Chapter Text
Yuuri Katsuki likes to visit the beach.
When his thoughts sometimes become too much to handle, or when sleep just doesn't arrive for him at night, he climbs down the hill that Hasetsu castle rests on and goes to sit by the ocean, letting the fresh air fill his lungs and silence his mind. Most people nowadays lived wary of the ocean, and one would assume he'd be no exception, but here in his hometown overlooking the Sea of Japan, he found it to be the only thing he found safety in.
Tonight is one of those nights where he just can't get himself to relax no matter what he does, so he dons his coat and scarf and braces the cold December air. The cloudy sky glows orange from the few remaining lights reflecting off the snow and again against the blanketing clouds. It makes it easier to navigate through the empty streets, past the sleepy houses and businesses and down to the shoreline.
On his right, he passes the old skating rink where he and Yuuko used to hang out. Sometimes, on nights that are particularly bad, he still visits that rink and skates until he's too exhausted to worry. At that exact rink countless years ago, he watched a kaiju get taken down by the Russian Jaeger Luna Crusade.
He never fails to surprise me, Yuuri thinks. Ever since I first saw his fighting, it's been an unending chain of surprises.
Russia's Victor Nikiforov was the best of the best, unsurpassable by anybody except his own copilot. It was Yuuko who first started gushing about him.
"He's only eighteen years old, but his team has brought down ten kaijus singlehandedly! That's more than anybody in history!" she would preach as she, Yuuri, and Takeshi watched recaps of the battle on the battered TV set in the locker room. The pilots were still in their drivesuits while they were swarmed with reporters from across the globe, and Victor removed his helmet to reveal a cascade of long, silvery hair. Yuuko swooned. "He's so cool!"
Takeshi rolled his eyes. "Calm down, Yuuko. He's too old for you."
Yuuko whirled around to him. "Nuh-uh, only two years! Yuuri-kun's two years younger than me and he still likes me!"
Yuuri flushed. "N-not true!" he sputtered. Takeshi howled with laughter. She was right right, though. Yuuri did think she was cute. Who wouldn't, though? He was certain Takeshi did, too. He didn't say anything else, however, for at the moment he only had eyes for the Russian pilot. Is it true he's only eighteen? His reflexes were unbelievable. Even outside of the cockpit, he moved with such a fluid grace that nobody could take their eyes off of him. He winked into a camera, and Yuuko collapsed. His hair is incredible.
"I'd love to pilot a Jaeger," Yuuri had decided that day.
Four years later, he and Yuuko both walked up the stone walkway to the recruiting office of the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps.
"Takeshi-kun says he's not going to be a pilot," Yuuko had lamented to him on the phone that night. "He says he's going to school to be an engineer."
"That's okay, then," Yuuri replied, "it'll be you and me then. We'll be copilots. Takeshi-kun will stay behind at the Shatterdome, waiting to fix up our Jaeger. Somebody's gotta stay out of danger."
"A Jaeger of our very own..." she breathed. "Just think. We could fight alongside Victor Nikiforov."
"We could..." Yuuri sighed. Four years' worth of posters coated his walls, promo posters for Jaegers and their pilots. A few were from various other countries, but most were just for one Jaeger: Luna Crusade. He idolized her. No, he just idolized Victor. When he heard he had adopted a pet poodle, Yuuri did the same, even going as far as to name it after him. Takeshi-kun had laughed, but Yuuko found it endearing. He didn't mind. Fighting in the same battles as Victor and his Jaeger had been the dream since the very beginning, and now he was once step closer to achieving that. Victor had lots of fans around the world, that much was obvious. But none are like me, Yuuri thought, Someday, I'm going to surpass him.
He and Yuuko arrived at basic training, inexperienced and scared. But together, they became an unstoppable force. Their shared childhood made for seamless Drifting, and soon they began to rise through the ranks. What Yuuri lacked in fortitude, Yuuko more than made up with in stability. What she lacked in agility, he made up in stamina. After just a year as cadets, they were called down to the Marshal's office.
"Genesis Victory," she had said, leading them into the hangar gawking. "I want her to be yours."
A Jaeger of our very own.
Genesis Victory was massive, almost eighty meters tall, painted a sleek glossy black with silver detailing around the sides and mechanical joints. Her emblem, a sword cutting through ice, was emblazed across her shoulders and chest in spectacular chrome. Neither of the cadets said it out loud, but they thought in tandem: Like the ocean floor. Like a cold night sky. She's a force of nature. She's ours.
Engineers buzzed around at her fingertips, sparks flying and machinery whirring. "She's almost completed; they're just finessing some of the final details and then she's all set for test runs. What do you say?"
They couldn't even say anything. They just nodded furiously. The Marshal grinned fiercely.
Their first drop was in response to a Category 2 off the coast of Mito in Ibaraki. As they hustled into their custom black drivesuits, Yuuko poked at Yuuri. "I can sense your nerves from across the room, Yuuri. We're ready for this. Don't worry."
Yuuri shrugged, but he loosened only a little bit. Yuuko turned to him. "Hey." She gripped his hand tight. "We can do this. We were chosen for this mission. This is what we've worked for." Her eyes caught a dark fire, and she smirked. "This is just gonna be the beginning, right? Let's go make history."
She was right. Together they set the new record for most kaiju kills in a short period of time, surpassing the old record set by Luna Crusade. They became unstoppable, and the world came to know the name of Genesis Victory and her prodigious Rangers. When the pressure piled high, they rose even higher. When the risk was too great, the greatest team in Japan took it anyway. A couple of heroes, that's what they were. Young and hopeful, they were destined for nothing but glory.
Yuuri sighs, walking down the planked pathway to the shore. Where did it all go wrong?
He knows exactly where it went wrong. He thinks about it every day. The drop, the battle, the kaiju, the glint of pale moonlight against the waves, the panic, the memory, Yuuko--
Ah, he catches himself there. He's supposed to come out here exactly to avoid thinking.
The sky may be bright, but the ocean isn't. It seems to swallow all the light given off by the clouds, creating an empty black sheen extending as far as he could see. If he was on the other side of Japan, back in Tokyo, he would wonder what was lying underneath waiting to pounce. He'd think about how to fight back, and then it would escalate into worrying about how to win the seemingly unwinnable war.
He leans on the railing, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Those days are gone, anyway. He doesn't fight anymore.
When a set of footsteps approaches, he doesn't pay them any mind. Nor when they stop just a few meters away from him, and nor when the person who owns them speaks out with a "Lovely night, isn't it?"
He hums in absentminded agreement, and the footsteps move even closer. They speak again.
"Yuuri."
He cracks open his eyes, taking a look at the figure on his left. It's a woman, slender and tall in build, whose long designer coat suggests she is of some importance. Glancing up, he notices her long brown hair peeking out from her scarf, and the single small mole underneath her left eye, which squints into a smile as Yuuri studies her. His eyes widen, and he notices the small gold pin on her lapel displaying the logo for the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps. It's then he finally recognizes her.
She's the Marshal of the Tokyo Shatterdome.
He snaps upright to attention, staggering. An old habit. How is she here?!
He chokes. "M-Minako-sa--"
"Would you care for something to eat?" she interrupts with a smile.
--
The two of them sit in a cozy restaurant, the only one open this late at night, with two steaming bowls of katsudon in front of them. Minako digs right in, Yuuri more hesitant.
"It's been a while, Yuuri. How's the family?" she chatters, chopsticks scraping against the bowl.
Yuuri looks down at his bowl, then across at Minako, who's put her bowl down in exchange for a glass of wine. "Family's great."
"Great, huh?" She puts down the glass. Yuuri hums.
"You know, last time I was here you promise you'd show me around. Why don't we do that this time?" She stirs her bowl of rice.
"It's almost two in the morning, Minako-san."
She stills. "R-Right."
Yuuri has no clue why she's here. Frankly, he's a little annoyed. It's the middle of the night, what's she trying to accomplish here? Here, in his own hometown, where he's supposed to live out the rest of his days in peace, unbothered by anybody or anything from his past. Sure, they're old friends, but visiting now seems a little unconventional when they haven't spoken in so long. And when they parted on such bad terms. He prods his katsudon, disgruntled.
Minako picks at the last remaining grains of rice in her bowl. "I've forgotten how good this was!" She wipes a stray grain from her cheek. "They don't make it this good in Tokyo." She gulps from her glass of wine then looks across at Yuuri, nose crinkled. "You're awfully quiet."
Yuuri pokes more at the bowl of katsudon. "I wasn't really expecting to run in to anyone tonight," he mumbled. Least of all my old Marshal, he thought.
"But aren't you glad? It's been so long since we've spoken, I was starting to get a little worried. You're back to ice skating again, I've heard?"
"Why are you even here?" he blurts. Then he reels, surprised at his own sharpness. "Sorry, I-I didn't mean to snap--"
Minako chuckles fondly into her wine. "You haven't changed a bit." She leans across to him. "Yuuri, you've been completely untouchable. Everyone's instructed not to contact you, and that's for good reason. But really, you're almost like a son to me. It broke my heart when you left, broke Yuuko's too. You haven't called once, or wrote, or even given a smoke signal, Yuuri," she places her hand over her heart, feigning hurt, "is that any way to treat your mother?"
Yuuri grins. He has to admit, Minako is one of his favorite people from the base. They both were new to the Shatterdome at around the same time; when Yuuri first got assigned to Genesis with Yuuko she had only been Marshal for two months. She was the youngest Tokyo's ever had, one of the youngest in the world as well, and Yuuri could tell the job was hard on her. They helped each other through in that regard. Yuuri relaxes. "I guess I could've sent a few messages."
They both turn back to their meals, the tension defused. Yuuri takes a bite from his katsudon. Between swallows, he pipes up. "How is Yuuko?"
Minako smiles, finally getting Yuuri to participate. "Better than ever. She's walking just fine with that new prosthetic. She even went climbing on her honeymoon with Takeshi-kun. She's not one to give up easy." She pauses. Dishes clatter in the kitchen. "She wishes you were still there."
Yuuri shifts in his seat. So that's what this surprise meeting was really about. He thought so. He sets his chopsticks down.
"Yuuri--"
"No."
"She doesn't blame you."
"I can't go back."
"We need you," she pleads. "We're down to just three bases globally, with only one or two Jaeger teams in each. We're losing the war." Deep creases furrow themselves in her forehead, and Yuuri realizes this is the first time he's seen her so distraught. "You're a talented Ranger. We have some promising rookies who just enlisted, but they need someone to inspire them. You're the only chance we have left."
"I can be inspiring from the comfort of my own home, thank you very much."
"We've been short a team ever since you and Yuuko retired. If we got hit right now, we wouldn't be able to fight back."
"We retired for a reason. Yuuko has her leg, obviously, and I'm simply not mentally fit for it." Yuuri chokes. "I thought I've proved that already."
"You've proved nothing except your prowess as a Ranger. You were the top team in Japan, don't forget that. Everybody makes mistakes."
"An easy mistake wouldn't have hurt as many people as I did. If I got back in the cockpit, I don't know what..." His voice wavers, leaving the thought unfinished. He sighs. "I won't even have a copilot."
"We can find you one. We have this new kid, fresh from training, like seventeen years old. He idolizes you, you two would hit it off great."
He groans. "Minako--"
"Yuuri." She grabs his hand. "I may not have been Marshal for as long as some others but I know talent when I see it, and damn it Yuuri, you're one of the best we've ever had. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think we were really running out of options." Her voice cracks. "We're losing."
Yuuri looks at her. Now, in this light, he can see the dark rings taking form underneath her normally luminous eyes. She's paled. Yuuri's heart sinks with guilt; this past year must've been hell for her. What exactly has it been like since he left? Does he even know who the current strike team is at the base? Oh God, do they even have a strike team? Could she be right, that Yuuri really was the only hope they had left? If a kaiju struck off the coast of Tokyo tomorrow, would there be anything there to stop it? What's going to happen to all the people, the homes, the country, the families--oh God, he needs to protect his family, what are they going to do--
He sucks in a deep breath. His pulse is racing, and he feels it up in his head. He's not supposed to be thinking about this, not when there's nothing he can do anymore. It's just going to destroy him.
He doesn't fight anymore.
"I'm sorry, Minako," he chokes, "but I can't."
She looks at him, for a second or two, blankly. Finally, she releases his hand and leans back in her seat, blinking away air. She sniffs. "I'm sorry to hear that, Yuuri." She reaches around into her bag, pulling out two neatly folded bills and placing them on the table. "This should cover the meal." She stands up, knocking her empty wine goblet onto the tablecloth. "If there's anything at all we can do for you, just let us know." She straightens her coat and her scarf. "I apologize for interrupting you tonight." She strides to the door.
But before she exits, she halts. Her hand shakes on the door handle. "If you do change your mind..." she wavers, "...please. Don't hesitate to call." She glances back over her shoulder, eyes puffy. "The world needs brave people, now more than ever. Anyone that's willing to die for their world is welcome in one of my Jaegers."
Yuuri stares. She turns back around. "Good night, Yuuri." She leaves, and Yuuri's left alone with the icy draft the open door left behind.
--
Back at home, Yuuri stares blankly at his ceiling until gray light peeks through the curtains, reminding him that soon he would have to roll out of his room and face living people. A heavy weight had remained in his gut ever since the meeting with Minako, plaguing him with questions and worries he hasn't thought about for months.
When he first joined the Jaeger program, he was young and healthy. The world was in a golden age of hope and power. He had everything to lose, yet he went anyway. Now, four years later, just look at him. He's... well, still relatively young. Physically, he's in prime condition. Only thing different than four years ago is now he's already lost so much of what's important to him.
Not true. I still have my family, and it's not like Yuuko's dead or anything. He sits up. What else does he really have? Even legends like Victor Nikiforov were being faced with retirement. He's already made himself comfortable with the idea of spending the rest of his life in Hasetsu, tending to the hot springs until he keels over or until one ultimate kaiju finally rampages across Japan and ends everything. What kind of a thought is that? Well, if he's being honest with himself, a realistic one. Minako-san said it herself, they're fighting a losing battle. So that's what I'm going to do, then, just sit around on this island and wait for death while others put themselves at risk? Yes, he's fine with that. Here in Kyushu, he's safe, his family is safe, he's not in the cockpit of a Jaeger and he'll never have to see another Kaiju again. He won't have to put anything or anyone at risk ever again.
He groans, rolling onto his stomach and pressing a pillow into his face. He's a joke, battling with himself like some angsty teen. He used to battle kaijus.
He looks out his window. Last night's clouds have led to this morning's snow. Fat flakes dot themselves against the glass, frosting the exterior and further retreating him into his own mind. A stray cat pounces outside, pawing at the sky, in utter bewilderment as to why the snow evades its grip. It settles on turning its skills against the ground, where maybe its hunting skills will reward it better. It wiggles and jumps into a fresh snow poff.
Yuuri recalls Minako's words from the night earlier. The world needs brave people, now more than ever. Anyone that's willing to die for their world is welcome in one of my Jaegers. Yuuri is willing to die, that much is clear. Does that make him brave?
He looks back at the cat. Or does that just make him bored?
He lifts himself out of bed, noticing how much his arms shake as he does so. Is he scared? Excited? He stands up, wobbling as he waits for his vision to come back from black. Tired? What is it?
At breakfast, he manages to put the thought out of his mind. At the moment, he's just hungry.
He can't figure out what it is he's trying to run away from. The past haunts him, the future taunts him, and the present just insensitively reminds him of where he's ended up. The kaiju don't scare him, but the thought of an apocalypse horrifies him. His friends have their own lives now, and they seem to have retained their hope and moved on in much healthier ways than Yuuri. His spirit wants to fight, but his mind wants nothing more than to curl away from it all and never face it again. He pounds his face into his hands. He wants to scream. He's restless.
Whatever it is he's running from, he can't run forever. Because despite everything that's happened, he truly, desperately misses being a Ranger.
One week later, he finally makes up his mind.
--
Outside the office of Marshal Okukawa, Kenjirou Minami sits with his arms crossed and his leg bouncing. He's only been this close to Minako-san's office once, when he and the other new recruits were given the official grand tour of the Shatterdome. Only a few were ever allowed inside, mostly higher-ups and any Jaeger team she was responsible for pairing or disbanding. Today, Kenjirou was the latter.
He hears footsteps echo down the metal hall, and turns to look. It's Phichit-kun. He catches Kenjirou's eye, then smiles a greeting and speeds up his pace as much as he can without causing any raucous noise. "I stopped by your room on the way here, I didn't think you'd be here already."
Kenjirou lowers his arms. "Guess I'm just a little bit nervous," he laughs. He had every right to be. At just seventeen and twenty, he and Phichit were about to become Japan's newest and youngest Jaeger team.
Phichit peeks at his phone, then frowns. "She's late. Is she in there?"
"I think so. I could hear somebody at least."
Phichit tiptoes to the door, examining its frame. He scans up and down the hall, raises a finger to Kenjirou, and places his ear against the door. "Yup, she's in there. She just poured herself another glass of something."
Kenjirou's jaw drops. "Are you serious--" Phichit raises another finger at him, leaning more into the door. "Phichit-kun--"
"Shh."
Kenjirou moves to stand by him by the door. "Are you really eavesdropping on the Marshal?" he breathes through gritted teeth.
Phichit puts the finger to his lips. "Shh. Yes. Be quiet, I think her phone just rang."
"Oh my god Phichit--"
He was right. They can both hear Minako start talking.
"Hello, this is Minako Okukawa." She's quiet. Nobody moves.
"...Yes? Who is this?" Phichit holds his breath.
"...Oh my god. Really? Yuuri-kun? Yuuri, is that you?!" Kenjirou's eyes widen. Does she mean Yuuri Katsuki?
"So you thought about--yes--yes, uh-huh, I know--yes, of course we do, Yuuri, don't be ridiculous--don't worry about a thing, Yuuri, thank god--" Something slams onto her desk. She starts yelling jubilantly. "Yes! Yes! Yuuri, I can't thank you enough, oh my god--hey, don't tell me to calm down! Listen--" She stops for a second, longer than before, probably listening to Yuuri. "Alright. I understand. Yuuri, thank you so much--"
Another pause. She squeals. "I'll see you soon." She hangs up the phone, then cheers. "YES!" A chair screeches, and the two pilots sit agape as they hear Minako jump around her office, jubilant cheers unceasing. Phichit raises his eyebrows. The jumps circle around the desk once, twice, then out away from it and then towards the hall--
The two of them have just enough sense to jump out of the way before the office door slams open.
"Somebody get me a helicopter to Hasetsu!"
--
"Welcome back, everyone, to our ten o'clock broadcast, I'm your host tonight. Highlighting this hour we have some top news about retired Japanese Jaeger pilot Yuuri Katsuki, who's rumored to have just come out of retirement. Katya is our correspondent in Tokyo tonight; Katya, what do you have to say about this?"
"Thank you. There's not much to say here, actually, everything is kept under maximum security here at the Shatterdome and it's hard to tell when Katsuki arrived, if he's even arrived yet. There's still no confirmation as to why exactly he chose to come out of retirement, but despite all the speculation, everybody agrees without a doubt this will do wonders of help for Japan's Jaeger program."
"Thank you, Katya. Yuuri Katsuki retired from the program almost a year ago, after a Drifting malfunction in the middle of a drop resulted in the injury of his copilot. The increasing frequency of incidents akin to that could be partially responsible for the sudden defunding of many Shatterdomes across the globe. Katya, do we know what Marshal Okukawa has planned for Katsuki, and if he has a copilot waiting for him?"
"Unfortunately, since there's been no press release from the Marshal yet, we can only guess as to what lies in the future. However, it's highly unlikely for him to have secured a copilot at this point. His old Jaeger Genesis Victory has been in storage for the greater part of the year, and not only does it serve a reminder of his past, it's a grave prediction of what could happen to Russia's own Jaeger Luna Crusade. After his copilot retired just last month, some are urging Victor Nikiforov to retire as well, and there's even been some talk of disbandin--"
The man watching the broadcast silences the television with a scoff and a click. "Like hell," he mumbles.
He picks up his phone, dialing a number with smooth, fluid strokes.
"Hi, Yakov? Somebody get me a plane to Tokyo."