Work Text:
Light wasn’t something you saw often, not anymore.
Even if the sun shone down on you, its warm rays sinking under your skin, it still felt cold. Even if it was burning you alive.
Even when someone threw their arm over your shoulder, pulling you close. Their laughter ringing sharply in your ears at some joke someone else had said, huddled together in a tight group, you still felt alone.
Even when you sat at the dinner tables, your parents, sitting across from you, barely blinked at your silence, giving you space to process. It was only natural in the moment, even as the darkness ripped away your hunger.
Your dad and grandma had already long gone to bed, leaving you awake in your “temporary” room, covered in your brand-new, stiff white bedsheets. The darkness of the room felt pitiful against the hollowness inside you, with the silence stretching like a piece of gum between your teeth, ready to pop at any moment.
Bzz.
You ignored your phone, knowing it was a bad habit to open it and glance at the top of your screen, realise the time, and have guilt chew at your stomach, knowing you have to get up early for school.
Bzz.
Bzz.
Bzz.
But bad habits die hard, and you reached over the smooth, grainy wood of your bedside table and plucked the device from its charger, flinching back at the bright screen before tapping in your code.
4 missed messages from Ellie 🎸🎮, reply?
You sighed, opening the text log.
Ellie 🎸🎮, 3:37 a.m.
Hey. u up?
Ellie 🎸🎮, 3:40 a.m.
U haven’t been online in a while
U ok?
Vc?
You stared at the texts for a long time, the blinking cursor taunting your drained eyes. You slowly tap your thumb against the screen.
You, 3:47 a.m.
No vc.
Tired.
Also can’t play
Your phone buzzed in your hand.
Ellie 🎸🎮, 3:47 a.m.
K
Why not?
You cursed. You said too much, or not enough.
You, 3:49 a.m.
PS4 went blue screen, getting fixed.
Not a total lie, just a white one.
Ellie 🎸🎮, 3:50 a.m.
Shit. That sucks
Eta on repair?
You sniffed, the sudden sting making you close your eyes and rub one hand over them, hoping to ease the ache. It didn’t work. You’ve cried enough these past few months as it is.
You, 3:52 a.m.
Idk.
Really tired.
Ellie 🎸🎮 is recording a voice message.
You blink in surprise, the little bars moving up and down rhythmically that soothed your eyes, feeling them droop until your phone buzzed against your slack hand, jolting you awake.
You tapped the little play button on the voice message.
“Hey… uh, sorry your PS4’s busted… I just wanted to check in on you, y’know?-”
Her voice was gravely from sleep, deep and rough despite the clearly nervous tone.
You’ve heard Ellie’s voice plenty over the last year since you started playing GTA 4 on the PS4 your dad got you for your 16th birthday, pulling you away from the kitchen table into the living room to help you set it up. Never even glancing back at your mom, who didn’t even follow you.
You hadn’t noticed the tense air your parents had around each other, not yet, anyway.
She’d been one of the first people you met on the multiplayer game after finishing the single-player story mode, the first person to help you complete the hardest levels to get the most cash, her laughter and curses echoing in her headset as you drove around together, trying to shake the cops.
The first person you could talk to (what you felt like), pretty much anything about.
Getting Ellie’s number to talk with her outside of the game felt like such a personal step in their friendship, despite not knowing what Ellie even looked like at all… but you hadn’t regretted it since.
Her voice was very welcome against the tide of things in your life, always ready to crack a pun or wrap your ears in soothing tones without pushing too hard on the sensitive subjects.
You blinked awake again and realised the recording had finished, and you hadn’t heard most of it. You tapped play again.
“Hey… uh, sorry your PS4’s busted… I just wanted to check in on you, y’know?...”
Ellie coughed, and you could practically hear the sound of her rubbing the back of her ear, her main nervous tic.
“Fuck, sorry… I-I want you to know that I’m here for you, okay? I know this is kinda out of pocket… but I just wanted to put that out there, just so you know, you can call me anytime, and I mean that.”
The recording went silent for a moment before Ellie spoke again, her voice almost… tender?
“Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be here when you get back, alright?... See you later, night.”
You sobbed into your pillow, trying not to scream. The tears breaking through the dam, pooling on the fabric. If only you could say anything that swirled in your mind.
It took longer than you’d like to admit to calm down, leaving you dizzy and aching from the strain of your emotions.
You fumbled in finding your phone in the sheets, lifting it in your shaking hands, tapping in the code, and sending your last reply.
You, 4:14 a.m.
Thanks. Night.
You replayed the voice message, over and over again, the sound of Ellie’s voice filling your head until you woke up to a nearly dead phone and light streaming through your curtains.
For the first time in months, you felt… happy.