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It was cold. It should have been expected at this time of year, but it felt worse than Kotone was ever used to. Even nestled in her sweater, safely sheltered in the lounge of the dorm, something about the air bit through her to the bone. It only made the exhaustion that had slowly settled over the past few weeks bear down upon her so much more, the weight of it becoming crushing. If anything, it felt like the 31st all over again. She closed her eyes to suppress the shudder that threatened to overcome her with that idea. They'd won that night, but that one moment, where the air itself had felt like it was trying to press her and the rest of SEES into a fine paste, where Kotone had been forced to see that look of utter terror fixed upon the faces of her friends, never stopped haunting her. Whilst a few deep breaths helped her calm back down, it did little to alleviate the pressure leaving her body feeling like it'd been tied to the bottom of the monorail for several days straight.
With a sigh, Kotone, forced herself to sit up properly. It took some effort, with a few beads of sweat forming on her forehead and her arms shaking like they were about to snap, and she was met with the same old sight that she'd grown used to. The lounge was dead. Gone was the life that had once been infectious in the dorm. She was pretty sure Akihiko had gone out to train, Mitsuru had cooped herself up, and Junpei and Yukari had gone out with their friends. Ken more or less just sat in his room all day, and even Koromaru barely spent time here anymore. Fuuka still hung out with Natsuki fairly often, which Kotone took as a win at least. Without their memories, there really wasn't anything left to tie them together. Kotone was lucky enough that they all stayed friendly with her, a boon granted by how close she'd gotten to everyone over the past year outside of SEES, but nevertheless, it hurt seeing them like this. Yukari glaring at Mitsuru all over again whilst the latter closed herself off behind her icy facade, Junpei aimless as he had been, and it was like Akihiko and Ken had both lost the resolve Shinjiro had bequeathed to them. And of course, Aigis. Kotone hadn't seen her since that night. She was still technically registered to the dorms, but Kotone hadn't seen her once over the past few weeks, which had stung extra when Valentine's Day passed without her. Part of her worried each and every moment about where she was, if she was still the Aigis she had been, or if she even existed at all. Why would there be an Anti-Shadow Suppression Weapon in a world without the Dark Hour, after all? Kotone knew those fears were unfounded, that surely, she had just forgotten or hopefully, had just had to stay away because of the others forgetting her, but still…
Kotone just missed her girlfriend.
That other traitorous, terrified part of her, the one that felt so aimless right now, that felt like it'd been hollowed out more and more with each painful day that passed, almost wished they hadn't won that day. It wasn't like she'd change anything if she was given that choice from New Year's Eve again, but that grief was hard to ignore. Her friends didn't really know each other, Aigis was gone, and she was dying. If it was just going to be this cold march forwards until her death, part of Kotone wished she could've just died next to everyone instead, or forgotten it all too. Last year had been the first time since her family was alive when no new scars had disfigured her wrists past a certain point, and now what? Ryoji was gone. Akinari died. Aigis was missing. She hadn't been able to see the Velvet Room or Elizabeth. Shinji showed no signs of waking up, and it felt like near everyone else she knew had left. Saori, Maiko, Bebe, even Mutatsu and Tanaka, they had all gone away whilst Kotone felt herself wither more and more. She wished any single one of them were here, if at the very least to just give her a distraction. Her old escape, her brother's MP3, hadn't even managed to help lately. No matter what she played, or how loud she blared it, the music eventually just faded into droning white noise whilst her thoughts drowned her. Still, maybe there was some solace to be found along that line. It'd been a long time since she'd visited her family, and it wasn't far on the train. She could probably maybe make it without collapsing. It was better than staying here, and she supposed she had a lot to say to them.
It barely felt any different outside, which didn't help Kotone's mood. She'd tried to brush it off as an exceedingly cold February, ignoring weather reports as best she could to maintain that desperate ignorance. But now, feeling more than ever that it was her that felt cold, and not the winter air, only made her spirit fall more. Her grip tightened around Akinari's notebook, clutching it under her arm like it'd ward off everything that was wrong. She didn't know how many times she'd read it since he'd passed. Enough where every word felt engraved in her heart, and that little dedication to her at the very end was burned into her mind, both tormenting and reassuring her whenever her mind drifted.
Kotone,
May your lake share some of the beauty you brought to mine.
She never knew how to wrap her mind around him. Despite everything that plagued him, and his inability to wake in the Dark Hour, he seemed to be one of very few people who had seen through her. Who had seen how this would end. And yet, he'd never mentioned it beyond the odd sad smile. Kotone wondered if he was simply too accustomed to looming death, or if he just somehow knew there was something more than Kotone could ever explain to him. She really hoped to find the time to bring the book up to Mitsuru. If there was one last good thing Kotone could do in the time she had left, ensuring Akinari's voice was finally heard had to be it. She'd be content being the flightless bird, but the more she thought about it, she was sure that wasn't quite right. Akinari and her were bird and alligator both, shining light upon one another as they subsumed each other in their pain, and it made her smile. Her brother would have gotten along with him, or maybe been him, more or less. That thought was half the reason Kotone had brought the notebook today; Sakuya would love it.
Though, her visit would have to wait a moment. Coming up on the strip mall, it felt like her body was about to give out already. The station was so very close, but she was already staggering. Her eyes drifted for a place to sit, to relax, but today seemed especially bustling. The fruits of her labour, Kotone thought. Now that Apathy Syndrome cases were gone or being treated, the streets had gotten a lot busier. There was the one place she could always count on, and despite not really feeling like dealing with anyone right now, she didn't have much of a choice.
"Kotone-chan! It's been a bit."
The joy in Bunkichi's voice almost helped alleviate some of the fatigue that was sapping away at Kotone. It had been a bit, she thought. It was late January last time, a week or two before the date of The Fall. Funny how fast time had gone by lately, just laying around and sleeping in most of her free time instead. She barely noticed as the usual pleasantries faded, replaced with concern slowly creeping onto both Bunkichi and Mitsuko's face at her silence. The last thing she'd wanted is to stress them more after everything, but alas, her mind couldn't stop wondering, only slowly reeled in by the tender care in Mitsuko's voice.
"…is everything alright, Kotone-chan?"
"Y-yeah, sorry. Is it okay if i just rest for a moment?" A small hint of guilt crept up Kotone's throat, though she swallowed it as to not worry them more. She gave a strained smile to really try to assuage any doubts, though the way she was already leaning on a bookshelf cut any chance of that working to shreds. The sight of the two of them, old as they were, moving a stool for her to sit on, nearly made Kotone wince. It hurt to have to rely on others. She'd tried to always suck up her pain, to stay silent and be there for others. And now, such an idea felt impossible. That maelstrom of emotion must surely be playing on her face; the doubt, guilt, fear, resignation, care, and the gratitude that shone in her eyes at their care.
"Are you sure you should be out and about like this? Why don't you go home and rest?"
"I can't. I'm… I'm visiting family today." Kotone shook her head weakly at the couple's suggestion of taking it easy. She didn't have time to push things back. She didn't have any time at all.
It dawned on her that she'd never really spoke of her family before. Not to anyone but a very select few, and she could see the gears turning in the old couple's brains. Hope warred with worry in their eyes, the chance of it being some harmless visit outweighed by the pain and exhaustion that had so clearly settled over Kotone. And considering, what she'd helped them both through, the way her head kept hanging low, and her eyes glistened, said all it had needed to. She'd been there for their son, and now it only made more sense why she might have stuck around them so much. A sad, knowing look passed between the two, seeing that same grief that never went away on Kotone's face. The poor girl, helping them through everything, whilst never mentioning everything she'd lost too.
"Remember how you visited our son with me, Kotone-chan?" Bunkichi's voice was calm and kind as could be. She was always an odd girl, but he'd certainly never imagined this would be buried beneath it all. He could only hope that she'd pull through it okay, which she surely would. Surely a girl like that would be fine. "If it'd help, we could come visit with you. Its never easy doing these things alone, and I'd sure have plenty to say about what a fine young girl their daughter is."
Kotone looked up again at that, feeling those tears threaten to spill once and for all. No. No no nononononono. She hated crying in front of others. they didn't deserve her mess. To have to handle everything on her plate, when she wanted nothing more than to make their lives easier. The only thing she could do is squeeze her eyes shut as tightly as she could, and give a feeble shake of her head.
"N-no, I can't ask that of you," her voice was weak in a way that it never really should be. The reaffirmation of just how much the pair cared for her felt both like a salve and burn at once, the comfort it brought warring with the fact that she'd put them through so much pain soon. She'd helped them come to terms better with their son being gone, and she was sure had helped fill in that role, and deep down, Kotone knew they'd lose her soon too. Even thinking about what it would do to them made her want to throw up, but she forced down any bile to offer a pained smile instead. If she didn't have long here, the last thing she wanted for the two of them was to have their last memory of her be that. "I just need to do this alone. But maybe some other time. I'm sure they all would have loved you two. My brother especially. He always buried himself in his books."
The bittersweet cheer in her voice seemed to do the trick. At the very least, it seemed to spread enough, with their frown's lessening a little as she regained a hint of her usual energy. Neither noticed Kotone wincing at her choice of words. Buried. He was buried with their parents. She'd be there soon too. Kotone shook her head, standing up brushing off her clothes whilst fixing her hair a little.
"I should get going though. Don't want to miss my train."
She was pretty confident they could see right through her attempt at a grin. Certain, actually. It didn't stop them from returning it somewhat. Bunkichi fumbled around, pulling out a handful of snacks and drinks Kotone wasn't really sure how he hid, before stuffing them in her bag.
"Can't send you off without the usual treat, Kotone-chan. Make sure you rest up when you're home!" Bunkichi's affection was followed by a quick ruffling of her hair, giving her one of those warm, grandfatherly smiles.
What came next was a bit less ordinary though, as the usually quiet Mitsuko reached over and took one of Kotone's hands in both of hers, giving a similarly kind look.
"Don't forget, we're here if you need. We love you, Kotone-chan. You're our family too."
Kotone froze for a moment at those words. Bunkichi nodded as if to affirm the statement, and it made those foul, rebellious tears surge again. She didn't know what to say. Of course, she'd realised at some point she'd latched onto them in that regard. As much as SEES had been her family, Bookworms had become as much of a home for her too. Somewhere she could be away from the Dark Hour, from school, from everything, and just pretend that she was normal. Here, she could imagine that she was just a girl relaxing after school with her doting grandparents, with a family to go home to, with no scars on her wrists or burns on her back, no cruel joke where her friends acted like they didn't know her or each other, no nightmares of a burning car or a full moon hurtling closer and closer and closer to every she cared about whilst she could-
Bunkichi and Mitsuko's brows furrowed in unison, watching as Kotone, the girl they'd come to know and love for her ability to light up the shop with ease, squeezed her eyes shut and trembled like she was trapped in a waking nightmare. The former stepped closer, intent on reaching out to see if she was okay, but her eyes flew open, the look of panic replaced by a small, clearly forced smile.
"Thank you both. For everything this past year," Kotone pushed the words out, part of her wondering if she'd ever have the chance to have this time with them again. Her mind was a mess, half wanting to stay longer and forget about all of this, and half wanting to run away to hide from the shame of making them fret more over her, all whilst she reprimanded herself for ever letting herself get so close to breaking. She just had a couple of weeks of smiles left. She hated acknowledging it, even if closing her eyes for good sometimes felt like a kinder fate than living sick in this world without everyone's memories, and more importantly, one without Aigis, but if it pushed her through today, then so be it. All Kotone had to do was fake it for a few more moments, because as much as it hurt, this might be her last chance to say anything to them. Her voice dropped at that thought. No more artificial peppiness, or faking a smile. It was half choked, but overflowing with the sincerity she kept buried down so often. "Love you guys too. I'll make sure to tell them about you both."
And then she turned, leaving quick as she could. She would've ran, but with how close she felt to collapse it just wasn't an option. All she knew is that she had to get out of there, before they could ask what was truly wrong, or offer any sort of physical affection, because then, she wouldn't have been able to stop the tears in there. Here though, she could pull the bright yellow scarf a little more snug around herself, and use it to muffle her cries on the train.
It was a mostly uneventful trip over. Kotone sat out of the way at the station, and then just found a seat on the train to curl up into herself on. The scarf, slightly oversized as it was, did a great job at hiding her face when she tilted her head down, catching each and every tear that fell. Crying into it brought some relief. With her face buried into the fabric like this, assaulted with the lingering scent of cheap cologne Ryoji swore was higher-end, it was like she could pretend he hadn't left her too. Like he was right next to her, an arm around her shoulders as he either said something oddly beautiful and philosophical, or waxed poetic about something stupid, or more likely, went on and on about whichever unlucky souls he'd hit on that day. But no. He wasn't there. Nobody was. Everyone was gone, or living a life in which she didn't quite slot into. As much as they still seemed to care, it was nigh impossible to look at them, unaware as they were to everything else that had transpired. It felt like she was gouging a knife into her own heart, thinking so selfishly like this, but how was she meant to feel? She'd done everything, and in the end there was nothing. Not even a "thanks Kotone," let alone the hug she desperately needed to try and steady her through this. God, she'd take a recording of Aigis' internals whirring at this point. That might comfort her enough to stop the nightmares. Even if just for a night, it'd be plenty more proper rest than she'd been getting.
Kotone shook her head, biting her own lip in as much of a show of self-flagellation as she'd allow. What an awful person she still was. Who knew how much the other SEES members were aching, suddenly missing most of their previous year? How could she worry about being alone, when Ryoji had spent his entire last night clearly on the verge of breaking down, probably wanting Death the least of all of them, but forced to jump start the end of his friends? And Aigis. Kotone's heart lurched, the familiar thoughts clawing at the back of her mind. Everyone else was just having an off year without remembering the Dark Hour, but she wasn't like them. Did she remember anything at all? Had she been reverted to some sort of factory default? Or worse, if everything to do with the Dark Hour was gone, was she even alive anymore, or just collecting dust in the lab on Yakushima? If it weren't for her failing body, Kotone had half a mind to travel out there and bust open the lab just in case. But here she was instead, being an awful girlfriend and worrying about herself while Aigis experienced who knows what. Right now, it was just easier to curl up and tug Ryoji's scarf tighter around herself, and hug Akinari's notebook like her life depended on it. She'd be seeing the two of them soon, at least. Or she hoped she would, even as something weary in the back of her mind nagged that she'd never get the sort of peace they did. For now, she just drowned the voice out by bumping the MP3 player as loud as it would go, and wrapped her hand around the little screw she'd affixed to a necklace, even as it made her palm bleed. It took her mind off things, and that was all that mattered.
The air was nice out here, she supposed. Fresh, clean, not choked with all the trash that was still getting cleaned up after all that bullshit about The Fall, and just noisy enough for Kotone. She couldn't stand silence. Not for a second. There needed to be something, anything, or it got too easy to think, and from there it never went well. Here, all she needed was one ear blasted by her music, whilst the other got to remain blissfully unabused. Still, any semblance of niceness to any of this didn't stop the gnawing on her heart. It was always far too hard to do this. She hadn't even managed it properly in January, with what very well could have been her last chance to do so, lest she spend her last weeks alive spiralling again. And well, it was far too late to avoid that now. That's all February had been. A spiral staircase, taking her lower and lower as she tried to prepare whatever she could to soften the blow for everyone. Letters, little gifts, about as detailed requests as she could bear to write, everything she could think of. Hell, she must have prepared at least a half-dozen decades worth of messages for Aigis alone. It was cruel enough to be leaving her after only having such little time together, so there was no way she wasn't going to try and do something big for her. Kotone's thoughts wandered, and while it wasn't exactly pleasant, it did keep her feet moving towards the more pressing task.
She could only go so far at once, though. Every muscle ached for rest even with this small exertion, and Kotone was more than happy to oblige. How the mighty had fallen. She'd earned her fair share of glares for how hard she had pushed everyone in Tartarus, climbing floor after floor without hesitation before suddenly calling it for the night. And now, here she was, too out of it to walk to her family's graves. If she wasn't in a cemetery, she maybe, could've dozed off here. It was peaceful. Away from the world and the increasing bittersweet pain that came with it. But she was pretty sure it wasn't a good thing to be sleeping with the dead preemptively, and she wasn't going to test it.
Her eyes drifted around, meandering across to take in the sight, before settling over to where she had to go next. It wouldn't be that bad, right? She just had to ignore the dread, and how tired she felt, and everything else swirling in her, and she'd be fine! Perfectly ordinary Kotone, and not about to shatter at anything that came her way.
But why would it ever be so easy?
Kotone's gaze froze at the same time as everything else; her breath, her heart, her mind, all shut off like a switch had been flicked. Cresting the hill she was just working up the courage to finally cross, was a certain mop of blonde hair, And god, one more step further, and there was that familiar headband, and those ocean blue eyes she could drown in on a good day. All of which seemed to freeze in place too, as Aigis met Kotone's gaze. She looked like she was ready to bolt, either right into her partner's arms, or as far away as fast as possible. But there was no way in hell Kotone was gonna accept the latter.
"Aigis?" She called as best she could, fumbling to her feet, and contrary to her body's pleading, immediately began to push forwards. Nothing else mattered right now. Sure, she had plenty of questions. Where had she been? Why was she here? Why did she look so scared? But none of it took priority over just being with her again. She just pushed through every bit of exhaustion and pain, stumbling towards Aigis. For what it was worth, she seemed just as shocked to see Kotone here, and only managed to unfreeze and take a cautious, worried step back by the time Kotone had barrelled halfway to her. "Please, honey, where have you been? Ai, I need yo-"
Kotone's words were cut short, as her body finally gave up. Her legs buckled, and before she could stop it, she felt herself fall. It was a nice change from the slow, tiring process of fading away, at least. One bump of her head against one of the stones, and with the state she was in, she was pretty sure she wouldn't be coming back. It was pretty pathetic though. She climbed Tartarus, defeated Nyx and yet it now seemed Kotone Shiomi would just trip over and die. Well, at least the last sight she got to see was Aigis' eyes. Even with her mind as sluggish as it had been, and with the distance between them, Kotone was still certain they were the prettiest things she'd ever seen. Now, she could just close her eyes and fall happily with that sight burned into her mind.
And fall she did. Right down, onto something hard. Hand and soft. Warm too. Warmer than Kotone remembered, but perhaps she was just too cold. No time to dwell on that now though, as her ears finally noticed that familiar whirring, quiet compared to her own shaky breaths. Even with her eyes squeezed shut, Kotone could feel the tears begin to form. She didn't want to open them, and be met with anything but Aigis. It would be as impossible as it was cruel if it were to happen, but Kotone wasn't taking any chances. There hadn't been a time where her life had ever not been cruel. All she could manage was to reach out, her hand desperately searching for that soft, synthetic skin of Aigis' cheek. She wanted to cry, to beg for Aigis to say something, but her breath caught on the fear clogging her throat.
"Kotone-san… are you..?"
Kotone's eyes shot open at that familiar voice; so sweet, and soft, and yet tentative and worried in a way that made her gut churn. The tears sprung forth unbidden now, all of her distaste of crying forgotten as she saw her properly again. Everything about Aigis was perfect. Kotone had dwelt on the idea since the day she first saw her, but here, cradled in those strong, sturdy arms again, she was certain. The way the lenses in her eyes made them separate between that pretty sea blue and the gorgeous slate blue? Cute as could be! The way her messy fringe framed her face? Stunning! How warm and soft the synthetic skin on her cheeks was? Adorable! And the concern etched upon every perfect feature, so deep and overwhelming, it made Kotone want to throw up? That, she could do without.
"Aigis, I-I missed you. Where have you been?"
"You are not alright."
Aigis brushed right over Kotone's broken words, answering her own unfinished question as her gaze narrowed. This was wrong. Kotone didn't deserve to look so frail. To have her energy marred by a sickly pallor, to have her smile disrupted by sunken cheeks, to have those bags under her eyes return from months ago. Nobody deserved such things, but especially not her.
The abrupt response stilled Kotone too. Even the glimpse of Aigis from afar had set her heart alight with hope, but now, seeing just how scared her girlfriend was, the true weight of the past few weeks seemed to set in. Kotone had felt the exhaustion, sure, but hadn't let herself think about it. Why bother, when her music could drown out the occasional rattle of her lungs, and the endless supply of potent medicine could dull the pain in each and every muscle? She could manage. She had to. Even if she'd started preparing for her death, being with Aigis should have made her feel better. It shouldn't cause her stomach to drop, or make her notice that for once, her body felt colder than Aigis' titanium-alloy frame. But the worst of it was the dread it all finally unleashed upon her. When things were at their worst, Kotone had gotten used to telling herself that she was just being a hypochondriac, stressing over what was probably just a bit of fatigue, but that delusion was snatched away in an instant. The tiredness she'd been brushing off felt so very real now, and suddenly, she didn't want to blink. Even that brief touch with darkness felt like all too much now.
"Kotone-san, do you know why you are sick?"
That fear crept into Aigis' voice again, and it hit Kotone; as concerned as Aigis was about her health, she was just as scared that Kotone didn't remember. That she would remain subject to the loneliness that the both of them had apparently shared since the 31st.
"I-I know. Nyx, The Fall, you. I remember, Ai," Kotone's voice came out soft as she could manage with the flurry of emotions that was currently tearing up her insides. She mustered the strength to lift her free hand to Aigis' other cheek, cupping her face and trying to lean in. God, she knew it had been selfish how she'd thought about her own loneliness, but now? Knowing Aigis had been suffering the same thing, but truly isolated from everyone else, Kotone hated how cruel this all was so much more. There wasn't a single thing she wouldn't do to ease the pain Aigis was keeping poorly hidden beneath it all. "I don't know what's wrong with me, and the doctor's Mitsuru and 'Kari have dragged me to couldn't find anything. I don't know if they could even help. They, they all forgot everything."
"I know. I know," Aigis' voice mellowed out the second the time around, as she pulled Kotone closer. Kotone was scared. So very scared. Aigis had been afraid too, of course. Of being forgotten by everyone, but especially by the one whom she loved so absolutely. But not in this way. She didn't have to cope with clearly waning away while having to act like it was okay. The pain of being completely alone and having to accept that so much as seeing her set off panic attacks and migraines in those she held dear was nothing compared to the hand Kotone had been dealt. This poor, brave, girl. How Kotone managed all this and remained so loving, Aigis would never know. All she was certain of right now was that she needed to be here for her. Gently, Aigis slowly rose, her arms remaining firmly around Kotone's waist to steady her and take most of her weight once she was back on two feet. "I've missed you, Kotone. And I'm sorry that I have not been there for you. I grew afraid that you had forgotten too, and I could not bear to face you if it would cause you as much pain as it did the others."
"I'm so sorry, Ai. I didn't know what happened to you, but that's, I'm sorry." Kotone leant against Aigis' chest, needing the support more than ever. Finally having any sort of recognition made the enervation taking root across her body seep further. She should be dead already. That thought took over her mind, sending a chill down her spine. She knew this feeling; it was the same, inescapable weight her and all of SEES had felt emanating from Nyx in waves. It was like gravity was slowly condensing in her body, making every movement harder until it inevitably crushed her. But, she couldn't focus on that yet. Aigis needed Kotone as much as she needed Aigis. "I'm here now. We've got each other still, no matter what."
Aigis looked like she wanted to say more, her gaze drifting over Kotone's weary form for a moment, before she just pulled her tighter against her body, biting her lip to eschew frightening Kotone with more panicked words. As much as she wanted to fret over her partner, her Kotone, in every possible way, Aigis knew that it would only do more harm than good. She'd have to settle for holding her closer until she was certain Kotone wasn't at risk of falling again. A workable compromise. Aigis hadn't truly realised how used to the other girl's presence she'd become until it had been ripped any from her. But here, feeling that steady thump of her heart and the soft tickle of her breathing on her neck, Aigis felt whole once more. She closed her eyes for a moment, soaking in the quite atmosphere and Kotone's presence. A breath she didn't realise she'd been holding escaped her, a learnt and completely unnecessary habit that she had picked up from all of her friends, and one she'd come to appreciate for how human it made her feel.
"Kotone-san, may I ask why you are here?" Aigis broached the silence after a good few minutes, certain the other girl had settled enough by now as well. She didn't miss the way Kotone shifted in her arms before clinging to her tighter, as it mustering the strength to answer honestly.
"Visiting my family. They're um, they're buried here. Why are you here?"
"I see," Aigis' voice was gentle as she took those words in. She knew how much pain even remembering them caused Kotone, and it caused parts of Aigis' heart to sing very different tunes; one part warmed with pride at how much Kotone had grown—facing them in person like this would have been unthinkable for her only a few short months ago—whilst another sombrely grieved for how much pain Kotone had suffered in her short life, and for how dire her situation was to where the other girl found doing such a thing an urgent necessity now. Other melodies attempted to join the racket; panic, fear, regret, anger, helplessness, and so much more coming together to form a disharmonious, dissonant cacophony in the core of Aigis' being. For now, all she could do was press a loving kiss to her girlfriend's forehead with all the affection she could manifest. "As for why I am here, I have found it peaceful to tend to the unmarked and untended souls. I cannot help but think of what would have happened if we had not been successful in our mission; would we all have vanished in an instant with no-one to remember, or would I have been left alone to carry the memories of you all? Regardless, I have come to realise how precious it is to be able to remember or be remembered, and I would like to share this joy with the ones who have been forgotten."
Kotone stared up Aigis, her gaze softening with each word that spilled from those synthetic lips. She couldn't help but stare for a moment, a gentle warmth stirring in her heart as a few small tears gathered in her eyes again
Worry clawed it's way back onto Aigis' features at the sight, a feeling that only worsened as a small giggle slipped from Kotone's lips. Her hand went up to Kotone's forehead, brushing aside her bangs to check her temperature. Aigis couldn't detect anything abnormal; brain activity was standard, no signs of delirium, febrile or otherwise. So why did Kotone look so overjoyed to talk about death? Such topics, especially in dire situations like this, usually provoked introspection, if not grief, and for all the databases and memories she combed through, there was no evidence of someone reacting to loss in such an ecstatic manner.
"Kotone-san, are you alright?" The sheer sincerity of concern lacing Aigis' words only caused another belated giggle to escape from Kotone, her eyes softening with a potent mixture of appreciation and adoration. It gave her the strength she needed to finally lean up, pressing her lips to Aigis' in a brief, tender kiss. She wanted so much more. To stay there for hours. To taste those soft, warm lips again and again. To forget about everything else except Aigis and just melt into each other more and more to make up for all the time they'd lost.
But she couldn't. Even that fleeting brush of their lips had Kotone's lungs begging for air, and her head struggling to stay upright and close to Aigis'. And so, she settled for letting her love spill out through her words instead.
"I'm just, I'm so proud of you, honey," Kotone started, briefly closing her eyes to blot out all but this moment. "I can't imagine the you I met on Yakushima saying something like that, but you're here now. You've come so far, and I love you so much, Aigis."
The way she spoke Aigis' name was so firm, with so much weight and value given to it, as if the very world revolved around the fact that Kotone loved Aigis. With another deep breath, and no regard for anything but her girlfriend and this impossible moment they had, Kotone continued.
"I mean, I fell for you pretty hard and fast. Got teased about it for weeks by Yukari after she saw how flustered I was after that hug. But I didn't want to say anything, because it felt wrong. You deserved to have the time to work out who you were and how to go about things without all that. But god, I look at you now, and I wish we'd had all the time in the world together. You're pretty much the image of perfection, and no matter what happens, I know I'll be happy with you by my side."
"Kotone…" The usual honorific failed to follow the name of her beloved, as the coolant rushed to Aigis' cheeks. Everyone of her sensors felt as if it were being overloaded, her internals heating up from the overwhelming tide of emotion that had swallowed her. Her mind felt like it was chugging along at minimum capacity, the happiness wrought by those words warring with the fear that had followed her for so long and all the insecurities that accompanied it. "I'm not- I'm just a mach-"
"You're Aigis. My amazing, perfect, adorable girlfriend, Aigis." Kotone's finger slipped from tracing Aigis' cheek to instead press against her lips, silencing the words she'd heard so many times and had grown to hate. "You care. You love. You laugh and you cry and you get scared and you make hard decisions because they matter to you. You're more human than most people I've met, and if you're not. I don't know what that makes me. I want to be with you as much as possible, and right now, I want you to visit my family too, so that I can show them the woman who's made my life so much better and made me so much happier ever since I met her. I love you, and I don't care what anyone could ever say about it. So cut that bullshit out. You're more than enough."
Kotone's heart fluttered at the tears forming in Aigis' eyes, and revelled as her partner leaned in closer, pressing their foreheads together. A shaky, albeit affectionate grin mirrored itself upon both their faces, as the moment stretched on comfortably.
"I… I am glad that you think so. I want nothing more than to be enough for you. I know I have so much that I do not understand, but I know I can always walk forwards with you by my side," Aigis murmured softly, nuzzling her face against Kotone's. It was hardly a conscious act, but she needed to be close. To show just how much she wanted to dote on Kotone, and to relish every moment they had. Her data banks suggested perhaps this was not the most appropriate place for such an act, but she couldn't bring herself to care. After weeks apart, spent in total isolation, and the looming fate that hung overhead, there was nothing she could bear less than waiting for this. After a few more bunts against Kotone's face, Aigis pulled back slightly, a look of utter devotion gleaming in her eyes. They themselves had focused as much as they could, leaving the two blue lens to overlap with a slight glow, whilst to her, everything but Kotone was left an unimportant blurred jumble. "I would like to meet your family too, if you'd allow it. I would like to thank them for giving me someone so marvellous to love and be loved by, and to apologise for all I have put you through. I am greatly indebted to them, near as much as I am to you."
"Ai, how many times do I have to say that you've got nothing to apologise for?" Kotone's smile didn't dim at all as she chastised Aigis. It was a familiar conversation, and for once, she couldn't truly be bothered. How could she, when she'd been given something so beautiful despite everything? Neither the future, or the brief flirtations with darkness that came whenever Kotone closed her eyes seemed quite so terrifying now. The lassitude that plagued her body was little more than an inconvenience compared to the quiet comfort of this, and the prospect of having to speak to her family was far less daunting with Aigis to lean on. She let her hands trail down from Aigis' cheeks to instead take the familiar, cool metal of her hand, scooping up Akinari's notebook, which had earlier tumbled to the ground alongside her. "But c'mon. There's no way I wouldn't want to show you off. I'm sure they'd be happy to see how well I'm being taken care of, and I'm sure they'd have loved you almost as much as I do."
Aigis smiled as she felt Kotone take her hand, though she made sure to stay at the ready to catch her again if need be. Perhaps she should have felt glum, or panicked over what Kotone's vital signs were telling her. But that could come later. For the time being, she simply basked in what time she had as Kotone began to tug her forwards weakly.
"I would like that very much. Please, lead the way."
"He wrote very beautifully," Aigis spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb neither the train back to Iwatodai, nor Kotone yawning and snuggled up to her shoulder sleepily. She flipped through the notebook again, soaking in each and every word as her eyes flicked from the text to Kotone and back again, slowly drawing the connections between the two. With a sigh, she closed the book, setting it on her lap to instead reach up and stroke Kotone's hair. It was disconcertingly early for her to be so tired, but Aigis thought better than to broach the topic. It was much more important to keep Kotone cosy and to commit every memory of her sleepy face and all of its cuteness to memory. Besides, it had been a taxing day. Even beyond their reunion, the hours spent talking to her late family could not have been easy, even if she had seemed like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders after they finished their conversation.
"You two would've gotten along great, y'know? He'd have loved to hear your thoughts on things, and well, he had a way to really make you see the shine in life." Kotone nodded in agreement, not bothering to open her eyes. There wasn't any need to, when they could read each other's feelings so effortlessly regardless. "I can pretty much see it now; the two of you, waxing poetic about everything for hours. I'd have paid to hear it."
"It is a shame then. I would have liked to meet him," Aigis concurred. To meet someone who had impacted Kotone so greatly, and had been dealt such a cruel hand too would have been something to be treasured, but she had learned life was rarely fair, especially to kind souls like her Kotone and this Akinari.
"You have, in every way that matters. That story's as much him as the boy I met every Sunday, and I think he'd be happy to have left such an impact already," Kotone's voice slipped out in a dulcet mumble, clearly content for the time being. Still, something gnawed at her deep down, and she'd long grown past her need to push everything down to keep a smile plastered on her face. It failed to lessen the amount of affection oozing from her words though. "Hey, Ai, can I ask you something, honey?"
"Of course, Kotone. Whatever you need."
"It's just, with everything, will we be able to keep seeing each other? I get if you can't come home to the dorms, but, can we still have times like this? Is that okay?" She hadn't meant to sound so needy, but it just spilled out. Not a single bone in her body wanted to separate from Aigis again, not with how little time they had. Every strained breath, every tired movement, each and every bit of pain was magnified a hundredfold when she'd been alone, compared to now. She could only pray they'd have every moment possible together, to make the most of it.
"While it is true that I cannot return to the dormitory with you," Aigis started, turning to face Kotone before wrapping her arms around her once more. "I shall spend every moment I can with you. If you would like, I shall wait under the persimmon tree after school each day. I know that it is special to you, and I will always be there for you."
Kotone visibly relaxed at the reassurance, and the tight squeeze of Aigis' embrace. The afternoon's could be theirs, and then the evenings could be there for everyone else. There was no way she'd miss out on her time with them too, even if Aigis came first. Night scared her the most, as it meant being alone most of the time, working away at the gifts she was preparing for all of her friends for when it happened, and maybe getting to watch a movie with Yukari if she was lucky. The worst of it would be, and had been, sleeping. She hadn't realised how quickly she'd gotten used to drifting of with her limbs tangled around Aigis, every whir and buzz becoming a gentle lullaby that she'd struggled to sleep without lately. And while Kotone was still close with Yukari, everything the latter had forgotten had drawn a rift in their relationship that had never really been there. They still hugged pretty much every time they saw each other, and seemed to lean into each other's space whenever they could, but Kotone had more or less figured they weren't close enough to hold each other through the night when things to especially tough anymore. Kotone just had to hope that her, and everybody else, would remember their promise on Graduation Day. And that Aigis would be okay with her next idea.
"I'm glad. I wanna be with you all the time." Kotone leant on Aigis' arm a little more, listening as the PA blared that Iwatodai was only 1 stop away. She had to ask now, or she wouldn't really get the chance. "Speaking of, I, um, I don't know where you've been staying, but would you be okay if we spoke on the phone tonight when I went to bed? Maybe most nights? I just miss sleeping next to you."
Aigis melted slightly at how cute the admission was, though her heart soon clenched at the thought of Kotone being so lonely. She nodded vigorously, before realising that Kotone probably couldn't see it with her face buried in Aigis' sleeve.
"I have been staying in a facility belonging to the Kirijo Group. It has the suitable stations I require, and it seems it has been forgotten by them too," Aigis explained gently, seeking to first quell her lover's concern. She knew Kotone was most definitely the type to fret until she was certain Aigis was comfortable, before she even began to relax at any good news. "And of course. I would love to keep you company however I can, and the lack of your presence at night has been distressing for me as well."
The tiny, muffled "yay" that escaped Kotone's lips set off such a swell of love in Aigis' heart, and she couldn't stop herself from immediately peppering a barrage of kisses onto the top of Kotone's head. She paid no heed to the strange looks from the others in their carriage; they could not fathom how perfect her Kotone was, nor how much Aigis cherished her. Their venomous whispers meant nothing in comparison to the fulfilment of doting upon such a perfect girl.
"I love you, Kotone. More than anything. And I will do so forever, if you will have me."
"Of course I'll have you, dummy. I won't have anyone but you. I love you too, Ai, just as much."
A quiet understanding passed between the two. Perhaps there would have once been insecurities from either one of them, but that time had passed. Neither needed to question how special the love between them was.
"Here. Iwatodai is the next stop." Aigis gently pushed Akinari's notebook back into Kotone's bag, before reaching down and tidying up the scarf of her enemy and friend around Kotone's neck. Another kiss to Kotone's crown followed suit, before she helped the sleepy girl sit up. "I can see you off at the station, but it would be unwise for me to go any further."
"Okayyy," even with the promise of being waved goodbye and being able to fall asleep to the sound of her voice once more, Kotone whined at the separation. Not being with Aigis felt a lot more difficult now after having some time with her, but she supposed she could be strong enough to manage a few more hours of it. "I'll miss you. Even if its not long, I'll miss you for every second we're not together."
Aigis laughed gently at her words. She was sure most would be shocked to hear such sappy words from someone as peppy and fierce as Kotone, but the way it made her cheeks warm was well worth it.
"There is no need. As long as you remember that I love you, you need not be alone. I hope, that just as you have left your physical mark on me, I have returned the favour." Aigis' hand crept up to brush against the base of her ribbon, where underneath her Papillon heart had been irreversibly altered by Kotone's being, and she smiled. She was never truly apart from Kotone in that way, at the very least.
"When did you get so good at all this sweet talk?" Kotone huffed playfully, able to sit up a little more upright now. "But you're right. We really aren't ever that far apart are we? I've got you with me close to as much as you've got me in that heart of yours."
"I concur. We have each other, no matter what."
"Mhm. You and me, forever. Sounds perfect."