Work Text:
Daniel,
Did you listen to my solo album, really listen. I wrote it for you. Every. Fucking. Word. Do you remember like I do? I remember everything Daniel, everything. I remember the way I used to touch you. You used to touch me. Sometimes I catch a scent and it reminds me of “The candy sweetness scent of you” and it’s enough to make want to cry. I don’t understand. I love you. You love me, and don’t you go trying to tell me you don’t Daniel. Don’t you dare! If I knew what scared you maybe I could fix it, but you won’t let me in any more. You have to pretend you’re not gay for some reason so you just cut me out of your life. Listen to Insatiable, if you even have the album. Other wise just read the damn lyrics. Maybe then you’ll remember what it was like.
Insatiable
When moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves, I let it go
We build our church above this street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin, I'm stained in you
And all I have to do is hold you
There's a racing within my heart
And I am barely touching you
Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable
The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words
There's only truth
Breathe in, breathe out
There is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate, our bodies soar
Our feet don't even touch the floor
And nobody knows you like I do
Cause the world, they don't understand
But I grow stronger in your hands
Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable
We never sleep, we're always holdin' hands
Kissin' for hours, talkin', makin' plans
I feel like a better man
Just being in the same room
We never sleep, there's just so much to do
So much to say
Can't close my eyes when I'm with you
Insatiable, the way I'm loving you
Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable
When I look in your eyes
Insatiable
The way I'm Loving you
Oh, what can I do
Insatiable for you
I can’t really believe you don’t remember. How could you forget that? Maybe you have forgotten. I don’t understand how you could deny it either and yet you are. For a while I thought there was hope, after that first time you broke up with me. You kept coming back. It was a strange relationship but I kept holding on. I kept Savage Garden alive when I never knew if we were going to be together from one day to the next. I kept taking you back because I love you. I’d still take you back.
"We break up and back together
And I swear to myself never
But oh how you do me yeah....
You strip me of my honor
And I don't ever think I'm gonna
Break free of these mind games"
There’s no one else Daniel. There’s no one but you, whether I have you or not. Don’t you get it? “I keep holding on.”
I miss you so fucking much. I always used to miss you when you slept. “I don't mean to carry on.” I know you broke up with me, romantically and musically.
“It's such a hard life and most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In a world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope”
You are my hope.
“Every time you leave my side I just fall apart.” The truth is I’m lost without you Daniel. I used to be just fine on my own until I met you. I don’t know how to go back to being that person. I don’t want to go back to being that person. I don’t care how much it hurts, I will never stop loving you Daniel.
“Could you tell me I'm good enough?
Could I be good enough?
If the going got worse and the worse got rough
The days became endless and harder than tough
I'd be good enough
Better than best would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give doesn't seem like a lot
If it's all that I've got
Baby tell me that could be good enough”
But you never will because the truth is I’m not good enough. I couldn’t save us. I can’t get through to you. I don’t know what’s going on in your head. I’ve got no answers and no solutions.
“Where I grew up
The rent was cheap
Though we always had enough to eat
Didn't have fancy clothes
I never really cared coz there were shoes on my toes
And motherly love I knew it like the back of my hand
She always had a way to make me understand
I could be good enough”
I guess she was wrong Daniel. If I were good enough I’d know how to fix this. I’d know what to say to make you okay. If I was good enough we’d be together like we belong. All I want is for you tell me I’m good enough. I’m never going to get that am I Daniel?
“We used to stick together
You and me stay that way forever
But now to my surprise
You've become what we despised
What's that they're telling me?
Sleeping with the enemy
Going down on dirty sheets
Didn't nobody tell you how to be discreet?”
So you got yourself a good woman. So fucking what?
“You're a heart attack
And your heart is black
It's whack, your mind is stacked
Tell me, how did anybody ever get like that?
You're a heart attack
You stabbed me in the back
If you pull your punches jack
I'm taking everything back
You hit me harder than a heart attack
You're dancing while I'm dying
Laughing while I'm crying
Denying the mess you made
Your true colors are clashing
This airplane is crashing, it's smashing
Were you even there?
'Cause I don't think you care about anyone but yourself now”
I don’t know what happened to you. How you got so hard.
“Go run, but you can't hide
Actions, they can't be denied
One thing keeps buggin' me
Tell me how you sleep at night”
I don’t see how you can. What you put me through. I know you're scared but you're breaking my heart Daniel. If I could just stop loving you it would be easier but I can’t. I can’t stop loving you. You’re my heart Daniel. My heart. I hate you. As much as I love you I hate you. You are a heart attack. Maybe your heart isn’t black, I have to believe there’s still hope. It was just a bad day when I wrote that song. There’s a lot of bad days.
“Now I know that in the past, I've been much too keen
But your eyes are the kindest that I've ever seen
I guess there are some things you just know
There's a voice inside telling me
To hold on and never let you go
There's a tune that plays
It's a sacred sound, it's a symphony
I hear whenever you're around
Now my world is filled, with a whisper of love
And a promise of tomorrow
And I can see the sun and I can feel the rain
I can hear the wind call your name
I can feel your love, but there's one thing
I can't do, I can't ever get enough of you”
That’s the truth Daniel. I can’t walk away from this, from you. I can’t escape you. I tried. Even the songs that aren’t about you end up being about you. Crush is just a little slice of my history. All on display for you. And Crush. What crush? All I could think about was you. Really it’s the stupidest song I’ve ever written. I’m not even going to really get into Dirty. I thought if you could go off and find some girl to fuck I could do it to, find some one. Suffice it to say I was just trying to prove I was over you and he looked a bit too much like you. “This could be the jam of the year?” If you’re talking hard, dirty, meaningless, and temporary then yeah it was. It is not an experience I intend to repeat. All it proved was that I can’t let go and I can’t Daniel.
“Creepin' up on you
Is the wrong thing to do
I found your address
Got your phone number too
Visit all the stores
Where you buy all your clothes
Been to secret places
You think nobody knows”
I know it’s not right but
“Do I have to breathe without you?
Cause nobody could
I need to be around you
Watching you
No one elsе can love you like I do”
You know that. You know there’s no one else but your still trying to pretend.
“I know that it wouldn’t bе right
If I stayed all night
Just to peek in on you”
What am I supposed to do?
“I’ve been hanging around
All the places you haunt
Spying on your friends
To find out what you want
Drinking from a glass
That you left on the bar
Follow you around
Driving home in your car”
I still got nothing.
“Do I have to breathe without you?” You want to pretend your straight and there’s nothing I can do to change that. Don’t go telling me I’m not out. I’m not hiding like you. I just aim to keep my private life, just that, private. I wouldn’t deny it if it came out. I wish I knew how to give you strength Daniel. If I could just move on...
“I know this must be wrong
It can’t go on
This kind of thing is taking all my sanity
And making me a mockery
This must be wrong
It can’t go on
So won’t somebody free me from this misery
Bring my baby closer to me”
No one has any advice for me. I just don’t know what to say to get you back and I don’t know how to move on, Daniel. I just don’t know.
“Lookin' back on lonely nights
Searching for love again
I never knew my journey began
And ended with you my friend
Softer than your butterfly kisses
And stronger than my desire
I wanna thank you my friend
For making me feel alive”
It’s the truth Daniel, the goddamn truth. I can’t regret it. It’s why
“I want to thank you my friend
For making me feel worthwhile”
For all the pain and hurt now I wouldn’t take it back. I wouldn’t ever take it back Daniel. Loving you will always be one of the best things that I have ever done. I just wish you’d just tell me what you like,
“give me a sign
If you love it I can do it again
We've got the rest of our lives
To get it right”
Still you give me nothing. You’re scared and I can’t help. You’re missing me and I’m missing you. If you only give me a chance
“I'll never mess it up again
Won't let it slip like grains of sand
Through careless fingertips because
I'm a man who understands
Though burned by the fire
I can learn to feel the light again
And listen I can hear your demands
I know I can do it give me one more chance
Baby here I am”
I know. I know you may never give me a chance. Damn you Daniel! Why? Let me in so I can fix this. You’re dying missing me and I’m dying missing you, and for what? That’s the part I don’t understand. I just don’t understand.
“Can I start things over
And change your mind
Can I sing a melody
Press rewind
Can I move your feet
Make your heart skip a beat
Can a simple tune flow through you?”
Of course you’re not listing to this, but this is all for you. Every fucking word, every fuckin note.
“When the music feels like this
When you lose control you gotta go with it
Ten feet high
Flyin' above the sky
Your problems don't exist
When music feels like this”
This is all I have now.
“Can I have your attention
And Press rewind
When the DJ spins
Will it change your mind?
Can I move your feet
Make your heart skip a beat
Can a piece of me
Flow through you?”
I thought a piece of me did flow through you. I thought I could reach you. Now I just don’t know any more Daniel. I had music and I had you. Now all I’ve got is music. Please Daniel. Please.
“Let the music in Let the
DJ Spin Let the music in
Coz the music should feel like this
Feel the music”
Feel me. I still love you. Now the music is all I have. It’s all I have left. I love you Daniel. I love you.
“I've been broken, shut down and useless
Feet above me hands in the air
You got me falling over and over
You got me twisted tied up and tangled
I do it all for you
You know I've been a fool for you
Thought I tripped on a shoelace
I look down and it's only you”
Only you Daniel. It’s just how it is.
“I've been put down
Picked up and put off
I've been held up
Pushed and shoved around
You got me falling
Over and over
I've been drifting this side and upside down
I do it all for you
You know I'd be a fool for you
I keep thinking I lost something
I look down and it's only you
And now I'm standing at a terminal waiting to connect to another plane
And if I told you I just cancelled my flight to America
Would you call me insane?
Everything i am has been neatly contained into the
Contents of a Samsonite bag
Me a laptop two suitcases and I'm coming to see you
Whether you like it or not”
I’ve been working on this letter for days and I’d finally decided I was just going mail it after all my waffling. But
“How many forms can indecision take?
When does the warning light appear before a man breaks?
Mine is a restless heart don't try to fix it
You know sometimes, sometimes I want it to ache”
I’m coming if only to drop this letter off. I’m coming just to say I love you Daniel.
Love always & with all my heart,
Darren