Chapter Text
2006,October 3
That day was the first time I hated someone. I hated that he took my mother from me and tore this family apart. It was supposed to be a happy day, a new addition to the family. I know it's not his fault but I can't help but blame him. He was, unintentionally or not, the reason we don't have a mother anymore. Ry cares for him now, he's practically his mother, and I hate that, it's not fair I should be the one with a mom, not him. I wanted to punch something.
I'm sitting outside on a bench and I'm all alone. I'm not used to being alone. Usually Ryland is always around me or I'm with friends from school, but it seems that they are always off with someone else. Whether it be my friends off with their crushes or Ry taking care of Lars.
I start walking back to my house. I decided to go straight to the back yard. I climb into the tree house that me and Ry use to share. I thought about maybe taking Lars up, maybe if he stops hogging all of Ry's attention. I try to busy myself but nothing seems to keep me occupied. Which is weird, I'm usually never bored. I'm supposed to be the one to cure boredom; if feels like ever since Lars was born everything has been backwards and I can't make sense of it.
I climb down the tree house and walk to my room. I'm tired and just want my head to stop. I look for my favorite blanket, a cool blue one. It's kinda small and doesn't fully cover me but it's ok because Ry and mom worked together to make it for me. Best birthday gift ever,don't let Ryland hear that. As I search my room I can't seem to find it. Then I hear some babbling.
I walk out of my room and look around and hear it again, it seems to be coming from Ryland's room. I open his door and Lars is there. Sitting in his booster seat. With MY blanket.
“What the hell”
“Language”, Ry scolded behind me.
“Why did you give Lars my blanket, you know how much it means to me”
“Because it a baby blanket and Lars is a baby, get over it”
“Get Over It”
“Yes, Lars is a baby and needs all the help he can get and can you keep my voice down”
“No because I want my blanket”
“Colt, Shut the Hell up”, dad screamed from his chair.
“Colt please when Lars I can make you another if it means that much to you”
“Promise?”
“I promise”
I head back to my room and lock the door. I flop onto my bed and cover myself with a normal blanket. I still feel cold. The only thing keeping me warm is the promise, not even the new blanket.
2006,October 13
Lars was put into my lap before dad ran out of the hospital. He's very cute. His brown hair was a stark contrast to a family full of blondes, he also was persistent on staying close to my chest. I pick up Lars and carry to our house. I have no idea on how to raise a baby, but I swear on everything I will raise him feeling loved and cared for.
It's been about 3 days since then and nothing has been easy. I had to somehow convince the store owner to let me buy baby food, dippers, and a hundred other necessities. I also had to find out how to cook because dad only buys ingredients, but never cooks. Dad hasn't been around a lot, he's either out drunk or working, and Colt has been off. Every time I try to introduce him to Lars he has an excuse, or was just leaving for a break. I don't know why he has a weird reaction to Lars. Lars is a good boy, but boy is he quite sometimes I wish he was a bit louder so I knew where he was.
I heard a loud shattering coming from the living room. I ran over, dad had gained a very bad drink problem after mom's death. I arrived in the living room, searching for Lars. I tried to look for broken glass, blood, something that would indicate a fight,but Lars was just sitting in his booster seat.
“Lars thank God your ok”, I screeched
“Shut Up”, Dad screamed from his chair in the living room.
I look around and see a bottle shattered a few inches from Lars.
“Dad what the hell”, I yelled at him
“What”, he sounded pissed.
“He wouldn't stop screaming”
“Doesn't give you the right to abuse him”
I'll do whatever I want with my own goddamn kids”
“Not if you'll hurting them”
A slap strikes my face, painting it red. Dad has never hit me before. Said only bad parents did it. He's yelling some more, but I can't hear him, I don't need to. I know what the rest of my life is going to be like. I'm gonna have to hide everything from him. The only thing he is now, is a problem in the way of me, Lars. …and Colt.