Work Text:
It's his second day here and Ben has found his favorite voice ever: Alex Gordon's.
They’ve spoken before. Ben doesn’t bother himself with romanticizing this - it isn’t the first time he’s heard Alex’s voice, is what he’s telling himself. He’s heard his voice plenty of times. Well, maybe a handful of times, before, because they’ve played each other a handful of times before, and had spoken in passing, as one is wont to do. It only seems different, he thinks, because now they’re teammates.
Sure. Yeah. Definitely. He passes by, and Alex says hello, and he uses the same voice that Ben has always heard before, and he only wants to listen to it all the time because it’s an interesting voice.
That doesn’t explain his urge to kiss Alex, though, unfortunately.
He’s fought it, up to this point. It’s ridiculous to even entertain anything about it, even in the darkest of hotel rooms. Right? Right.
He knows that Alex is supposed to go on a rehab stint soon. Why can’t soon be tomorrow? Why’s the front office gotta keep everything so vague? Why is it that every time Alex gets near him he loses his voice like he’s never talked to anyone before? Why does it happen that they get near each other so often when he's half naked?
Ben is reminded of a prevalent lesson from his Sunday School days: “flee from temptation.” Heavy stuff, but he remembers it, which he guesses was the point.
So, Ben flees. At the beginning of the second week of his time with the Royals, he vows to stop looking, being near, talking to, talking about Alex unless absolutely necessary. This, incredibly, lasts for 2 days.
He’s alone in the clubhouse. Well, Ben thinks he’s alone, and then he turns the corner and he sees Alex sitting, on a bench, looking down, tying his shoe. Ben begins to backtrack. If he can just be quiet enough, maybe he can get out of here -
Alex glances up, and smiles. “Oh, hey, Zobrist,” he says.
Ben wants to curse.
Alex stands, wincing a little. “How’s it going?”
Ben stays rooted to the ground, play it cool, you idiot, god help me. “Oh, I’m fine. Uh, how’s - how’s everything?” He gestures to Alex’s legs, and wants to slap himself. He forces himself to keep eye contact. Alex’s eyes are pretty, he notes. Most people’s eyes are pretty, he reminds himself.
Alex laughs, a short, musical sound. A lot of people laugh musically, Ben thinks. “Making some progress,” says Alex, still smiling. His smile could grow flowers, Ben thinks, smiling back.
“That’s good,” he says.
Maybe those Sunday School lessons were wrong. Maybe he doesn’t have to flee this temptation; Maybe he can make friends with the temptation, face it head on, and make it flee.
So he decides to try.
That day, and the next, and the next, he makes sure to sit next to Alex in the dugout every chance he gets. They talk about the game, they talk a little and laugh a little about guys on other teams they both know. Alex tells him about the plan for his rehab, Ben tells him about how he got into baseball. And every night, Ben comes back to his home or his hotel room with a clear mind and sweet dreams. He’s been able to distract himself from Alex’s lips by focusing on Alex.
And then, the third week into his time, it happens. It’s an off day, it’s on the road, it’s the afternoon, it’s beautiful: the breeze is blowing, and he’s coming into the clubhouse fresh from batting practice. Alex is coming around the corner at the same time, and they touch.
Now, it’s not like they haven’t touched before. Whenever Ben did anything commendable in the game, Alex found the time to high five him or slap him on his rear (which Ben had to strain to remember he did this with everyone), but this is… different. It’s on accident, and their whole fronts touch, and Ben is already blushing and Alex is laughing and he says “oops, sorry, Ben,” and this is the first time, Ben realizes, that Alex has called him Ben and there’s no one else around, and so Ben just kisses him.
And it’s quick, but it’s soft, and it reminds him of pink, and it’s almost nothing like he worried about and it’s almost everything good he’s ever thought it might be.
When they pull apart his heart is beating so fast and so hard, it’s like he’s in a dream. I messed up I messed up pours through his mind and he braces himself for a slap or a punch or at least a push, but Alex has a small smile on his face, and he blinks, and he speaks.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and Ben doesn’t know if he’s okay so he doesn’t answer, and then Alex says, “Because, I’m okay.” Then he gets closer, like that’s even possible, and Ben is holding his breath because this is definitely not fleeing temptation but he doesn’t care about fleeing anymore, not when temptation is this beautiful and kind and understanding and funny and -
Alex kisses him, for real this time. It’s overwhelming, how much Ben wants it. He wants it to last forever. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands until they’re on Alex’s shoulders, and he didn’t know what he’d been missing until Alex’s hands are in his hair. It’s broken off much too quickly because they hear voices and they’re getting nearer, so Alex takes a step back, a grin on his face.
Ben doesn’t know what he looks like but he feels like he looks ridiculous. He can feel his lips swollen, his cheeks still red.
“Wanna talk later?” Alex says. “We can meet in my hotel room, I’ll text you,” and then he walks away. As he passes, his hand meets Ben’s arm and lingers there for a moment before being dragged away and Ben misses its warmth already.
He doesn’t feel as guilty or as weird or as tired as he thought he might. Actually, he feels good, so, so good, and he has to touch his face and his lips and look at his hands to make sure he still exists.
Hosmer and Moustakas come around the corner, the source of the voices.
They stop when they see him. “You okay?” Eric asks.
Ben nods and blinks. “Just... lost in thought, I guess,” he says. He’s always been a terrible liar.
They glance at each other. “Okay,” Hosmer says. With that, they walk off in Alex’s direction, leaving Ben alone once more.
Alex is a nice person to talk to and touch and kiss at 2 in the morning on a weekday, Ben finds.