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Chan’s head was killing him, jetlag still having a hold of him, the soft sound of music pouring in from his phone’s alarm. Taking a moment to stretch his hands, they found themselves reaching into something soft, causing it to shift. With arms wrapping over his waist, his eyes fell, finding the silhouette of another person with him.
“Morning my star, I forgot you were with me.” He hummed, pressing his lips to the other’s forehead, a subtle groan being the response he got. Chan just smiled at the figure with what little doubt about its identity slipping away. How could he not know?
It was the one he had been yearning to return to for the last few months.
Again the body shifted its head lifting, doe eyes finding Chan’s. A warm smile crossed the other’s face as their hands found Chan’s face, fingers pressing into his dimples. “Morning.” The sound was weak, dripping with sleep as their head returned to his chest.
Chan only pulled the body closer, his hands resting on the small of their back. “I missed you.”
“Hmm.”
“Did you not miss me? I guess I should’ve known.” His voice fell into a playful disappointment. “I bet you were too busy with Hongjoong. Are you no longer my star?” He continued, Seonghwa’s head lifting at the implication.
Chan was met with a miserable pout from the other man, guilt setting in as he pulled him into his lap. “Oh Hwa, I was joking. You’re always my star.”
“I better be.” He spat back his head, turning away from Chan.
“Why? Can’t my sky be filled with stars?” He tried to play coy, but with Seonghwa’s nails digging into his skin he immediately gave up with that. “Seonghwa, you know you’re my stars and sky. My whole universe.” He guided him to look him in the eyes.
“Hmm. You can have one other star in your life. But not for a long time.”
“Why?”
A soft pink dusted over Seonghwa’s face, his head resting on the man’s shoulder, his voice just above a whisper. “Your next star can be your child.”
Chan let out a soft chuckle, warmth spreading though his chest as he corrected, “You our child.”
“We can’t have a child Chris.”
“You’d still be their other parent.” Seonghwa only rolled his eyes. “Also why are you thinking of kids? Have the others not scared you off yet?” Seonghwa paused, his expression falling into something the other hadn’t seen before, the warmth in his chest twisting into worry. “Love is everything ok?”
“Yeah.” He fell into the other’s embrace. “Do you think it’s selfish of me to want that?” He mumbled.
“What? A family?” Feeling the other nodding he continued. “Why would that be selfish?”
“You have, we have-” Chan could feel the other’s nails pressing into his skin again, his hand running through Seonghwa’s hair. “Work, it’s not fair to the others is it? And I wouldn’t want to pressure you into anything. Hell we’re only dating-”
“Seonghwa, I would love to have a family with you.” His voice was soft, each word sounding like a sacred promise. Chan’s hands rested on the other’s shoulders, the act creating some distance between the pair. It allowed him to get a full look at Seonghwa’s face, the way his lips pulled down, the way his eyes sparkled with tears threatening to fall. “You couldn’t pressure me into something like that no matter how much you tried.”
A small smile faltered on Seonghwa’s lips, “You don’t mean it.”
“No you’ve convinced yourself I don’t.” His hand grazed over the other’s cheek. “And you know that.”
Seonghwa didn’t reply.
Instead he left the bed.
“Seonghwa.”
“I’m going to shower. Don’t follow me.” He turned back.
With that the room was plunged into silence. Chan just sighed, he thought being with the other man for the past four years would’ve meant that Seonghwa would’ve realised his sincerity, but he also knew that when Seonghwa had convinced himself of something his words meant nothing.
Chan finally removed himself from bed, his body heading towards the other bathroom.
Returning to the bedroom, he found Seonghwa sitting at the edge of the bed, his face hidden behind his hands, the sound of his sobs drowning out Chan approaching. His hands hovered over Seonghwa’s slumped shoulders, unsure of what would be the best thing to do.
Before he could decide, he was met with Seonghwa’s tear stained face looking up at him. “Seonghwa…” He spoke, taking a seat next to the man, Seonghwa collapsing into his arms. “What’s up, darling?” He stroked his partner's hair, finding it to still be damp. “Did something happen while I was away to hurt you so much? Did I do something?” Seonghwa just sobbed further. “I can’t help you if you don’t say anything.”
“I feel like I’m holding you back.” Seonghwa finally replied, his voice a broken whisper.
“How?”
“If people found out, I don’t want to ruin what you built.” Chan went to speak but Seonghwa’s hand on his mouth stopped him. “Even now, you literally are spending your free time from the tour flying back here because of me.”
“Seonghwa stop.” He removed the hand covering his mouth. “I don’t care if people know about us. I only suggested keeping things secret because I didn’t want you to get backlash. I’ll literally go on Bubble and tell stays I’m with you right now if that would make you feel better.”
Seonghwa just paused, his eyes widening. “Seonghwa, you’re my biggest and only concern in this relationship. One because your members said they’ll torture me for the rest of eternity and two like I’ve been telling you for the past four years you mean the world to me.”
“Chris.” Seonghwa muttered, a smile reaching his lips. If chan could only have one expression of Seonghwa’s committed to his memory he would pick the one he was being met with at that very moment.
“Also I don’t care about flying back, you’ve done the same for me so many times.” He pressed a kiss to Seonghwa’s hairline. “But why haven’t you ever said anything if it was bothering you?”
“I didn’t realise it bothered me so much.” Seonghwa’s gaze dropped, an embarrassed flush taking to his cheeks. “Talking about the future kind of made me realise how real this is, that’s why I tried to play off how serious our relationship was.”
“Yeah that did kind of hurt now that I think about it. Do you not think we’d be together when I decide I want a kid?”
“I want to be with you when that happens. But we don’t know the future.”
“Seonghwa I’m being serious now.”
“So am I. For all we know-”
“Don’t finish that, we will both live long happy lives.” Chan spoke, his voice falling into a seriousness that made both pause for a moment. “And I want those lives to be together”
“Me too, dear.” Seeing the smile on Seonghwa’s face made Chan become deeply aware of situation; the way his hands were clenched around the other’s as if he were to lighten his grip seonghwa would disappear, the way that the idea of losing the man next to him filled him with such fear he couldn’t even hear it, and the way Seonghwa looked at him with such love he never wanted him to look away.
And then the words slipped from his lips before he could process the thought, “Marry me then.”
“What?”
“Marry me Park Seonghwa.” He repeated his voice, sounding more sure than it ever had been. “You mean the world to me Seonghwa and I couldn’t imagine life without you. I can't imagine a life without you.” He paused, “There are only a few moments outside of my professional life that I could say I’m the luckiest man alive but I know most of those moments are with you, but if you don’t want to or if you're not ready I understand.” The words fell as if they were the most natural thing ever.
“Christopher…” Seonghwa gasped, his cheeks wet with tears again. “Oh my god, I will.” He threw his arms over Chan’s shoulders.
“Good, cause I’ve been terrified you’d find the ring for ages.”
“You brought a ring? When?” Seonghwa pulled back.
A small smile fell on Chan’s lips. “Well, I was planning to do it when the tour ended so we’d have more time to settle as fiances but-”
“Shut up, you!” Seonghwa squealed, his lips connecting with Chan’s, his arms wrapping around his neck. Chan hummed into the kiss, his arms falling around Seonghwa’s waist.
Pulling away he moved to whip the tears from the other's cheeks. “As I was saying I couldn’t wait, so I’m glad I got your parents blessing last time we visited. I also got Hongjoongs but that was more because we were hanging out.”
“That is so sweet.” He pressed another kiss to Chan’s cheek this time. “I can’t wait to tell the others, do your members know you were planning this?”
“They knew I had something planned for you but Minho, Jeongin and Felix were closest to realising I wanted to propose.” Seonghwa hummed his head resting on Chan’s shoulder.
“I guess we should make some calls.” He spoke.
Pulling Seonghwa closer he spoke, “I think we should wait till tomorrow. Today should just be for us don’t you think?”
“You’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Then come with me, you don’t have a schedule do you?”
“Dear, I can’t I have-” Seonghwa cut himself off, “You know what, I’m sure Yunho and Yeosang will understand me cancelling on them.” He hummed, falling into Chan’s arms.
“You hungry Hwa?”
“Yeah, should we get breakfast?”
“I think we should love.” Chan hummed, helping the other man to his feet. Wrapping an arm around the other man’s waist Chan just smiled hearing his giggle. “I should record that sound, put it on our next track. And let everyone know what you mean to me.” Seonghwa just hummed, pressing a kiss to the man’s temple.