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Baby's don't remember much; that's why Natsuki also couldn't evoke much from when she was little. But what she could remember is that it was cold, it always felt cold and so-so lonely. But there was warmth once. She still recalls the warm hands on her little face and the warm smile when he said “ hi Natsuki, you can call me Haruka."
She couldn't remember his face very well but she still remembers that he had the most beautiful voice-not harsh but soft, soothing her, protecting her. When he was with her she didn't feel alone; she felt loved. When she grew up she still saw him and he would take care of her. He was so nice and she felt safe with him. Every time he took her in their arms, it was like he wrapped a shield around her and nothing could hurt her. But when she grew up, her parents became more neglectful.
She could hear their screaming, even with the door closed. But he was always there to stay with her when they were fighting. He would always say”They are stupid to put the blame of all their problems on a baby, it’s not your fault you were born." but she didn’t understand it at that time.
He wouldn't talk much, but when he did she listened. Her first words weren't papa nor mama, they were ‘Aru’, and that was what she started calling him. He was her entire world. It was nice with him but then he vanished, and she never saw him again. At first she cried, and waited, hoping he would come back. But then she just got angry, how could he leave her just like that, in that house, alone?
Some time later my mom took me with her and we went to live in a little apartment.
We lived there pretty well but then mom started to go away longer and longer, however she always came back. Then one night, she never came back. Didn’t even say goodbye ... just left. I was alone for a few days, waiting for her to come back, she never did. Then they came and took me. I couldn’t live there alone, they said. So they took me to an orphanage.
When I came there I just wanted to be left alone, I didn’t want some welcoming party. But they just wouldn’t leave me alone; they kept talking about being a big family and me being their new sister. Ididn’t want friends nor family; just to be left in my room. In the end they would all just go away just like them. They kept trying to calm me down but i just wanted to be left alone, isn’t that easy to understand!
Then some girl came trying to lure me with food, and behind her was that guy who couldn’t stop talking about how everyone is happy that she’s here and of how she should come eat because it's gonna be tasty. But she didn’t want this, her fists clenched. I threw those plates on the ground. But instead of being mad, they just started cleaning it up, but that’s not what I wanted! I want them to be mad, and then see I'm not worth their efforts, and leave me alone!
But when I take the other plate to hit the girl with it, someone takes my wrist. And in a low voice he says” Natsuki” He feels familiar. But I don’t want to listen to his rambling about how much work it took them to make and bring the food, and that he really wanted to eat it, so I just hit him in the leg and run away.
I was walking near the bridge, my fists clenching hard. I don’t understand them, they’re so rude. I'm not your family! I was so mad that when I threw the can I didn’t realize there were people under me. They were some older kids, and they were furious. My body told me to run, but I just froze, like a rabbit trapped in a lion’s den.
But before they could do anything the weird guy from before-the one who couldn’t stop rambling, took the group’s leader’s wrist. I couldn’t do anything, but they were mad. Maybe if I said sorry they would leave? “I’m-I’m sorry” I said, my voice trembling. But they wouldn't listen. The leader just said, “The spot you hit me there, it does hurt a lot. Who’s gonna pay my hospital bills?”
The weird boy’s dual-colored hair swayed in the wind, his back turned to me. He was mad. He felt dangerous. It was not the same as the weird guy from the orphanage.”You think this is funny? What if I get a concussion because of that girl?” the leader said, while stepping forward"Mind your own business.She needs to learn to pay for her actions."
“Mind your own business? This is my business." He remarked. And before the leader could do anything, in a swift movement the ‘weird guy’ had already grabbed his arms and pinned behind his back. He whispered something in the guy’s ear, but I didn’t hear. The other froze; I think he even shivered. The ‘weird guy’ let him go but the other just stayed there, stunned in place. The others panicked, took their leader and ran.
I couldn’t look him in the eyes, couldn’t even move. They were gone, so why couldn’t I move? I needed to sit, to calm down. I let my legs lead the way, I walked to the stairs and sat underneath them on the grass. I sat there with my face hidden between my knees. My pants became wet; I was crying.I heard some rustling and typing, and then a voice, so familiar
“Natsuki,...are you okay?”
It sounded just like him, just like Aru. I didn’t respond, just cried louder. I’m such a crybaby, he won’t come back, he left, and then mom left.
He sat on the ground next to me, the silence stretching.His voice dropping in that soft, soothing tone, tought it trembled a bit ”Natsuki… I know you’re mad but please, look at me. I’m so sorry I left. I wanted to stay with you, but I got kicked out and couldn’t reach you again. I'm sorry. You don’t need to forgive me, but please look at me”. He sounded so genuine, he didn't change, had he.
“Aru?” I said, my voice unsteady and barely above a whisper. I looked up and there I saw him, smiling-the same smile as before.
“Yes Natsuki,it's me”. The look in his eyes was pure relief. “You grew up so much.”
Before he could say anything more I already jumped in his arms. “Aru!” He was really there, he came back! I started sobbing uncontrollably, he was finally back after all this time.
Aru stiffed a bit but then he wrapped his arms thightly around me. It felt like nothing changed, like I was still that baby getting cradled by my angel. “I’m back Natsuki” We stayed there for a while, just holding each other. When my tears started to calm down and I was starting drifting to sleep, Aru ruffled my hair and whispered “Natsuki, we need to go. It’s getting late and they are going to get worried”.
“Nooo, I don’t want to gooo”. I tried to protest sleepily, but Aru already took me in his arms and got up. “Looks like I will need to bring you there myself”. I could practically hear the smirk in his voice. I clung to him for dear life, and before I knew it, we were already back.
”Natsuki! Sakura what happened? Is she alright!” It was the girl from before. "She's just sleepy." Haruka put me down, but I still held onto his sleeve.
He pushed me a bit forward “ Go on, don’t you have anything to say." Some people of the orphanage protested a bit, saying I didn't need to apologise, but I knew that what I did was wrong.
“I’m sorry”. My voice was still a bit unsteady.
Their gazes instantly became softer.” Don’t worry, Natsuki, it’s normal to be wary on your first few days. Let’s go eat." I cluched onto Aru’s sleeve again, refusing to let go.
After taking our food we went to sit at the table and I sat next to Aru while we ate. It was nice, all together, eating like this. But he needed to go, of course he couldn’t stay with me. I just want him to stay. He stood up but I grabbed his arm to stop him ”Please don't go Aru, don’t leave me again."
He kneeled down before me, his voice incredibly soft ”Natsuki I’m not going to leave you ever again, but I can’t
live here. What I can promise you is that I will come back the very next time I can”.
Aru never broke promises and I knew it.