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He can’t believe it. Viktor- Viktor actually said that to him. That he would resign as a coach. That it would be because Yuuri failed. That’s the same as saying that it was his fault, right? Was he serious? Did he actually think that? Or was it just an excuse for something else like the whole coaching thing was? Did he secretly just want to quit? He could feel something run down his eyes.
Ah, they were tears. His tears.
“Why…*hic* would you say something like that, like you’re trying to test me?” Yuuri already knew that his thoughts were ridiculous, but what Viktor did brought out all of his insecurities and doubts.
“Ah, I’m sorry Yuuri. I wasn’t being serious–”
“I’m used to being blamed for my own failures! But this time, I’m anxious because my mistakes would reflect on you too! I’ve been wondering if you secretly want to quit!” He didn’t want Viktor’s reputation to be damaged because of him. He didn’t want Viktor to quit being his coach. He didn’t want Viktor to leave Japan. He didn’t want Viktor to leave him.
“Of course I don’t think that.” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Viktor truly not understand him?
“I know!”
“I’m not good with people crying in front of me. I don’t know what I should do. Should I just kiss you or something?”
“’Should I just kiss you or something?’” He’s making it sound like tissue or trash or something irrelevant. He didn’t want that. More than anything right now, he didn’t want that. He didn’t think that he could handle any words or actions – especially a kiss – done out of forced obligation in the state he was in.
“NO! Just have more faith than I do that I’ll win!! You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!”
Slowly, his tears stopped and he noticed the weird look on Viktor’s face. After a moment, Viktor snapped out of it and produced a handkerchief from his inner coat pocket. He started wiping away Yuuri’s tears. He didn’t say anything. It was just as well. He didn’t think that he could say anything to Viktor right now.
As the two of them walked to the competition area, Yuuri started thinking of the story of his short performance. The playboy that arrived in town and the most beautiful lady in town, they’re like Viktor and him at this moment. Maybe not exactly like them in personality or looks, but their story right now is about the same. They’re both at a standstill: neither the playboy nor the woman are giving in.
But he felt like Viktor and he finally understood each other even it was only for a moment. That’s something that the characters in the story never did. Maybe he can change the ending? Maybe this time the playboy won’t leave the woman to go to another town, and maybe the woman won’t leave the playboy for another man…was that possible? Could he do it? Even if he tried, what could he do? How could he make sure that they don’t end up like them?
The reporters were staring at him. He was sure that his eyes were red, and he was a bit embarrassed, but he mostly didn’t care. He still couldn’t find a solution and it was almost his turn to skate.
As he took a couple of tissues from the Maccachin box, he couldn’t help but notice Viktor’s expression. He looked equal parts concerned and lost. Yuuri couldn’t perform with knowing that his face will remain like that. So he pulled his hand a little farther away from Viktor’s and dropped the tissue, causing Viktor to bend down in order to catch them.
Then he poked that same spot he did the first time and patted his head. He hoped that was enough.
It was time to perform.
As he began, he evaluated his condition. He felt better after crying. Viktor’s expression when he started to cry was priceless. He felt himself smile at the thought of it. In the previous matches he’s cried after them, but today was the first time when he cried beforehand. He felt better.
Um, for the first jump…a quadruple toe loop and double toe loop combination. And…It was better than he expected. Unlike his previous competitions he paid little attention to the people that were watching him since he was still stuck in his thoughts.
As the music turned to the part when he met Viktor, his thoughts inevitably turned to him. Viktor’s too inexperienced as a coach. It wasn’t like his mental weakness started just now. He should be prepared for this much. Stupid Victor! ...Oh, he made it. Why wasn’t he surprised that he performed the quadruple Salchow that caused him trouble before perfectly while he was thinking of Viktor?
The music gradually turned to the part in which Yuuri has finally felt “love.” He continued thinking about Victor and their situation. What could he do to clearly show his emotions? He might have messed up on controlling the jump’s speed. It went pretty well, despite not doing it during warm up. Next is a triple flip.
Oh, I wonder how Viktor would react if I made the last quad a flip instead of a toe loop…could he do it? He’ll probably mess up. But if he did it, he could pour all of his emotions on the flip. Would Viktor understand? Would he finally understand his emotions, his message? Before that, he performed a triple axel, single loop, and triple Salchow combination.
He over-rotated on the Salchow, but he’s not as tired as ge should be considering he hasn’t sleep. So he added a few unplanned moves: a triple Lutz and triple toe loop combination. It was risky, considering that it was the second half, but he didn’t care. He wanted Viktor to understand him. He felt as though he was always wavering around Viktor and about his life in general.
He wanted to become stronger. He can become stronger. He can surpass Viktor’s wildest imagination! He would do it. He would do a quadruple flip, Viktor’s signature move, instead of a quadruple toe loop.
He messed up on it, but obtaining points wasn’t the point of performing it. Did Viktor finally understand his feelings? His end position allowed him to stare straight at Viktor. He had his hands covering his face. Was he crying? Was he mad? Which one was it?! He couldn’t tell.
He could see Viktor running towards the skater exit. Yuuri skated towards him. “Viktor! I did great, right?” Viktor caught his breath, smiled, and nodded. Then he did something that Yuuri never expected.
Viktor jumped towards him… and kissed him. In front of thousands of spectators. In front of live TV. In front of the whole world.
They were both lying on the ice, but the cold didn’t bother either of them. “This was the only thing I could think of to surprise you more than you’ve surprised me.”
“Ah. Really?” He gazed back to those eyes that gazing into him. Lovingly. His heart skipped a beat. Viktor understood. He finally, truly understood.
Viktor understood Yuuri didn’t just want to be student this season then leave. He understood that Yuuri didn’t want him to go back to Russia though he wouldn’t stop him from doing so.
That quadruple flip, his signature move, was done after all of the jumps. That point in the music was Yuuri’s present and possible future. To perform it right then…was both a declaration of intent and a question.
He understood that Yuuri wanted him forever. He asked if he could do so. And there was only one answer to that.
Yes.