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Since I was a child, going on trips was a luxury for me and my noona to even think about, our parents barely cared or even thought about us. Often leaving us at home, not knowing when they'll come back.
That's why it came as a surprise when we were told we were gonna be in a resort for the first time.
My small hands held on the edge of my older sister's shirt, “Noona, why are we packing? Are we leaving like you've been wanting to?” His question was met with a head shake, ‘why else would we be packing our clothes for then?’
“Silly, we are going to a resort. A place where people swim, rest, and enjoy the scenery. Though I'm sure they're only bringing us because there must've been a family discount.” She continued packing clothes that would last them 4 days, in suitcases that came from the attic, clearly unused and looked like they would've been abandoned forever if it weren't useful for the occasion.
He stood to the side, hands fiddling, “Noona, should I grab our toothbrushes too?”
“Ah could you get them please? I was too focused on the clothes part.” His sister smiled at him, a clear difference to their parents just forcing them to whatever.
He quickly left, came back with the toothbrushes in a small plastic bag, and placed it neatly in the 2 suitcases his noona was arranging for efficiency, due to them not being big enough to have much free space after packing. After all, would their parents buy new suitcases if their clothes didn't fit in these?
The car ride going there wasn't that exciting, their parents just ignored them the entire ride as they talked about what they'd do there, leaving the siblings only with each other the entire ride.
When they got there, Iwol overheard the word ‘family discount’ as his parents got the room keys and gave one to his older sister.
She went over to him, sounds of her suitcase rolling over closer, “They said not to disturb or go to them for anything, isn't that mean?” She ruffled his hair, he nodded, she has mentioned in the past about the importance of grown-ups looking after the children.
“Aren't you a child too, Noona?” There was an indescribable gaze in her eyes, something he wouldn't understand as a child.
“That’s right, I'm not a grown up at all. Iwol, let's head over to our room okay?”
“Mm!”
The sounds of the rolling suitcases stopped in front of the room with a door numbered ‘610’. A click of the key turning and door unlocking revealed a room with 1 bed, tall glass windows, a clean breeze, and white clean sheets.
It was definitely different from the room he and his sister slept in, their sheets were old, a bit worn, pillows with degrading fluff inside them, and air conditioning that broke once in a while.
“Whats the word for clean without any dirt, Noona?” Young Iwol stood at the door as his older sister stepped forward, “Pristine.” She says in passing, bringing her suitcase in.
“I think this room is very pristine..” He follows after her, her back made the new space easier to enter, a familiar sight he would see when they slept together for warmth and she occasionally turned in her sleep, his sister.
“Iwol, do you want to rest or go swimming first?” His older sister unpacked some items from her suitcase to be easily accessed, so he followed in suit of what she did, “I want to go swimming with Noona..” He said in a slightly quiet voice, he never had chances to go swimming in a big pool aside from having to swim in a small pool for school lessons, this resort had big ones, he saw them from faraway.
His Noona chuckled at his response, “Such good family piety, who taught you to be so sweet?” she said while smiling. ‘You did, Noona.’ He thought on reflex, his Noona really did teach him everything.
***
“It's really big..!” He arrived at the pool area, holding hands with his sister. He didn't notice it from faraway, but up close it really was different.
An uncomfortable yet familiar distant yell came from the side of the pool, it was their parents. His sister looked their way before turning her attention back to Iwol, lowering herself to be on the same eye level as him. “Iwol, go start swimming without me okay? Stay near the edges while I get something for Dad.”
“But it’s our first time swimming together..”
“I know, but I'll come back quickly. Be a good boy and wait for me?”
Her hands tightened subtly around his, did their father ask for her to get him alcohol? Is that why she didn't want to bring him? He knew well what it was because of his antics at home.
“Okay.. Promise to come back quickly?” He held his small pinky out, and she entangled her larger pinky around his own, “Promise.”
Not long after he watched her leave towards the inside of the resorts bar area with their father's id, he went to the ladder of the pool, gripping the cold, moist steel in hand.
With his sister the pool wasn't scary at all, but now… it certainly was a bit harder. Iwol slowly dipped his toes in, testing the waters before lowering himself in it entirely except his head.
‘I want Noona to swim with me soon..’ he thought, blowing bubbles in the water to entertain himself.
He looked totally the side where his parents were, they were talking with each other, wearing shades and playing music, completely in their own world and uncaring of their children unless they saw gain. Just like how they only called his sister just to fetch them alcohol.
He swam towards the middle of the pool, deeper, but not something he was too worried about.
Swimming above and through the waters.
Though he didn't expect for his muscles to cramp right when he was below the surface of the water.
Contrary to popular belief, when you are drowning, it's difficult for someone to notice if you are falling below the surface. Unlike the way the signs depict it, your suffering is completely silent. Masked wailing underwater, your body far from the surface as you sink to the deep end, and no one is watching to notice your demise.
Iwol was learning it the hard way.
His legs were cramping, the panic of sinking deeper causing precious breaths of air to bubble up to nothing above the surface, heart beating in his chest, louder than he can hear his useless and futile garbled screams. His vision was getting darker, harder to focus with chlorine water in his eyes, it stings but not worse than him swallowing water trying to breathe.
‘Where… Is Noona..?’
***
Kim Iwol's sister comes back from the bar with alcohol bottles in hand, but when she looks at the pool she doesn't see Iwol anywhere.
“Iwol?” She asks loudly, her younger brother isn't the type to ignore her.
She goes to her parents, placing the bottles on their table, making sure to ask in a polite manner, “Have you seen Iwol? He was just swimming earlier..”
The dad cracks open one of the bottles, pouring himself a glass. The mother side glances at her, eyes clearly put off by the fact she was staying near them for longer than what they wanted from her, “I never saw him exit the pool, leave already.”
She didn't get any more information than that, what is their use other than just putting a roof over their heads? But.. ‘They never saw him leave.’ ..!
She looks back at the pool, barely seeing bubbles of air pop at the surface and a blurry figure deep below before ending. No time, she kicks off her slippers, diving straight into where the bubbles and blurred figure are. Dragging a human body out of water from the deep part of the pool is certainly hard, less difficult because the body is small, but the difficulty was the last thing she was thinking about.
Once she was able to break through the surface of the water with the child in her arms, her brother coughed out water, barely getting time to breathe properly.
“Iwol! Let's get you up properly okay-?” She frantically pulled him to the rough stone ground that surrounded the pool. “Cough- cough-” he was still coughing small bits of water, his skin pale and tears running down his cheeks. Fuck.
“I'm sorry Iwol- I shouldn't have left you alone- no! I shouldn't have left you alone and trust that our damned parents would even look after you- im sorry- im sorry- just rest now okay-?” Wrapping him in a towel she brought with them originally. Her vision was blurring as her voice just kept coming out of her mouth.
He wiped her cheek, useless because his hands were wet too, ah, when did she start crying too? Iwol was suffering more. “Noona.. its okay..! I got a cramp because I didn't stretch like I was reminded in school..” her younger brother, Iwol smiled weakly at her, his voice was hoarse from screaming and swallowing water, she sobbed harder, pulling him tightly into her arms.
The music was loud in the pool area, no one paid mind to the children, no one ever did.
“Lets get you warmed up inside… okay?” She helped him stand, wrapping the towel around Iwol. It didn't matter that she was wet and cold from the process, she wanted to care for Iwol with everything she could give him.
“Okay..” Iwol nodded, droplets still dripping from his drenched hair.
Later, after drying themselves in their room, his sister later spoke to him while personally drying his hair as they were both wrapped in fresh warm resort-given robes and sitting on the white plush bed.
“Iwol, when you are suffering, always ask for help.” He heard her voice behind him, unable to see her expression while she spoke.
He bit his lip subtly, “..I did, but no one heard me.” His sister's hands stopped for a brief second while drying his hair, before continuing the action.
“I'm sorry.”
Iwol turned around to face his older sister, her face was in pain. “Are you hurt? Why are you saying sorry?” He tilted his head.
“I'm hurt because you got hurt, Iwol. I'm sorry because even though you did try your best to get help, no one even tried to help. You shouldn't be experiencing this, no one should. Our parents, they didn't even try to check if you were..!” Her hands had long since stopped drying his hair, his hair was dry, but his sister's face was wet again.
‘I'm sorry…’
Iwol remembered the scene vividly, memories of the resort were blurry, but he couldn't forget his sister crying for him, because of him.
“-Iwol Hyung look look! The resort is so big!” “Let's all jump in the water together later!” The voices of the group's maknaes pulled him out of his thoughts. Right, he was on the way to a resort with spark for their break.
He didn't feel fear in his heart, he trusted the fact that his members wouldn't leave him alone to suffer, because they always did things together.
“Lets have fun, and remember to take 50 pictures per person okay?” He smiled.
“Do we need to?” His same age group member, Jeho, asked a useless question.
“Of course, we need to show sparklers how much rest we are getting.”
“Jeho hyung don't listen to Iwol hyung, he doesn't know what rest is.” Seongbin ruffled Kiyeon's hair, just like how his older sister did to him before.
‘These kids..’
‘I really am having fun.’
‘Noona, let's swim together once we meet again.’