Work Text:
it was like the universe had said, maxine, you're sleeping so well for once—almost too well, because she woke up with a start, the room barely illuminated at the crack of dawn.
the first thing she noticed was the piles of blankets, stuffed animals, and plushies stacked up like a mountain range around her. the next thing she noticed was that the that wasn't all that was on the bed.
it only took half of a moment for max to become distinctly aware of xander hawthorne's head buried in the crook of her neck. his afro tickled the underside of her chin, and she willed herself not to move with strength she didn't even know she had. not a stuffed animal, then.
she also realized that his arm was resting on her waist. her bare waist. in one abrupt motion, max sat up in xander's bed, tugging the blanket up to her chest and scanning the room to see their clothes strewn across the floor. her consciousness came to her when she'd realized what they'd done.
he'd seen her tattoo, then, and all the other places she'd only shown one other person.
max's breaths came heavier now. she needed to leave, to get out of here, to forget that she'd ever let her guard down. it's xander, her brain insisted. he wouldn't do anything. but max didn't know if she could trust her brain anymore.
she slipped out from xander's hold, grabbing one of his many blankets and wrapping it around herself. it only took a minute for her to locate and put on her undergarments, as they were on the floor next to the bed, but her shirt and sweatpants seemed to be evading her on purpose.
max wrestled with the part of her that wanted to let xander sleep and grabbed her phone from the nightstand, turning on its flashlight. the device immediately switched to the brightest setting, making her yelp and scramble to turn the light down.
xander shifted in his bed, flailing the arm that was wrapped around maxine and using his fist to rub his eyes. "fuck, what is that?"
"fuck, maybe if you cared about me more than avery then you wouldn't be acting all pissy now!"
"nothing, nothing," max stammered. "i'm just looking for my clothes and then i'll be out of here."
xander sat up, the blanket falling onto his lap to reveal his abs. "hey," he yawned. "why are you leaving already? is there a matter to be resolved, perchance?"
max didn't acknowledge his humorous tone. "no, i'm fine, i just have to go." she dug into a pile of jellycats and pulled out the shirt she'd been wearing the night before.
"wait, just give me a moment and we can talk." his face took on a seriousness she wasn't used to seeing, and she almost flinched.
max turned away and pulled on her shirt as xander changed into his clothes, but she didn't want to talk about whatever she was doing. whatever she felt. unfortunately, xander seemed to have finished in about twenty-six seconds, initiating the conversation: "are you sure nothing is wrong?"
max nodded absentmindedly, punting an ice-cream squishmallow in search for her sweats. her oversized shirt hung over her thighs like a barrier from her and the rest of the world.
"did you not have fun last night?" max's eyes must have given way to a semblance of emotion, because he quickly amended the statement with, "i meant the room tour and 'go or no go'."
she thought about last night: xander's book ceiling, rube goldberg cactus watering machine, and surprising fondness for romance novels. all before she'd tackled him in a pile of build-a-bears. "that part was fun."
"so was it the…?" xander's eyes were wide with concern, and she so desperately wanted it to be unlike the charades she had seen before.
"yes. no. i just know that…it won't happen again," she forced herself to say. i can't let it happen again.
"i…could you at least tell me why?" xander questioned, stepping over to her and plopping on the edge of the bed so they were less than a foot apart. "i feel like i did something wrong."
did you? max wanted to ask, but she couldn't pummel him with baseless accusations due to her own insecurity. she avoided looking at xander's face, because that would only make her think about how she wished she could do it again. to feel normal again.
"if you don't trust me…" xander motioned to the ledge where the floor above opened to reveal his sunken bedroom. "you can sit there, and i'll sit on the bed, and tell me whatever you need to, and if you feel like you need to leave, you can leave."
he's trying, max thought as she caught notice of her pants and slipped them on. as xander scooted back toward the center of the bed, she climbed up onto the whiteboard floor above, narrowly avoiding a detailed marker sketch of a star-wars-esque robot. her legs dangled over the edge, and the boy she wanted but couldn't looked up at her in tamped-down expectance.
max took a deep breath. "once, there was a girl who was high school junior, who started dating a guy she met at the beginning of the school year. it got serious quickly, with the girl eventually sending the guy photos. stupid, but you know what they say in the movies." xander's whole body went still, as if he could imagine what came next.
"the relationship was secret, as her strict chinese parents would probably have an aneurysm if they got a whiff of what her life was like beyond what she told them. meanwhile, her best friend was busy gaining an inheritance that she hadn't even known she was eligible for, and becoming the richest teenager in the country. what her best friend didn't know was that the lowly high school junior quickly became a target of those who wanted to take advantage of the situation. including her boyfriend, who, on being informed of the news, took her phone and attempted to take screenshots of his girlfriend and her rich best friend's texts. i—i mean, the girl, broke up with him, of course. for which he retaliated by sending the nudes to my parents, and the rest of the school." max blew out a breath, but it came out in a shudder. "i was grounded in every way you can think of, my life practically ruined. and that's it. that's why i can't do this."
it was taking everything maxine liu had to hold it together as xander stood from the bed and reached up to place his hand on her knee. at this angle, max was only a little bit taller than the 6'3 hawthorne, but he didn't make a move to close the distance.
"max. maxine. i'm so, so sorry that happened to you. it's disgusting in every way." his eyes conveyed sincerity that max clung to. and then, he began pacing.
"first of all, invading your privacy like that? even if you let him have access to your phone, he shouldn't have been looking through your private messages. that hurts you and also the person you were talking to—in this case, avery. and i assume that he was going to sell the screenshots to the press?" max closed her eyes and nodded. "i'd hate him already."
"and then, he sends those photos to your parents? knowing how they'd react? if he's trying to punish you for setting boundaries, then he doesn't have morals or basic decency."
max hadn't considered her breaking up with jaxon as setting a boundary—more like an action that was overdramatic and selfish. or maybe that's what he led me to believe?
"and sending it to your whole school? that's the sickening cherry on top. could he have been a worse person?" yes, but max decided saying that wouldn't be appropriate.
xander resumed his original position in front of you. "what i'm trying to say, max, is that you didn't deserve any of it. you didn't deserve punishment for showing vulnerability, for trusting the person you're supposed to trust most. and, i don't want you to see me as someone who would do anything like that, because i would never even dream of hurting anyone, especially you, like that. i know it's going to take time to gain your trust, but—"
a tear slipped from max's eye, and she was quick to brush it away.
"are you okay?" xander asked, searching her face for a clue as to what she was feeling.
max couldn't help herself; she doubled over in laughter, tears coming out faster. "you're perfect," she managed to get out. "how can anyone be so perfect?"
xander grinned, and it felt like light flooding into maxine's body. "i'm glad you're back to your usual jesting self, my fair lady. now, is there anything your lady-ness desires in order to better the quality of your morning?"
maxine tilted her head and pretended to think. "sleep," she decided. "can i…can i sleep here?"
xander nodded. "i'm gonna head out for breakfast, but you can stay as long as you want."
his hands found the sides of her face, and he kissed her forehead as if it was second nature.
"now, excuse me, as i'm currently off to find the sweetest scone in existence."