Chapter Text
Personally I am not the type to open up about my feelings.
Never had, never will.
As long as my mind could remember, I have been putting up this act.I've lost myself and there is truly no turning point anymore.
Shota thinks he has cracked my persona,but even that is an act (although a different one).
I will just be a burden in his, already, hard life if I opened up and he saw who or what I truly was hiding behind everything.
This is not a path I want to follow in this life.
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From a very, very young age I was taught one simple thing.
REAL.MAN.DO.NOT.CRY.
Specifically, showing any strong emotions in that sense was a form of weakness.
I remember, getting smacked in the face so hard ones because I accidentally activated my quark from crying to my parents about something trivial, can't remember exactly what tho... That's not the point.
As time passed I learned how to behave inside my house like I wasn't there. The truth is I was always there.
I didn't have friends.
Because of that I developed many unhealthy copping mechanisms.
I didn't have more than 1 proper meal in a single day for most of my middle school years. In elementary school things are quite foggy to be honest but it was worse.
At the age of 12 I also realized I had an unexplained burst of anger , needless to say, I needed to find a way to control it. So that's when , through unrestricted internet access, I found out about deferent forms of self harm. I know it's not something to be proud of, but it's my story.
I started simple by just using my nails to control my emotions. But the feeling didn't last long and barely helped me with anything .
So one year later at the age of 13, I remember it clearly, on a particularly bad day I did my first cut. The euphoria I felt after was like nothing I had ever experienced.
It got worse.
Time passed and before I knew it I was the age that you select your highschool. I chose to go to UA. I don't know why, I can't explain that decision to be honest, maybe it was my will wanting to prove I was worth something or just child stupidity.
I got in...
I expected it to be honest, I have a powerful quark.
Voice.
I hate it. Even if it's something that completes me, it has destroyed me too.
People are afraid of quarks like mine. Too powerful. Too distractive.
I was, actually one of the first kids that manifested their quarks at birth.
I destroyed my parents that day.
My mom became 87% beff on one ear and int the other 96%. My dad around 50% in both ears.
That was all my fault.
UA was a fresh start for me. There were people that also had powerful quarks like mine so it was a bit easier to fit in.
My first friend's name was Odoro.
He was very welcoming and the best part, he didn't know me...
Present mic was created when I realized I should try changing myself for UA.
People didn't want a "selfharming unabletoeatapropermeal" freak as their hero. They needed someone like Mic who could make them laugh at any given time.
That day it was shield, Hizashi Yamada would never be seen by anyone ever again.
It's been more than 15 years since that day, and I want to believe that it's still something true.