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Loving someone hurts. It hurts so badly. Especially when the person you love is dead.
Minamoto Kou will never forget that desperate look on his face, begging Kou to hold onto him until he disappeared forever.
Everything felt so good, when it did, and Kou never wanted the moment to end. He wanted to stare into those beautiful eyes forever, to forget everything around them.
He didn’t know if Mitsuba felt it too, that feeling of his heart hammering against his chest. How his palms started sweating when Mitsuba smiled at him. Kou could’ve done something, anything to protect him.
Maybe he would still be here if Kou hadn’t been so useless.
He didn’t go to school on Monday. He couldn’t even get up in the morning. Kou shifted in bed, staring at the wall. Next to him was Mitsuba’s camera. The one he’d cherished so much. He only took pictures of things that were important to him.
Kou stared at the pictures lying next to the camera on his bed. Birds, the Sky, Flowers and… a picture of Kou? Suddenly he remembered.
“What’d you take a picture of? The sky?”
“Who knows? Something that’s important to me… maybe.”
Suddenly everything went still. The birds outside of his room stopped chirping. His rigid thoughts went quiet. Something that’s important to me. Kou was important to him. The boy turned in his bed, clutching the camera in his hands.
”Mitsuba…”
A tear rolled down his cheek.
”What do I do now?”
A few minutes later his older brother Teru came into his room with a cup of tea. The sour smell of lemon filled the air. Teru knocked on the already open door.
“Morning sleepyhead.” he said, walking over to his younger brother’s bed and putting the cup of tea onto his desk.
Kou didn’t respond, his head still burrowed in his pillow. Teru sighed and leaned against the desk.
“I know you’re not sleeping.” He looked down at his brother’s back wearing a worried expression. Teru paused before adding: “If you don’t want to tell me what happened, that’s fine, but please don’t beat yourself up over it. I bet whatever happened wasn’t your fault.”
Kou finally turned to his brother. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and the dark circles under them made him look exhausted.
“But what if it was?” He murmured, not meeting his older brother’s eyes. The words hung in the air, leaving the two in a heavy silence.
”I know my brother and I also know that he would never do anything that hurts someone on purpose.” he assured. “Please don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t have prevented.”
Kou didn’t respond, he was too lost in thought. His brother gave him a sad smile and ruffled his hair before walking toward the door. Teru paused before leaving his younger brother’s room. He turned back to face his brother and smiled.
“Don’t forget to drink your tea, Kou.” then he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Kou took a deep breath in and turned to face his ceiling. He thought about what his brother had said, but how could it not be his fault? If he had never even met Mitsuba the boy would’ve been fine. He would still be a supernatrual rooming throw the school halls. It would’ve been fine if that asshole Tsukasa didn’t kill him. Yeah, it was his fault not Kou’s, right?
Maybe Mitsuba only got killed because Kou became friends with him.
Kou groaned and threw his pillow over his face. Teru was right, he couldn’t just lay here and pity himself, he had to get up and do something! Mistuba would want him to, surely.
So that’s what he did. Kou got up and stretched. It felt he hadn’t stood up in ages. His vision went black for a few seconds and he got dizzy. Yeah he forgot about that. He leaned onto his desk for support and took a deep breath in.
When his vision went back to normal he walked to toward the door and decided to go downstairs and help Teru with breakfast. He was going back to school tomorrow, Mitsuba would want him to.
Kou dreamt about Mitsuba that night.
Standing in a huge field full of beautiful flowers. Sunflowers. Soft sunlight glowing against the petals. A soft humming coming from the trees behind him. It was so peaceful.
Kou walked through the path in between the flowers. The atmosphere felt incredibly nostalgic. He couldn’t feel his body. Drifting through the field, listening to the birds and the wind rushing through his ears. Suddenly he heard a voice. He stopped and looked up.
”Minamoto-kun?”
Mitsuba was standing infront of him, looking bewildered. His hair covering one of his eyes and his hands hovering in the air.
Kou just stared. He couldn’t get a word out. Before he could do anything everything went dark. The flowers withered and the ground beneath his feet disappeared. Mitsuba’s eyes went wide and he fell. Kou tried to grab his hand, but the closer he got the farther Mitsuba fell.
Kou’s alarm ripped him out of his nightmare. What the hell was that? He huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. He told himself that he will go to school today. Were Yokoo and Satou worried about him when he was gone? What were Nene and Hanako doing?
He shouldn’t spend too much time thinking about it and get ready.
Kou put his uniform on and went downstairs to make breakfast for Teru and Tiara. They were both probably still sleeping and Kou had to be at school in around twenty minutes. He just left a sticky note on the table.
”I’m walking to school today, cya later!”
Standing in front of the school gates, Kou spotted Yokoo running toward him with Satou strolling behind him. “Kou!” Yokoo yelled, waving at him.
Kou grinned at the two and waved back. He’d missed them even though he didn’t realise earlier since his thoughts were somewhere else.
Satou asked him where he’d been as they all walked to class. Kou scratched the back of his neck and said that he just had a cold. He lied, obviously. He couldn’t tell the two about Mitsuba and what had happened for obvious reasons.
After school Kou made his way toward the girls bathroom. He didn’t see Nene at school at all which was unusual, but he didn’t leave the library at lunch, so it wasn’t that weird.
When he arrived at the door of the bathroom he paused. What was he supposed to say? Should he tell Nene about what happened to Mitsuba? No, not yet. Hanako already knew since he was there when Mitsuba died. He would just tell them he had a cold. Yeah that’s fine.
He opened the door and saw Hanako sitting on Nene’s shoulders who was frantically trying to get him off. Hanako giggled while Nene was scolding him.
When they finally saw Kou who was still standing in the doorway, a smile appeared on Nene’s face.
“Kou-kun!” She smiled, walking toward him. Her long hair flowing behind her as she made her way over to Kou. Hanako suddenly appeared behind him and put his hands on Kou’s shoulders. “Kid! You’re back! What happened to ya?”
Hanako levitated over Kou’s head and tilted his own. Nene nodded and furrowed her brows at Kou. “Right! Are you okay? You weren’t at school yesterday. Did something happen?”
Kou swallowed and looked around the room. “N-Nothing just a cold. Nothing serious!” He stumbled over his words. Nene seemed to have believed him. Hanako didn’t. The supernatural wore an unreadable expression. Partly knowing, worried and… understanding? He didn’t bother asking though.
They didn’t continue talking about Kou’s “cold” and started cleaning the bathroom like always. They were having fun. Hanako flirting with Nene and making her clean after him, Nene getting annoyed and trying to hit him with a broom, Kou trying to stop a fight-in-making. It was nice.
Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Obviously Kou wanted Mitsuba to be here. It still hurt, but a distraction was nice.
He could try to live with this.