin prickled, fingers pruned in the cold water.
Neither of them cared. The future felt uncertain, but at least this brief moment was theirs.
And somehow, it didn’t feel like the end. It felt like something unfinished, quietly waiting for them to find each other again someday.