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“Frase, again. From the top.” said Ray, probably for the millionth time that evening. He went to the stereo to rewind the tape and glanced back at Fraser, whose stiff posture clearly indicated his impatience.
Ray understood the impatience with the lack of skill more than he could voice. He remembered promising himself that he would never go back to the dancing classes but then Stella smiled at him and said she had fun, and he instantly forgot about his promise. Now it seemed he was facing the same problem as Stella all those years ago, but his pretty smile didn’t seem to work that well on Fraser.
“You’re not having fun, Ben. Dancing is supposed to be fun.”
The stubborn silence was the only response he could get from Fraser. They’ve been together for a few months now and knew each other for two years, and Ray knew that silence wasn’t necessarily a great sign when they were supposed to be enjoying themselves. You didn’t have to be a detective to know the difference in silences Fraser displayed. This one was not the good and comfortable one. Ray sighed and turned to the stereo to play the music but then something occurred to him.
He took out the tape and switched it to a CD this time. He could feel the confused yet piercing gaze on his back, but he decided he didn’t care. Soon enough, the stereo speakers played Forever in Love by Kenny G. He turned around to see a puzzled expression on Fraser’s face.
“This is not the waltz we have to practice for Ray and Stella’s wedding” he simply stated, but a trained ear could hear a note of curiosity in his tone.
“No, it isn’t and we are taking a break.” Ray said, coming closer. He extended his hand, which Ben immediately took. Cute, Ray thought to himself. “Dance with me?”
Fraser took a promenade position, serious as ever.
“I’m not teaching you another dance, calm down Mr. Overzealous.” Ray chuckled and placed his partner’s hand on his waist.
It still amazed him how fast Fraser could start to resemble his beloved uniform when embarrassed. And yes, they’ve been in much more intimate situations. Months together on their journey to and from Arctic will do that to a man, that was also what finally brought them together.
It’s not like Ben was a blushing virgin, his cheeks red as soon as they started holding hands, but he sometimes got embarrassed by the smallest things. Ray found it charming, to say the least, and loved to drive Fraser up the wall with his teasing. But this wasn’t the time for such activities.
“I don’t see how this will help us with teaching me the waltz” Fraser said, still a bit stiff but his hand gripped Ray’s waist in a slightly possessive manner.
Ray didn’t really want to admit it, but he liked that side of his Mountie. A tighter grip here, a little bit of manhandling there. After all this time of being lonely, he felt wanted, and these little signs of Fraser calling him his made him excited. He smiled at himself; a pleasant shiver ran down his spine.
And Ben smiled back, unaware of all the thoughts crossing Ray’s mind.
Ray started to pull Fraser closer, but Fraser, being a control freak that he was, resisted at first. Then after a disapproving glance from his partner, he let himself be pulled closer.
“I don’t bite” Ray said with his special smile no. 5. “Unless you’ll ask me nicely.”
That earned him a warm chuckle from Ben.
“And yet, you call me a freak.”
His shoulders finally eased. And just for a moment they were swaying back and forth, chest to chest, Ray’s chin on Ben’s shoulder.
“See? Dancing can be fun.” Ray said, nudging Fraser with his head, to which Ben only hummed. “You just have to let go sometimes, you know?”
“I am perfectly capable of letting go, Ray. Thank you kindly for your concern.” Ben responded; a hint of hurt pride colored his tone.
“I’m not saying you’re not capable, I’m saying it’s hard for you,” Ray said facing Fraser.
“Hm” was the only response he was getting from Ben.
Ray shook his head, a sad smile on his face. He placed a quick peck on Frasers lips and stepped back.
“We’ll try the waltz again. I’m leading this time.”
Fraser nodded; a slight defiance in his eyes as well as a challenge. He would do everything to prove he was capable.
This will be the end of you, Ben, Ray thought and put the tape in the stereo.
When the music started playing, he quickly took the promenade position. It was a bit rusty, his shoulder and back strength not what it used to be. Fraser didn’t seem to mind or at least was kind enough not to mention it.
“You just have to start from the other side of the square. We’ll start slow, okay?”
Fraser nodded, looking at his feet, trying to figure out the movements before they started.
“My eyes are up here.” Ray said.
Ben looked at him and smiled awkwardly.
“Sorry, Ray.”
“You always say I have pretty eyes. Focus on them.”
Fraser chuckled and did as he was asked to. Ray could see that flirtatious shimmer in his partner’s eyes, and he knew Ben would try to have fun, even if just for a moment.
Good, he thought to himself.
As promised, they started slower, music twice the speed of their steps. After the few initials stepping on each other's feet, Fraser sighed, still trying to gain just a little bit of control.
“Hey Frase?” Ray tried to gain his attention. “You trust me?”
“Of course.” the Mountie simply answered, but a question could be seen in his eyes.
“Then let me lead, because so far, you only showed me your best stick moves and I know that body can move. You demonstrated it on more than one occasion.”
Fraser’s face turned bright red for a probably third time that evening.
“I’m sorry, Ray,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, nothing to be sorry for.” Ray said and caressed Ben’s neck with the tip of his fingers.
Fraser turned his head towards the touch, trying to get the most of it. And Ray came up with a brilliant idea.
He pulled Fraser closer so that they were almost glued to each other. Ben shot him a surprised look.
“You technically shouldn’t be this close to your partner if you are not professionally dancing, but we will make an exception so you can feel the movement.”
The Mountie nodded, pushing himself onto Ray a bit further.
“Christ...” Ray whispered, feeling how all of a sudden, the room turned hotter.
Fraser smiled innocently, knowing damn well what he was doing to Ray.
Focus, Ray had to remind himself.
They resumed their dance, this time much smoother than before. Ben finally seemed to get a hold of the rhythm and the steps. Finally, finally, it looked like a waltz.
“You’re getting it, Ben.” Ray tried to sound proud.
“Thank you, Ray.” Ben smiled. “I have a great teacher after all.”
“Flattery won’t get you anywhere. We still have to practice the other way round.”
Fraser sighed, the drama queen that he sometimes was, but his lips curved into a smile.
~~~
“Nervous?” Ray asked Fraser, as soon as they entered the wedding venue, champagne in hand.
Ben adjusted his collar a few times and rubbed his ear.
“It’s fine,” he said, but his credibility was undermined by the series of tics he so often displayed when uncomfortable.
For Fraser, taming his emotions was a matter of honor and seeing that side of him, which was allowed to make mistakes, be uncomfortable, was refreshing. And he always wanted to seem invincible, but when you have to trust each other completely, like on their journey, because otherwise it might cost you your lives, you learn to unveil your flaws and weaknesses.
Ray knew about them even before their adventure, but in the great, white North he had more time to observe Fraser. He found all these tics charming. It made Ben more human than he wanted to show others.
“Yeah, right” Ray scoffed and placed his hand on his partner’s shoulder, steering him further into the main hall. His hand lingered.
It’s not like people didn’t know they were together. Upon their arrival in Chicago, they were invited to the Vecchio household, and of course everyone figured out something was on.
Vecchio and Stella knew it already, but the rest of the household was trying to figure it out with subtle questions over dinner. That little investigation was interrupted by Frannie who just pointing at them and said, “You’re together!” like it was some sort of an epiphany and the whole secrecy went to shit.
Well, Ray didn’t mind. As long as they were fine with them... Ma Vecchio even pulled him aside to give him her blessing, which was frankly surprising due to her devotion to her faith. She kissed his cheek and patted it, saying “Take care of him. You need each other.”
He intended to, until his very last breath.
“Frannie won’t bite you, neither will Stella if you mess something up” Ray said squeezing his partner’s shoulder to give him some reassurance. “She is too much in love with Vecchio to even notice. Just don’t trip and fall and you’ll be fine.”
“Thank you, Ray. That was...” Fraser tried to be diplomatic, but his pause said everything.
“Yeah, yeah, I know it won’t make you feel better because you are still stuck on that perfectionism of yours...” Fraser wanted to interrupt but Ray didn’t let him. “I have known you for more than a day, Ben. You do have a problem with perfectionism. Hell, even when I’ve known you for a day, I knew something was up. Just don’t let yourself lose all the fun. This dance is a symbol of being together, of going through life with each other, and friends and family. So just be there and everything will be fine.”
Fraser looked at him, a spark in his eyes.
“That is a beautiful thought, Ray. An interesting interpretation of what something as...”
“Well, Stella told me what they wanted it to mean, so don’t get all poetic on me.”
Ben chuckled lightly, trying to make it into a cough so other guests wouldn’t pay as much attention to them, but his efforts came to nothing.
“But I thought you were a poet at heart?”
Ray liked that shine of mischief in Ben’s eyes he sometimes showed to his closest. And Ben knew it and used it against him in more than one way. It was fun to tease each other but that had to wait because the newlyweds entered the room.
“Oh dear...” Fraser’s weak voice trembled a little.
Ray’s hand slipped further down until it met Ben’s and squeezed it reassuringly. Fraser looked at him and a shy smile appeared on his face.
But soon enough Ray Vecchio was at their side, to collect Ben for the first dance. Stella was already waiting with her parents and Franccesca. Ma Vecchio was getting lead to them by Stella’s brother. Judgment day has come, no running away now.
“Ready?” Vecchio asked.
“As much as I can be.” Fraser answered and shot one last glance in Ray’s direction, who tried to smile, but was too slow as Ben went with Vecchio to fulfill his duty as the best man.
It’s gonna be fine, Ray told himself, and yet the horror on his partner’s face tried to convince him of something else.
The whole room went silent as the pairs were preparing to dance. Fraser was licking his lips, another nervous tic of his, and looking around trying to find some kind of comfort. His gaze finally found Ray who showed him thumbs up and wiggled around trying to imitate a more casual style of dancing, which made Ben chuckle slightly. Frannie also looked where Fraser’s gaze was directed and saw the moves her pretended brother was doing and just rolled her eyes, but a small smile appeared on her face.
Then the music started, and his whole posture was once again rigid. The first steps were made by the newlyweds and after a few bars, Fraser and Frannie joined and the rest of the pairs after them. Ben’s first steps were hesitant, as if he was holding back the energy he wanted to put into the dance. Whenever he could, he was looking at Ray either for comfort or directions, Ray didn’t know exactly, but he tried his best.
“Loosen up” he mouthed. Then he shook his arms, making it more visual if Fraser didn’t catch it the first time.
But he did catch it the first time; Ray knew it. Nothing could escape him, neither a sight nor a sound. And by some miracle Ben loosened up. Ray decided it was thanks to him. If Fraser needed a jester, he would provide.
Every time their eyes met Ray would do a silly face or mouth something stupid and it worked every time. Fraser smiled and his steps with every glance got lighter. Ray was jumping and cheering inside his head when he heard the last few bars of music and then everything came to an end. Not because he believed that Fraser would do awful but because he knew how much nerves and time it cost his partner.
Vecchio was kind enough to wait a few months more before sending out invitations to the wedding, so they had time to prepare. They already came back from their adventure, alive and well if not for the few half-frozen toes on Ray’s part. As soon as they reached civilization, which was a big stretch of that word, Fraser phoned Chicago to tell Vecchio they were back. But he already moved with Stella to Florida, and Frannie had to give them the phone number.
As it turned out, they opened a bowling alley, which was bizarre to say the least. But he went to the Arctic for Fraser, for God’s sake. He was in no position to make statements about bizarre actions. And then Vecchio invited Fraser to the wedding and asked him to be his best man. Of course, he then sent a regular invitation, but he just couldn’t wait to tell him about the whole endeavor. Then he asked to speak with Ray, as soon as Ben said yes.
“You’re invited too, Stanley” he said. “We know you and Benny are... tight.”
“We’re together” he blurted out, still slightly shocked with the revelation of his ex-wife's engagement.
Ben shot him a surprised look but then smiled and grabbed Ray’s hand. Ray figured out that Fraser wanted to tell Vecchio about them, but he didn’t get to ask if he could. And now it was out, so there were no questions.
“Huh... figures.” Vecchio responded. “Now, that I’m certain, if you ever hurt Benny...”
“Yeah, yeah, you’ll kill me or kick me in the head or something. Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself if I ever mess things up. You don’t have to worry yourself.”
Ben shot him a puzzled look, and Ray just shook his head and mouthed “Shovel talk”. Fraser knitted his brows, still confused.
“Well, glad to hear it. And I suppose I’m glad you’re happy too. Stella’s still quite fond of you and she wants you to be happy.”
“Same goes to her” he interrupted.
“Isn’t it great that we’re all so happy and fulfilled?” Vecchio joked and Ray genuinely chuckled.
Now he was chuckling as well, patting Fraser’s back, as soon as he could get his hands on him. He wanted to do so much more but... well, that had to wait when they came back to the apartment. As much as Ben looked downright gorgeous in a tux, he looked even better without it. It wasn’t the time for such thoughts.
“That was amazing! You! You were amazing!” Ray said; his hand firmly squeezing his partner’s shoulder.
Fraser blushed and looked away.
“Ray, that was hardly amazing. Adequate, more like. And only thanks to your rather unorthodox methods of trying to get me to loosen up.”
Ray rolled his eyes and his hand slid down Ben’s back until it landed in his back pocket.
“When I say it was amazing, I mean it” Ray whispered, his partner’s face turning redder and redder with every second. “So, take the damn compliment.”
“I...” Fraser stuttered. “Thank you, Ray.”
“I mean it. You did great for how little time you had to prepare.”
“I had a great teacher.” Ben smiled, a flirtatious sparkle in his eye.
Ray also smiled, pulling his partner a little closer, so their hips were touching. Fraser’s hand found its way to Ray’s back and was doing little circles. It was grounding for both of them. Ray had the urge to plant a kiss on his cheek but looking around he decided against it.
“When most of the guests clear out, will you dance with me?” He asked which made Fraser crook his head in surprise but after the initial shock he nodded.
“It’ll be my pleasure.”
~~~
The afternoon turned into evening and then to night. The room became quieter with every passing minute. Most of the elder members of families already went home and the distant cousins that Vecchio had to invite went with them. The party was coming to an end and in it Ray saw his chance to pull Fraser to the dance floor. He looked around in search of his partner; they were separated when he was pulled aside by leaving Welsh.
Ray was surprised to see him there, but he supposed that at this point, now that Frannie was in the academy and with Vecchio’s whole police career, he became a family friend of some sort. Frannie had pulled away Ben for a dance, and that was when he noticed Welsh standing next to him.
“Is the Mountie treating you well?” He asked.
“The true gentleman that he always is” Ray responded, not really wanting to face his old lieutenant eye to eye.
He couldn’t bear the disappointment from someone who once was like a second father to him, and maybe still was. He didn’t really talk to his dad after he came back from the adventure. Sure, he called but his mom picked up. There was no point in hiding the new relationship he was in, although he was still scared of their reaction. His mother assured him that there is nothing wrong with that and they are happy that he finally found someone after the divorce. She didn’t say that she was glad it was Fraser, but Ray could tell it was one of those things taken into consideration when making a judgment of the relationship. His dad only grumbled something in the background and from then on silence in the ether from him.
Ray was sort of prepared for that reaction. He was after all the son of an immigrant who by some miracle escaped communist Poland after Stalin’s death. His father was barely eighteen when his grandparents took him and his brothers and fled the country. He was pretty sure the whole process wasn’t entirely legal, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that.
Just like his grandparents, his dad was Catholic and tried to raise his son in such faith. But Ray was never a believer and discovered he wasn’t only into girls rather early on into his puberty, so Catholicism wasn’t for him. Yet, it was still one of the core values of the older generations of his family and the community he grew up in. And then of course it was the force. Policemen weren’t exactly found of queer people. That’s why he was so scared of disappointment.
He was curious enough to shoot Welsh a quick look with the corner of his eye, but from that perspective he couldn’t entirely see the lieutenant's face.
“Good, good.” Welsh only said, which made Ray look at him properly. His expression was as always neutral, and you couldn’t read much from it, but something in the quirking corner of his mouth was telling the former detective that he wouldn’t be getting any mean comments. After a moment of hesitation, Welsh continued. “You’re staying with him up there in an igloo or are you both coming back here?”
“I’m moving up there. To a cabin.” Ray specified. “We’re staying here for another couple of days. Then with some help I am taking most of my things and leaving Chicago behind.”
“Do they have phones there?” Welsh asked and he started to put on his coat.
Ray made a face, confused with what the lieutenant was implying but answered.
“Of course, they have phones...”
“Then pick it up from time to time and call, would ya?”
Ray didn’t know exactly what to say but he managed to response.
“You got it.”
Welsh raised his hand in a good-bye gesture and went to talk to the newlyweds, to say good-bye as well.
Ray still didn’t quite comprehend what just happened, when a familiar presence appeared just at his side.
“May I have this dance?” Ben asked, extending his hand.
“Show me those moves, you’ve learned.” Ray teased and let Fraser led him to the dance floor.
Once they were there, slow, slightly melancholic music filled the room. Ray clung to Fraser as if his life depended on it, with his head resting on his partner’s shoulder. Ben at first went rigid but soon enough relaxed to sway them in the music rhythm.
“Is everything alright?” He asked Ray, when his hands still didn’t move a fraction of an inch from his body. “I know that this wedding was a bit much for you, and learning about Stella and Ray...”
“It’s not about Stella” he interrupted.
Silence fell between them, and Ben waited for any further explanation.
“Welsh was nice to me” Ray finally said. “And even told me to call him to tell him how we’re doing.”
Fraser blinked twice, a bit surprised at the reason for his partner’s strong emotions.
“I hardly find it unusual, Ray. After all you were his best detective, and I think he is quite fond of you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know if you do things differently in Canadian force or not, but down here the best you get is getting ignored if you ever even think about getting with a guy.” Ray explained. “Or you get the usual treatment. That is being caller a slur or kicked in the head. Or both.”
Ben frowned and squeezed Ray a little tighter.
“Unfortunately, in Canada you usually get a similar treatment. Maybe less on the kicking in the head, as you say it.”
Ray wondered if Fraser had ever been called a slur. His rather unusual behavior and lonesome state of life didn’t help it. Maybe he experienced it, or maybe it was just said behind his back. But with that hearing of his, both options were like a frontal attack. Ray didn’t know that, but what he knew was that if it ever happened in the future, he would be there to resolve any inconveniences that might befall his partner.
Fraser must have sensed that something was crossing his mind because he stepped away and spun Ray. It was an effective distraction; Ray had to admit. He chuckled and hid his face in Ben’s collar.
“You’re really getting good at it.”
“Well, I need to practice to be as good as you.” Ben shrugged. “It would be embarrassing if I tripped and fell during the first dance, if we ever get married.”
Ray stilled, causing Fraser to almost trip and fall at that moment. They were standing on the dance floor and Ray moved away to look his partner in the eyes. He could see the terror on Fraser’s face, fear of scaring away the only person that he loved after Victoria. But Ray only smiled.
“You wanna get married?”
Ben nodded, not certain how to react. Then Ray kissed him. It was brief but tasted sweeter than the wedding cake. Fraser exhaled through his nose, relived that what he said didn’t ruin their relationship.
“If the law allows it, yes. I want to get married.” Ben smiled and resumed swaying them to the music’s rhythm.
“I can’t wait.” Ray said but then with a teasing spark in his eye, added. “I lied earlier. You need so much more practice. Preferably every week, maybe by the fireplace. You know, because you’ll see better. Especially when it’ll start getting darker sooner.”
Fraser chuckled amused and spun Ray once again.
“Practice makes perfect, I suppose.”