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Tears rolled down Dohoon’s cheeks as he smiled from ear to ear, his heart racing; he trembled at the warm squeeze of Junghwan’s hand in his.
“Will you let me to be your husband?” Dohoon notices the hesitation in Junghwan’s voice, the way he can’t quite open the little velvet box because his hands are shaking.
And suddenly, a memory hits Dohoon.
Back in their high school days, when it was just the two of them sitting on the football pitch after one of Dohoon’s training sessions, Junghwan would always wait for him after everyone else had left so they could spend some time alone.
It was just the two of them, leaning on each other’s shoulders, with Dohoon babbling on about how much fun the practice had been, while Junghwan listened attentively. But he’d been very distracted that day, and Dohoon could tell by the way he couldn’t concentrate and kept shaking his legs, trying to control his nerves. He could tell by the way Junghwan opened his mouth but stopped a second before speaking, the words on the tip of his tongue, afraid to be uttered.
Until, eventually, he just couldn't hold back any longer.
He remembers that time, a while back, when a much clumsier and more youthful Junghwan had asked him if he'd let him be his boyfriend. He remembers how Junghwan’s cheeks looked like lovely peaches and his voice was so soft that Dohoon wasn’t sure he’d heard him. He remembered how the sunlight illuminated Junghwan’s face, revealing those freckles that made him look like a starry night, those lips that always pouted when he was nervous.
The warmth of the afternoon was nothing compared to the warming feeling in his chest when he realized that Junghwan loved him that way.
So, he didn’t answer; he simply leaned in and kissed him on the lips. It was so surprising to Junghwan that he ended up falling backwards onto the grass.
Dohoon was on top of him, laughing like a fool; maybe he was—a complete fool in love. Junghwan justsmiled shyly, his dimples barely peeking out, and Dohoon couldn’t help but let out a sigh.
“Nothing would make me happier than being your boyfriend, hyung,” was what Dohoon had replied after kissing him and leaving him breathless.
A couple of years later, Junghwan didn’t look quite the same anymore. The brown, straight hair Dohoon remembered had given way to blond curls that surrounded his face. He had also stopped wearing glasses, something Dohoon secretly regretted, convinced that they made him look absolutely adorable. His hands were rougher than before, and the dark circles under his eyes were proof of how much time had passed. But here is the same Junghwan who looks like a puppy afraid to hear the answer, here he is giving his heart to him in the same way, here is the same Junghwan who has loved him through every season, on the joyful bright days and on the dark suffocating nights.
Here is the same Junghwan that Dohoon fell in love with over and over again.
Dohoon isn’t an impulsive teenager anymore, and still, he can’t help but want to grab him and kiss him, because he truly loved kissing Junghwan so much—feeling his soft lips pressed against his own, how his serious face would melt away from all the emotions Dohoon made him feel, his hair messy and wanting just a little more.
But they’ll have time; Dohoon hopes to keep kissing Junghwan every morning when he wakes up and to give him a goodnight kiss before going to sleep.
“I want us to get married tomorrow,” is what Dohoon replies.
Finally, Junghwan exhales the breath he’d been holding in his lungs and slides the ring onto his finger. Dohoon can’t take his eyes off that jewel, the proof that they’re one step closer to uniting their lives and hearts forever.
They sit shoulder to shoulder as the soft breeze caresses them and silence wraps them in a comforting calm—the kind that only exists when two people know they’re exactly where they want to be.
And then, it’s impossible for Dohoon not to notice how, little by little, sobs begin to escape Junghwan.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Dohoon asks, turning to look at him, but the sight before him breaks his heart, because he can see how his now fiancé is struggling to hold back his tears, his lips trembling and his eyes beginning to well up.
“I, um, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Junghwan replies hesitantly as he covers his face with his hands; he still isn’t used to Dohoon seeing him cry.
“You’re crying because you love me so much, right?” And there was that little voice Dohoon used when his hyung seemed like the most adorable person in the world, when the affection he felt for Junghwan was overwhelming and he had an urgent need to squeeze his cheeks.
Junghwan wanted to tell him he was being childish and to stop talking nonsense.
But maybe that was exactly it; maybe he loved Dohoon so much that the thought of being able to call him his husband very soon made him realize just how far they had come.
It made him realize that, no matter how insecure he was, Dohoon never asked him to be someone he wasn’t. Together, they discovered, step by step, what it meant to love one another. Junghwan understood that he could and deserved to be loved.
So, there was no reason to wait any longer; he wanted Dohoon to claim him as his own, he wanted to give him his heart most purely and devotedly possible.
Junghwan doesn’t answer him. He simply opens his arms, hoping Dohoon will get the hint. When he feels Dohoon’s arms wrap around his back, he pulls him closer to his chest and hides his blushing face in the curve of his neck.
He can feel those fingers gently stroking his hair, just like on those nights at the end of the semester, when Dohoon would comfort him after he’d spent hours studying until he was completely exhausted, consumed by anxiety.
He can hear that cheerful, bright laugh Dohoon used to let out every time he teased him. And, above all, he can feel his embrace, the way he ends up melting in his arms and letting himself be carried away by the intimacy of the moment. It’s just like those nights when it was just the two of them, when Dohoon confided everything about himself to him and Junghwan welcomed him with love and tenderness.
Junghwan can feel all those little things that have changed over time. Like a tiny caterpillar that eventually turned into a butterfly, or like a small flower that, day after day, grew in their hearts until it became an entire garden.
As the days, months, and years have passed, things have changed in countless ways, but one thing remains the same: they are still Kim Dohoon and Shin Junghwan. They are still those two teenagers who fell in love years ago, only now they are about to be bound together for life
And when Dohoon whispers words of love to him while gently patting his back, Junghwan realizes that even though everything changes over time, even though they’ll grow older and at some point life will get complicated and hit them in ways that make them bleed, he’s certain he wants to stay by Dohoon’s side, and he hopes Dohoon wants the same thing.