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Shouta hadn’t expected anyone to find him here.
Sure, the rooftop is where they all used to gather, but Hizashi has refused to come up here for fear of tainting it with hollowness in his mind, and Shouta has assumed Kayama felt the same way. He understands it, but despite the emptiness without any company, there’s still something comforting about this place to him. The good memories may all be ghosts now, but if they are the only solace he can find without Oboro, he will cling to them as tightly as he can.
“Huh,” Kayama says.
Shouta starts from his miserable stupor, looking up to find her striding towards him. Her body language exudes confidence as it always does, but as she gets closer, Shouta can see the dark circles under her eyes and the wrinkles in her uniform. She’s better at hiding it, but he has a feeling she isn’t faring any better than he is at the moment.
“I figured this place would be deserted,” she tells him. “Yamada-kun acts like returning would ruin sacred ground.”
Shouta hums in acknowledgement. He doesn’t intend to inform Hizashi that he’s been up here; hopefully Kayama won’t snitch on him either. He’s not sure their friendship could survive an argument over this right now. Everything has been strained and withering after losing Oboro. Sometimes, Shouta feels as if he doesn’t even know how to talk to Hizashi anymore.
(Sometimes, he wonders if he ever did, or if Oboro was the only thing connecting them.)
Kayama sits down beside him. Shouta watches out of the corner of her eye, unsure what to expect. She’s always been upbeat and lively, joking around with the others and commanding attention to herself. But for the past few weeks, she’s just been…quiet.
Shouta used to wish for quiet friends. He regrets that now. He would trade all of the peace in the world for one more day with Oboro, Kayama, and Hizashi feeding off of each other’s chaotic energy.
Kayama breathes out a heavy sigh, and then, she leans her head on Shouta’s shoulder.
He stiffens instinctively at the contact—he’s never been big on physical affection like his friends are, and he doesn’t lust after Kayama’s every touch either. Much to her dismay. This is different than usual, though, because Kayama typically touches him with the intent to tease. Whether dragging him into a hug or ruffling his hair or grabbing him by the shoulder, or any other number of things, she does it to watch Shouta flounder and attempt to shove her away.
Right now, she doesn’t seem interested in his reaction at all.
Slowly, his body relaxes, growing accustomed to Kayama’s weight against him.
“I’m glad you were here,” she admits. “I’ve missed you.”
“We saw each other this morning,” Shouta points out.
“But we haven’t really talked since…” Kayama’s voice breaks off. She doesn’t need to finish the sentence; Shouta knows what she means regardless. There is an elephant in their friend group the shape of Oboro’s corpse which none of them know how to address. They can’t move forward with the tension between them, but what more is there to be said?
Oboro is dead. That’s the beginning and the end of everything left unspoken.
“Is there any reason to talk about it?”
Kayama scoffs. “Of course there’s reason. But I’d rather talk with you about something meaningless than not talk to you at all.”
“…Oh.”
Kayama turn her head, burying her face in his shoulder. Shouta pats her back awkwardly, not sure what to do to offer comfort but aware he should at least try to be a decent friend. He doesn’t want to go back to a life without Kayama and Hizashi. Especially not right now. He came up to the roof with the intention to be alone, but now that Kayama is here with him, he’s realizing loneliness is the opposite of what he needs.
“I hate this,” Kayama mumbles, voice cracking. “I’m so shit at making friends, and then I finally found you guys, and then—” Her breath hitches. “Fuck.”
“I understand,” Shouta offers, because he really can empathize with her there. He didn’t have friends until UA—not until he transferred into the hero course at the start of his second year when he met Hizashi and Oboro. They sort of forcibly adopted him into a friendship, and then Kayama burst onto the scene, and he’s still not entirely sure how it happened, but he ended up with three real actual friends for the first time in his life.
And now, he’s worried that losing one of them will lead to him losing all of them.
…Maybe Kayama is right and there is reason to talk about what happened with Oboro. If only so they don’t completely drift apart without him.
“Well.” Kayama knocks her knee against Shouta’s. “I’m still going to be friends with you, alright? Whether you want it or not. I’ll show up at your house so often you’ll be wished you could get rid of me.”
I already wish I could get rid of you, Shouta thinks, but it’s not true and it never has been, even if before, he would have said it without hesitation.
“Okay,” he agrees.
“Okay?”
He shrugs. “It’s not like you don’t basically do that already.”
Kayama huffs out a wet laugh. “Aizawa-kun?”
“Hm?”
“Can I hold your hand?” she asks, which is strange, considering she’s never asked permission for something like that before. “Just for a minute. Just to feel like I’m not alone.”
“You aren’t alone,” Shouta points out. They’re literally sitting right beside each other, with Kayama leaning on him. And even if Hizashi isn’t physically here right now, Shouta knows that he would show up for either of them as soon as they said the word. He’s too kind to forsake the people he’s friends with.
And no matter what, Shouta, Kayama, and Hizashi are friends. If Kayama has determined to maintain the closeness between them, Shouta will do the same. If he has to, he’ll force Hizashi back into friendship the same way he and Oboro did for Shouta when they first met.
Kayama hesitates. “I mean, yeah, but…”
Shouta takes her hand in his, and she falls quiet. She links their fingers together, holding onto him like a lifeline. Shouta squeezes back just as tightly.