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The first time they kissed, it was fueled by spite and heated contempt, mixed with the frustrating draw of an inexplicable gravity that wouldn’t let them do anything but orbit each other.
Saps had crashed his lips into Flux’s in the middle of an argument, driven only by an urge to shut him up, to put a stop to the terrible things he was saying. Saps knew they were lies, lies to cover vulnerability and hide fear. He knew how Flux would make calculated comments to hit where he knew it would hurt the most, hoping the other person would leave before they got too attached. But Saps had always been able to see through it, and he wasn’t about to let Fluxion's words push him away again.
They had been discussing politics—bad idea—and Flux suddenly became more heated than his usual ruthless but unruffled conversation style.
“I just think you could have been a little more tactful at the meeting, Flux,” Saps said, and Flux bristled.
“They weren’t getting it through their thick skulls. Alk is an idiot and no one is listening to me,” he responded sharply.
Saps knew he needed to tread lightly. “Well, uh. Maybe they’re right, a little bit.” Flux’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but Saps was in too deep now. “It’s not like Jophiel’s lying when she says Island One is pretty weak. Maybe showing a little goodwill would help…” Saps trailed off, intimidated by the stony expression of anger Flux wore.
“I thought you were supposed to be neutral, Saps. What happened to being a mediator?” He stood and started advancing slowly.
“What do yo–”
“Neutral means not picking a side, in case you weren’t aware.”
“Flux–”
“Do you not care about the safety of our island at all, Saps? Do you not care about the very real possibility of those nations causing harm to our people?”
“Come on, you know that’s not what I meant—”
Flux was right above him now, head blocking the moonlight from the window, making a silvery, backlit halo filter through his hair.
“Does our friendship mean nothing to you, Saparata?” A glint of something raw and real passed across his face, but was gone in the next instant as Flux built his walls higher. He spoke in a low, quiet tone even though they were the only ones on the small island, and Saps’ breath was caught in his throat. “I’m glad you finally figured it out. It was never real, and it means nothing. Good for you for not letting history get in the way of your high and mighty morals,” Flux spat. Saps felt hurt cut deep in his chest, and for a moment Flux’s manipulation was working. Maybe he was right, and their relationship really had meant nothing. But no. That was Flux pushing away emotions when they got too big, cutting himself off from the people around him when he convinced himself that being close would only hurt them more.
“I’m not going to fall for that, Flux,” he tried to say, and Flux scoffed.
“No, you’ve made your choice abundantly clear. Associating with you is of no use to me anymore. I’ll see you at the next meeting when the leadership of Pandora inevitably goes to sh–”
Saps stood quickly and grabbed Flux’s face with both of his hands, pressing his lips into the other’s twisted scowl. The thought, just stop talking rang through his mind, and he acted without thinking twice. Quickly, his mind caught up to what was going on, and he pulled back, now standing face to face with Flux, whose jaw was dropped.
“You can’t just—” he stuttered, complicated emotions raging in amethyst eyes. “I’m fucking mad at you!” Grabbing the collar of Saps’ shirt, he pulled him down for their lips to meet again. Both still hot from their argument, the kiss was filled with hostility, and as Saps moved to rest his hands on Flux’s waist he was shoved away harshly, Flux stalking to the other side of the room.
“What was that about?” Saps exclaimed, still reeling. Flux was back to scowling.
“Shut up, Saps.”
“No, I don’t think I will! You can’t try to convince yourself that our friendship is nothing and then kiss me!”
A rare look of panic flashed across Flux’s face. Saps knew this is what he hated the most, losing control of an interaction. Saps had reminded him of the stress of his negotiations in the island meeting not going his way, and was now pulling on the thread of the tension between them. Before Saps could register the movement, Flux had collected his coat from a chair and slung his bag over a shoulder, swiftly exiting the vacation home. Saps chased him out the door and down the steps, calling out to no avail.
“Wait, Flux! It’s late!” Standing at the top of the stairs, he watched Flux’s small boat retreat into the point where the dark sea met an inky black night sky.
~~~
The second time they kissed, it was desperate.
Flux had shown up to the vacation house in the middle of the night, speedwalking into Saps’ room with a pinched, anxious look on his face, tension evident in every part of his body. Saps had soft night clothes on and had been about to go to sleep, but forced himself to be alert to help with whatever Flux was clearly worried about. Despite the way their last interaction had ended, with Flux fleeing from any emotional vulnerability Saps was attempting to approach, he couldn’t bring himself to ignore his friend when he clearly needed his support. He put aside the lingering hurt still embedded in his chest and sat carefully on the edge of the bed adjacent to Flux, far enough not to encroach into his space but a hopefully comforting distance close enough that Flux would feel his presence.
“So,” he started awkwardly. “Did something go wrong?”
Flux huffed a sarcastic chuckle. “Did something go wrong. Oh I don’t know, only that exactly what I didn’t want to happen is happening, the island leaders are completely useless, and you—”
His voice caught in his throat.
Turning to meet Saps’ gaze with intense eye contact, Flux's next question sounded strangled with battling emotion. “If you had to betray one person to save a thousand, would you?”
It wasn’t a question for Saps to answer. He knew the look in Flux’s eyes, he was working through a problem deep in his mind. But Saps had never seen emotions boil up to the surface like this before. He didn’t say anything, waiting for Flux to speak again. Finally he did, looking down at shaking hands in his lap.
“I thought I would. Any cost is worth it to unite the island. At least that’s what I… that’s what I thought.” His voice was soft but still carried a sharp, bitter edge. “I was so ready to go through with it. My plans are foolproof.”
“But?” Saps inquired.
“Something's making everything more complicated than I thought it would be. Someone.”
“Who?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yes,” Flux said with the tone of venting some great inconvenience. “You’re making me overthink everything even though I know I’m right!”
“Hold on, let’s back up a few steps.” Saps spoke gently to try and calm the slightly wild look in Flux’s gleaming eyes. “What were the plans you’re worried about? Maybe we can still figure something out. I could call a meeting—”
Flux was already shaking his head, and at the last suggestion cut Saps off with an uncharacteristically inelegant snort.
“I’m just trying to help you out here, Flux,” Saps said pleadingly. “I think we could figure it out–”
“Fine. You want the plan. Fine. The plan is we kill all the Island Two leaders and we blame it on you. We use you as a scapegoat and turn the entire world against you.”
Saps was speechless with shock. Flux’s eyes were more frantic than he had ever seen them and he was captivated by the swirling shades of purple, finding himself unable to respond to the horrible story Flux was telling him.
“I have everything ready. The trap is designed, I have someone to pull it. But I’m— ugh! I’m overthinking everything! Second guessing myself. I never second guess myself! All because of you! Because you—”
Flux’s intense eyes swept over Saps’ dumbfounded face and landed on his lips, which were slightly parted from astonishment. He let out an unintelligible exclamation of frustration and lunged towards Saps, closing the buffer of careful distance between them and roughly fisting up Saps’ collar in his grasp. Saps didn’t have time to take a breath before his noise of surprise was being swallowed by a desperate kiss, Flux’s lips pressing hungrily against his own.
Then, as soon as it had started, it was over and Flux was pulling away and Saps’ brain still had not caught up to what in the world was going on.
“Because you kissed me! And you’re making it so hard to do what I need to do for the greater good. Because it should be easy to betray one person to save a thousand others. But it’s not, because the one person is you.”
Flux fell silent. Saps’ head was still whirling from the information and the kiss. He carefully lifted his hand and cupped Flux’s jaw. Ignoring the storm of thoughts and complicated emotions warring inside him, he slowly brought his face closer to Flux’s until their breaths were intermingling and he could feel the warmth of Flux’s lips tantalizingly close to his own.
Saps hovered there for a second, feeling Flux’s breath hitch as Saps’ hand moved to thread into the hair at the back of his head, but Saps didn’t make the move to connect them again.
“Saps?” Flux whispered.
Slowly, Saps turned his head to press a kiss to Flux’s cheek bone, which was flushed red. He then turned back to the previous precariously close position where their noses brushed together.
“Saps, if this is real, can I kiss you again?”
Saps’ heart melted, and he closed the space between them, pulling Flux’s head close with the hand in his hair. Flux made a broken little sound and leaned into the kiss, still desperate but this time desperate for comfort and assurance.
Shifting his body closer and wrapping an arm around Flux to hold him steady by the waist, Saps moved his hand to the back of his neck and put the tiniest bit of pressure there to keep Flux close. To his surprise, Flux melted, becoming soft and pliable in his arms and opening his mouth in a breathy exhale, only giving Saps better access to his mouth as he used his thumb to tilt Flux’s head.
They would talk about the consequences of Flux planning a mass assassination of the nation leaders when the sun was up. For now, all that mattered was the warmth coming from Flux’s body and kissing him well enough that he forgot about whatever hiccup in his plan caused by caring about Saps that was stressing him out.
~~~
Saps wasn’t keeping track of how many times they’d kissed anymore.
It would have been an impossible task, since he never passed on a chance to peck Flux’s cheek or the corner of his lips even when they were around people, much to Flux’s dismay. He would push Saps’ head away and theatrically shove his shoulder, spluttering under his breath, and Saps would watch as a delicious pink spread across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. If asked to stop he would of course, Flux knew how to set boundaries. But when Saps brought it up after a particularly cheesy incident including lifting the smaller man into the air before showering his cheeks and nose with kisses and asked Flux if he really didn’t like the PDA, Flux had only blushed and said quietly, “No, it’s good.”
And it was good. Flux had never stopped being wary of the other island, but once the storm between them faded and the anticipated conflict didn’t immediately break out, he was an active participant in diplomatic negotiations. Saps watched from his seat as the mediator as an always feisty and fiercely protective Flux discussed with the other nation leaders heatedly. After every meeting, they sat pressed close together and talked about it, and even though disagreements were abundant and feelings sometimes got hurt, they knew that openness and transparency with each other was essential. Hiding and lying had almost cost them everything, and they weren’t about to let it come close to that again.
Flux sat on the steps up to the vacation home watching the waves gently lap at the shore. His ears caught the sound of footfalls behind him, but he didn’t turn his head as Saps settled down next to him, long legs stretching out and arms wrapping all the way around Flux’s shoulders. His head nestled in the junction of Flux’s neck and shoulder, and Flux felt his warm breath against the soft skin there.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Saps murmured.
“I don’t know. Just how badly things could have gone. You know, if…”
He trailed off.
“If?”
“If I had gone through with it. You would hate me. I was going to frame you. You would have gotten hunted down and executed. And it would have been my fault.”
Saps paused for a moment, thinking before he spoke.
“You’re right,” he said honestly. They didn’t lie anymore. “I would have hated you.”
Flux let out a breath, heavy with emotion.
“I would have hated you, but I still would have loved you. And I would have hated that I loved you.” Saps never loosened his embrace.
“Could we have gotten through it, do you think?”
Saps paused again. “I don’t know.”
They sat in silence for a while, thinking about inescapably doomed endings while the sun sunk below the horizon and the clouds were painted orange and pink.
When it was well and truly dark and insects had begun their night time symphony, Flux subconsciously shifted closer to Saps, seeking body heat against a chill breeze. Turning to nuzzle Flux’s neck with a cold nose, Saps gave a brief tighter squeeze before releasing his hold and moving to stand up to head inside. He kept one warm hand resting on the back of Flux’s neck as they stood, then draped the arm around his waist. They climbed the stairs and entered the home in a comfortable quiet.
Later that night, already tangled together in bed with Saps’ arms once again protectively wrapped around Flux and one hand carding through the hair just above the nape of his neck, Flux tilted his head from where it had been resting on the other’s chest to look up at Saps.
“It was because of the kiss. That I didn’t do it.” His voice was quiet and unguarded.
“The first kiss?” Saps clarified.
“Mhm. It made me confront my feelings even though I was trying not to.”
Saps hummed. “Wow, Flux confronting feelings, truly revolutionary,” he joked lightly.
“Shut up,” Flux grumbled back, but there was no real heat behind it.
“Well. I’m glad I kissed you.” Flux buried his face in Saps’ pajamas again. Saps tilted it back up with a gentle but steady hand on his jaw. “And I’m proud of you for being brave enough to not go through with your plan even though you were scared.”
Flux started to protest that he definitely was not scared, but Saps cut him off with a kiss, warm and insistent. Flux was helpless to do anything but melt into it, Saps’ fingers tracing circles on the back of his neck and his mouth moving against his own, soft and sweet.
Saps broke the kiss and laughed a little when Flux unconsciously chased his lips. He rested his palm on Flux’s neck, whispering teasingly, “And it means I got stuck with you.”
“Shut up, you love me,” Flux fired back.
Saps smiled softly.
“Yeah, I do.”