Work Text:
The alarm on his bedside table blares into Namgyu’s eardrums.
It’s the same obnoxious noise everyday that wakes him up in the morning. Warning him that the sun has risen once again and he has to carry out the burdens of the day again.
He sits up, stretching his arms and back lazily. He turns off the alarm quickly before contemplating bearing his head into the soft pillow that lays on the stiff bed.
First period doesn’t matter that much, right?
Namgyu forces himself to get up from the bed to get changed into his uniform. Of course first hour matters, well not to him in particularly. More like his parents. They would kill him if they found out he skipped again.
It was for a stupid reason too, Thanos insisted that he come along with Namgyu getting some other people their nicotine. After a bit of banter of Namgyu insisting he could get it himself and the older man arguing that he wanted to get himself something with him, they eventually settled on Namgyu going alone and getting the stuff he needed. That argument made him 15 minutes late to class and a definite call home.
He tries to shake off the memories of the purple bruises that littler his arms and torso. He gets changed quickly, focused on not looking at anything but the clothes. He picked up his thin comb and started combing through his hair before brushing his teeth. He steps out of the bathroom to go lounge around before school starts.
The apartment is mostly barren of furniture. The only thing noticeable is a tv on the ground and a couch in the living room. Although clutter does take up every corner somehow. From old trash bags to make up that his older sister left behind before moving out. The kitchen is practically a waste land with nothing but Raman noodle packets Namgyu stole from the corner store outside of the apartments. The same can be said for his bedroom. A measly bed with a surprisingly soft pillow and hard mattress that lies on the floor is the most interesting thing there. The rest consists of a nightstand and drawers to put his clothes in.
He’s the only one who lives here most of the time. Between his parents working and them going heaven knows where after, Namgyu has been the one in charge of apartment for god knows how long now. His siblings have been out of the picture for quite awhile so there’s no hope for them coming here either.
Memories of his siblings fade every day. They were present in his life so long ago that his brain is slowly fogging them out into nothing. It was better when they were here, his parents actually bothered to stay around the house. He was too young for them to bash and berate him for all his little mistakes.
He shouldn’t worry about that now. What’s done in the past is long gone, his parents and siblings can invade his mind after the school day. He already had enough shit to worry about and he doesn’t need a side dish of tainted memory with it.
The walk to school was incredibly boring. The sun was barely up while he crossed the roads. Once Namgyu got closer to the campus more students started to flood in one after the other.
Namgyu headed to his normal spot to wait. It was a dusty corner of the school, dirt concrete slabs covered with grime and filthy walls made out of stone. There was a door a couple of feet away that he could easily open once they unlocked everything.
Namgyu has always been in this little corner he deemed for himself ever sense the start of high school. He learned quickly that he didn’t have anyone to hang out with or make small talk with at the main entrance, and even if he did he’d probably get ignored or even yelled at to fuck off.
He pulls a lighter and cigarette out of his pocket. He’s run out of money for another one so he’s going to have to cut it before the halfway mark so he can save some for lunch.
-
Namgyu has to pick up a dumbasses homework from his locker.
He’s lucky, third period is right next to his locker and he has to give the guy the homework by 4th hour. It’s a convenient time save that he uses quite often with these kinds of trades.
It’s not uncommon, hell it’s actually quite common for people to get him to do their work. His ‘friends’ always do this, the popular guys in particular seem to always have excuses on why they can’t do it. Even if they could do it themselves easily.
He wouldn’t consider himself a people pleaser, people pleasers like the role of helping others. You make others shine while you sit quietly in the back watching them glow. Building trust with the people who you help.
He’s never got to experience that with his classmates.
It’s always random people he barely remembers barking orders at him, asking him to finish this assignment or to get them stuff from the convenience store with Namgyu’s money. At first doing this, he was expecting more. Praise for his work, recognition at it’s finest or something like that.
Yet he got nothing like that. Year after year people got word of him doing this. More and more people started coming to him for favors. He accepted of course, but now this pile of work has landed him nowhere to what he wanted.
There’s still a small hope that maybe one day he might get recognized. For the spotlight to be on him. But today is not the day. The person he’s giving it to doesn’t even know who he is.
Namgyu puts in the combo for the lock before searching for paper he finished a day ago.
His locker wasn’t the messiest, It could definitely be better, but he couldn’t care less to go clean it so that will have to wait. He has posters of some bands he likes, and that’s all the decoration he really has going for himself
He clears the locker looking for the paper, eventually he does. He was about to head back to class when he spotted something he definitely didn’t put in there.
A letter.
Another one of these?
He might as well see what the girls came up with this time.
The letter looks semi-decent. Looks like they had some struggle folding it in the right places. A big colored in heart covers the front with little ones sprouting from it.
Namgyu opens the letter. It’s quite a lengthy one, not out of the ordinary of these types of pranks. He put the letter right next to his face so he could actually see the goddamned text. his parents never actually got him the glasses he’s asked for years ago. When he gets almost 6 inches away from the paper he can finally read what it says.
The first words are completely botched. Scratched out letters that seem to be a foreign spelling of his name before she had corrected it.
The letter goes on and on about how he’s “felt about him". How all the times he went to go get cigarettes with Namgyu was an excuse to hang out. How he ‘feels’ like he’s the only guy who supports his dreams as a rapper. Referring to his stage name instead of his deadname. How Namgyu’s the only one who he can complain about his parents without getting the boring “ that sucks. “ and more and more about how he was the closest friend he’s ever had in this school.
And finally the cherry on top, at the very end a little scratched out thanos, replaced with subong, in the bottom right corner.
It was pretty clear from the start that Thanos was the other victim of this letter even without looking at the bottom. What other wanna be rapper does he know?
This must’ve been one of the girls that he definitely knew though. Most of the things listed on the paper are pretty public knowledge, him wanting to be a rapper and how Namgyu chooses to call him by the stupid name he’s picked out for himself. how they often do go out to the drugstore to go get cigarettes. of course, with them tacking on the fact that he ‘wanted to hang out more.’
The only part of this letter that somewhat strikes him is the parents section. What he said in his little summery he did for himself doesn’t do the full passage justice.
She surprisingly goes into detail about what thanos has said about his parents. About how his father is only there to bash and berate him, how he hates the thought of school ending because of it. It talks about his fathers drinking problems aswell. The other part of this was about his mother. How he wants to stop the emotional and physical abuse she suffers from her husband. How he tries to fight back from his father, yet it never works. But, he also talks about how he wants to make her proud. How he wants to move out one day with her and start a new life. One where his mother might accept his desired career.
Namgyu shouldn’t be too surprised that Thanos told other people this. It’s in his nature, he loves to talk, especially when it comes to himself. The topic of His parents would be no different.
And yet that’s the one thing he’s ever heard thanos nervously mumble about other than yelling it out for the world to hear. It wasn’t in public where everyone could be listening at a moments notice. It was at Namgyu’s house after he asked to crash because his dad was freaking out over nothing again.
Namgyu’s heart drops a little. the girl who wrote this not only knows about thanos’ home life, which in itself is alright, but she also knows about how Thanos told Namgyu it too. He can feel his throat tighten. He slams the locker before heading to the bin.
He shouldn’t feel betrayed, there’s nothing there in the first place to be betrayed of. It was a semi-intimate moment at best. There was nothing to gain from it. Sure, the fact that he’s trusted feels nice, but at the end of the day Thanos will just be another one to leave him.
Thanos is just another one of the popular kids who use him to get shit. He’s so stupid he doesn’t realize.
Namgyu pinches the mandatory school uniform while throwing away the note.
-
Lunch periods are usually boring.
Namgyu doesn’t have enough money to actually afford lunch, so the main purpose of being there is out of the window. The other main purpose would be for socializing and or studying. Namgyu doesn’t have any friends to socialize with so he’s stuck doing the final option til the bell rings.
Although, he has been invited to Thanos ’ table once in a while. It’s clear that the others only tolerate him, but if Thanos wants him here who are they to say no? The Wimpy one is too shy to speak up and the fanboy is basically on his knees sucking his dick 24/7. There is the bitch who can’t keep her mouth shut, she loves talking about how much he does for the other people who don’t even care for him.
Sometimes he wishes he could keep her mouth shut himself for the shit she pulls.
What feels like piles of work sits on the empty lunch table. The Seats around him are empty with no lunches in sight. He looks inside, people fill the circular tables one coming in after the other with ease. They talk to friends as they sit down to gossip or talk about hobbies or what not.
The seats outside are much more deserted. People out here tend to isolate themself more then others. Reasons vary from not wanting to deal with the noise from the inside so they could study or simply do they can be alone.
Namgyu is in a middle ground, he doesn’t mind the noise and sure as hell needs to finish some work. But on the other side of the spectrum he wouldn’t mind having people to talk to in there.
Time passes without much interruption, people pass by once or twice to get inbetween classes and what not.
The doors slamming open with loud chattering quickly drown out the peace that was once emanated.
It wasn’t some random group of boys that are too loud for their own good. It was Thanos.
Namgyu would’ve assumed he came out here to smoke if he didn’t directly turn to his area and sat down almost immediately after exiting the cafeteria.
Thanos looks absolutely blasted. His hair is undone unlike usual and his demeanor is hyper and giddy with lousyness all over. Namgyu wouldn’t be surprised if Thanos went on a self indulged dive into his father’s liquor cabinet and drank ten tons with the way he wobbles over to the seat next to Namgyu.
“ Namsu! I’ve been looking all over for you my boy, why aren’t you in the cafeteria? “
Maybe the way Thanos barged outside was the only think that seemed drunkenly to Namgyu. Up close, and actually hearing his voice, he seems way more sobered up than usual. If anything looking back on it, it could be signs of withdraws.
Thanos’ eyes are desperately not trying to dart around and he keeps moving around 24/7. He can see sweat from his forehead. Of course, those can be results of him running around to find him, or the fact that Thanos is the most energetic person Namgyu knows, but it still seems like something’s off with the way he’s moving.
“ I was looking for a quiet place to finish my work. “ Namgyu gives an indirect nod to his paper before going back to working on a math problem. Thanos seems to have got the hint with him straightening up a little.
“ well I bet you won’t mind if I joined you for a bit. “ it was stated like a question but it was clearly a command.
“ Sure, “ Namgyu can’t make too many complaints, it’s not like he wanted to be alone. But the only thinking making this somewhat a reluctant choice is because of that note. It’s not like Thanos is going to find out, Namgyu usually doesn’t make a big deal of these kinds of notes anymore. Maybe if those girls make it a problem he’ll tell him but other than that he has no intentions of telling him.
The first guy who he got a note from was myunggi second year, of course it wasn’t actually from him. Namgyu soon learned after confrontation that it was not a love letter, and that he already is head over heels for junhee. It did break his heart last year, but after myunggi cut all contact and association he did eventually get over it.
Saddest part is he actually considered myunggi as a friend for the longest time. At the start of second year they both met in a pre-calculus class and sat near eachother. Myunggi she started talking about how he’d start a business and make money quick.
That’s what initially drew Namgyu to myunngi. They never had a real relationship looking back. It was just Namgyu pestering myunngi while myunngi only responded when it came down to the business he was starting.
That was Namgyu’s first taste into the bullying, then as he started to do more and more favors for people, the people who he couldn’t keep up with him would either beat the living shit out of him in some concealed area of the school or drop him completely. Usually it’s the latter where they’ll hit him til there’s actually blood and disassociate with him for the rest of the day. Most of them are addicted to the cigarettes he provides, leading to them always coming back.
If there’s one thing to get out of this, he’s definitely wanted. Although not for the way he wanted necessarily he still has people who whole heartedly rely on him.
“ that shit is so boring, don’t you have anything more interesting to do? “ Thanos leans over to read the chemistry homework he’s been stuck on. Namgyu doesn’t know how Thanos made it to senior year, he’s so stupid yet he’s somehow passing all his classes. He’s even talked about going to college.
“ Not really. “ Namgyu wished he had better things to do other than some homework he’s been putting off.
“ My boy, “ Thanos sits back ups and starts flailing his arms around his body, moving them up and down like he’s presenting a masterpiece. “ You have all of this! The great Thanos is here and you decide chemistry is the only thing you’re working with! “
Namgyu can’t help but roll his eyes a little before going back to working, only if Thanos knew about the little note that lays in the garbage bin. If he knew about that this whole ‘ I’m right here ‘ moment would be turned into a “I’m not gay don’t get the wrong idea.” Moment. Namgyu laughs at it a little for the pure absurdity of how different the mood or the vibe would be.
“ We should ditch this place, go somewhere you know. “ Thanos lousily requested. His voice slowing down yet still full of anticipation.
As much as Namgyu would love to go, his parents would actually kill him if he left mid day.
“ Sorry can’t, parents you know. “ he looks up briefly to see a disappointed Thanos.
“ you can come over after school or on the weekend though. “ Namgyu slightly checks Thanos’ expression just to see a contempt smile on his face. His eyes staring directly Namgyu’s. Namgyu can’t help but face down just a little bit to ignore the sudden heat.
Is the letter really getting to him because swears before the (what Namgyu likes to call ) “caring eyes” Thanos does sometimes never got to him before. He mostly does it to the kid with the bowl cut when he sympathizes with whatever shit he has going on. But one time he got it too, when he came over to his house just to find his parents hadn't been to the house in days.
Usually the caring eyes are reserved for moments of sorrow, but sometimes they got used when his group was getting along. He’s never got that type of look, maybe that’s whats messing him up.
“ So did you get that note? “ Thanos nervously asks. Namgyu’s pencil stops writing at this point. How does he know? Did one of the girls seriously tell him? In that case he’s either in on it or he’s simply asking out of curiosity due to the subject matter in it. It’s not like Namgyu went to go confess his undying love for Thanos or anything. There shouldn’t be too much trouble.
“ yeah, “ Namgyu mumbles out. He sees that Thanos get more anxious with that one word. It’s not suprising, things like being in a relationship is a big deal for schools, if anyone were to find out he’d surly get ridiculed by not only his classmates but possibly get in trouble by the teachers aswell for not focusing on his studies. Not to mention how it would be with another man.
“ Just know I threw it away, I know it could be really bad for your rep and the girls who wrote it only seemed to care to get a rise out of me again. “ Namgyu puts it into simple words. Thanos seems to go from anxiety to calmness once again, leaning back like he just solved his biggest problem.
“ Shit man all I got told was that someone put a love letter in your locker saying that was from me, glad you figured it all out though. “ Thanos lets out with a shaky sigh. He starts to stand up and stretch a little before looking down one more time.
“ What, has it happened before bro? “
God this is so embarrassing. Namgyu buried his head into his arms, shielding his cherry red face. Thanos does not need to know about myunggi, or any of the other guys for that matter.
“ nah, just a hunch “
“ come on bro, hiding your head and saying that this has happened multiple times doesn’t convince me that it was just a hunch.” Namgyu hates how he’s right in that manner.
“ it’s happened a few times, it’s not that big of a deal though. “
“ damn, you actually gay or what because a normal guy wouldn’t get any if that didn’t have anything going on. “
“ Nah, girls just don’t like me as much as they like you. “ Namgyu lies, he knows he hasn’t been attracted to a girl since forever and the only crushes he’s had on was for guys. He doesn’t really feel like it’s the appropriate time to come out to Thanos right now though.
Thanos doesn’t say anything to it, he just silently walks off. If he looks hard enough he can see a frown as he opens the door to the cafeteria. It kinda makes sense why he was rushing so much at the start of the period, he wanted to know if Namgyu got what essentially was a blackmail letter.
Namgyu can’t help but feel somewhat embarrassed, for the slight confession of this happening before and the confrontation as a whole. The best he can do is try to forget about it until Thanos walks back up to him again like nothing happened.