Chapter Text
“Aequa.” I take a deep, deep breath, steadying myself for what will come. “I have something I need to talk about with you. It is… important.”
She shifts herself, taking care of her wrapped, broken shoulder on the settee as she looks into my eyes, really looks with those blue eyes of hers. They look almost purple in the orange light of sunset streaming in through the window. “Yes, Vis?” She murmurs softly.
I know telling her the truth, the reality of my past is risky, an unreasonable gamble and wholly unnecessary, but… I’m just so tired of it all. Hiding who I really am from people I have grown inextricably close to. Watching as they died —or came near to it, not knowing who I really was.
I remember Callidus, a person I genuinely considered my best friend, a bright soul and someone I had camaraderie with. I remember all those moments talking, eating, jesting with him, unknowingly turning him into one of the closest people I had ever known in the Catenan Republic. And I remember failing, failing to tell him who I really was that fateful day at the Iudicium.
He had later died not ever knowing who I was or where I really came from.
And almost so did Aequa.
She is as close to me as a friend as Callidus was, I realize. Close as a friend, and perhaps something other than that. Maybe more than a friend, now that I think about it. But I want to deal with that later. What I know for certain is, I trust her. Trust her enough to possibly entrust her with my deepest secret. The one that I hide with all my being.
Our lives can be fleeting, and our ends utterly unpredictable, and everything that has happened to me over the years has shown exactly that. Decimus showed me that in the brief moments he held my friend at death’s edge. So I want… before anything happens to Aequa, for her to know who I am. Who I was.
I sit next to her, taking her hand for comfort; both mine and hers.
“Aequa.” I whisper, taking her name in again. “Do you know how much I trust you? How much I-” My voice cracks. “-I have wanted to tell you something?”
Her brow furrows. “I trust you, Vis. With my life.” She smiles. “And I hope you trust me just as much. But what did you want to tell me?”
I find myself stroking my thumb along Aequa’s hand. The motion comforts me enough to keep going. “You know how I say my parents died in an accident?” I softly say. “That I am an orphan from Letens? One who got adopted by Ulciscor later on?”
She cocks her head, observing me. “Are you… not?” She finally asks.
“My parents did die. It’s true.” I say carefully. “But… I have been lying to you, to all of Caten about… well, almost everything, Aequa.” I gulp. “I am not what I claimed to be. I am not where I say I’m from. I’m not even named what I call myself.”
Aequa is watching me with rapt attention, searching my eyes as I go on. Strangely, and to my slight elation, she seems… not offended. Not even mad. Curious, you could say. Understanding. Even supportive. But she looks sad. “Then what- who even are you, Vis?” It comes out barely audible.
I suck my breath in. There’s no going back after this.
“Diago.” My voice is equally faint. “My name is Diago, Aequa.”
“Diago.” She replies, feeling the name in her mouth. “The name you gave the alupi.”
I nod sadly. “That name reminds me of who I was, Aequa. The name given by my parents. The one I discarded to blend in in the Republic.”
“And your parents…?”
I squeeze Aequa’s hands tight, not wanting to let go of them. “I was Prince of Suus.” I say, not able to tear my eyes from hers. “Son of Cristoval. My parents ruled Suus, and I had sisters. An older and a younger.“ I swallow down a heavy lump in my throat. “None of them survived the Catenan attack.”
I expect Aequa to tear her hands and eyes away from mine, shift further, put distance between us. Because I have just revealed to her what I really am. A liar, a deceiver, someone with a certain vendetta against the Catenan Republic, her nation. Someone she never expected me to be.
But that’s not what happens.
A few seconds, and I feel Aequa’s forehead nuzzle mine. Her raven-black hair is silky soft against my skin. “I am so sorry, Vis.” Then she is pulling me in for a full hug and putting her chin on my shoulder. “I- I didn’t know that was what happened to you.”
I hesitate at first, not willing to believe what Aequa is doing. How could she still comfort me this way? Then I’m hugging her back, and far more fiercely. The tears that I hadn’t noticed were in my eyes before now spill out freely as I squeeze my close friend tight. It feels good to have her close. I don’t want to let go.
And yet, slowly but surely, we have to let go. Aequa pulls away from the hug, and I immediately miss the warmth and comfort as I reluctantly do the same. “Gods, V- Diago.” She mutters, seeing the state of my cheeks. To my shock, her hands come up to wipe the tears away. An odd feeling flutters in my stomach, alongside embarrassment that she’s seeing me this way. “You have been holding this in so long.”
I inhale deeply and nod, trying to get my emotions in control. “I did… And I never thought I’d ever tell this to anyone.” I look her in the eye again. “I almost told Callidus, Aequa. Thought of spilling everything I was to him at the Iudicium. And then he died. I never got the chance, because I took my gods-damned time with him. One of the best guys I ever knew.”
I shake my head. “And now I find myself in the same situation with you. You are one of the most trustworthy people I have in this godsdamned Republic, Aequa. And then… And then, you almost died. Just like Callidus, I almost lost my chance to tell you.” I clench my fists. “Even if you might view me worse than before.”
Aequa frowns. “Why would I view you worse for it?”
There is still the darker half of what I haven’t told her. Something not as palatable to tell her as my Suusian origin. Aequa might distance herself from me, perhaps even turn me in after learning what I will say next. But I meant everything I just said. I can’t let a mere moment slip by without telling her the full truth of myself.
I gather the courage to look her in the eye as I say: “I have been helping the Anguis, Aequa.”