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Loneliness was a gnawing feeling, constantly running in the background of his life. It was something Kevin Day was so used to, that he never thought he’d ever feel it so tangibly again.
Thea’s visit on Friday came as a surprise; the very occasional times they met were usually planned weeks earlier, whenever their hectic schedules allowed.
Kevin Day and Theodora Muldani weren’t the typical college sweethearts that needed quality time together; their passion for Exy, their shared perspectives as elite athletes, and a mutual respect drew them together at the Nest, and it was all they needed from each other.
What wasn’t surprising, much to his regret, were Thea’s final words before returning to Texas.
It was predictable that she would decide to end their relationship, clearly fed up of listening to his “the Foxes this and the Foxes that” endless rambling, and realizing that he only saw her as a recurring obligation and not as a person he wanted to grow with as a couple.
But the predictability of it did not prevent the now acute loneliness, coupled with the unwelcome sense of panic, from taking hold of him.
Thea wasn’t just a woman Kevin admired and cared for; she was exactly what his career needed to dispel any possible rumors about his orientation.
The Ravens' extreme isolation forced them to become a deeply inbred team, where the obvious gender imbalance led them to cross lines that none of them (who firmly identified as heterosexual) would ever admit.
The physical and mental strain resulting from the Master’s demanding standards, his brutal punishments, and the deprivation of practically any form of leisure turned each of the young college students into time bombs on the verge of exploding at any moment. The frustration that wasn’t violently expelled on the court was forced to find release in a more organic outlet; within the walls of the dark dormitories at Red Hall.
Riko held such a twisted view on the matter that no one dared question him. Even after repeatedly saying that queers did not belong on his Perfect Court, most of his hideous punishments seemed intended to satisfy his own sadism rather than contrition.
After all, he was the King of Exy, and his word was law.
Kevin witnessed the cruelty of the Nest in all its forms, and he wasn’t oblivious about what was going on at Red Hall either, despite trying his hardest to avoid it. He didn’t go as far as many of his teammates, and he made sure to be highly discreet. However, the person who kept his secrets wasn’t as good at hiding them.
Until he escaped from Evermore, Kevin couldn't tell if Riko was truly unaware of his fleeting encounters with Jean, but after everything that came to light a couple of years ago, when the Ravens tried to blame Jean for all their misfortunes, he began to suspect that Riko’s cruelty toward Jean may have heightened because of him.
None of that mattered now. He needed to figure out what to do next, now that Thea dumped him: the potential repercussions of their break-up for his reputation, the damage control he’d have to manage when facing the press, and the unpleasant advances of people he had no interest in.
On the other side, his teammates' nosiness was tiresome. Frankly speaking, the Foxes had become a formidable team after finally learning to behave like one, but that also extended to a very personal level.
Even after graduating, the upper classmen tried by every trick to cheer him up, to no avail. They would text him, call him, send him silly pictures or bet on nonsense, as usual. Well, the bets were fun to engage, at least.
He needed some distraction, and the only option he would take besides Exy, was Columbia.
Nicky's energy was, as always, inexhaustible. He babbled nonstop on the way there, and at Eden's Twilight he seemed unable to remain still, downing his shot at once and eagerly motioning toward the center of the place.
“Come on, Queen! There’s no better time than now to get your groove back”, Nicky said, with a cheeky smile. “Sorrows are drowned in alcohol and kicked out on the dance floor.”
Kevin’s options were either to leave with Aaron and the loud backliner, whose yapping drowned out his own -miserable- thoughts, or stay at the booth with his roommates, as their permanent third wheel.
He chose the former, a drink in hand, swaying his head and left foot to the repetitive beat of the bass-heavy electronic music.
On the dance floor, Aaron started moving his body freely to let out some tension, while Nicky scanned around the room, likely searching for a dance partner. When Nicky saw what Kevin was doing, he seemed appalled.
“No way, Kevin! We know you can do better than that. You can even ask someone to join you, unless… you finally give me the honor!”
Nicky let out a laugh and got lost into the music seconds after.
For years, Kevin refused to dance around for others because of the ”welcome” Andrew treated him to when he first joined the Foxes, but now he felt it wasn’t that bad of an idea. After all, he wasn’t too drunk, and it had been a long time since he took any cracker dust or other drugs. And now Andrew was his protector, not his aggressor.
Kevin was relatively safe.
It didn't take long for him to get caught up in the music, taking in the strobe lights flashing over anonymous bodies, the indistinct rumble of voices, and the sweet numbness his vodka shot gave him.
He took another shot.
And yet another.
He lost track of how many he’d had until he realized Aaron was pushing him against the table in their booth, along with the others. When did they move?
Despite his distorted perception of reality, Kevin noticed that Neil Josten was chuckling to himself as he nursed a glass of whiskey. And, judging by how slowly he was blinking, it wasn’t his first. The fastest man he knew, blinking with a slowness that conveyed a total absence of fear. Nothing like the scrawny kid he’d pulled out of Millport three years ago.
By then, Neil was already comfortable with a few drinks, but Kevin had never seen him tipsy or drunk. It was now obvious that he wasn’t as resistant to alcohol as one might have thought.
“Andrew, let me teach him how to dance,” Kevin heard Nicky's plea, though Neil just kept shaking his head.
“Why you ask me?”, Andrew spat as he came back from the bar with a tray of perfectly arranged shots. “Do you see him glued to me?”
“You know what I meannn!”.
“Neil is right in front of you”, Andrew signaled Neil with a gesture of his head and gave a bored stare at Nicky, his tone vacant as usual. “You know it’s rude to talk about someone as if they weren’t here, Nicky. Were your parents that bad at raising you?”
Nicky’s expression darkened for a moment, but within seconds the bright smile returned to his face, and he grabbed the redhead’s arm with excitement.
“C’mon Neil, I’ll teach you how to dance. You’ve been coming here for years and you just peek from a distance. That’s not how it’s done!
“I'm fine with just watching”, Neil rebuked.
“Well, if you learn some moves we may finally have Andrew accompanying us to the dance floor too.”
Neil shook his head in tight denial.
“That will never happen. Andrew can't dance.”
Nicky raised an eyebrow.
“You seriously think one of my cousins can't dance? Ha!” Nicky crossed his arms over his chest, pretentiously, and stared at Neil. “He can dance. He just won't because he’s Andrew.”
Neil furrowed when he turned his head at Andrew, who sipped from his glass of whiskey with no expression at all, neither denying nor confirming the statements.
The striker downed his whiskey in one gulp and addressed Nicky, “Show me then. From what I can see, dancing is like any other sport, just without rackets or balls.”
“No rackets, nope. But balls?”, Nicky asked, giving a mischievous shrug.
“It won’t kill you to stop being disgusting for five minutes,” Aaron growled at his cousin.
Nicky ignored Aaron and continued to grab Neil’s interest, “I mean, yeah, dancing is a sport, there are even tournaments for different types of dance, and— wait, are you seriously going to try?! I’m going to need a camera.”
“Then forget it.”
“Okay, no cameras! Start moving before you regret it.”
“I’m so going to regret this,” Neil muttered before walking off with Nicky, Aaron about to follow them, but not before turning to his twin.
“You sure you don’t want a picture?” he asked Andrew, but he didn’t bother to look at him; his shots seemed far more interesting than anything Aaron could say.
Used to his brother's attitude, Aaron set off and disappeared into the crowd, leaving the table in complete silence.
“You should go too,” Andrew said, after a long silence. “Your thoughts are too loud.”
“Can you hear my thoughts?” Kevin sneered. He surprised himself when he noticed his tongue was heavy and his words came out slurred.
“Get up”. Andrew ordered.
As he stood, Kevin instantly felt the effects of losing himself in alcohol once again. He would have to work up a sweat to shake some of the dizziness off .
What he didn’t expect was to run into a scene where Neil, of all people, moving his body in a coordinated but eerily stiff attempt to dance, alongside Nicky and Aaron, who was dancing with a pink-haired girl.
Neil seemed so joyful that Kevin almost thought he was delusional from drinking too much. But what his eyes witnessed was sheer reality. He nursed his drink, unable to recall when or where he’d gotten a new one, while lost in thought about the depth of the moment.
To any normal person, it was just a college student dancing with his friends, the most ordinary thing in the world. But not to the Foxes, and certainly not to Neil Josten.
Over time, Neil had broken free from the burden of being Nathaniel Wesninski, and seemed to savor every second of his present with a liveliness and a resolve that Kevin envied. He was well aware that the fear of losing everything in an instant would always be ever-present, because if Ichirou Moriyama felt like it, he could crush him in the blink of an eye.
It wasn’t unusual for Neil’s nightmarish screams to wake Kevin and Andrew in the middle of the night, all three of them had demons that haunted them at night, something they shared, along with the dorm, Exy, and the secrets of their miserable upbringings.
Still, that didn’t diminish the fact that Neil’s transformation was dazzling.
His love for the Foxes, for each and every one of them, overflowed from every fiber of his being. And the way Neil went from being practically a peacemaker among them all, calling them family and supporting them even in the silly things they did, (like a girls’ night in where they used facial treatments and put on makeup just to piss Andrew off), to turn into an unbreakable, menacing wall against the rest of the world was something so mindblowing that Kevin would never fully understand it.
So to see him like this, laughing so carefree and fancy-looking in the same place where he’d been drugged against his will and where he’d let himself be knocked out three years ago, was a little unsettling.
Andrew seemed to enjoy dressing Neil up in black and buying him stylish clothes, and that night’s attire was no exception. Kevin could see just how perfectly the long-sleeved T-shirt fit, highlighting Neil’s muscles in his arms and chest as he tried to mimic the sinuous movement Nicky was teaching him. He wasn’t getting it at all, but that didn’t wipe thesmug look off his face, as if he were about to score a point.
“So you dance, Kevin?” Neil asked in French, glancing over at him.
Shit.
He had been standing still for a while without realizing it. Kevin’s mouth felt completely dry. He drank a mouthful of his vodka and looked away.
“Yeah, I dance,” Kevin replied, half-heartedly resuming the movement of his limbs.
Sure, Neil was objectively attractive, a very useful trait for the marketable star Kevin so eagerly wanted him to be. But did he have to stare at him like an idiot?
What the hell was wrong with him?
Kevin needed to moderate his drinking, certainly now that he had to be conscious about his image.
Perhaps he could invite a girl for a dance. Probably not.
Kevin could be endlessly charming to anyone who approached him out of self-interest, as he knew how to manipulate others thanks to the celebrity status his Master had meticulously crafted for him, getting what he wanted from others in exchange for giving them scraps of what they desired. Yet he never managed to form a proper relationship with other human beings, let alone without Exy involved.
Thea was a Raven, and the few women among the Ravens were more like reckless, powerful creatures than women, having to double their efforts to command respect in a male-dominated team.
Throughout most of his adolescence, he hated himself for not being “normal,” feeling just as lost as he knew Jean was, noticing how his gaze wandered in both directions. Of course, Kevin Day could never dare to think of exploring his possibilities, save for one cruel exception.
“It could be our secret…”
Another sip of dry vodka snapped him out of that forbidden thought.
He should ask some random girl to dance, he might even take her to bed, and, if he was lucky, she’d recognize him and spread the word that she’d slept with the Kevin Day, boosting his reputation. Maybe the future was more liberal, and having secured his place on Exy’s throne, Kevin could use his voice to defend the queers that “the King” so loathed.
But Kevin wasn’t even sure to be a “queer”, after all, was he?
“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin…”, a voice behind his back startled him. “Your brain-wrecking thoughts are so, so loud.”
Kevin turned around. When had Andrew gotten up from the table?
“Will you join us?”, Kevin asked quietly.
“I came to see if you were having a panic attack, but it turns out you were just ogling Neil.”
Kevin rolled his eyes: “He’s making a fool of himself. You should stop him.”
“Didn't know clowns turned you on.”, standing alongside Kevin, Andrew watched the other three dancing a few steps away.
Trying his hardest to act nonchalant, Kevin rolled his eyes again and downed his drink in one gulp. He was about to head to the bar for another one when Andrew sent him a warning look.
“Slow down. Putting up with a wasted queen is nothing new, but a wasted and heartbroken queen is uncharted territory.”
Their “non-conversation” was interrupted by Nicky, who finally noticed them as he lunged toward the twin that wasn’t dancing.
“Andrew, look! I taught Neil a couple of moves,” Nicky said, pointing excitedly at Neil.
“I can’t quite follow the rhythm, but I’m not terrible, am I?” Neil asked Andrew, swaying his shoulders and head in what attempted to be a dance step. “Or are you going to give me a critique?
“It’s more entertaining to watch you clown around,” was the blond’s bored reply.
Neil flashed a smirk, deliberately exaggerating his movements. “Then enjoy it.
There they went again. Neil and Andrew were always flirting, in their own bizarre way. Sometimes they didn’t even bother to pretend in front of him, since Kevin spent so much time with them at the dorms and during night practices. Of course, Kevin assumed they didn't have an intimacy or anything like that, given Andrew's aversion to physical contact, and, mercifully, they didn't kiss in front of him. Because they didn't kiss at all, did they?
Kevin goddamn Day, why the fuck are you thinking about your roommates kissing?
It was time to get another drink, hopefully something stronger than vodka.
Behind him, Neil and Andrew headed for the booth, while Kevin detoured to the bar, where he planned to spend the rest of the night.
When the bartender came over, he ordered a double shot of tequila, and knocked it back in one gulp. Kevin then turned his back to the bar and was a bit surprised to see Andrew and Neil getting quite cozy in their seats. Andrew was, as always, watchful of his surroundings, while Neil was giggling foolishly, running his fingers through Andrew’s hair.
The bar was separated from the booth by several seats and people, yet Kevin managed to notice how Andrew grabbed Neil by the back of his neck and pulled him in, whispering something in his ear before their lips met.
The whole time Kevin had spent in their company, not once he saw any sign of them kissing. In fact, the Foxes had ongoing bets placed on whether Neil and Andrew would kiss or not, and a significant number of them were betting on the second option, Kevin included.
Now, the last thing on his mind was the money he’d lose, when his green eyes caught a kiss so heated that took him aback. Standing where he was, he had a clear view of Neil parting his lips to let Andrew’s tongue slip inside, and of Neil running his hands through Andrew’s ash-blond strands.
Kevin felt his heart racing, and without realizing it, he licked his lips as he watched Neil murmur something before grazing Andrew's chin, jaw, and back to his mouth.
Those were the hungriest kisses he had ever witnessed, and the fact that they came from his teammates, his roommates, made him wonder: when on earth had they found the time to practice eating each other up like that without anyone catching them?
He needed a cold drink, because the wave of heat stirring inside him didn’t seem likely to subside.
Kevin turned around, ordered a Gin Old Fashioned, and took a sip before turning back, forcing himself to look at whatever else but at where his teammates were.
Instinctively, his eyes darted toward Neil and Andrew and Kevin wondered why they had suddenly decided to publicly fool around.
He forced himself to stare at his icy concoction, which did absolutely nothing to cool down the arousal the scene provoked in him.
Upon raising his head, Kevin realized that Andrew had caught him looking. With his hazel eyes fixed on the green ones of his single audience, Andrew deepened the kiss in such a graphic and explicit way that Kevin, concealing his nerves by sipping from his glass, almost choked on it, bittersweet gin slipping from the corner of his lips and dripping onto his chin.
Andrew’s lips glistened wetly as he took Neil’s unrelenting kisses, like they were each other's only source of oxygen.
Kevin couldn’t take it anymore and downed what was left in his glass in one gulp. He needed someone to knock him out, to get him out of there, because watching Neil and Andrew making out like that, had such a hard effect on him.
“That's quite a sight, those two, isn't it?“ The voice behind him made Kevin jump so hard he almost dropped his glass. He turned and saw Roland giving him an amused look as he took in his expression. “I can make you an extra-chilled Daiquiri, just let me know.”
“Why would I want a Daiquiri?”
“I guess you’re feeling hot, man. Your face's all red.”
Kevin suddenly realized his face was burning, and the bartender’s mischievous grin was a sign that he needed to get out of there straight away.
Minutes later, he was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, his hair, face, and neck wet from the faucet water, a fruitless attempt to cool down.
But the agonizing pressure in the crotch of his pants, along with the futility of getting soaked, made him feel guilty. Blushing in front of a stranger was embarrassing, and he deeply wished he could wipe the memory from Andrew and Roland’s minds.
He lost track of time as he paced back and forth in the bathroom until Aaron came to get him, calling out that it was time to go.
They arrived at the house after two in the morning; the cousins went to their respective bedrooms, and Kevin as usual, settled on the couch.
As he arranged the blankets and pillows, Kevin noticed that Neil and Andrew were acting as normal as always, but after witnessing a side of them he hadn’t known before, a thousand thoughts rushed through his mind when he saw them head toward Andrew’s room.
They were definitely going to shut themselves away to let off some steam.
And no doubt, Nicky, in his drunken state, was calling Erik to say good morning.
And Aaron hadn’t stopped texting Katelyn since they set off for the house.
He glanced at the couch and felt overwhelmingly lonely.
The son of Exy didn’t need any calls, texts, or lovers to get what he wanted in life: the perfect game was ahead of all that. But at that very moment, he couldn’t hold back the deep regret that he couldn’t even allow himself an emotional connection without treating it as a career strategy.
Kevin didn’t want to fall in love again; he knew all too well what that entailed, and he was sick of drowning his guilt, longing, and pain in alcohol.
Had he really stopped being in love? Or had he just buried those feelings deep within his soul the moment he fled the Nest?
Giddy from the alcoholic haze, he stretched out on the couch and pulled out his phone, staring at it as if hoping it would give him a clue, an indication. Then he opened a chat that hadn't been active in over a year.
He closed his eyes and recalled Andrew’s hazel gaze, warning him that he was not allowed to look at Neil that way.
Kevin breathed heavily, checking the time. It wasn’t even midnight yet in Los Angeles; maybe...
Another sigh, and his fingers, heavy and trembling, typed out just a couple of words.
“U there?”
The chances of getting a reply were close to zero, but Kevin needed something to pull him out of that miserable spiral of sadness.
“Pathetic,” he thought to himself, quickly regretting ever sending the message.
He knew the recipient would read it, consider whether or not to reply, and choose to ignore it, just as he had done with the last messages Kevin sent him last year.
He didn’t know if it was the alcohol, the despair, or simply the fact that he missed him, but three minutes later he found himself typing the number he knew by heart, the screen lighting up with the name “Jean.”
Surprisingly, the call was picked up after the fourth ring, and a voice with a thick accent came through on the other end of the line.
“Are you in trouble?”
“I’m drunk.”
“How disgracefully typical of you. What is not typical is for you to call me this late.”
For God’s sake, that accent was a weapon Kevin hoped Jean would never learn to use to his advantage.
“You’re right.”
“About?”
“I don’t know. I just took the phone and called you.”
A silence stretched on for almost a minute; only Kevin’s shaky breath and a slight snort from Jean were noticeable.
“I’m not alone, Kevin.” Jean whispered in French.
“Are you busy?” Kevin replied in the same language.
“No, I’m about to go to sleep, but remember that I share a room.”
“With Jeremy? Is he visiting?” Keving asked, interested.
“Do you wish to talk to him?”
“No. I just want you…”
Another silence filled the call; Kevin couldn’t form his words properly, and although he hadn’t meant for it to sound that way, he chose to say nothing more.
“Alcohol affects your sentence structure. You have a drinking problem.”
“Jean…,” Kevin called out meekly.
“Why are you calling at this time, Kevin? I do not believe it is just a drunken impulse.”
“Thea broke up with me.”
The pause was shorter this time, before Jean replied.
“I am sorry. You and Thea were a formidable couple.”
“I… I’m scared.”
“After everything you’ve been through… what could the heir to Exy possibly be afraid of? Thea won’t do anything to you, will she?”
“It’s not Thea… it’s me… You’ve always known what I am.”
Jean tried to stifle a scoff, and his voice, though low, was laced with a sudden rage that unsettled Kevin even more.
“And do you, the perfectly straight Kevin Day, think it is a good idea to call the former Raven who was publicly branded as a whore, on top of being part of the most queer team in the country?”
“Babe, are you okay?
Jeremy’s sleepy voice came through the speaker, and Kevin felt his blood run cold, the alcohol suddenly vanishing from his system. He sat up with a jolt and couldn’t help but let his words ring with vitriol.
“‘Babe?!’ Are you dating Jeremy, Jean? Is that why he’s there?
“What I do and who I’m with is none of your business, Kevin Day!”
“Then why the hell did you answer my call?!”
“What do you mean why? Unlike you, my concern for other people is not tied to what I can ask of them. I thought something had happened to you, but I see now that all you wanted was to console yourself with me, as you have always done”
Kevin was unable to utter a single word. If his accusation about him and Jeremy had been false, Jean would have denied it on the spot. But no. Jean and Jeremy… the thought of them together, not just as roommates, but as lovers, sharing the same bed, stung like hell. His inner turmoil was cut short by Jean’s sharp tone.
“Say what you want to say, or just leave me alone, Kevin.”
A lump in Kevin's throat kept his voice from coming out steady, and when he heard himself, he sounded so pitiful that he wanted the ground to swallow him up.
“Jean… It has always been you. It’s still you.”
An exasperated flick of the tongue was Jean’s reaction; even from miles away, Kevin could picture the grimace that accompanied the gesture.
“No! You have no right to come at me with this, after all this time, right now. No, Kevin. Fuck you!”
“I’m sorry…”
“You are not sorry. How easy it is for you to call me at this time and try to mess with my head after you find out I am dating someone! No! I have always been your scapegoat, but not anymore! I will not be!”
It hurt him to hear Jean like this, because even though his tone was filled with rage… it was a rage born of pain, of frustration.
“Do you think… that you and I would have—”
Jean cut him off sharply.
“No, because you would never have given us the chance. And you are a complete imbecile if you thought I would wait my whole life for you to make a decision.”
None of them spoke for what seemed to be ages. What an awful idea to call Jean while being drunk, as if it would have changed anything.
“I’m sorry Jean… I’m so sorry for everything…”, was all that Kevin could manage to say.
“Yeah, me too.”
The line broke abruptly, and Kevin stared at the flickering call counter until the screen went blurry and his cheeks were damp.
He was alone.
The illusion of stability that Thea gave him shattered into a thousand pieces, leaving him to realize that he wasn’t even good enough as a long-distance boyfriend.
Kevin Day was only good on an Exy court. Off the court, he was nothing more than a kid who couldn’t face his insecurity in the eyes without being consumed by it.
He was that fifteen-year-old who fell hopelessly in love with a fierce young man who resisted the Moriyamas’ abuse until they broke his will, and Kevin had to witness firsthand how torture, scorn, and violence extinguished the spark of those beautiful gray eyes.
Eyes that regained their brightness thanks to California’s eternal summer. The Trojans had managed to restore the brilliant spirit with which he’d first met Jean, even making him smile in a way Kevin had never seen before.
He couldn’t blame Jean for finding his path, a path that brought him together with Jeremy. After all, it was Kevin who had handed him over to Jeremy.
Who else but Captain Sunshine could restore Jean’s light?
Kevin could never offer him anything remotely similar.
Quite the opposite.
Who would have thought things would end up this way?
“Still thinking loudly again, this time in another language.” Andrew suddenly appeared in the living room, leaning against the wall that separated it from the bedrooms.
Behind Andrew, Kevin caught a glimpse of Neil’s blue gaze when he lifted his head from the phone.
Kevin’s face was tear-stained, eyes swollen, hadn't even got time to hide it from them.
“Perfect. Just great. Everyone got to see Kevin Day's vulnerable side in the spotlight today," he mocked himself bitterly.
“You didn't...,” Kevin began, in French, addressing Neil.
“Every single thing. You’re not the most subtle queen in the kingdom.”
Damn it.
“I… please forget whatever you heard.”, was the only thing he could manage.
“It’s okay, Kevin. Being honest, this is no news for me… for any of us.”, Neil said in English.
Kevin shook his head and looked away, unable to further expose himself anymore for the day. He couldn't think of anything to say. He just wanted to drown his sorrow away, as he always did. But now someone had seen through him, and he wasn't ready to face the consequences.
“I'm tired.”
Andrew motioned for Kevin to follow him, “Come on. Let's go.”
Used to complying with his orders, Kevin stood up obediently.
He was expecting to go outside and sit on the porch, or put on the coffee maker. Not for them to go up the stairs and be led to Andrew’s bedroom.
“Andrew, I told you I’m tired. I’m not in the mood for a lecture or anything.”
“Shut up. Get in bed.”
Kevin froze in the doorway, confused.
"There’s only one bed. And the two of you won’t fit on the couch."
Andrew pushed Kevin aside to enter the room. Neil remained in the doorway.
“I get that your image as the heir to Exy’s legacy means you believe you have to keep up a perfect facade all the time,” Neil began, “but if you refuse to let yourself go even a little bit… it’ll blow up in your face.”
Kevin crossed his arms over his chest, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying that if you need it, we can back you up”, Neil said. “It’s painful to see how you’re always restraining yourself.”
Kevin clicked his tongue and stifled a sorrowful laugh.
“Says the guy who can’t stray an inch from his boyfriend without being marked as his property.”
“Marked me?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow. “Is that what you thought Andrew did?”
“There are things you still need to learn, Neil.” Kevin rebuked, “In any other context, that can only mean two things: a display of jealousy, of possessiveness, or—”
“Or an invitation?” Neil said with a sly grin.
“Or an invitation, that’s right. So, unless…-- wait what?” Kevin’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he took in the full meaning of the implication. “You’re not serious.”
“You're not alone, Kevin." Neil said, eyes full of determination. "You have us, and we're going to take care of you.”
Neil took advantage of Kevin's confusion as he tried to figure out his words, and shoved him into the room. Andrew locked the door behind them.
It took a lot of explaining for Kevin to understand what was going on. Neil's proposal was as simple as it was outrageous, and Andrew seemed to be on board with that absurd idea.
The fact that they were aware of his undefined sexuality and invited him to explore it in the safety and intimacy of their company was something that had never even crossed his mind, not even in his wildest dreams. And boy, had he had plenty of those dreams. It was obvious that his feverish imagination would come up with all sorts of ideas while he shared a room with the oddest couple he knew.
Neil was eager to gain experiences after having missed out on so much in his youth, but he struggled to feel attraction toward anyone other than Andrew, he explained. With Kevin, it was different since they shared a common obsession, a synergy as strikers that could easily translate into intimacy. And Andrew, despite his reluctance to be touched, had a moderate sex drive and found gratification in less conventional ways. They were willing to give Kevin whatever he wanted or needed, as long as he stopped repressing himself.
It was too much information to process in his current state; perhaps they’d done it on purpose, so he couldn’t refuse.
But how could he accept?
Or worse, how could he refuse?
What Neil offered seemed crazy, and Andrew’s silence was driving him mad.
“Wait, wait, wait… why is this about what I need? You’re talking as if I want to use you. What about you both?”
“It’s not like we haven’t given it some thought, ” Andrew finally said, lying down at the far end of the bed. “But we know that you’re obnoxiously obsessed with your reputation as the queen of Exy, and that it has to be perfectly clean by the standards of that committee of old farts at the ERC. This is just our way of offering you a place to lay low while you figure out what to do about your public image.”
“Or about Jean.”, Neil added.
“If you thought you were hiding it, I've got news for you, Kevin: you're awful at it.” Andrew cut in when he saw Kevin was about to protest. “That’s why we’re making this offer.”
Kevin took a deep breath and shook his head.
“You are both insane.”
“What else is new?” Neil grinned. “I don’t see you complaining.”
“Why should I?” Kevin asked. “I’m sure you’ll give me a whole lecture on why this is necessary for me and my career.”
Neil shoved Kevin close to the bed. “And for us. It’s really painful to see you bottling yourself up.”
Kevin raised an eyebrow in defiance, “Oh, really? Well, I’m bottling myself up right now.”
Andrew fixed his gaze towards Kevin and gestured toward the spot beside him. Neil gave a half-smile as Kevin finally obeyed and walked over to the bed.
It wasn’t a solution to his problems, but after considering the input of the people he trusted most, he decided, as always, to go along with them, no matter how preposterous it might seem.
Once he’d settled into the National Team, Kevin would think it over.
Perhaps someday he’d have the courage to find his way back to Jean.
In the meantime, he would allow himself, for once, to indulge in the heat of Andrew’s lips and Neil’s reassuring touch.
And maybe, he could finally find out who Kevin Day truly was, outside of an Exy court.