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You knew you were being uncharacteristically happy. It was actually a bit of a surprise that nobody had commented on it. All the stress of "What do we do now?" could wait. Yesterday you had slept for more than two or three hours for the first time in ages. You had been running on exhaustion and now you needed to, as Gamzee told you, "Get your wicked chill on."
So you let yourself relax for a while. You spend the morning watching one of John's awful movies, and even manage not to get in an argument with Dave. It was going to be a great day, you knew it.
It was still early afternoon when you set out to look for Gamzee, but you had had enough of Nicholas Cage. Besides, you wouldn't admit it, but you already missed him despite seeing him just the night before. You didn't really know all the different little places Gamzee had found to hide out in. But clearly there were many, and they were out of the way. Days could pass with no sign of him. But everyone knew he was around somewhere.
Occasional feelings jams in a secluded corner had been enough to sustain you before, daydreams occupying your rare free moments until you encountered your moirail. However, if your current feelings were any indication, this would no longer be the case.
Where would you even begin to look for your matesprit? You quite honestly had no idea. Frustrated with yourself, you began pacing back and forth across the room. Why did it have to be so difficult to even begin to know where Gamzee might be at a given moment?
Jamming your hands in your pockets, you encountered a crumpled scrap of paper. When did that get there? Pulling it out, you unfolded the note. Written messily in purple ink, it said "If YoU'rE lOoKiNg FoR mE, i'M iN yOuR bLoCk. HoNk :o) <3" When did he slip that note into your pocket? You had to admit though, that was kind of cute. Smiling to yourself as you looked at the heart again, you slipped the note back into your pocket and headed down the hall.
Sure enough, Gamzee was there. Glad that you hadn't had to go hunting all over the place, you grinned at him, usual frown completely forgotten.
"I was just going to go looking for you," you said. "But then I found the note, so thanks for that." Walking over to where your matesprit was sitting, you leaned over and kissed him gratefully before you could lose your nerve. Yeah, you could definitely get used to that.
Gamzee happily cuddled you close, seeming to have missed you just as much as you missed him. "Yeah, I thought you'd wanna know how to find me. After that motherfucking miraculous day yesterday, I couldn't go days without seeing you. Nobody else would've really been too happy to see me, so I thought I'd chill here and wait for you."
"Mhmm, I'm glad you did," you breathed. "I fucking missed you already."
"Really?" Gamzee wrapped one arm around you, absentmindedly tracing lines along your side. "I missed you too, Karbro. It's pretty lonely here sometimes."
You hadn't really thought about how lonely your matesprit must be, isolated from everyone else. "You don't need to be lonely now. I would've seen you more often before if I knew where to find you. But now I'll try even harder to make sure no matesprit of mine is sitting around all alone."
"Aw, thanks Karkat. Flushed for you." Lightly kissing your cheek and neck, he nuzzled into your hair.
Glad that nobody was there to see you acting so unlike yourself, you murmured "Flushed for you too, idiot." Tilting your head up to return the kisses, you curled up into his side.
"I never realized how short you were," Gamzee laughed. Blushing, you noticed that you weren't even quite tall enough to rest your head on his shoulder.
He shook his head upon seeing your bright red blush. "Don't get all embarrassed. I think it's cute. Everything about you is cute."
"Thanks," you grumbled. "But I'm not even tall enough to kiss you when we're standing up."
You were rather pleasantly surprised by Gamzee tugging you onto his lap and kissing you, shooshing quietly. "You're perfect to me, so don't be all ashamed about your motherfucking height. I'm the luckiest troll ever to have you pity me."
Knowing what he was thinking about, you hugged him tightly. "That wasn't you, okay? That was the Grand Highblood, not Gamzee. I know some of the others...don't feel that way, but I know that the real you would never do something like that."
There was no way that the crazed juggalo who murdered his friends and mutilated their corpses was the same person who kissed you so sweetly and left notes with hearts in your pocket. He had been your flushed crush for a while, and your best friend much longer than that. You thought that maybe you were in love with Gamzee Makara.
He nodded, but seemed unconvinced. Snuggling into his chest, you got cozy in what was a very vulnerable position, not at all defensive. "Look, you're going to stay right here with me. You don't need to hide anymore. You're going to be fine, I promise. You're okay, you're okay."
Biting his lip, Gamzee confessed "I'm worried that someday that'll happen again and I'll hurt you."
"I can handle myself," you soothed. "Besides, that's not gonna happen. I promise."
When he kissed you again, he murmured something softly against your skin. You felt it more than you heard it, but that was enough. The hushed, slightly nervous tone of his voice saying "I love you, Karkat."
Still needing to lean up a bit, you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him comfortingly, long and lingering. As you pulled away, you barely whispered "Love you too, Gamzee," but the look on his face let you know he heard you.
"So don't ever fucking think I don't. I really do, okay?" You stumbled over your words, not even quite sure what you were trying to say.
This was actually the most you had talked in a while, and it was very different than talking to anyone else. With Gamzee, you didn't need to put up walls and be so angry. Sure, you got irritated with him sometimes, like when he absconded and you couldn't find him for almost a week. But he was a much better matesprit than you even dared expect.
Leaning back against the bed, you noticed what looked like a small piece of paper underneath a book on the nightstand. Reaching over to see what it was, you found another handwritten note. Smiling a bit confusedly, you read "YoU'rE a MuCh BeTtEr MaTeSpRiT tHaN tHe OnEs In ThAt BoOk :o)"
Looking over near the door, you saw another note taped near the doorframe, this one reminding you "GuEsS wHaT? i LoVe YoU <3"
"Did you leave these notes all over?" you asked incredulously, surprised that someone would go to all that effort for you.
"Um, yeah." Gamzee chuckled nervously. "If you don't motherfucking like them, I'll stop..."
"No, they're adorable," you reassured. "I love them."
By this time, a couple hours had passed and your matesprit seemed as though he was worried he'd be kicked out. Aiming for a nonchalant tone, you offered,"You know, instead of hiding all over the place where I can't even find you for days, you could always just stay with me."
It took a bit of convincing, including plenty of paps and kisses, but he agreed. "It would be nice to see you more often," he admitted. In order to help reassure him there would be no unwanted interaction with others, you taped a crude "DO NOT DISTURB-GO THE FUCK AWAY" sign to the door.
It would be nice to wake up to Gamzee right there instead of wondering if he'd show up that day or the next. It seemed that he was making a much greater effort to be with you more than when you were moirails.
That night, you slept with your arms wrapped tightly around him, hoping he wouldn't back out on his promise and be gone, in some obscure location, by morning.
He was still there when you woke up. John tried to barge into your room a few minutes later, but Gamzee lifted his head up, eyes trying to focus on John as he smiled sleepily and murmured "The sign said do not disturb, Johnbro."