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Human sleep is so strange in so many ways. Grace agreed to go to sleep over 2 hours ago, and yet he has still not fallen asleep. He’s lying in his bed, with all the conditions he needs to sleep, but he keeps moving his legs, adjusting his blanket, and changing positions. I don’t mind watching him as he tries to fall asleep, but he seems like he’s getting annoyed.
Speaking loudly when Grace is trying to sleep can cause him to get cranky. It’s a little cute, but if I say that to him when he is already cranky, it’ll cause a tantrum. I walk over and adjust the volume of the thinking machine. I’m pleased with my new skin suit for many reasons, but one of the biggest is being able to interact with the thinking machine without having to ask Grace first.
“Grace Rocky talk question?”
A large sigh. Ah,too late, he’s already cranky. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best. I’m not getting any rest tonight anyway.”
“Want help, question?”
“Yeah, I’ll try anything at this point. “
“Good Good Good.” I have had an idea for how to help Grace for a while now, but I’ve been waiting for a night where he was feeling more permissive. I want to help Grace, but he’s willing to make himself miserable resisting if he feels like I’m forcing him.
Grace gave me a word, to describe what’s happening to him. There is no equivalency in Eridian. Insomnia. What an unusual problem to have. Eridians generally have the opposite issue. There are instances where someone who has lost track of time will fall asleep in public, or at their job. Of course, strangers would always come and watch, or at the very least get on the radio to request assistance, but it's embarrassing for the one who fell asleep and an inconvenience. Since it’s such a new concept, I don’t have a cure for insomnia, but I do have a possible solution to get him to settle down. Once he settles down, then I hope it’ll be easier for him to sleep.
I think it’d be good for Grace to be swaddled. Swaddling is normally only used for fresh hatchlings, 12 years old and younger. At that age, hatchlings can move and run, but they’re still trying to understand their environment. It’s very easy for them to get overstimulated. Being wrapped up tightly brings back the feeling of being safe and secure in their egg. It also gives the parents a break from an overstimulated hatchling sprinting anywhere they wish.
I swing up above Grace’s sleeping nook, and dangle myself above him with one arm. I move his blanket out of the way, and put one arm under his knees, and one across his back. Grace makes a yelping noise when picked up, but he stays still and doesn't squirm. He is too too light, but I can’t compare his weight to before I had the skin suit. I use my last two arms to shake out the blanket and adjust it below Grace. I put him back down on the blanket and tuck it tightly around him, making sure to tuck in under his lower limbs. Grace should be able to free himself if he really wants to, but the pressure should make him feel secure. Even though Grace doesn't have any memories of being inside an eggs like an Eridian does, I figure a swaddle might give him the feeling of a human hug. At the very least, it will make it more difficult for him to move around so much, and can help him settle.
“Comfortable, question?”
Grace is silent for a moment, and then laughs. Ah good! He stopped being cranky so quickly. I am so good at this.
“That was pretty surreal man. You really are like a spider! You got me all wrapped up like a fly in a web.”
Ack, I suppose that my actions may have seemed like the Earth monster. Grace showed me nature documentaries of them. They hunt by trapping their prey, and once they trap them they wrap them up tight to save for later. I hope I didn’t scare Grace by picking him up and swaddling him. I could probably clear this up by explaining what Swaddling is and what it’s meant to do, but I hesitate. I’m sure Grace must know that I treat him like a hatchling, but it’s unspoken between the two of us. I know he isn't one, and I do respect him, but he’s just so young and he needs so much care!
Grace’s heart beat remains steady, and he moves his lips into a “smile”. Good Good. He isn’t scared. “Thanks for tucking me in. I feel as snug as a bug in a rug.”
Huh? None of that made any sense. “Is being bug good or bad?!” I stomp twice in question.
Grace laughs. “Sorry sorry. Right now, it’s good. It’s just a bit strange. Tucking someone in is a bit of a parental action for humans, and normally it’s only done for little kids. I don’t mind. If I’m honest, it’s pretty nice. It feels like you're taking care of me.”
Good Good Good. It means less confusion when my actions mean the same thing for Eridians as it does for Humans. “Correct! Rocky always take care of Grace. Always always always.”
“You really don't have to! I promise, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself.” He wiggles slightly in his swaddle. That must be an indication that he needs more to settle.
Ah, Grace is saying foolish things again. Grace often denies my attempts to care for him, sometimes in the same sentence that he tells me how pleasant it is to be taken care of.
“Grace stupid. Rocky care for Grace. How else take care for sleep, question?”
“Unless you're somehow gonna give me a warm glass of milk and sing me a lullaby, I really am good Rock, thank you.”
Grace sometimes words requests like they’re impossible, no matter the actual difficulty. I think he’s trying to signal that he doesn’t want me to feel obligated to fulfill the request. He used this method to ask for a beach house property on Erid.
A warm glass of milk is much more difficult to give Grace than beach house. Milk is one of the grossest foods Humans eat, and that's a pretty high bar. Unlike Eridians, which only eat creatures, Grace can eat all types of life. He can eat plants and has many preferences for the types and parts of plants he eats. When he does eat animals, he's very picky about what parts of the animal he eats. He only eats the meat and fat of an animal. He says some humans eat animal organs and bones, but it's not common where he is from.
For some reason, the only other part of an animal he will consume is their milk. Milk is a secretion made by some animals on Earth, that they then feed to their young. I shudder. I’m very glad I’m not on Earth. When Grace first told me that human babies eat their own parent for years I thought it was a sick joke. When he confirmed it by pulling up a video, I am not ashamed to say I screamed.
Grace says once Humans are no longer newly hatched, the only drink milk from other animals, like that is better. Corralling other animals, and depriving them of their young so you can steal their secretions is disgusting. Grace says it’s the most efficient way to get calcium. I think they should just pulverize the bones of the animals they kill and feed it to their young, but apparently that is unpalatable to humans.
Grace has powdered milk on board, along with dehydrated coffee, but we’re holding that in reserve. We have hope that we may be able to reverse engineer some of his “real” foods when we get to Erid. So I can’t use the ship milk for this request.
I may not be able to give true milk, but he may just want the ritual of having a warm drink before bed that doesn’t contain the stimulant "caffeine". I take some taumeba and mix it well with water for him to drink.
He wants the “milk” to be warm. Warm is not a very precise instruction. Grace’s definition of warm changes depending on what he’s talking about. Grace insists he’s “warm blooded” despite his body being a freezing 98 degrees. He’ll say the air temperature of the ship is warm beginning at 78 degrees. He enjoys a warm cup of coffee, but only after the water has come to a complete boil.
I presume he means liquid-food-temperature warm. He probably boils his milk before drinking it. Easy. I just need to put the taumeba in a container that is air tight, with a high heat transfer coefficient, and put it in my atmosphere. I grab one of the diamond containers that Grace was studying earlier.
Last week, Grace and I finished a full inventory of the ship. We needed to know how quickly we were going through resources, and it's good for both of us to know what the other has access to. Grace was amazed at some of the materials I've brought over. Diamond is a useful material to have on hand. It's nearly unmatched when it comes to its high heat transfer coefficient, and hardness, and it's not difficult to make. It's just carbon under heat and pressure. But when Grace was reviewing the inventory for my side of the ship, he refused to believe I brought a 5 pound diamond until I brought it out to show him. I presume he was worried that I only brought one, so I assured him I had plenty of diamond dust and diamond tools as well.
Grace really must not have experience with diamonds, because he mistook diamonds' high hardness to mean that he didn't need to be careful while handling it. The moment he picked it up, he dropped it and got a hands on lesson that diamond is fairly brittle. Grace was devastated, and couldn't be consoled until I gave him a diamond container to study and promised he could have an even larger diamond when we got to Erid.
I place the water and Taumeba mix in the container, and put it in the airlock. It takes just a couple of minutes to come up to my room temperature of 210 degrees. I wait for it to cool down to below Grace's atmosphere boiling point so it doesn’t flash steam when I get it out of the container. I transfer the watered down Taumeba to a mug and bring it back to Grace.
I come back to Grace's nest. He's still secured in his blanket cocoon. He looks so comfortable. He releases a wide mouthed deep exhale that indicates that he's already closer to sleep. Good.
“We do not have warm milk, but brought warm Taumeba water mixture for sleep ritual.”
I place the mug down on a table.
“Aww…. Thank you Rocky! I'm gonna let that cool before I have any.” He wiggles slightly in his cocoon. “I appreciate everything you're doing for me, but I am going to draw a hard line here, and say you aren't hand feeding me”
I feel a bit bad at how relieved I am to hear him say that. Newborn Eridians are fed by hand until they learn how to eat for themselves. No self respecting Parent or Untie should be uncomfortable with cleaning up a pebbles waste and helping them eat when they need it. Thankfully Grace handles his waste and food on his own.
“Last request is new word. What mean?” Stomp stomp.
“What word?” He tilts his head all confused. We spoke just a couple a minutes ago, and he already forgot what we were speaking about. Cute. “Oh! It was just a joke, but the word was lullaby. It's soothing music that you play or sing for a kid. It's normally simple and repetitive, it helps really young kids with language development, and most importantly it helps soothe them and prepare them for sleep.”
Oh! What harmonization. That seems similar to ♫♫ ♩♪ ♪ - child-thrum. It's lovely how similar humans and Eridians are sometimes. Soon after a pebble learns to speak, we teach them how to thrum by child-thrumming with them. It's a very very simple version of a thrum. The parent will sing a known song, and encourage their children to join and add their own ideas and feelings. There are never as many chords playing at the same time as in a true thrum, the topics are gentle, and it is always limited in size to just a clutch and one adult. A pebble's first time joining in on the thrum is a very sacred event.
I get started on a child thrum for Grace. Grace is quiet as he smiles up at me. A thrum, by its very nature, is done with others. The entire point is connecting with someone else. Despite that, many times in the years I spent in Tau Ceti before Grace saved me, I would thrum alone. Just having someone listen, even if they don't join or even understand, is more than I've had in years.
The child-thrum I sing is a classic. I sing the feeling of safety, love, and family. I know Grace is a human, he will not be able to feel what I am expressing in the Thrum, but I like to think that some part of it gets through to him. For the first repetition, Grace is silent, thought hs heart is racing. I intensify the thrum, broadcasting safety, love, and family in every cord.
All at once, the tension bleeds out of Grace. He speaks softly, clearly not trying to interrupt. “It's beautiful Rocky. I love it. It doesn't sound like any lullaby I've heard before, but it's so pretty and comforting.”
I stutter for a moment. It's comforting to him. Can he feel the notes of safety that I've layered into the child-thrum for him? I know he probably can’t. I'm anthropomorphizing him. Grace can't understand a thrum, humans don't have anything like this (just another way Grace has been alone).
The song comes to its natural end. “Normally would sing together. Much harmony.” Truly, I'm not upset that he can't thrum with me. I love him no matter what. I'm just glad I can share this song of comfort and love in some small way with Grace. I will spend the rest of Grace’s life trying to convey my love for him in a way he understands.
Grace nods his head as I repeat the song for him. I see his feet bouncing from within the cocoon to the rhythm. Then he shocks me by trying to sing along. It sounds exactly like a pebble trying to join a thrum before they're ready. Grace's single voice tries to match with mine. He is simultaneously matching me too well, as if he is afraid to add in new ideas to the thrum, and somehow discordant with the thrum I am conducting, but he’s trying to thrum!
I am amazed, as Grace's feeble notes start to convey some new ideas. I have to focus very hard, but flashes of intent come through. Barely anything, but barely anything is something. I feel Grace sharing the ideas for comfort, warmth, and parent. Grace shouldn't be able to thrum, but he has!! Oh I get to be here for Grace's first Thrum!!
I don’t let my excitement end the song early. I finish it out before squealing and running around the room.
“GRACE THRUM! GRACE THRUM!! “
Oh how I wish I was recording! Adrian will be so sad they missed this!
Grace watches me do laps around the room. “I don’t know about that bud. The way you describe thrums, this was nowhere near that. But the song was nice! It didn’t sound like, well, anything on Earth, but it somehow reminded me of my Mom?”
Ah. The notes of family reminded Grace of his family from before he met me. I’ve always wondered. I know Grace didn’t have a family by the time he was sent into space, but surely he must have had a family at some point. I don’t want to bring it up, all the possibilities are not kind ones. I don’t want to shut down the conversation since Grace is the one who brought it up, I won't pry too much.
“Good parent memory, question?”
“Yeah it was. New memories too.” Grace is quiet for a long time. I don't speak, in case he is falling asleep.
“My mom died when I was 12.”
Oh. “Sad Sad Sad. Grace not need talk about parent if Grace not want to.”
“No, I want to talk about it. I was sad at the time, but when I just remembered her, it was good. Talking about her is good. It helps keep her memory alive. “
I shudder. Can humans normally forget their own parents, or is this another thing that was taken from him by Stratt? I can’t forget about his parent now that he’s told me about her. I will remind Grace if he ever forgets again. As the original parent for the Savior of Erid, her memory will stay alive for centuries and centuries.
Grace keeps his face pointed at the ceiling. “She died of a brain tumor. She was very sick for a long time before she died. It affected her prefrontal cortex. She forgot who she was sometimes. I guess we have that in common now. Near the end, she forgot who I was, but even though she was sick, she was always nice. Even when she forgot who I was, she knew I was a kid, and she loved kids. We have that in common too.”
I'm filled with an intense amount of sadness and gratefulness for this person I've never met. She raised such a good child, but she never got to see him grow up. There are people on Erid who believe that songs sung from the tops of mountains can be heard by those who have left us. I do not believe, but when I am back on Erid, I will go to the highest mountain and I will sing a song of all of Grace's accomplishments. Just in case. “Grace parent sound like good person.”
“Yeah. I think she was. My Grandmother and Grandfather took me in after that, but they had my Mom when they were already getting on in years, so it was tough for them. They loved me a lot, but with Mom dying, I think it was difficult for them to be around me sometimes without remembering her.”
A Pebble is always a blessing. Even if gained under tragic circumstances. Even if you meet the pebble while trying to save a dying star.
“They died when I was in undergrad. Gram died first and my grandfather died a couple days later. “
So much tragedy in just one short decade. “How they died?”
Grace raises his shoulders slightly. “Old age. They were in their 70s by that point, so it's a little young to attribute it to old age, but I've always suspected that losing their only daughter aged them prematurely. I also wasn't the easiest kid to care for, which couldn't have helped.”
“No. Grace is blessing.”
The lifespan of Humans means they can lose their parents before leaving the nest. My parents, grandparents, and great grandparents all still alive, or at least they were when he left. All great unties alive as well.
“Who watched you sleep after they gone?” I cringe as I realize the answer is not going to be a pleasant one.
“I've told you many times Rock, we don't need someone to watch us sleep. Different cultures. Part of the reason I went to grad school is because I didn't really have anyone else to rely on. Mom was an only child, and I was 23, so I was already an adult. I didn’t have an inheritance, Grandma and Grandpa's savings were wiped clean by Mom's medical debts, and the estate had to sell their home to cover the rest of their debts and the funeral. Student loans and TAing was the way I was able to afford an apartment. Heh. I never finished paying those loans. I'd like to see Sallie Mae try to collect now.”
I don’t yell and punch like I want to when Grace tells me all of this. Grace’s family was placed in such debt that he had to get rid of the family home? That would be bad enough, but the way he talks about it, there was no other home he could move to. What was his other option, just sleeping in public on purpose and relying on strangers? Eridians’ have scarcity of course. Not everyone can live in the most desirable locations. One would have to be well established, often for generations, to have a home near large thermal vents, but no one would ever be placed in debt for just a basic place to live. Medical care may be rationed depending on resources, but always by need, not by how much is given to the doctor. And is Grace saying he had to take out loans for his education? At just 23? That’s horrific, and stupid! Don’t humans want an educated society? Why discourage it? And who is this Sallie Mae who owns Grace's debt? Rocky hate Sally Mae.
It’s a sick thought but sometimes I’m glad that Grace isn't going back to Earth. Much much better that Rocky will care for Grace.
Oh no. Grace was so casual about all of this. Does he think that this is how Erid will be?
“Grace will have beautiful beautiful home on Erid. No debt. Doctors will help Grace. Rocky not need pay. “
Grace’s voice had a slight downturn when he was speaking of his former guardians, but he bounces back. “Heck yeah free healthcare and no rent. Let’s go!” So he did think that resources would be withheld unless he figured out a way to pay Erid back. I fucking hate humans. Other than Grace of course.
When Grace next speaks, his speech is slower, and his eyes blink slowly. Good, he is reaching true rest. “So what about you? Will I get to meet your Parents when I get to Erid?”
“Yes! Grace will meet Rocky Parents and Grandparents and Great Grandparents and Great Great Grandparents. “
“Oh wow. That’s a… lot of greats. I’d love to meet them, but maybe not all at once.”
“Yes yes, only immediate family at first.”
Grace’s eyes narrow. “ And how big is your immediate family? “
“Immediate family small. Parents and Grandparents all unusual. All only have one clutch. Nothing medically wrong, is by choice. Rocky have 4 grandparents, 2 parents, 10 unites , 5 siblings, 10 niblings, and Grace. “
“That doesn’t feel so small by human standards. Just curious, how big is your non immediate family?”
“Rocky clan medium size! Medium sized, but strong and good. Clan start with Elder ♪ ♫ ♪. My Great Great Great Grandparent. Start clan by doing legend hunt. Kill sky bird that terrorize eastern mountain and claim mountain for future family.” Elder ♪ ♫ ♪ was still alive when I left, but 70 years passed on Erid while I’ve been in space. I would be shocked if they’re still alive now.
"When I leave, I have 4 Great Great Great Grandparents, 12 Great Great Grandparents, 52 Great Great Granduncles, 6 Great Grandparents, 40 Great Grand Unties 4 Grand Parents, 20 Grand Unties, 2 Parents, 10 Unites. 5 siblings, 10 Niblings, 625 cousins in my generation, and now I have you! "
“Wow. Must be a packed Christmas. “
Christmas is holiday where Humans celebrate baby savior. Why talk Christmas?
Grace has talked about Christmas before, and last year, we celebrated together. We put lights on top of the plant samplings, and played human music. Grace ate some of the last of his “real food” and told me the story of the baby savior. It is a nice story, but Grace is still my favorite baby savior. Will have Gracemas on Erid.
“It’s common for humans to live alone and away from family, so holidays are when families get together. I guess you’ll move back to the mountain once we get the biodome situated on Erid? I’d love to come over for the holidays and meet your family!”
I laugh before I realize Grace thinks he's serious. “No no no, Grace not live alone. Live in biodome, but Adrian and Rocky live nearby. We come every day, and watch sleep. Family come visit you.”
“How will you watch me sleep? You’re not living in the biodome. It’s not safe.” His voice has a hard edge. It's so cute when he thinks he can tell me what to do.
“Make device. Listen and broadcast noise. Listen to sleep nearby in safe atmosphere.” The Eridian term for the device is hatchling monitor, but Grace doesn't need to know that. It's made for anxious parents, or parents who can't have siblings help watch.
Grace opens his jaw wide and exhales loudly. I’ve been keeping him up. “Distractions done, time sleep.”
Grace laughs. “Yeah Rock, you pretty much did everything you could short of literally rocking me to sleep.”
“Yes. Rocky is Rocky - ing you to sleep."
“That's another homonym. “ Grace is fighting sleep now so he can teach me. “Rock has a lot of meanings. Can mean stone, a rock, it can mean something that's really pleasing, something that rocks, and it can mean to move something gently back and forth, a rocking motion. “
Grace never mentioned that a rocking motion is conducive to sleep. Grace only asks for personal things when it's well past the point of an emergency. Grace had to care for himself far too young. He came to learn all help comes with debt. He never learned how to have others care for him. It's ok. I will care for Grace until he learns. I pick up my swaddled Grace and gently move him back and forth..
“Woah! Rock, I was joking, you don't have to do that! “
Is there some part of Grace that is afraid he will be indebted to me because I care for him? Terrible.
“Agree. No obligation to help Grace. Is honor and privilege. “
Grace eyes begin over producing fluid, but for once, they do not overspill. “Well thank you anyway. “
“Welcome. Now sleep."
It does not take me rocking Grace for long before I hear his heartbeat and lungs indicate sleep. I can probably put him down now without interrupting his rest.
I rock him throughout the night.