Chapter Text
Hirose doesn't know Hana.
At least not well enough for breaking up with her to make him feel bad.
To be honest, he didn't know her well enough to go out with her in the first place, but he thought he had to; it was normal, right? A cute girl asked him out, so he had to accept. All his classmates were always talking about girls, making crazy plans to get their attention and go out with them. Takeuchi seemed happy with his girlfriend.
When Hana approached him to ask him to be her boyfriend, he thought that maybe if he experienced firsthand everything his friends talked about, he would finally understand.
In the end, it turned out he didn't.
The whole dating thing ended badly for him and for her, and he can't talk to his friends because none of them seem to understand that what bothers him isn't that his relationship ended, but the fact that going out with a cute girl didn't make him feel anything, absolutely nothing. He appreciates them very much, he really does, but sometimes talking to them about things other than TV shows, music, and video games is difficult. And then there's Nakamura.
He hasn't been friends with him as long as the others, and at first, he thought he was a shy, quiet boy, but talking to him is surprisingly easy, easier than with any of the others. Hirose fiddles with his pencil on his desk as he watches Professor Otogiri teach the class without really paying attention. His mind keeps turning over the Hana situation, and he decides that maybe talking to Nakamura might help. Nakamura always seems to know what to say, and even when he doesn't, he at least makes him feel heard.
When all his classes are over, he discovers that it's Nakamura's turn to clean the classroom. Hirose frowns. Is he really responsible for cleaning the classroom? He has the feeling that there are people out there taking advantage of Nakamura's kindness because this is the third time this term that he's seen Nakamura stay to clean, although he doesn't remember doing it himself more than once.
He watches as the rest of his classmates leave the classroom without giving Nakamura a second glance and frowns again. He makes a decision instantly; talking in the classroom while cleaning is as good as anywhere else:
"Nakamura! Do you want me to help you clean the classroom?"
Nakamura freezes as stiff as a statue, slowly turns his head to look at him, and practically stutters:
"W-w-would you really help me?"
Hirose frowns again. ‘did they always leave him to clean alone that makes him so surprised when someone joins?’ He feels like he's going to have to scold the rest of his friends; he's starting to feel guilty himself. He approaches Nakamura and takes the broom from his hands to get to work.
"Sure, what are friends for?"
Nakamura smiles at the words and murmurs the word "friends" to himself, still smiling. That's another thing he likes about him. Nakamura isn't shy, at least not in the way his classmate Kawamura is, but he definitely has some trouble understanding social conventions and is a bit anxious. He can't remember the last time someone directly asked him if they could be friends instead of just assuming they already were. He won't deny that he found that kind of endearing.
Nakamura starts walking around the tables to the side so he can sweep, and silence settles between them. It's not particularly awkward, but Hirose reminds himself that he stayed with Nakamura so he could talk to him; he just doesn't know how to bring it up. He opens his mouth a couple of times, but the words just vanish, and he falls silent. ‘Damn, I've never had this much trouble talking about anything,’ he thinks, but the topic of conversation has never been so personal.
The tables are now clean, and Nakamura leaves the room to fill the bucket with water so he can mop. Hirose hurries to finish sweeping, realizing he's been lost in thought for a while. He keeps thinking of ways to bring up the topic, giving himself the courage to do so. He's so determined that when Nakamura walks through the classroom door, the first thing he does is stand in front of him and ask:
"Do you find it strange that I'm not bothered that Hana broke up with me?"
"What?" Nakamura takes a step back, splashes some water from the bucket, and blinks in surprise. Well, maybe that came out of nowhere. He goes for the mop to clean up the spilled water, but Nakamura seems to completely forget about the cleaning and approaches him. "What do you mean?"
"Hana, did you remember that she broke up with me a few days ago? It doesn't bother me, actually, I'm relieved. But Takeuchi and Ryou keep trying to comfort me” he looks at Nakamura expectantly, he needs to know his opinion, he wants some validation, for him to tell her that it's not weird, or that maybe it is but it's okay.
"Didn't you like Hana?"
"Not really."
"Then why did you go out with her?"
"She asked me...", now that he hears himself, sounds ridiculous. He can't go out with everyone who asks him, but he thought he could… he wanted to… “I wanted to understand.”
"Understand?"
"The whole thing with the girls. Because why did Takeuchi go to such extremes… being like that with me just to get Hamaoka's attention? Why does everyone always want to talk about girls? Why do they seem desperate to get a girlfriend? I thought if I went out with Hana I'd understand. The truth is, it didn't help at all. I don't think I'm interested in girls, does that seem strange to you?"
"I'm gay."
And now it's Hirose's turn to be surprised.
"You're gay!" Nakamura has just realized what he just said. His face is completely red and he looks like he wants the earth to swallow him up.
"I, uh, I hope you're not uncomfortable" he looks like he's about to run away. Hirose waves his hands and shakes his head to try to calm him down.
"No, no, no. None of that. It's just that you're the first person I've ever met who's told me directly that they're gay.”
"Waaah, well, what I was getting at is, maybe you don't like girls, I don't like them either, Waaaaaaaah! I'm not saying you're gay!..."
"I mean, different people like different things. If you don't like girls, maybe you like boys, maybe neither, that happens too; or maybe you do like girls but now's not the time, not everyone is ready for a relationship and you don't have to force it..."
"Take your time, Hirose. I don't think it's strange. It's just you."
‘Take your time’ that's perhaps the best advice anyone has ever given him. And Nakamura doesn't find it strange at all.
"Thanks, Nakamura. It really helped to talk to you."
Nakamura smiles at him, as if he wants to say something, but at that moment the classroom door bursts open:
"Guys, how's the cleaning going? It's getting late."
"We'll be right back, Professor Niou!"
They both hurry to finish mopping and tidying the tables, and the physical education teacher leaves, but not before giving Nakamura a strange look.
They decide to walk home together. This time, their conversation is lighter. They don't bring up the topic of girls again, or boys for that matter, but Hirose senses a new understanding between them. Nakamura now knows something Hirose has never told anyone, and he doesn't know how many people know Nakamura is gay, but he's sure it's only a few.
It's as if they share a secret, isn't that exciting?