Archive of Our Own

When they rescued Nico from the jar, he was even paler and more sickly than Leo had remembered him being the few times they had crossed paths at camp.  It made him feel pretty shitty for voicing his doubts about the son of Hades earlier on in the quest.  That was part of the reason why he decided to offer his room to the guy.  The other main reason being that he didn’t really sleep in his room anyway and he figured Nico could use a real bed. 

He had hung back while the rest of the crew surrounded Nico after getting him out of the jar.  Leo had never been trapped in a jar before, but he could imagine the last thing he’d want right after being freed would be to have so many people crowding him.  He waited until Hazel helped him below deck to pull them both aside.  

“You can stay in my room.  I don’t, um, use it to sleep.  I’ll just clear some of my stuff out and then it’s all yours.” 

Hazel gave him a funny look, probably wondering 1) why the Hades he didn’t sleep in his room and 2) why he was being so openly generous (a rare occurrence for Leo).  

Of course, Nico didn’t care about either of those two facts.  “I don’t need your pity, Valdez.  I’ll be fine staying in the med bay.” 

Leo had expected such a response.  He honestly thought it was a good sign that the dude had retained some of his attitude even in his extremely malnourished and likely traumatized state, but what did he know? 

“It’s not pity, it’s practical. There’s an open bed in a private room, it makes sense for you to use it.  I’m the idiot who didn’t incorporate guest rooms into the design, anyway.  Take it or leave it, but I won’t be there.” 

Nico “hmpf’d” and Hazel continued helping him to the med bay.  As they walked away she looked over her shoulder and mouthed “thank you” to Leo, to which he responded to with a simple salute. 

Leo didn’t expect Nico to take his offer, but he moved his spheres and various other projects to his locked trunk anyway.  Not that he didn’t trust the guy (ok, he didn’t exactly trust him, either, but trust was something to be earned); he would have locked up his precious work regardless of who was staying in his room.

After a 15 minute sweep, the room was almost new.  Leo still had to change the sheets (he did have manners; he wasn’t going to leave that for a half-dead guy to do himself) but otherwise it was good to go. 

Talk about your feelings? I'm going pitch black

Nico had no intention of staying in Leo’s room.  He didn’t like sympathy handouts, and Leo barely even knew him.  So he figured the only reason Leo was doing this was because Nico was just that pathetic looking when he got out of the jar.  But after three nights in the med bay, Hazel practically begged him to accept Leo’s offer.  

“If you don’t move into his room, you can move into mine and I’ll take his room,” she had bargained.  He didn’t feel like his sister deserved to sleep in what was probably the grimiest cabin on the ship, so he relented.  

He was surprised to see that Leo’s room was actually pretty clean.  Nico had just assumed that Leo’s room would match his chaotic and messy self (which was always covered in oil stains and other odds and ends from various projects).  Instead, the room was strangely empty and very neat.  He noticed a locked trunk at the foot of the bed, but otherwise the room was devoid of possessions.  It was almost as if nobody had ever occupied the small bedroom, except for the barely noticeable burnt toast-and-gasoline smell that Nico recognized as Leo’s lingering scent from wandering around the ship at odd hours. 

He walked slowly over to the bed and realized the sheets were fresh and the bed was made. A new towel and washcloth hung from a hook on the closet door. The closet still had Leo’s clothes in it, but they were all pushed to the side to make room for Nico’s things.  Not that Nico had any other clothes with him.  He and Leo were about the same size, but he thought it would be overstepping to ask if he could borrow some clothes. He went through a lot of trouble for me, Nico thought. I’m not going to push it. 

He grabbed the towel to go and take a shower and thought about what he was going to do about his clothes.  He thought he could maybe rinse them out in the sink after his shower (a laundry method he had utilized plenty of times back when he ran away from Camp Half-Blood and stayed in whatever recently-abandoned buildings he could find).  He made his way to the bathrooms, relieved that nobody was in the hallway when he did so.  

The water stung.  It made him aware of cuts and sores he had forgotten about, hitting flesh that hadn’t quite healed while he was in the coma.  On top of that, he couldn’t get the temperature just right.  It was always too hot or too cold, flipping back and forth.  Nico thought back to the last time he had bathed.  It had to have been three weeks ago, when he was at Camp Half-Blood just before he went searching for the Doors of Death.  The thought made him feel grossed out with himself as he proceeded to scrub the layers of dirt and Tartarus death-smell off his skin. 

Nico finished showering and was now standing over the sink in the bathroom trying to get the ash out of his clothes.  He was very thankful that Leo had made single-stall full bathrooms with locking doors in addition to the communal toilets.  He was almost finished washing his tattered t-shirt, wondering how he was going to dry his clothes and cursing himself for not thinking that far ahead, when he heard a knock at the door. 

“Sorry, almost done.”

“All good, I’ll come back later.”  

Nico recognized the voice on the other side of the door as Leo’s.  Normally, he wouldn’t dream of asking someone for help, especially someone he didn’t even know all that well, but Leo had been willing to help him so far. Plus, he didn’t see another option, other than walking out of the bathroom wearing soaking wet clothes.  

“Actually, wait.  Could you help me with something?” 

The other side was silent but Nico could tell he hadn’t walked away yet. 

“I washed my clothes in the sink without a plan to dry them. Could you get me a hairdryer or something?” 

“Dude, you know we have a washing machine on this ship, right? And do you not have a change of clothes?”

Nico was too embarrassed to answer so he stayed silent. 

“Nevermind, that was a dumb question. Stay there, I’ll be right back.”

Nico heard his footsteps fading away. Not like I have a choice, he thought to himself.  A few minutes later, he heard him returning. 

A knock sounded at the door before Leo spoke. “Alright, you can wear these while your clothes dry.  You gotta open the door, though.” 

Nico opened the door just enough for Leo to pass him the clothes and then closed it quickly. 

“Thanks,”  he said as he looked at the clothes Leo had given him.  They were simple sweatpants and a navy blue shirt he’d never seen Leo wear, plus a pair of boxers.  Nico felt his face heat up when he noticed the boxers.  He felt more than a little weird about sharing underwear with someone he’d barely call an acquaintance, let alone a friend, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

The voice on the other side of the door broke through his thoughts.  “No worries man, I have extra.  And everything’s clean by the way.” Leo added, as if sensing Nico’s embarrassment over the underwear. 

“Thank you, really.”  He got dressed and realized he never heard Leo leave.  “Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you still here?” 

“Uh, don’t forget that I was planning on using the shower before you sent me off to be your maid, dude.  But I’ll also show you where the laundry room is when you’re done, so you’re not dripping water all over the halls looking for it.  Slip and fall hazard, y’know.” 

Oh. To be honest, Nico had forgotten about that first part.  He was still pretty malnourished from his time in the jar and it had been affecting his ability to think (now that he was no longer in a coma and actually noticed it).  

“Oh yeah. Right.” He opened the door.  

Leo brought him to the laundry room, which was located off of the engine room on one of the lower levels.  It wasn’t a long walk, but the various turns and going down stairs and ladders made Nico grateful that he had a guide. 

“No dryer, but we have an industrial size washer.” Leo slapped an oversized washing machine. “You can hang your clothes to dry over the radiator right here.” He pointed to a thick metal pipe that was steaming. “Just be careful, ‘cuz this thing has a baseline temp of around 200 degrees.” 

“Noted.” Nico started draping his clothes over the pipe.  He noticed Leo lingering and turned around. 

“What is it now, Valdez?”  He knew he should probably be nicer to the guy that was going out of the way for him when nobody else on the ship was willing to do so, but old habits died hard.  He didn’t like people watching him. 

“What? Geez, I’m just standing here!” Leo threw up his hands. 

Nico wasn’t going to back down yet. “Standing there watching me hang up my laundry? Don’t you have better things to do?” 

Leo’s own irritation was now showing.  “I can’t believe you! Here I am, trying to be nice, trying to make things just a little more comfortable for you while we’re stuck here, and yet you insist on being a jerk!  This is my ship, you know.” 

“Yeah right, like you actually care about me.  I know there’s something in it for you, so what is it? You want to know what Tartarus is like?  You want to satisfy some morbid curiosity, is that it?” He spat the words, disgusted at the idea of how Leo could be so twisted.  “Or are you just trying to make yourself look good to Hazel?” 

Leo stared him down for what could have been a solid minute.  Anger burned behind his eyes.   Then, suddenly, all of the energy drained out of him with a sigh.  “Whatever, I don’t even know why I try.”

He walked away, leaving Nico alone in the laundry room with his damp clothes.

Talk about my feelings? I don't wanna, fuck that

It felt wrong sleeping in Leo’s room after their fight, but he didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go, since it would be weird if he went back to the med bay now. He crawled into bed wearing the clothes Leo had lent him.  He felt like a complete jerk.  Leo was right— he had been nothing but kind to him while Nico insisted on arguing.  He didn’t even know why he started it, or why he didn’t back down, all he knew was that he felt like shit immediately after.  

The next day Nico found Leo in the engine room.  His presence was barely acknowledged, Leo glancing up only for half a second before returning to his work, not saying a thing.  

“I’m sorry. You were right. You’ve been nice to me when no one else on this ship really has, and it was shitty of me to lash out at you.”  

Leo kept working, but his scowl softened the tiniest bit hearing Nico’s apology.  Nico took that as a sign to keep going. 

“You’ve gone out of your way to make sure I have what I need, and I really am thankful.  But I don’t understand why you’re doing it. I just want to know what your angle is.”

Leo put his wrench down and sat up to finally look at Nico.  “Look, I get that, I really do. But I don’t have any secret evil plan. And the fact that you still hate me after I’ve done my best to make you feel welcome on my ship… to be honest, it feels like shit.” 

“I don’t hate you,” Nico replied.  Where had he gotten that idea?

“You… don’t?” 

“No, of course not.  I don’t hate many people in general.  I just don’t think of you much at all, I guess.”  Leo frowned at that.  “Why do you care if I hate you, anyway?” 

Leo sighed in frustration and returned to his work.  A few minutes passed and Nico wondered if he was ever going to answer his question.  He was just about to turn and leave when Leo spoke again.  

“I guess I was just hoping you’d get it,” he said quietly.  

“Get… what?” 

Leo looked fed up.  “In case you hadn’t noticed, everyone on this ship is coupled up.” His expression morphed into something shier, almost embarrassed.  “My friends are great and all, but it still gets… weird. I guess I was just hoping that would change when you came on board. Thought maybe we could get along.” He paused. “I should’ve known you like being alone, it was a stupid idea.” 

“What makes you think that?” Nico’s voice had an edge to it.  Yes, it was true that he spent most of his time avoiding people, but that wasn’t because he liked to be alone; he just felt like nobody wanted him around in the first place.  He did it to minimize friction, not because he didn’t actually get lonely.  Of course he felt lonely-- most of the time, cripplingly so.  He balked internally at Leo’s suggestion. 

“Well, dude, you spend most of your time hiding from people— I know, I know, I’m one to talk ‘cuz I do the same thing— but when you actually do talk to anyone it seems like you just want to run away from them.” 

Nico’s stare had turned ice cold.  “You think you know everything, Valdez?  Well, you don’t. You know nothing about me.”  He turned to storm off. 

“Whatever!” Leo called after him. “Just know you’re proving me right!” 

Nico ignored him and kept walking away.  When he made it back to Leo’s cabin, he let silent tears fall down his face.  

How dare he say that? As if he could ever understand. 

And yet part of him wondered if maybe he did. 

Soft as the pillow is, ship this shit back

They made it to Rome.  They had finally gotten that stupid Athena Parthenos that was supposedly going to end this stupid, pointless war and they could all go back to fighting their other smaller but equally stupid battles.  

So Leo was in a mood.  Maybe it was cabin fever.  Maybe he was becoming more jaded the longer this quest went on.  Or maybe it was the guilt eating at him for using Nemesis’s fortune cookie to save Hazel and Frank, not knowing that it would cost him two other crew members. 

Percy and Annabeth’s fall into Tartarus emotionally wrecked the crew.  Nico had already been avoiding Leo, but these days he was avoiding everyone.  Leo himself had decided to completely bury himself in work: repairing the main deck of the ship, quadruple checking levels in the engine room, and, of course, working on his secret project that nobody else on board was aware of.  It was somewhat of an effective distraction from thinking about Percy and Annabeth’s unknown fate, but for the most part he still felt like shit. 

After several days of attempting to avoid everyone as much as possible, Leo was forced into talking when the ship was attacked only a few hours after a watch duty shift change.  The other people on watch with him just so happened to be Hazel and Nico. 

He was planning on avoiding Nico like they had been and only talking to Hazel, but the rock-throwing giants had other plans.  When a boulder was hurled at the foremast, Leo cursed.  

“Stupid rock gods! That’s the third time I’ve had to replace this mast! You think they grow on trees?”

Nico, who had been forced to the deck level after his lookout spot had been demolished, decided to reply.   “Masts are from trees, though.”  

Leo shot him a look.  He ignores me for days and then decides to give me snark?  Even if they weren’t currently being attacked, Leo wouldn’t have been in the mood for his attitude.  

“That’s not the point,” he said, annoyed.  Nico took the hint and decided to make himself scarce by moving to the stern deck.  

Leo didn’t see Nico again after that.  A few hours later, he decided to ask Hazel if she had any insights as to why Nico was acting so… annoying. 

“Hey Hazelnut,” he said, trying to be casual.  She was watching over the side of the hull as they flew over the Caucasus Mountains. 

She glanced over her shoulder. “What’s up?”

He paused for a minute. “I was just hoping you could tell me what’s up with your brother. He’s been, like, really rude to me lately. I think I might’ve done something to piss him off.” 

“Leo, he’s like that with everyone. Don’t take it personally.”

“I don’t know, I think this time it is personal.” His eyes shifted off to the side. “I tried being nice.”

She gave him a funny look like she couldn’t tell if he was being serious, and then burst out laughing.  “Leo, that’s sweet of you that you’re trying, really.  But I think he probably just needs to be away from everyone right now.  Trust me, it’s not you.” 

“Thanks, Hazy,” he said before going back to the helm.  

About another hour passed before he finally put Festus on autopilot and went below deck.  He hadn’t slept in roughly 23 hours and was starting to crash.  Not having Annabeth and Percy share captain responsibilities was seriously starting to take a toll on him.  He passed his cabin on the way back to the engine room and considered actually sleeping in his bed tonight.  He knocked on the door of his room, checking to see if Nico was already in there.  Even though he told Leo he didn’t plan on using the room, he wanted to make sure, just in case he had changed his mind.  When there was no response from the other side of the door, Leo slowly twisted the handle and entered.  

Before his foot was even in the doorway an inky blur was at his throat with a sword. 

Nico had a wild look in his eyes, like an animal that had been startled and was ready to go completely feral.  Leo froze, suddenly no longer fighting sleep.  He wasn’t sure if he should put his hands up to show he came in peace or if he should remain still to avoid getting decapitated.  He decided to go with the latter.  

A few seconds passed and Nico’s expression shifted as he recognized Leo, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.  “What in my father’s name do you think you’re doing, Valdez?”

Leo slowly put his hands up.  “Just wondering if you were here, it’s all good.  I knocked but I didn’t hear anything.” 

Nico scowled.  “Whatever.  You can have your room back, I’m leaving.” He lowered his sword and turned away. 

“Dude, I’m not kicking you out. I’ll just go to the engine room, it’s cool.” 

“I don’t care, Leo! I don’t want your stupid charity anymore, just leave me alone!”  He pushed past Leo to exit the room to go gods knew where.  

Well, that was… unproductive, Leo thought to himself.  He wasn’t sure why Nico had gotten so angry at him, but his exhaustion won out over whatever conflicting emotions he had around scaring the boy off.  He kicked off his greasy boots and changed into sweatpants before climbing into bed. 

His bed had an earthy smell, sort of like Camp Half-Blood in the spring, when the snow would melt away and reveal damp dirt and the remnants of last fall’s leaves.  He realized he didn’t entirely mind it.  It was almost comforting, in a way.  He drifted off to sleep with his face buried in the pillow.

I got a feeling I deserve it / Wanna hurt me, baby? Get in line

Nico had no idea what he was walking into when he volunteered to get Diocletian’s scepter with Jason.  Of course, they were the only two demigods that could go in order for the mission to be successful, so it’s not like he had a choice.  He figured it couldn’t be that bad.  Sure, Jason obviously still found him a little spooky, and Nico didn’t appreciate that, but it’s not like the sidequest would last forever.  

The problem started when they saw Zephyros.  It was good to get a lead on where to find the palace, but then Jason decided to grab Nico without warning and shoot him up in the air.  That was strike one-point-five for Jason.  Then Zephyros had revealed that Eros had taken the scepter.  As if Nico’s luck couldn’t get any worse, the winged god had teased Nico about the times he had visited Eros’ statue as a young boy.  Jason, thankfully, seemed too confused to be able to follow Zephyros’ line of thought.  Nico silently wondered who the god of head injuries was and if he should give them a burnt offering if he ever made it back to camp.  

Zephyros, as Nico had expected, told him he’d have to “face the god of love.”  Just hearing the words made his stomach drop.  At least Jason tried to be encouraging.  

“Nico, you can do this.  It might be embarrassing, but it’s for the scepter.”

Nico still had a feeling Jason had no idea just how embarrassing this was going to be, but he appreciated the sentiment.  Nico removed a strike from the mental score he was keeping on his questmate. 

Zephyros whisked them away to wherever Eros was hiding and Nico started to shake.  He could sense the god of love nearby, even if he couldn’t see him or hear him yet.  Zephyros rambled about his relationship with Hyacinthus to Jason, who seemed confused (still).  Nico realized that maybe the wind god was merciful after all; he was trying to show Nico it wouldn’t be so bad by testing Jason’s reaction before Nico was forced to reveal himself.  

The fighting began with a strong gust of wind and a booming voice that spouted words that made Nico feel pure shame down to his core.  It was the worst battle Nico had experienced in his life so far-- and that was saying something, as a demigod who had literally been to Tartarus and back (not to mention having fought in the Battle of Manhattan at the ripe old age of 11).  If the invisible arrows being shot at them and getting constantly thrown into blocks of solid marble weren’t enough, the emotional pain Nico felt when an arrow made contact with him officially upgraded the experience from “excruciating” to “actual torture banned by the Geneva Conventions.”  

It was still nothing compared to being forced to admit his crush on Percy.  Nico had never met another demigod who was like him; he had no idea if other demigods like him even existed.  Was it normal?  Would it be accepted?  At least Percy was a conventionally attractive demigod, he reasoned.  He was one of the biggest heroes of their time and countless girls had crushes on him.  Maybe some boys did, too. 

But Eros wasn’t done.  “Yes, Perseus consumed your heart for a long while.  But he is not the one you currently desire.”

Nico froze.  There was only one person Eros could possibly be talking about, but Nico wasn’t even sure what his feelings towards this other demigod even were.  They were too complicated, too confusing, and much too new.   

“I gave you what you wanted! There’s nobody else I love.” He protested.

Eros slammed him into another marble pillar and Nico felt a rib fracture.  “LIES!” 

“I don’t love him.” He grunted through the pain. “I don’t know how I feel!”

He heard a smooth chuckle from off to his left.  “So you admit you might have some feelings towards him?”

“Yes! No! I don’t know!”  Nico was turning his head in circles trying to pinpoint the god’s location.  Jason was off to the side doing the same thing.  

“Leave him alone, Cupid! He already confessed.”

The disembodied voice laughed.  “Oh, Jason Grace.  Be thankful that you are not my target today.  The things I could make you confess to.”

Jason looked like he was going to be sick.  Nico thought that was weird, but he decided to turn the attention back to him and just get this nightmare over with. 

“Fine! I’ll play your stupid game. It’s Leo. I like Leo Valdez.”  Defeat and weariness colored his voice. 

As he said it, he felt the air kick up around him.  The scent of burning wood enveloped him as memories flooded his mind.  How he noticed the eccentric boy when he first came to camp, and how people seemed to avoid him the same way they avoided Nico.  Wondering with distant curiosity what his story was every time he’d notice how his shoulders slumped when he thought nobody was watching.  The time Leo led him to the laundry room on the ship while he sang something under his breath, a small bounce in his step; watching Leo from off to the side as he fixed the ship with dramatic flair; Leo asking Nico to “test his latest recipe” after he baked butterscotch cookies for the crew the day after Nico came aboard.  Leo, who was wild and intelligent and so stubborn that he refused to let Nico push him away no matter how much he tried.  

He felt the air still as Eros finally stopped circling them and appeared.  “Now you’ve given me what I’ve asked for.”  He had a cruel gloating expression on his face, his blood red eyes mocking Nico.  “Love only matters so long as it’s alive.”

Nico slumped to the ground.  Jason must hate him; Leo was his best friend.  He couldn’t even stand to look him in the eyes yet.  

The whole ordeal went beyond his ability to process pain.  He was physically, mentally, and emotionally worn out.  He wasn’t just embarrassed, he felt entirely exposed.  Jason had tried to reassure him that he saw him no differently, that he wasn’t alone, but it didn’t matter.  He was already looping through potential scenarios of what would happen when the others learned what he was.  Would they laugh in his face? Kick him off the ship?

“Nico, don’t worry about the others finding out.  If they do, you’d just have that many more people supporting you. They won’t judge you.”  Jason said, as if reading his mind.

Nico grabbed him by the sleeve.  “Don’t.” It was the first word he had said aloud since defeating Eros.  “Don’t tell them.” Nico stared at Jason with desperation.  

Jason nodded.  “I won’t.”  His jaw was set in determination.  Even though they weren’t close, Nico was inclined to trust Jason.  He had no other choice than to trust him, really.  

Jason asked if he could grab him so they could fly back to the ship, and when Nico gave a small nod they took off.

The way you're killing me is perfect / Stare until it makes me blind

Leo found Nico in the cargo hold.  

He sighed when he saw the way the boy was curled up sitting in the corner.  “Nico, I’m sorry.  You can have my room back.  Just stop with all this martyr bullshit, you need a real bed way more than I do and you know it.”

Leo got a little bit closer.  Nico’s eyes were vacant: there was no shred of recognition or even annoyance at Leo’s presence.  He was staring off into space like he hadn’t even heard him.  

“...Nico?” 

Still, no response.  Leo hesitantly went up to him to place himself within his line of view so there wasn’t a repeat of yesterday’s incident.  He tried again when he was directly in front of him.  

“Nico.” He tried to say it more forcefully this time.  If Nico heard him, he gave no indication.  

Leo started to freak out.  He ran upstairs to the cabins and started knocking on Jason’s door.  Then he remembered Jason was on watch and sprinted up to the deck.  

“Jason!” He said, out of breath.  “Jason, something’s wrong.”

Jason whipped his head around. “What’s up?”   Piper, who was also on watch with him, looked confused.  

“It’s about Nico.”

Jason’s whole demeanor suddenly changed.  His face went from his chill-but-aware baseline expression to dead serious in an instant.  Leo thought that was weird, since he knew Jason and Nico weren’t particularly close.  He mostly went to Jason because he was Leo’s best friend and a reliable guy he knew he could trust.  He also knew Jason had been the only other one on the quest with Nico earlier that day, and a gut feeling told him whatever was going on with Nico was related to that. 

“Show me.”  It was all he needed to say before Leo was leading him down to the lower level of the ship.  Piper stayed on deck and Leo made a note to send somebody else up on their way down so she wouldn’t be alone on watch, just in case something happened.  Buddy system and all that.   

They arrived at the cargo hold to find Nico in the same spot Leo had left him.  

“He won’t respond to anything I say or do.  It’s like he’s in a catatonic state or something. What the hell happened while you guys were up there?” 

Jason paused for a bit, his eyes moving between Leo and Nico.  “It’s not my place to tell, but it was painful for him.  Possibly more painful than what he went through in… in the jar.”  Jason knelt down next to Nico and tried to talk to him. 

He spoke in a gentle tone that Leo rarely heard him use.  “Nico, it’s me, Jason.  We’re really worried about you.  If you can hear me, please say something.” 

Despite his present attempts to comfort Nico, Leo almost wanted to strangle Jason.  More painful than slowly suffocating to death, but he was just left alone immediately after to deal with it by himself?  Exactly what fresh torture did Nico go through?  And why didn’t Jason stop it if he was right there?  

“Nico,” Jason continued in an even softer voice.  “I promise you, this doesn’t change a thing. You are not broken.  It gets easier.” 

Nico didn’t respond, but a single tear slid down the side of his face. 

Leo wasn’t sure if what Jason was saying was related to what had happened up there, but if it was any indication of what Nico might be feeling at the moment, he could sympathize.  Nico had seemed defensive when Leo had implied that he liked being alone; he realized now that his initial sense of the son of Hades being just as lonely as him was probably closer to the truth.  He never knew loneliness could get this bad, though. 

He wouldn’t stand for it.  He and Nico might have had their rough patches, but he wasn’t going to let him go through this alone.  Since he knew nobody else on the ship was currently able (or would be willing) to stay with him, Leo would have to step in. 

“I’ll be right back— stay right here,” Leo said to Jason. 

“Where are you going?” Jason asked, but Leo was already halfway up the ladder. 

A few minutes later, Leo returned with the pillow and blanket from his cabin.  “Since he’s not responsive and figuring out how to get him up the ladder would be a nightmare, we’re going to have a sleepover instead.”  

Jason looked at Leo quizzically.  “We?” 

Leo rolled his eyes. “Me and Nico.  I’d say feel free to join, but someone has to be on watch duty.” 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

“Jason, he shouldn’t be alone right now.” He gave his friend a stern look.  “Besides, we’re right next to the engine room, and I usually sleep there, anyway.” 

Leo arranged the pillow behind Nico, who was still sitting on the floor with his arms around his bunched up knees.  He then draped the comforter over the front of him, making sure it covered both sides.  He spoke to Nico as he tucked him in, quiet enough so that Jason probably couldn’t hear.  Probably.  

“I know you’re not too happy with me right now, death angel, but your sister just finished watch duty and I’m not waking her up.  So that leaves you with me.  But don’t worry, I’ll be all the way on the other side of the room.  You won’t even know I’m here.”

Once Leo thought Nico looked as comfortable as he could be without forcing him to lie down, Leo shooed Jason away.  

“I got this.  Go back to the deck where you left your lady all alone.”

Jason’s eyes went between Leo and Nico a few times before he nodded and left the cargo hold. 

Prey on my spirit 'til you come alive

Leo woke with a feeling of dread.  He couldn’t remember what his dream was; it was as if the raw feeling of being deeply unsettled had woken him up on its own.  It took him a few seconds to get his bearings.  He realized he was in the cargo hold and not the engine room.  It took him a few more seconds to remember why he was there, which is when he noticed Nico a few feet away from him writhing in pain on the floor, dark waves of what looked like smoke coiling off of him. 

Leo shot up to try and wake Nico, but when he reached out to touch him, one of the smoky shadows landed on his hand and he was hit with unimaginable grief.  It almost made him forget the task at hand and break down in tears.  But he pushed through and was able to grab Nico’s shoulder, jostling him until his eyes opened.  

When Nico woke up, the two stared at each other in silence for a bit, Leo hovering over him.  Leo was pretty sure that Nico knew what he had experienced by touching him, and it looked like he was going through a series of complicated emotions around the realization.  Leo broke the silence softly, his voice just above a whisper. 

“Look, I don’t know what you went through today, but I can tell it was pretty bad.”  Nico didn’t reply, he just kept staring at Leo.    

Leo wasn’t sure what to do in this situation.  He thought about what he would like if it was him going through whatever Nico was dealing with.  An idea came to him.  It was crazy, but offering couldn’t hurt (unless it totally backfired and caused Nico to attack him).  

“Can I … give you a hug?”

Nico’s eyes jumped a little bit, and Leo was glad to see that he was at least reacting to what he was saying.  Then, Nico gave the smallest nod in response to Leo’s question. 

It was awkward at first, Leo not sure how to wrap his arms around the boy who was laying down and rigid with stress. Eventually he settled with one arm behind his shoulders and one arm over his torso, hugging from a side angle.  Leo gently pulled Nico closer to him, trying to provide some comfort.  Being on the hard floor of the cargo room didn’t make what he was attempting any easier.  Nico stayed tense for a while, like his body didn’t trust the hug.  After some time, Leo noticed him start to drift back to sleep, and his body started to relax a little.  Leo took that as a good sign and allowed himself to fall back asleep as well. 

When they woke the next morning, Leo was still wrapped around Nico, but he was surprised to find that in his sleep Nico had reached out and wrapped his arms around Leo as well.  Nico was cold, but Leo always ran hot, so he was actually feeling pretty comfortable.  He did feel slightly awkward and was more than a little worried about Nico freaking out on him when he woke up and saw their predicament.  Despite this, Leo didn’t pull away.  He knew, at the back of his mind, that he should probably get up and start working on the ship, but he didn’t really feel like doing that.  He wasn’t even sure how to extract himself from Nico’s hug without waking him up, anyway. 

His dilemma was solved when Nico shifted and slowly opened his eyes.  As soon as he realized the situation they were in, Nico jumped up and landed on the other side of the room, startled.  

Leo hurriedly got to his feet and threw his hands up in defense.  “Don’t attack me!” He wasn’t sure how much Nico remembered from last night, so he thought he should explain. “Last night you had a nightmare, so I asked if I could give you a hug…” he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his face heat up.  Now that he said it in the light of day he realized how cringey and lame it sounded.  “You said it was ok, well actually, you nodded, but yeah…”

“I know that, Valdez, but why didn’t you let go?”  His voice was hoarse from not speaking yesterday. 

Leo wasn’t sure how to answer.  He actually wasn’t sure himself why he hadn’t let go, he supposed the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Uh, I don’t know? We just sorta fell asleep.”

Nico scowled.  

“Look man, it doesn’t have to be weird!” He put his hands back up in case Nico decided to strike.  “It seemed like a good idea at the time, I thought it might help. But it really doesn’t have to be weird. Like, Piper and I cuddle during movie nights all the time.”

Nico’s stare hardened.  “That’s different.” 

“I mean, I guess, but not really.” Leo shrugged. “Sure, Pipes and I are a lot closer, but we’re still just friends.”

Nico started breathing heavier.  He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.  “No, Leo, that’s not what I meant.” 

“…uh, enlighten me?” 

Nico dropped his hand and looked up, determination in his eyes as he stared Leo down.  “It’s different because… I. Like. Boys.”  He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath.  

“Oh. I mean, that’s fine.”  Leo could tell that it had been difficult for Nico to admit that.  He wasn’t sure if he should add what he was about to say next, because he didn’t know if it would make Nico more uncomfortable about the cuddling, but on the off-chance it would help him feel less alone he decided to go for it.  “I do too. Like boys, I mean.” His eyes darted around as he said it, coming back to meet Nico’s as he finished his sentence. 

Nico’s eyebrows lifted and Leo was worried he had freaked him out.  He tried backpedaling. “Not that I was trying to come onto you or anything! I don’t want you to get the wrong idea or think I’m a creep or anything like that, like those were not my intentions, I was seriously just trying to help—“

Nico stared at Leo while he rambled, cutting him off when he decided he had heard enough.  “Leo. I get it.”  

Leo sighed with relief. “Phew. Ok, good.” 

Nico nodded slowly.  “So, you… like boys?” 

Leo nodded in return. “Uh, yeah. Hope that’s ok.” He let out a nervous laugh. 

And then Nico did something unexpected.  He smirked, one corner of his mouth curving upward. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was the closest thing to it that Leo had ever seen on his face.  

“Yeah, it’s ok. Can I ask who else knows?” 

“Really just Piper and Jason.  Actually, I guess I technically never told Jason, since that memory of me coming out to him at wilderness camp didn’t really happen.  But I’m pretty sure he knows, or at least suspects.  Or maybe Piper told him by now.” 

Nico nodded. “Jason was the first person to find out about me.  At least, the first to know for sure.  I think my father and Persephone have their suspicions, but I haven’t told them anything.” 

Leo was surprised.  He didn’t realize Nico and Jason were that close, but then he thought back to the way Jason had come running last night when he mentioned Nico needing help.  And the way Nico said “find out” made Leo wonder about the circumstances around him coming out to Jason.

“He was pretty freaked out last night when you weren’t responding to anything.”  

Nico looked at the floor.  “To be honest, I didn’t trust him at first.  But he’s a good person.  I still haven’t thanked him for what he did for me yesterday…” 

Leo felt a pang of sympathy.  He still was unclear of the details of yesterday’s quest, but he knew it had something to do with why Nico and Jason suddenly seemed to understand each other.  Leo had to admit he felt a little bit jealous.  Weirdly, though, he wasn’t sure if he was jealous of Nico for potentially replacing him as Jason’s number one GBF (gay best friend), or if he was jealous of Jason for being able to get past Nico’s hard shell in one day when Leo had been trying to do that for weeks.  

“How are you doing now?” He asked Nico.  

Nico stared at the ceiling while he considered the question.  “Better, I think.”  His chin tilted back down so he could meet Leo’s eyes again.  “Thank you.”

Hydrate my fire 'til it smolders out

Now that they had opened up to each other, Nico felt a lot more comfortable around Leo.  When they bumped into each other in the kitchen he’d give Leo a shy smile.  He helped Leo repair the mast that used to be his favorite spot on the ship. When they had watch duty together, they’d communicate from either ends of the deck with walkie talkies.  Despite everything (see: terrifying death quest, escaping literal hell, and his two biggest heroes currently being stuck in said literal hell), Nico found himself having fun.  

He noticed he had started to gravitate toward the engine room in his free time, where he knew Leo was almost always guaranteed to be.  Sometimes, he wouldn’t even say anything; he’d just sit there in silence, watching the other demigod while he worked.

“Dios mio!” Leo exclaimed one day when he eventually looked up from his work and noticed Nico.  “How long have you been here?”

Nico shrugged.  “Hard to say. You work fast.” 

Leo seemed to flush a little, but it could have been the reflection of the molten substance running through the engine.  

“Well, Mr. Don’t-Stare-At-Me-While-I’m-Doing-Laundry, you sure are a hypocrite.” 

Nico scoffed, but he wasn’t really mad.  They had gotten used to ribbing each other over the past few days, and Nico knew it was all in good fun.  With faux-pretentiousness he replied:  “Excuse me for enjoying a good view.”

One of Leo’s eyebrows arched in surprise.  He was silent for a bit, his face going through various expressions which told Nico he was thinking too much.  Nico was worried that maybe he had gone too far, that Leo wouldn’t take what he had said in jest.  Slowly, Leo’s face gave way to a tiny smile, easing some of Nico’s fears.

“Wanna get a closer look?” He asked Nico.  His expression was so different from the usual goofy grin he wore, Nico had to wonder what was up.  He nodded and Leo scooted over to make room for him.  

“Right now I’m just tightening the magma channels, ‘cuz sometimes the pipes get loose.  The magma acts as a coolant, in a weird, backwards way.  It actually pulls heat away from the engine, ‘cuz the stuff—which is just melted down celestial bronze with a splash of high fructose corn syrup— wants to stay liquid.”

Nico felt like he was witnessing something important.  He got the sense that Leo wasn’t offering up this knowledge to just anyone on the ship.  The fact that he was trusting Nico with this information, plus this being something Leo obviously cared about very much made Nico feel fuzzy, like his head was full of soft wool.  

The golden liquid flowing beneath them reflected onto Leo’s cheeks, giving him a glow.  Nico turned to face him fully and suddenly realized how close their faces were.  Leo was staring into his eyes, flecks of amber in his irises catching the light.  They started to lean into each other subconsciously, the space between them slowly shrinking.  Nico realized what was happening and felt his heart rate spike.  Before he could psych himself out and back out, he closed the rest of the gap and pressed his lips to Leo’s.

The kiss was soft and gentle. He could sense Leo’s hesitation before he leaned into it.  When he did lean into the kiss, it was with a steady, controlled pressure. 

They pulled away and Nico swore he had never seen Leo so still and calm.  He was staring at Nico with pupils blown so wide they nearly covered his irises completely.  

“Can we do that again?” He whispered, and Nico nodded. 

Leo shifted them a little further from the exposed magma pipe.  He carefully reached up with both hands to hold Nico’s face and then pulled it towards him gently.  This time, the kiss was deeper.  He could tell Leo had been holding back on the first kiss and was now allowing himself to give in a little more.  

When they broke apart again, Nico spoke first. 

“Woah.”  

“Good woah, or bad woah?” Leo asked hesitantly.  

“Good. Definitely good.” 

Leo’s face broke out into a huge grin at that.  “Good.” 

They continued making out in the engine room, falling away from reality and into each other.  Every movement was slow and gentle-- much different than Nico had expected from the usually chaotic boy (not that he had thought about it before).  But despite the softness, there was a real intensity beneath it.  The way Leo went between squeezing Nico’s shoulders to laying his hot palms flat against his back made Nico dizzy with dopamine.  When Nico brought his hands to Leo’s thick curls, he felt the kiss deepen.  Little things, like Leo tracing his jaw with his thumb and pulling their lips apart every so often to give Nico small pecks on the cheek, gave him butterflies.  

It was absolutely thrilling.  Nico had never kissed anyone before, but he found that he enjoyed kissing Leo very much.  They laid down side by side on the floor once they were tired out.  They hadn’t been paying attention to the time, and he realized they were lucky that nobody had walked in on them. 

Leo had one arm loosely around Nico, who traced his fingers over Leo’s other arm. 

“You ok?”  Leo asked after a little while of them sitting in comfortable silence.

“Yeah,” Nico smiled minutely.  “I am.”

They agreed to keep things casual between them.  They were on the same page: this was just a fling, it didn’t have to mean anything.  They were only there to share each other’s company, to listen to the other talk about their recent excursion or vent about the rest of the crew’s antics.  A kiss here, a cuddle there-- it was all just a part of being friends with benefits.  And they definitely agreed on keeping it hidden from the rest of the crew.

That last stipulation was tricky, but it was fortunate that almost nobody ever visited the engine room.  The only time anyone went near there was when they were looking for Leo, but Leo installed a rudimentary alarm system that notified them if somebody was within rough shouting distance.  It allowed for just enough time for Nico to hide if someone was approaching.  

Getting to Leo’s room required a bit more planning, but they spaced out their entrances enough to make it not suspicious.  Nico would arrive first and tap a message in Morse code on one of the pipes that connected Leo’s room and the engine room, which would indicate if he saw anybody and who they were.  Technically, Nico could have shadow traveled there, but Leo told him it was a bad idea to overextend himself so soon after getting out of the jar.  

“I’m not worth that much trouble, but I appreciate you willing to risk your life for me, oh angel of death.  Very romantic.”  Leo wiggled his eyebrows as Nico rolled his eyes.  

“I’m just worried about someone seeing us.  I mean, there’s Hedge, for one.  He’d totally blow his cool if he found out about what we’re doing. And I don’t even know how the rest of the crew feels about…”

He trailed off, leaving the rest of his sentence implied.  Leo gently held his chin as he replied.  

“Hey, I get it.  But for the record, I don’t think they’d give us trouble.  I mean, we know Jason’s a fierce ally, and Hazel might be extremely confused at first, but at the end of the day she’s your sister and she’d probably just want you to be happy being yourself.  Frank, well, Frank is Frank.  Who knows what goes on in his head? And Piper is literally bi, so yeah. That’s a solid 3 out of 4, not counting the goat.”

Nico snuggled closer to the warmer demigod.  “You’re right.  It still scares me, though,” he said into Leo’s shoulder.  

Leo squeezed him a little tighter. “Yeah, I know.” He paused to look at the boy who had his face buried in his arm. “Crazy to think anything scares you though. I mean, you can summon skeleton armies. Your sword is scary as shit, and you know how to use it. You’re the freaking prince of the underworld.  And you’ve been to literal hell and back.  If anyone was going to bully you for being gay, they’d not only be an asshole, they’d also be a total idiot.” 

Nico pulled away from Leo’s shoulder to look at him with a worried expression. “You know I don’t like it when I have to fight demigods.”

“Well, yeah, obviously.  I just mean you’re a total badass and if people don’t see that, they’re dumb.  Also, you’re terrifying.” 

“I know.” He smiled faintly before laying his head back down on Leo. 

Can't fight the feeling this is meaningless

Leo couldn’t help but notice the way Nico looked at Percy when he fell out of the elevator with Annabeth.  Pain, longing, and obvious love were all over his face.  Out of the corner of his eye, Leo saw him make a desperate attempt to move towards them, but he kept getting intercepted by the fighting.  When he finally reached them and gave Annabeth some ambrosia while he poured nectar on Percy’s wounds, his relief was palpable even from across the cavern.  

Nico had told Leo (while giving him the abbreviated version of what happened with Eros) that he used to have a crush on Percy (completely fair, who didn’t?) but that he had gotten over his crush after going through Tartarus.  Leo had believed him at the time, but watching the scene unfold before him made it hard to not feel at least a little jealous.  Leo knew that Percy was more than just a crush to Nico; he was the demigod that brought him to camp.  However well Leo thought he knew Nico, it didn’t even come close to measuring up to the past that Percy shared with him.  And what he and Nico had was still just a fling, nothing more.  But Leo couldn’t deny that the look Nico gave Percy and not him… it stung a little.  

Three days ago they were in Leo’s bed, cuddling under the fluffy blanket that had been dragged from Leo’s cabin to the cargo hold to the engine room and then back again to his cabin.  Leo smoothed back his hair as Nico burrowed himself into the crook of his neck.  They kept alternating between making out and cuddling, still exploring what this was, figuring out what felt good and what didn’t with the excitement that came with being each other’s firsts.

Two days ago, they were hanging out in the engine room laughing about the habits and quirks of their other crew members.  

“Oh gods, Jason does not have a poker face! Like, he thinks he does, but his eyebrows totally give him away.” 

Nico let out a chuckle.  “You’re right. You’re so right.” He paused to laugh a little more.  “When Eros outed me, Jason’s eyebrows went halfway to his hairline.  Not sure if I was more relieved that he hadn’t clocked me or more shocked at his obliviousness.” 

Leo snorted.  “Yeah, that sounds like him.  But hey, at least it was him there and not Frank. Can you imagine? ‘Uh, what do you mean you like dudes? Like, like like? What does gay mean?’” Leo did a bad impression of Frank while Nico laughed loudly. 

“Oh, come on, Frank’s not that bad.  What do you have against the guy, anyway?”

“Me?! He’s the one who thought I had the hots for your sister and decided to have it out for me! Hey, do you think if I told him I was seeing you he’d finally back off?”

Nico playfully whacked him on the arm.  “Not a chance. If anything, I think he’d be more threatened. ‘My girlfriend’s brother and her ex’s doppelgänger teaming up? Jeepers, I better not mess this up!’” 

Leo cracked up at Nico’s equally terrible Frank impression.  They continued bantering like that until it was time to take over the night watch, where they switched to giggling over walkie talkies. 

Then last night, Nico clung to Leo as he shook from a nightmare.  They had fallen asleep together in Leo’s cabin (again) and the trembling had caused Leo to wake up.  When he realized what was happening, he had woken Nico up and rubbed his back soothingly as he calmed down. 

“Hey, it’s ok. You’re not there anymore.”

Nico relaxed into Leo as he became aware of his surroundings.  

“Thank you,” he mumbled into Leo’s shirt.

Leo planted a gentle kiss on his forehead as he waited for Nico to drift back to sleep. 

Now Leo was here, feeling his heart wrench as Nico overextended himself to shadow travel everyone outside of the Necromanteion.  Feeling it twist again when Nico volunteered to shadow travel the Athena Parthenos back to camp.  Feeling a small piece of it chip away when he wasn’t able to say goodbye to Nico in private before he left with Reyna and the statue.  

Who am I kidding? I can't breathe without

Sailing the rest of the way to Athens without Nico was only a few degrees short of hell.  He hadn’t realized how quickly he had become dependent on the son of Hades.  Now that he was gone, he felt on-edge all the time.  He barely slept, constantly too anxious for his body to shut down.  When he did sleep, he noticed nightmares coming back.  And everywhere he went on the ship made him think of Nico.

It was probably a significant contributing factor in the absolutely batshit plan he had created for himself.  He knew this “plan” was the only way to defeat Gaea, yet he probably wouldn’t have been willing to do something so crazy if he had been sleeping as good as he was a week before.  That, and the idea of possibly having someone to come back to would have really derailed his ability to follow through.  But Nico being away made it easier for him to talk himself into it.  Nobody’s gonna miss me, he’d tell himself. It has to be you, he’d say.  Even still, the lies usually rang hollow to him even in his sleep-deprived state.  He knew Piper and Jason would miss him, and thinking about hurting them stung the most.  At least they had each other; they’d be fine without him eventually. 

It had to be him.  The alternative was Jason dying.  The alternative was the world ending and everyone dying.  

So when they got to Delos, Leo told Frank and Hazel how he was going to stop Gaea.  They were the two demigods who he knew would put up the least amount of resistance, being the only two Romans on the crew besides Jason, so they were all duty and honor bound and respected choices like this.  They had cried, of course, and Frank even gave him a hug.  But in the end they agreed with Leo’s plan. 

Leo found Hazel later to talk with her privately.  “Hey, Hazy.” he greeted. 

She looked up, her eyes still puffy from crying.  “Hey,” she said softly. 

Leo sat down in the desk chair and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I dumped it all on you and Frank. But you know why I couldn’t tell the others.” 

Hazel nodded but didn’t say anything, so he continued with another sigh.

“He would probably be really mad that I’m telling you this, but…” he trailed off, thinking of how to continue.  “If I don’t make it back, I want Nico to know…” he took a deep breath, his throat becoming tight. “Just tell him I said thank you, thanks for making this quest a lot more bearable.  And that I hope he can visit me in the underworld if it all goes south.”  

Hazel looked at Leo with concern and sympathy as fresh tears came to her eyes.  “Oh, Leo,” she said, holding her arms out for a hug. When he landed in her arms, his own tears started to pour out.  “I think you mean a lot to him, too.” She whispered it as she held her crying friend.  

Leo pulled away to look Hazel in the eyes.  “You… know?”

“Leo, you aren’t exactly subtle,” she said with a fond smirk.  “And there were homosexuals in the 1940s, it was just taboo to talk about it out loud.  But we all knew what was what and who was who.” 

In spite of everything, Leo laughed.  “Hazel, you can say ‘gay,’ you know.”  Which Hazel responded to with wide eyes.  Once she got over her surprise, she spoke again.  “I’m just glad he has you.  He was so lonely… I always thought it was because of our father, I had no idea he was… ‘gay.’  But then you started acting weird around him, and I saw him looking happier, lighter, less of a dark aura around him.  It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.” 

Leo smiled. He knew a lot of people saw him as unserious or immature, but his jokes were just his way of coping.  All he really wanted was to make his quest mates feel a little less bogged down by the horrors of their reality. He was glad that he was at least successful in doing that for Nico.  And Nico had definitely helped things feel less heavy for him, too. 

“Thanks, Hazel.  You’ll visit me if I fudge my plan?”

She frowned and whacked him on the arm, mumbling “not funny” as she pulled him in for another hug.  

Executing his plan was more difficult.  Looking Piper and Jason in the eye, telling Festus to drop them, seeing Jason’s panic as he lost his hold of the winds and fell with Piper.  Piper’s look of absolute despair as she went down with him.  Leo had never seen Jason look so afraid and Piper so heartbroken.  He hated himself for it, but it had to be done.  Maybe he’d make it back, and when that happened he could grovel for their forgiveness. 

And I'm assuming that you're worth it / You would never break my heart

Witnessing Leo get blasted out of the sky wrecked Nico.  He hated admitting it to himself, hated knowing that he had let himself get close to someone.  Another person who just had to leave him.  Another person who had let him down.  

He tried not to sulk, he really did.  It’s not like anyone besides Jason had known about Nico’s feelings towards Leo, anyway.  To everyone else Nico’s depression was his baseline state.  

Nico was glad he had Jason to lean on at least.  They grieved Leo together, spending long nights crying in Nico’s cabin or sitting in complete silence staring out at the lake.  Jason would drag Nico to the dining pavilion at mealtimes, and when he couldn’t make it out of his cabin because he wouldn’t stop crying, he’d bring food to him.  

“I feel stupid,” he said to Jason one day, maybe about three weeks after Leo’s death. He had stopped counting the days after the 48 hour “maybe he’ll turn up” period passed.  

“Don’t feel stupid for caring about him, Nico. It’s what makes us human.” 

Nico sighed. “I know. It’s not that. I just feel stupid that I fell for it.”  That I fell for him, Nico thought.  Another person he cared about, dead.  It was like a curse.  He looked up with a sudden fear and anger in his eyes.  “You better not be planning anything like that, Jason Grace, or I swear to Tartarus and back I’ll give you an express pass to the Fields of Punishment.” 

Jason responded by pulling him in for a hug (now only the third currently-alive person allowed to do so). “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.  I need you just as much as you need me right now.” 

Then, one day, Nico noticed Leo’s death felt different.  He knew Leo had never arrived in the underworld, but he tried not to dwell on what that meant (usually, eternal unrest, which thinking about made Nico furious and devastated at the same time).  But then the hologram message arrived.  Seeing Leo’s stupid goofy grin and watching the message blow up unexpectedly was enough to make Nico smile for the first time in weeks.  He tried not to let himself get his hopes up.  He had no idea if Leo even missed him, let alone if he’d be interested in being together when he got back.  

Four months after that, in the middle of winter, Leo finally showed up.  Camp was mostly empty and activities were sporadic instead of following their typical summer schedule.  So when a bronze dragon appeared in the sky and started to land on the shore, all available campers flocked to the beach.

Nico grabbed his sword and ran towards the commotion.  Before anyone else could approach him first, Nico cut through the crowd and aimed right for Leo.  He was fuming, and the other campers could sense it.  They parted for him before he even needed to push.  

Leo saw Nico approaching and briefly lit up, his expression dimming as he noticed Nico’s mood.  When he was finally close enough, Nico drew his sword and pointed it at Leo’s throat.  He knew the whole camp was watching.  He knew this made him look even crazier than they already thought he was.  He didn’t care. 

“Where do you get off,” his voice was low, but he spoke slowly and enunciated each word clearly, “leaving like that with no warning, and only sending one note? You were gone for six months. Jason and I were sick, Leo. We thought you died.” 

Leo sputtered, his eyes apologetic but the words not coming to him.  Then, he seemed to have realized something, because a small smile slowly spread across his face. 

“Missed you too, angel.”

Nico felt himself flush at the nickname in spite of himself.  “How do I know it’s even you?  How do I know you’re really him and not a monster?” His eyes narrowed, sword still stuck between them. 

Leo thought for a moment.  His eyes had a glint to them when an answer came to him.  “When you needed an extra set of clothes on the Argo II, I gave you a navy blue t-shirt because it was the closest thing I had to black, and my red boxers because they were the least stretched out pair I had.”

Nico’s eyebrows raised in surprise.  He had no idea Leo had put that much thought into his clothes that day.  It was as good as any other proof would be.  He lowered his sword and pulled Leo into a dramatic kiss, who yelped before melting into it.  

When they pulled away from each other, Nico heard the sound of applause.  He turned beet red remembering that they were still on the beach in front of the whole camp.  Leo, however, looked thrilled.  

“So, ‘keeping it casual,’ huh?” He grinned.  “Does this mean I’m finally out of the friendzone?”

Nico just rolled his eyes and pulled him in for another kiss, this time not caring that they had an audience.

The way you're killing me is perfect / Bleed me out and leave no scar

When they were finally able to make it through the crowd cheering for Leo’s arrival, Nico growled in his ear.

“We’re going to my cabin.  Now.” 

His tone made it clear that this was not up for debate.  Even still, Leo tried:

“Um, don’t you think Chiron--”

“Not. Negotiable.” Nico snapped back, dragging Leo with him.  

They made it to Cabin 13, and not a moment after the door closed behind them Nico had slammed Leo up against the wall and was pressing their mouths together aggressively.

Once he had gotten over his initial shock, Leo kissed him back with matched enthusiasm.  He hadn’t seen this side of Nico on the Argo II, but he figured being back at his full strength (and suffering from Leo withdrawals) had given him some extra courage.  He liked it.  He liked it a lot.  

“Nico… gods,” Leo breathed between kisses.  “I don’t know where… this is coming from.” He had to pause as Nico bit his lip, making him gasp. “But gods it’s hot.” 

Nico didn’t respond (at least, not with words).  He kept attacking Leo with his mouth, biting his lips and jaw and neck and shoulders.  Of all the “welcome back” gifts Leo could have expected to get, this one was far better than he ever imagined.  

“Nico…” Leo felt hands up his back.  Then nails digging into his shoulder blades, all the while Nico kept nipping at the skin on his face and neck.  He was biting him hard, definitely hard enough to leave marks, and likely even breaking the skin in some spots.  Leo didn’t mind.  In fact, he more than didn’t mind-- he was totally into it.  

But then Leo felt something wet on his face, too high up to be Nico’s mouth.  And that’s when he noticed the shaking: full-body trembles that Leo could tell were not from excitement, but from pain, fear, exhaustion-- maybe all three at once. 

“Hey, hey,” He pulled Nico’s face off of him.  “What’s wrong, angel?”

“You- you left me.”  He spat it out bitterly, but tears pooled in his eyes.  “You left me and I hate you for it, but I still- I still love you, but I want to hurt you.  I want to hurt you so much because you hurt me.” He fell onto Leo’s shoulder and squeezed him in the tightest hug Leo had ever gotten.  

“Oh, angel.” Leo pulled his crying boyfriend into his arms.  Despite his words, he knew Nico didn’t want to do any real damage.  If his heart was in it, Leo would already be halfway across the Styx, asking Charon if he could get special underworld privileges for dying at the hand of a son of Hades.  

Leo rubbed circles on Nico’s back as he worked on his apology.  “I’m so, so sorry.  But I knew I’d come back. I had a plan.”  

“That’s not what you told Hazel.”

Oh, right. 

“She told me what you said,” Nico sniffled, but his tone was still seething with anger.  “‘Tell him I hope he can visit.’ You didn’t know you were going to come back.  Why are you lying to me?”

It was clear that Nico’s heart was breaking, and the knowledge that Leo was the one responsible was enough to break his own.  He gently pulled Nico up from his shoulder so he could look him in the eyes.  “You’re right.  I didn’t know.  I’m sorry, Nico.  I really am.  But I had to do it.  I knew I was the only one who had any shot of making it back alive.  If it wasn’t me, it would’ve been Jason.  Or Percy.”

Fresh tears welled in Nico’s eyes.  “I don’t care.  They didn’t- they don’t-”  Nico hiccuped, which Leo would have thought was cute if he wasn’t so sad.  “You’re an asshole. I should have known you never cared about me, stupid ‘no attachments’ bullshit, you were just using me--”

“Hey, woah, hey.”  Leo took Nico’s face in his hands.  “You came up with that ‘no strings attached’ rule, remember? And,” he softened his voice, “I do care.  I always did.  I just didn’t want to get my hopes up…” 

Nico’s face was a mix of confusion and anguish.  Leo hated himself for causing him so much pain.  

“Nico, please, I’m so sorry, let me make it up to you--”

He was cut off by a watery, one-syllable chuckle from Nico. 

“I never told you what he said, did I?”

Leo wasn’t sure what had gotten Nico to change the subject so abruptly, or who “he” was, but he let his boyfriend continue with a shake of his head. 

“Eros.  When Jason and I had to get the scepter.  He forced me to out myself; I told him I liked Percy.” Nico shook his head, looking at the floor.  “But that wasn’t everything.  He made me confess my feelings for you, in front of Jason, who I swore was going to kill me.”  He sighed.  “I told him I didn’t love you.  That I was confused.” Nico picked his head up to look Leo in the eyes.  “It was true then.  I didn’t love you.  But now…” he trailed off, shaking his head again in disbelief.  

Oh. Shit. 

“Nico…”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” He snapped, words short and angry like they had been a few minutes ago.  Like he hadn’t just poured his heart out. 

“But what if I do?”

That same look of pained confusion was across Nico’s face again.  Leo gently cupped his cheeks and guided their lips together.  The kiss was soft, barely there.  When it was over, Leo kept their faces close and whispered.

“I love you.”

Nico let out a sob and clung tighter to Leo. 

“I love you. I’m sorry. I won’t leave again. I love you.” 

Leo kept repeating it over and over while Nico cried.  Eventually he walked them over to the bed where he brought them both down gently.  

They fell asleep holding each other, Leo mentally swearing on the Styx that he’d never let go.