Work Text:
Uuurrghh....
I didn’t get any sleep last night. I was too busy trying to write a poem. I don’t want to go to school, but I still roll out of bed and get up. I put on my uniform and say goodbye to my parents, while grabbing my jacket on the way out.
As I head to school, I try not to fall asleep. Or at least get too distracted. It’s not a town where cars are often on the road, but there are still some. It’s better to be safer then sorry.
I wonder if Ira will be there today. She kind of has to be, she can’t skip any more days... So instead I wonder what classes she’ll be in. They let her stay, but only under the condition she doesn’t skip school entirely, so instead she skips certain classes now.
I wonder if I’ll see Marina too. I don’t see her much since she’s a grade higher than me and Ira, but sometimes we see her in the hallway. She’s often with some random classmates, though, so we exchange waves half the time and walk off.
Actually, I think they wanted to study with me after school. There go my plans for a nap... I don’t mind, though. I like hanging out with them! Even if it’s just to study, but I’m pretty sure we all need it... Especially Ira. Another condition of her stay was getting her grades up.
I make my way to school. I go to my first class, and sit down in my seat. It’s the same seat as always. I don’t think the teacher will ever change them; despite how much I want to sit next to Ira... Speaking of Ira, I don’t think she’s here yet.
“Hey, Shubina.” Someone says. Ugghh... I could recognize his voice anywhere. It’s Vadim. He hasn’t stopped joking with me since Ira came back, but his jokes are a bit more friendly now. He mainly just asks me for my homework. “Help everyone out.”
He motions for me to give him my homework, and I open to the page.
...
...
...
It’s not done. Shoot! I must’ve forgotten when I was trying to write the poems. Vadim looks at me. He’s probably mad. I would be too, I mean I’ve been helping the class with their homework... God, I’m selfish, I should’ve done it, even if I was tired.
Vadim snickers.
“Didn’t do it? Really?” Vadim says. “Looks like someones rebelling again.”
“Vadim.” Ira cuts through the laughter.
“Looks like the pitbull finally arrived.” Vadim says, and Ira looks at him angrily. “What, gonna throw another chair?”
I give Ira a pleading stare. She looks at me, and we have an entire conversation by just looking at each other. ‘Please,’ I say, and she responds with something like ‘Really?’ She gives me a nod, and walks over.
“Just go away, Vadim. Nobody even likes you.” Ira says, and Vadim rolls his eyes.
“What, are you mad that I was talking to your girlfriend? Didn’t take you for the j—” Vadim backs up as Ira grabs a book and almost hits him. “Freak.”
Ira glares at him and he walks away, going to chat with his other friends. “What were they bothering you about now?”
“Ah... I forgot to do my homework, I was busy, but I should’ve ta—” I say, but I’m cut off.
“I finished some of it. Here, let me—” Ira leans in close and fills out some of the problems.
I can hear the start of a slur, but the bell rings, and we all sit down. The teacher checks all of our homework, walking past me, assuming I have it done. I feel a little bad, but less knowing Ira helped.
...Actually, that makes me feel worse. Ira shouldn’t have had to help me. I should’ve done it, and gotten in trouble. She shouldn’t have helped me. The teacher begins to talk, and I don’t listen. Sorry.
The universe gave me Ira, and I wonder if I’m taking it for granted by thinking all this. If the universe gave me Ira, then it meant for her to help me here. Okay. That was nice of the universe. Thank you. Thank you!
The universe is so nice to a spoiled brat like me. I appreciate it, so much. I’ll never be grateful enough for it. I can only try my hardest, but it will never be enough. But I hope the universe doesn’t mind. Ah... That’d make it kinder. How does it manage to be that kind?
I want to be as kind as the universe. It’s hard, but maybe if I try hard enough, I can be. I hope to be. I think some people are as kind as the universe. Like Marina, or Ira. How Marina always tries to make people feel better, even though the disease messed with her emotions, and how Ira always defends me, and brings lunch to her mom... I want to be as kind as them, because they’re as kind as the universe.
I stare at window, and notice my eyes feeling heavy. Shoot... I can’t fall asleep in class! But, my body is betraying me... My eyes drift closed, and I begin to fall sleep.
...
Ah... Class is over. I stand up, and head over to Ira. It’s become our routine to walk to class together. We usually see Marina in the hallway.
“Someone's tired,” Ira remarks.
“I didn’t get any sleep last night...” I say, watching as Ira grabs her stuff.
“Why?” Ira says, as she begins to walk out, and I follow her.
“I was busy writing a poem.” I say.
“Oh.” Ira says as we walk. “Can I read it later? I really like your poems.”
I feel my face turn red.
“Ah—Sure!” I smile. I’m glad someone finds my writing nice. Sometimes, I can’t even find it nice. I feel like I can’t write anything nice. Maybe it’s because I can’t put my thoughts into words. I think my newest poem is okay, at best. It’s about the universe. Nothing can capture how great the universe is, really—
“Heeelllloooo?” Marina stands in front of me and Ira. I don’t know how long we’ve been standing there.
“Sorry! I think I was lost in thought...” I respond.
“Are you sure? It looks like to me, you were asleep.” Marina says. Was I?
“Oh—Sorry, sorry! I didn’t sleep at all...” I say.
“So, are we still on for tonight, or are ya too tired?” Marina ruffles my hair.
“Yeah! I should be fine.” I say, as Ira moves Marina’s hand off my head.
“You’re gonna mess up her hair.” Ira says. I didn’t mind that much, but it is true... Every time I talk to Marina, I usually have to fix my hair afterwards. Actually, they both do it!”
“Don’t act like you don’t do it!” Marina says.
“You guys both mess up my hair.” I fix my hair.
The bell rings, and Marina quickly starts to run.
“OKAY SEE YOU LATER MEET YOU AT THE GATES BYE!” She yells as she runs off.
“...Let’s go to class.” Ira says, as she drags me to our next class. Her hand is warm and gentle. I wish I could hold it forever.
We arrive at the next class too quickly. The rest of the day passes in a blur. I’m asleep for most of the day, I think. None of the teachers commented on it. Is that what I get for always doing good in class? I feel like I exploited their trust. I do that a lot, don’t I...?
I go to the gate, and Marina is already there. We’re only waiting for Ira. As I approach the gate, Marina waves.
“Hi Asya!” Marina says.
“Hi Marina!” I walk over.
“Don’t worry, I think I took most of the snowballs already.” Marina groaned. “Seriously, when will Vadim make them stop...?”
“Hopefully soon! I mean, winter is coming to its end, is it not?” I say.
“Then they’ll probably move to rocks.” Marina rolls her eyes, and I giggle.
I see Ira approach us.
“Hey Ira!” Marina waves.
“Hi Ira!” I watch as she approaches.
“Hey.” She says.
“C’mon, let’s go! I’m cold...” Marina says, grabbing both our hands and dragging us. She grabs both of our hands with the same hand, and all of our hands touch. It’s amazing... Both their hands are soft, and Marinas are cold, while Iras are a little warm. I wonder what they’re thinking. I wonder what we’re going to study. We never talked about that. I think Marina just wanted to hang out, but make it seem like we’re doing stuff.
Marina takes us to her house. It doesn’t take long, since the town is pretty small. We quickly run up the stairs, and because Marina doesn’t let go of our hands, me and Ira almost slip. She doesn’t even notice, though. It’s cute...
“Alright, we’re here!” Marina says, letting go of us and opening the door. Her house isn’t very warm, but it’s warmer than outside. We hang our jackets up, and head to Marinas room. She puts her math book on her desk, and opens it before turning to us.
“...You just wanted to hang out, didn’t you?” Ira says.
“You just came to hang out, didn’t you?” Marina mocks. “Aww, I bet you just wanted to hang out with two cute girls? That’s totally why she came, isn’t it Asya?”
Ira looks away as I giggle.
“Just study.” Ira sighs and opens her book, but she’s obviously not studying.
Marina starts complaining, as I open my textbook. I hear Marina and Ira argue, and I know they’re just being silly. It makes for good background noise... My eyes slowly drift shut, and I rest my head on my textbook. I’ll sleep, but just for a minute...
———
The next thing I know, I wake up in Marina's bed. Hehe, she’s snoring. Someone in front of me cuddled closely into me. I’m too tired to tell who, but they’re looking at me. I adjust my eyes, and make out the person in front of me. It’s... IT’S IRA? I gasp a little, and I feel my face turning red.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” She says, looking away from me. Hehe... she’s so kind. She cares so much about waking me up! She’s so caring.
“Hehe, it’s okay!” I whisper, trying not to wake Marina. I’m smiling. Ira looks back up at me and smiles. Her smile is cute.
...If I’m on the bed, they had to move me. I feel a little bad. I shouldn’t have come if I knew I was probably gonna fall asleep. That was selfish of me. I know that I only really came in hopes that I would fall asleep and something like this would’ve happened.
At least the universe is kind enough to give me this. To give me them. It’s the most comfort I’ve ever felt. The happiest. What could I have done to deserve this? At least in the universe's eyes, I’m just a selfish brat. I asked for this, for Ira, for Marina, I keep asking. Ask ask ask. That’s all I do.
“Asya.” Ira snaps me out of my thoughts. “...Don’t do that self-loathing shit. I can see that you’re doing it.”
I don’t know how she read me so well.
“Sorry...” I say, breaking our eye contact that we’ve been holding for an unknown amount of time.
Ira sighs, “Don’t say sorry. Just go back to sleep.”
Ira snuggles closer to me. I want to say no, but I want to keep being greedy. Because if this is being greedy, I’m okay with being greedy.
“Okay.” I whisper, snuggling into Ira. I can also feel Marina snuggle closer to me.
They’re both cold. I don’t mind. It’s nice enough to have them both next to me. I know we all have school tomorrow, but I don't think any of us care.
My eyes slowly drift closed.