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Armin was called into Hanji’s office for unspecified reasons. He slipped into Eren’s cell before he went to the meeting, telling him about it as he tucked himself into his bed and pulled a thin blanket over his head.
Eren methodically pressed against him, wrapping one arm across his waist and the other folded against his back. “I wouldn’t worry. They’re weird, but they don’t seem too bad.” He gave him a squeeze.
Armin squeaked, hoping Eren didn’t notice.
Eren grabbed Armin and rolled him over, tugging the blanket over his head to give Armin a concerned look. “Roll up your shirt.”
Armin winced, apprehensively rolling his shirt up to expose his stomach.
Eren cupped his hands around Armin’s. “Please?” he asked.
Armin rolled his shirt all the way up, covering his face with it as Eren’s fingers pulled at the bandages around his chest. He made a clicking noise in the back of his throat as he noted the explosions of bruises on his chest that were outlined with raw, red skin.
“Does Mikasa know about this?”
“No,” Armin mumbled, pressing his shirt against his face.
“Have you considered not wearing…” he stopped himself, lifting his hands off of Armin’s body.
“I can’t do that.” There was no way that he was going to take off the bandages. He got through training, a wall falling down, and a mission without being found out. He was not going to allow himself to be found out, because he was bruising.
“Why not?” Eren asked, his voice rougher than expected. He winced, looking away as he helped Armin unroll his shirt.
“Everything’s getting bigger,” Armin murmured, adjusting his collar. He read about how bodies changed around their age. Mikasa was already menstruating for a year and a half at that point, making Armin wonder if maybe he was being pardoned. But his body caught up with him and all he had to show for it was curved hips and breasts that were a little too large to hide under several layers of clothes.
“We knew it was going to happen eventually,” Eren said, “Mikasa went through it, too.”
“She’s a girl, Eren. I’m not.”
“I know that!” Eren hissed, his hands aimed at him. Instead, he yanked the blanket off of them and balled his fists around it. “It’s not ideal, but at least your body is supposed to do that.”
Armin slid away, his legs shaking when he got them on the ground. Suddenly, venting about his body to his friend who was starting to have the ability to transform into a titan seemed pretty foolish. “I’m sorry. I need to see Hanji,” he mumbled, getting up, “I’ll be back, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just…”
Eren watched him, his eyes wide as he fumbled with the lock after he closed the cell door. Armin had to wipe his eyes several times before he could finally get the key in. He took a deep breath that made the bruises on his chest scream before he muttered, “I better get someone to guard you.”
Eren opened his mouth to speak, but Armin refused to listen as he ducked out, slamming every door behind him.
*
Armin arrived at Hanji’s office with red eyes and a stuffy nose. He was in the his process of wiping his face as Hanji swung the door of their office open, exclaiming, “Welcome! Come on in!”
He only knew the basics about Hanji. They were some sort of scientist that appeared enraptured by titans. They seemed to do everything too loud, aside from fighting. Several members of his graduating class asked them if they were a woman and they would just grin wickedly, usually asking something along the lines of, “What’s it to you?”
He knew he had his own frustration at the potential at being referred to as a girl, but he never saw someone who refused to be either option.
Upon entering the room, Armin found himself unsure if he could even consider it an office. There appeared to be a cot with two pillows on it and all the blankets falling to the sides. There was a desk, but it was entirely covered in papers, much of which sketches and notes running along the sides of them. The only things that appeared clear were two chairs, which were angled toward each other.
“Do you want anything to drink?” Hanji asked, “Sit down, by the way. Please.”
Armin sat down, his back rigid against the back of the wooden chair. “No. I’m good.”
“Phew! I forgot to grab anything when I passed by the dining commons. Works for me.” They sat down, crossing their legs before they leaned back on their chair. “Hey. So…” They laughed, shutting their eyes for a moment before they said, “I’m so sorry. I’m not even sure why I decided to ask you here. I’m pretty much making huge assumptions about you and I totally get if you’re offended. Please forgive me. But… I had a hunch and I couldn’t let it go.”
Armin gulped. “Did you?” he asked, tilting his head slowly to the side.
“All right. Oh, your eyes are red. Is everything all right?”
Armin groaned, wiping his eyes in spite of the lack of tears. “Kind of… had a tiff before I got here. I’m fine. Keep going.”
Hanji nodded, thankfully uninterested. “Well, first of all, I just want to tell you one-on-one that you seem to be super smart. Anything I’ve read about you has said that you’re a brilliant tactician and we need people like you with the scouts. So… thank you.”
“Thank you for allowing me to have the opportunities to use my strategies,” Armin said, bowing his head the slightest bit.
“I’m going to spare us the thank you loop we’re about to get into,” they said, uncrossing their legs and leaning in closer to him. “While you obviously have your strength in strategy, you are proficient at other things… the 3D Maneuver Gear, for one.”
Armin shrugged. All he could think about was how it was getting more difficult to use it with the bandages he was wearing. Thankfully, any time he was using it he was running on adrenaline and he didn’t have the time to think about how his chest felt like it was exploding.
“But you don’t seem to be moving as smoothly as you used to. I know you’re smart enough that if you had any problems with your equipment, you would have said something. So it’d definitely something else. And I think I know what it is.”
Armin lowered his head toward his legs and took a deep breath, feeling the bandages around his chest dig into his bruises. “W-what?”
Hanji cleared their throat. “You bind your chest. Am I right?”
Armin lowered his head. At least they weren’t going out of their way to say anything insulting about it. “Yeah. Since… awhile now.”
“With bandages? Like the ones you’d wrap on your joints?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
Hanji laughed. “Because I totally did the same thing when I started doing that stuff. There’s nothing wrong with binding. But you need to do it right.”
“How did you know?” Armin asked. He took showers only after Eren and Mikasa searched the bathing area. He got dressed in dark corners. Even if anyone saw him, it wasn’t like Hanji had connections with the newer scouts from his class that could have led to this realization.
“I saw you wearing a loose shirt when I was passing by the cell once. You had a bruise that looked pretty much identical to what I used to have when I was wrapping myself up incorrectly.”
“So you’re… like me?” Armin asked. He knew that he couldn’t be the only person who ever felt this way. He searched for a book to confirm, but he never could find success in the search.
“Not exactly? I’m not a man. Or a woman. I’m kind of in between. I mean, I like having a flatter chest. But I really like my hair long. So, no. I’m not like you. But similar.”
Armin allowed himself to slip his hands under his shirt and adjust the bandage on his chest for the first time in front of someone that wasn’t Eren or Mikasa.
“Need to itch? I totally understand,” Hanji said, laughing.
He giggled, the noise coming out more strained than he intended as he itched at the irritated skin under his bandages.
“Well, the good thing about us being similar is that I know exactly what you need to be able to bind and still use the gear.” They jumped up and scurried behind their desk. They pulled a drawer open and grabbed a piece of fabric, waving it around their head as they made their way back to their chair. “It took a few prototypes, but I figured out that this is probably the best solution I can give you. It’s a binder. You wear it under your clothes and it should keep your chest flat in a way that won’t get you injured like the bandages would.”
Armin stared at the black fabric that wrapped around Hanji’s hand for a long while.
“It’s a gift. Take it! I made it myself!” Hanji explained, unfolding it to show it off. “You just need to undo the side, put it on, and get it together again. It’s mid length. I’ve also made a version of it that’s full length. I’m wearing it right now, because my hips are kind of big. You probably don’t need a full one like mine, but let me know if you want it.”
“But… my body’s still changing.”
Hanji shrugged. “So let me know if it doesn’t fit correctly, and I’ll make you a new one. No big deal. You bleeding yet?”
“N-no. I should be soon.”
“Well, once that happens, your body should stop changing dramatically. Then it’s just little things. Nothing you can’t handle.” They stood up and waved their hands.
Armin got up as well. “You think so?” he asked.
Hanji nodded their head. “Absolutely. Having the proper tools helps a lot.” They leaned in close and added, “Having close bonds makes things easier, too. You seem pretty close with my subject.”
Armin gritted his teeth before he said, “He’s my best friend.”
Hanji grinned. “Of course he is!”
Armin was going to provide a rebuttal, but Hanji was already walking toward the closet on the other side of the room, opening its door. “Get dressed here. I’ll hang around in case you need help.”
Armin pressed his lips together and nodded, marching into the changing area Hanji made for him. He unbuttoned his shirt, realizing how much the bandages ripped into his skin as the fabric rubbed against it. He slowly removed the bandages from his chest, a dull ache running through him. He glanced down and cringed as he stared at the purple marks, dropping the bandages on the ground before he began to get the binder on.
“How long did you do this to yourself?” Hanji asked, walking over to pick up the bandages from the ground.
“At least four months,” Armin said, slipping his arms through the holes of the binder.
“Don’t you ever do that again,” Hanji said, their voice sounding darker than he ever heard it before, “You could break your ribs doing stuff like this.”
“Did you ever have that happen to you?” Armin asked, adjusting his breasts as he snapped the binder together on his side.
Hanji tossed the bandages directly into the garbage bin next to their desk.
Armin smoothed the binder out against his chest and took a breath. It was a little strained and his body still ached, but once his skin healed he could do this. It certainly helped that he looked better wearing it than he ever did wearing the bandages.
“You get it figured out?” Hanji asked.
“Yeah,” Armin replied, putting his shirt on and buttoning it. He stepped out of the closet area, opening his arms the slightest bit once he finished buttoning.
Hanji slinked over, their eyes glowing. “Excellent!” they exclaimed, tugging on his clothes. “You did a great job for the first time.” They smoothed out his sleeves and smiled for a brief moment before their face became suddenly stern. “There’s some ground rules for this. You’re going to have to get used to wearing it. If you need to stop wearing it after a few hours, do it. If you’re scared of being seen without any binding, just hang out in here for awhile. It’s going to loosen up on you. It’s just what happens when you’re using this material. Let me know and I’ll make you a replacement.”
“I just don’t understand why you’re doing all this for me…”
“Because I know I would have really liked to have someone help me out with this stuff when I was younger.” Their face relaxed again as they placed their hand on his shoulder. “Pretty sure there needs to be some sort of solidarity thing when we’re probably some of the few people that feel this way among the entirety of Mankind. As far as I know, of course.” They looked around the room for a moment before they said, “You’re free to go, I guess. Stop by soon and let me know how your chest is doing and all that. Do you want me to get you an ointment for it?”
Armin shook his head. “No. I think it’ll heal on its own.” He sighed. “Thank you, by the way. For… all of this.”
“Not a problem!” Hanji said, “Us scouts have to look out for each other.”
Armin nodded, considering a salute toward them out of respect. As he brought his hand to his chest, he realized how silly it was. This wasn’t about fighting titans or respecting those that were a higher rank than he was. Hanji wasn’t looking for that. They wanted to see him as an equal who has had similar issues.
When he reached out to shake Hanji’s hand instead, they enveloped him into a hug. “You’re gonna be fine!” they exclaimed, rubbing his back, “Joking aside, you got some great friends looking out for you. And now you got me for this stuff.”
Armin closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about the great friends that Hanji mentioned. As Eren’s eyes flashed in his mind, he gasped, stepping out of their embrace. “I need to talk to Eren.” He looked up at them and covered his mouth. “I’m sorry. I just… I need to speak with him.”
“Then go,” Hanji said, still smiling, “Don’t make me keep you. Especially if it’s important.”
“Yes. Ah. It’s really important actually.” Armin darted toward the door, running out and making it several feet before he frantically ran back. “Thank you so much, by the way!” he exclaimed, “We should actually speak sometime soon.”
“You’re very welcome,” Hanji replied, waving. “You know where to find me.”
Armin willed himself to smile before he left. He slipped back to the chambers where Eren was kept and found himself relieved to see that Mikasa was leaving as he was arriving.
“Everything all right?” Mikasa asked, raising her eyebrows as Armin needed to stop himself using the bars of the door.
“Yeah. Kind of? Yeah, they are. Was talking to Hanji.”
“What did they want?”
“Just wanted… to talk to me. About things. They gave me something.” He tried to catch his breath for several moments before he unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt. “See? It’s going to be way better than the bandages I was using.”
Mikasa eyed the bit of binder the peaked from his clothes. “So you’ll be able to use your gear more efficiently again?”
“That’s what they said. It’s not going to give me bruises, either.”
“Good.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before she passed him the keys. “I need to head out, but I should be back soon. Will you stay around?”
“Hopefully,” Armin murmured, finally looking at Eren. He appeared to be sitting up, playing the the hem of his pillowcase.
“See you then,” Mikasa said, walking out of the hall. Armin watched her close the door before he slipped into Eren’s cell. He closed the door and leaned against the bars, unable to make eye contact.
“Come here, Armin,” Eren said.
Armin padded toward Eren’s bed, pulling a nearby chair toward him.
“No. Come here,” Eren demanded, shifting to the side.
Armin sat down on the edge of the bed, involuntarily smoothing the fabric of his against his chest. He took a deep breath, nearly coughing before he said, “What I said… before I ran out… that was really out of line.”
“I wasn’t being fair either,” Eren said, his hand squeezing into the space between Armin’s arm and his body to grab his hand. “How did meeting Hanji go?”
Armin smiled weakly. Of course, Eren was focused on the more professional matters. “It went really well. They got me something… for my chest.”
Eren let go to put his hand on Armin’s hip. “Can you show me?”
Armin looked around, standing up before he unbuttoned most of the buttons of his shirt. “Apparently, they make them.”
“So are they… like you? I mean, we kind of assumed that…”
Armin shook his head. “No. I mean, a little. I’m a boy. And part of Hanji is. But Hanji’s a girl, too. They said that they’re in between.”
Eren shrugged, reaching out to him. He brought up his own hands and grinned when Eren yanked him into his bed. He tumbled next to him, strangely happy seeing how much his chest was exposed at the angle he landed. Eren leaned against him, avoiding his bruises as he ran his finger down his cheek. He made his way down his neck and skipped the binder before he continued to run his finger along his stomach. Armin caught it before he went farther than that, linking their fingers together.
“I’m sorry again,” Armin mumbled.
“I got it the first twelve times you said it. Seriously.” He swung their fingers around, watching their wrists bend.
Armin nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
Eren adjusted his pillow and squirmed so that he could lay flat on the bed. He raised his arm and tugged Armin’s finger until Armin placed his head on his chest. Eren let go of his finger to wrap his arm around Armin and held him close, still avoiding the bruises.
Armin began to button his shirt, worried about anyone walking in that wasn’t Mikasa or Hanji. Eren pulled the blanket over them, trying his best to help him with his free hand.
Leaving one button undone, he brought Eren’s hand toward his face and closed his eyes, happy when Eren began to gently stroke his cheek.