Archive of Our Own

'Ludwig, I like you. Like, like you.'

The German's eyes widened and a gust of summer wind blew past his frozen face.

He didn't expect that. Never in a million years. What he expected even less was the torrid rush of redness that shot up his face. He had to cover himself instinctively; his eyes dropped to the floor.

'Feliciano, what are you–'

His timid gaze was met with an even shyer one, but unlike Ludwig's, there was a spark in it that the German had always been utterly fascinated by. Feliciano glowed. He was the sun itself.

'You get it, right?'

The boy's freckled face was tinted in a gorgeous rosy pink.

'I wanna be your boyfriend.'

The best things stumble into your life when you least expect them, or so they say.

His throat tightened and for the longest time, no words came out. Except for one.

'Okay.'

Thursday, December 7th, 11:18 A.M.

"Hi, Matt!"

The bell had just rung for the second break of the day. Most students went running out on the school yard to play, while others headed to buy a snack at the cafeteria. Feliciano, however, decided to pay a visit to the library – for no reason in particular. He greets the librarian, Mr. Williams, whom everyone calls by his first name.

"Hey, Feliciano. You alright?"

And he remembers everybody else's names. At times, students would come to him for a book recommendation and they'd proceed to rant together about the newest chapter of whatever recently trending book. Or they come to him to vent about how stressful school is, and he gives them advice to deal with it in return. It's almost like he's everyone's close friend.

"Yeah, I'm good."

He's also incredibly good at reading people. Which is why he looks at Feli with an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"You sure? You seem like you need a listening ear."

Feliciano shakes his head. "Just a bit tired. But thank you."

Matthew nods and gets back to his work at the PC. Feliciano steps further into the library.

He enters the adjacent room and roams a little through the fantasy section of books. Well, he pretends to be interested. He's not sure why he's pretending. He's probably stalling.

He knows exactly why he's here.

Turning another corner, he glances into the hallway filled with desks. Almost all of the tables are empty – except for one. His breath catches in his throat and his heart skips a beat.

In truth, he may have come here hoping to see him. And he seems to have been successful in his pursuit.

Before Ludwig can spot him, he slips out of sight and takes a deep breath, back against the wall. God, he's acting like a teenager with a massive crush.

... Well, technically, he is exactly that.

Except his crush is also his boyfriend.

He bites his lip nervously and falls deep in thought. What if it's not as bad as he thinks? What if he's overreacting? What if bringing it up will achieve the exact opposite and end up pushing him away? Lovino had told him to talk to him, and deep down Feliciano knows that's the best option – and yet, part of him can't help but wonder if it's even that big of a deal in the first place.

Ludwig has been acting strange lately. He's been quiet – yes, quieter than usual – and hasn't been responding much over text, declining calls and being distracted whenever they did call or talk in person. As if that wasn't enough, he's not exactly the best at opening up about his issues, so Feliciano is left wondering and overthinking with all kinds of worst-case scenarios in his head.

One thing he does know for sure is that Ludwig is most likely busy, what with finals coming up for him. After all, he's one year above him and damn ambitious when it comes to grades. But that can't possibly be everything there is to it.

Right?

His brother had told him to stop overthinking and just do it. Far easier said than done. A sigh.

He peeks around the corner. This time, Ludwig happens to look straight back at him – talk about timing. Feliciano has no other choice than to put on a bright smile and walk out into the hallway, sitting down on the chair across from him.

"Luddy! I wasn't expecting to find you here," he lies, peeking over at his notes. "What are you doing? Studying?"

Ludwig only looks at him wordlessly for a few seconds before his lips curl into a faint smile.

"Good to see you. Yes. Physics."

"Am I disturbing you by any chance?"

"No. I'm just focused, sorry."

"Nerd," Feliciano playfully sticks his tongue out, which Ludwig leaves uncommented. Feli watches the other's gaze drop back down to his worksheets. Ah, just as expected. The air falls still as they sit in an awkward silence – at least to Feliciano, it seems that way.

He's unsure whether to start a conversation or stay quiet to let him focus. He decides on the former since he's already here.

"What are your plans after school today?"

"Not much. I'll probably come home late. I have to walk the dogs too."

"Right! How are they? I wanna see them again!" Feliciano hopes for him to catch the hint. Of course he doesn't.

"They're okay. Paula's growing quickly."

"That's nice. And your parents?"

"Good."

His responses are dry and short, much more so than normal. Feliciano feels increasingly uninvited by the minute. It almost stings.

Ludwig is right in front of him, yet it feels like he's not even there at all.

Feli stares emptily past Ludwig's distracted face, thinking of what to say.

"You know," he finally starts, "I miss you."

Ludwig tilts his head as though he genuinely has no idea what Feliciano could possibly mean. It only serves to frustrate him more.

"Why? I'm right here?"

"No, like, I miss you!"

Feliciano gives Ludwig one last chance to understand, but when he still fixes him with that same confused mien, the words burst out of Feliciano before he even knows it.

"Haven't you noticed? We barely date or meet or even talk anymore. I've been feeling so alone. I know you're busy, and I feel incredibly selfish even requesting this, but I just feel like you're losing interest in me… in this."

He has to gasp for air because he just said all that in one single breath. Ludwig only gapes at him, perplexed. Feliciano can't help but feel obligated to explain himself even more.

"Like, you suddenly became all cold and strange and what if there's more to it than just you being busy? I mean, this has been going on for a while now!"

There's that silence again. Feliciano can't stand silences. He wants to fill it with something.

"Hold on, okay," Ludwig pinches the bridge of his nose, seemingly processing Feliciano's stream of words. Feliciano shakes his head. He immediately feels bad for throwing accusations at him so wildly. For even coming here and distracting him in the first place. The shame settling in his stomach makes him want to run. Or sink into the floor. Or both.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything—"

"No, no, it's good that you told me. I didn't know. Genuinely."

Feliciano swallows a heavy lump. Did he seriously have no idea? He watches as the cogs seem to turn in his head.

"I-I just don't understand. How long have you been feeling this way?"

"I don't know, a few weeks? Maybe a month already! You just suddenly changed and it got all awkward and weird to talk to you."

"Really?" Feliciano nods. Ludwig ponders. "I never felt awkward talking to you. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because I didn't know how to! I didn't wanna offend you or be too clingy or something. I was worried it'd only push you away more."

"I…" Ludwig puckers his brows. He seems baffled at himself. "Did I really act that differently? You said I was being cold? But I never meant to come across that way—"

"Yes! Even your messages have been drier than usual. Not to mention you've been replying super rarely. One time, you left me on delivered for two whole days! Two!" He has to watch his volume. They're in the library, after all.

"God…" Ludwig drops his head and chuckles. As for Feliciano, he doesn't think this is funny at all.

However, the blond finally seems to have come to a realization.

"Feliciano." He lays his pen aside and leans over the table, fixing him with a serious gaze. He's not breaking eye contact. Feliciano is having a much harder time holding it now. He anxiously awaits what Ludwig has to say – he can never tell from his tone alone.

"I didn't know I was hurting you this badly. I'm sorry."

Feliciano's breath hitches in his throat – although he was hoping for him to say something along these lines, he wasn't actually expecting it. Now he's all bashful about being so dramatic just a minute ago.

"I-it's okay! I mean–"

"I've been occupied with finals and everything, and I guess all my focus went to studying. I didn't realize it was this bad."

So… Feliciano wasn't going crazy, after all?

"I know, and I feel like I have no right to be upset about it! Like, am I a bad boyfriend for demanding your time? For missing you?" He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes despite his best efforts. Oh, please don't cry now of all times.

"No, no you're not." His hand reaches over to grab Feliciano's and the latter stares at their entwined fingers. "If anything, I'm the bad boyfriend for neglecting you. I should've done better."

The most gentle eyes meet Feliciano's, and for a fleeting moment, he forgets why he was worried in the first place. His assuaging words lift that heavy, lingering weight from his chest.

"That's… I mean, I get it. You wanna have good grades. You put so much effort into school."

"I do. Especially this year. But I didn't talk it through with you properly. And that's the issue, I think."

Feliciano pouts. He feels much less conflicted now, knowing that Ludwig understands. "Yeah, maybe you should've said you'd have less time or you'd be focusing a lot or something… I was just left to assume instead." And Ludwig should know by now that he's the type to overthink a lot.

"Yes. And I like you. So I don't want you to feel anxious or insecure in our relationship." He sighs, visibly debating what to say next. "But I need you to know that getting a good score is really important to me, too. And for that to work, I just need to sit down and focus."

Feliciano nods. He understands. He has to.

"It's okay. I don't want to distract you or anything. If you end up getting a worse grade because of me, I'd feel horrible."

Ludwig lets out a pained huff. Now he's the one who seems conflicted.

"The thing is, I miss you so much too, my head's just so full of math equations and physics formulas that I didn't have space for maintaining our relationship properly. But that's so wrong."

"I mean… It can happen. Especially if it's your first experience. And you're obviously stressed." Even Feliciano is starting to get a clearer picture of it all.

"I'll do better. I'll text you more and be more present whenever possible. And it's only a couple more months – then I'm completely free, okay?"

Feliciano smiles reluctantly. This wasn't as scary as he thought. He was terrified of this conversation for no reason only to be all the more relieved after the fact.

"Okay. I'll still miss you, though."

"I know. Me too. But we'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere." His thumb caresses the back of Feliciano's hand ever so gently. "With winter holidays coming up, I'll try to find a free weekend so we can do something together."

"Yes! I'd love that."

"You'll come to the finals ceremony, right? In May."

"If I'm invited!"

"Of course you are."

Feliciano brightens, clapping his hands. The dinging of the school bell rings through the library, announcing that the break is about to end. He gets pulled away far too soon – if only he didn't have to leave yet.

"I'll go back to class. Don't you also need to attend?"

Ludwig shakes his head. "We have less classes now that finals are coming up. We're supposed to focus more on studying."

"I see," Feli nods, "See you, then?"

"Yes, see you. I'll text you tonight."

Feliciano can't help the grin that creeps up on his face as he turns to leave the library. Now that they talked about it, he feels infinitely lighter. All this time, he had been so worried. But it didn't turn out to be as bad as he imagined at all. Of course, he'll have to get used to some distance for a while but at least he knows now that it's nothing personal.

And that Ludwig does care.

Ah, he'll have to tell Lovino about this.

Friday, May 24th, 07:26 P.M.

"Ludwig Beilschmidt."

Applause breaks out as Ludwig’s name gets called on the microphone, and Feliciano has to stretch his neck in order to see over the heads of the audience to watch him walking from the queue towards the large, decorated stage. He takes the steps up.

The principal and vice-principal, Mr. Honda and Mr. Laurinaitis, both shake Ludwig’s hand as they pass him his official final report in a pretty blue folder with the school's logo printed on it. They congratulate him for exceptional results. Ludwig is visibly flustered despite the tough and unbothered look he puts on – Feliciano can always tell when he's just trying to cover up his social awkwardness.

Feliciano feels proud. Ludwig did it, passed his exams with flying colours and has flawless grades as a result of it. He must be smiling like an idiot as his brother next to him gives him a little nudge with his elbow.

"What? Can I not be happy for him?" Feliciano exclaims, but Lovino shakes his head with a fond smile on his face.

"You're red like a tomato. Be careful not to faint."

Feliciano pouts but quickly laughs it off, too giddy to be taking anything seriously right now. He's buzzing with excitement. He watches Ludwig take the stairs back off the stage and join the group of graduates who already received their reports. The rest of them better hurry up because all Feliciano wants to do right now is jump into Ludwig’s arms and congratulate him. And he's afraid not even the hundreds of eyes watching could stop him if this takes too long for his liking.

Another applause breaks out as the next student gets called on the stage.

The camera clicks loudly as the group photo of all the graduates gets taken. Feliciano taps his feet on the ground nervously. He's ready to take off.

And as soon as the people in the audience start rising from their chairs and the room erupts in loud chatter, Feli jumps up and runs through the crowd, mind fixed on one goal.

"Luddy!" he exclaims at the top of his lungs, throwing his arms around the man – completely disregarding the stares they receive from some bystanders. Ludwig chuckles nervously before returning the hug. "You did it," Feliciano sighs as he loosens the embrace and looks up to meet his gaze. His face hurts from smiling so hard. All kinds of feelings are bubbling up in him like a geyser, and he might explode from excitement and pride and love.

"Thank you, Feliciano," Ludwig says softly. The Italian's face flushes warm and pink. He finally steps back and glances him up and down – and oh, he could fall for him all over again. He looks stunning in the suit he bought specifically for graduation day – prim and proper and so, so handsome. This kind of style suits him perfectly. Maybe one day, once they're married, he'll come home from work every day looking like this—

Feliciano's rosy blush turns a bright red as he catches himself thinking this far into the future. He's getting way ahead of himself. Ludwig only tilts his head innocently and Feliciano shakes his head.

Right that moment, two figures appear beside Ludwig and speak their congratulations – it's his parents, who don't have the slightest clue about Feli and Ludwig's relationship. The only thing they know is that they're very good friends. Feliciano will definitely have to turn it down a notch not to seem suspicious.

"Let's get some food, shall we?" his mother proposes, and the father agrees. Ludwig gives Feliciano a questioning glance and Feli quickly nods his head. He glances around to find his brother, spotting him talking to Mr. Carriedo who seems to have come to sit next to him ever since the chair has been freed by Feliciano. Those two hang out suspiciously often – Feliciano had always thought Lovino wasn't the type to let people get close to him, let alone in such a short amount of time. But before he can give this strange puzzle any more thought, it's like Lovino sensed him staring. He returns the gaze.

"We're gonna go eat," Feliciano mouths to him, pointing down the stairs, and his brother gives him a quick nod. Soon enough, the four of them have gotten some buffet food on their plates and found an empty table to sit around. Of course, they also each took a glass of wine for the occasion. They bite into their food.

"You know," Ludwig's mother starts after a while of silence, her accent thick and German, "we're so glad Ludwig has found a good friend like you here. Ever since we moved here for our work, we were so worried because he was always shy and never seemed to make friends easily."

"Mum," coughs Ludwig, clearly embarrassed at the unnecessary piece of overshared information.

"It's okay! I mean, it's a new country and everything. There's a lot to get used to." Feliciano slides his hand down under the table, placing it on Ludwig's knee placatingly. He takes a sip of the wine. It tastes really good, so he takes another.

"That's what I meant," she affirms, "so he's lucky to have found you. Ludwig, have you thanked him yet for being so patient with you?"

Ludwig flinches. Feliciano lets out an awkward laugh. "N-no, please, I haven't had to be patient with him. He's a joy to be around."

"At least he is very skilled at studying," his father remarks, and despite the kind words, he seems cold somehow, "You've made us proud, son."

"Thank you," Ludwig answers – it sounds stoic, almost like he rehearsed how to thank his own father. Feli watches him take a few sips of the wine, too.

"I hope you don't start slacking in university, like your brother."

Ah, Feliciano would love to escape this situation much sooner than later. He's not even hungry anymore, and a little woozy from that little amount of wine. He ponders on what to do to get them both out of this predicament.

"Oh," Feliciano perfomatively looks at his phone to check the time, "It's almost eight. Didn't your classmates want to do some kind of group game all together?"

Ludwig only looks at him, confused, and Feliciano seriously can't believe he's this dense. He throws blinks at him in quick succession with a tense smile on his face, hoping he gets the hint. To his surprise, he does.

"A-ah, right. You wanted to join?"

"Yes! The more the merrier!"

Feliciano jumps out of his chair, finishes his wine, and gives Ludwig's parents one last kind look before grinning widely at Ludwig, gesturing him to follow him. Ludwig does, and they disappear around a corner. As soon as they're out of sight, Feliciano grabs Ludwig's hand and picks up his pace until they're running, heading straight for the exit out of the building.

"Feli, wait, not so fast—"

"Let's get far away from here!" Feliciano storms past some guests who turn their heads as they fly past before finally, Feliciano opens the door to the outside. A gust of fresh evening air hits his face, and he's so full of energy that he doesn't stop there. Still holding Ludwig's hand firmly, he takes off and drags him along the scarcely lit street. The sun is hidden behind the apartment buildings by now, and it feels like magic how the street lights turn on the moment they pass them, as though lighting their way. Buildings fleet by them in a flash. Feliciano has to laugh, even though he's out of breath. He's ecstatic.

They run and run until Ludwig has to let go because he can't anymore. Feliciano stumbles to a stop and turns around, smiling brightly at him. Ludwig bends down and props his hands on his knees. They both heave for air.

Maybe it's the strong wine in his blood, but Feliciano wants to scream into the whole entire world how he adores this man.

As soon as Ludwig rises from his crouched position, Feliciano swings his arms around his neck, burying his face in Ludwig's shoulder.

"Feliciano," Ludwig huffs, his tone mellow, "What's the deal with you?"

"I don't know!" laughs Feliciano. He feels like a kid. "I'm just so happy. And I really, really wanna kiss you right now. Can we kiss? Please?"

He hops his feet impatiently on the ground, looking straight into Ludwig's timid eyes as the man before him blushes up a storm. Feliciano doesn't even wait for an answer – he simply can't. He falls onto Ludwig's lips pathetically, yearning, tasting wine and tongue and him. At first, Ludwig is stiff and helpless, but once he grasps the situation, he kisses back with double the intensity and triple the fervour. Feliciano nearly loses his breath again. Ludwig's hands settle respectfully on Feliciano's back, holding him close as they kiss under the lamp in the street they lost their way within.

Feliciano's legs dangle loosely from the swing he's sitting on, the sound of chains creaking quietly as he sways gently back and forth.

They ended up walking a bit further and spotted a nearby playground, deserted in the dark. Feliciano really didn't know where he had been running to, but looks like this was some kind of fated coincidence. This is the perfect spot.

By now, it has become dark enough that the nearby street lamps are their only source of illumination. Feliciano's heart is doing somersaults. Sneaking out and far away like this. It feels different, exciting, secret. And much more grown-up than anything they've ever done.

Ludwig takes up the swing beside him. In between, their hands are barely touching but touching nonetheless, pinkies entwined as they sit in silence – feelings lingering on their tongues but both of them too shy to speak them out loud.

And Feliciano has a lot of questions. About him, about his future. About them. He doesn't even know where to start.

"You're going to uni in a few months, right?"

"Yes. But there's still a lot of time until then. The term starts in October."

Feliciano nods. That's still half a year away.

"I'm thinking of taking some prep classes in September already."

"Engineering is no joke, huh?"

"It's going to be challenging. But I think I have what it takes," he states. Feliciano has to chuckle.

"Of course you do! It's you we're talking about." He squeezes Ludwig's hand. Another silence falls upon them. It's not an uncomfortable one, however. It feels just right.

Crickets chirp somewhere in the bushes. The nightly wind rustles through the leaves of oak trees and beeches above, and gentle shivers tumble down Feliciano's back. Now that summer's around the corner, the late hours are finally starting to get bearable again. Feliciano hates having to take a jacket everywhere. Naturally, because of his Italian roots, he prefers warmth instead.

"Are your parents always this…" he deliberates what to say next to not sound too rude, "…strange?"

Ludwig pauses. "I mean… kind of." His answer is short. It's like he'd rather avoid the subject. But Feliciano is just way too curious. And what better moment to be curious than now, slightly tipsy in the dark where nothing really matters?

"They seemed super strict. If my son brought home a flawless report like this, I'd treat him to everything in the world and tell him I'm proud a hundred– no, a million times!" he rants, "But your dad could only order you not to dare slack in uni. I don't get it."

"They've always been demanding. I'm used to it."

"Still! You deserve to be treated better than this. Even my own brother is nicer to me when I bring home grades three times worse than you."

He's met with a cold silence. Feliciano pouts. Is Ludwig really this thick, or just really bad at accepting love? Makes sense, since he doesn't seem to have been taught how it feels. The more he thinks about it, the more it infuriates him. It might be the alcohol making him heated.

Then, Ludwig rises from the swing.

He walks around to face Feliciano, looking down at him as the Italian finds those glowing blue eyes he's so enraptured by in the dark.

"Feliciano."

Feliciano's heart stutters. He swallows.

"Yeah?"

Ludwig leans down and cradles Feliciano's cheek in his palm. Feliciano blushes embarrassingly fast.

"We don't need to talk about my parents right now. I'd rather talk about us."

Feliciano is caught off guard. This kind of straightforwardness is totally unlike Ludwig. Either he is just really eager to change the subject, or the newfound freedom of having graduated altered his brain chemistry. Either way, Feliciano doesn't mind at all.

He leans into his gentle touch. "Okay. What exactly did you wanna talk about, then?"

Another gaping silence. It's almost like Ludwig had nothing prepared, after all. Feliciano snickers playfully. Ludwig frowns and even in the dim light, Feliciano can tell he's blushing just as hard as him. But before Feliciano gets to make fun of him – lovingly, of course – Ludwig presses their lips together to silence him. Feliciano smiles into the kiss. It's much softer and gentler than the wonderfully messy one they shared not even half an hour ago, Feliciano's eyes fluttering shut as longing blossoms in his chest.

"I like that topic a lot," hums Feliciano when their kiss breaks again, a cheeky undertone to his words, "We should talk about it for a bit longer…" He stretches to hug Ludwig's neck again. A fond smile betrays the German's stern features.

"You think so?" he teases – also very unlike him, "I think we've gone over it enough."

"I disagree," says Feli, voice barely above a whisper, "There's still some room for discussion."

He crashes into Ludwig's lips again, butterflies running wild in his tummy, desperate fingers clutching frantically to his face as though he'd lose him forever if he let go now. They scarcely ever kissed before – a couple of innocent pecks here and there – and today it seems like they just can't stop themselves at all. Ludwig's skin feels smooth under Feliciano's fingertips, probably shaved this morning to look clean and fresh for graduation day. Ah, he can't get enough the way he kisses – so rough yet careful. He might melt into his arms right then and there.

And it's not long at all before the intensity of these feelings washes his smile away into blissful tears. He has no idea why. He doesn't need to cry right now, but he lets it happen anyway, burying his face against Ludwig’s chest as his frame quivers with stifled sobs.

"Feliciano? Are you okay?" Ludwig’s voice trembles with confusion. He probably thinks he did something wrong. Not at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

"No, I mean yes, I'm okay," he sniffles, "I don't know. I feel like I'm just really emotional right now. B-but not in a bad way!"

"That's okay." Ludwig placatingly caresses his back. "There's nothing wrong with emotions."

Feliciano smiles in between tears and his next words are stolen from his lips in a terrific rush of affection, "I love you, Ludwig. I love you so much."

The German is left speechless for a moment. No wonder. Up until this point – more than half a year they've been together now! – they haven't even said anything like this to one another. Sure, they've exchanged affections now and then, kissed sometimes and told each other they like each other. But Feliciano doesn't remember either of them saying love. So of course Ludwig was going to be surprised when Feliciano blurted it out without a second thought.

"Feliciano…"

"Say it back," Feliciano begs as he stares up into Ludwig's eyes like it's a competition. Come to think of it, why haven't they said it before? Was their relationship not ready for it yet? Or were they too shy? The blond man tends to be timid with words of affirmation, yes, but this many months without a single I love you?

Before Feliciano can get trapped in a heap of overthinking again, he feels big hands holding his face and a gentle whisper against his lips.

"I love you too. Since the moment I met you."

The wild and new emotion takes Feliciano whole like a hurricane, its wild winds rushing, tearing through his body and stirring up his insides. It's like the entire world is his to take. He wants to jump, run, scream – there has to be some way to break down all this sudden energy – but instead, his fingers dig into Ludwig's shoulders for purchase. He needs an anchor, or he might truly get swept away.

"My heart is racing," Feliciano giggles, out of breath, "I feel so giddy. Is this normal? Is it normal to love someone this much?"

Ludwig is clearly overwhelmed with the question, the only sound escaping his lips a bashful chuckle – but Feliciano doesn't need an answer, anyway. It's enough if Ludwig holds him just like this, his palm resting placatingly on his head and fingers weaving themselves through ginger strands of hair so very tenderly, as though Feliciano were the most precious thing in the whole wide world.

This moment is perfect. And he wishes it could stay perfect forever – wishes to freeze in time right here and never have to go home again. But of course that bliss gets coldly interrupted as Ludwig's phone rings, shattering the silence of the night and startling them both.

"It's my mother," he sighs, picking it up and holding it to his ear. A muffled voice from the other side seeming to ask a question.

"Ja, Mutter. Wir sind in der Nähe. … Nein, nur ich und Feliciano. … Ich weiß, dass es spät ist."

He winces as the voice from the call raises a little.

"Tut mir leid, ich wollte dir keine Sorgen machen. Wir haben die Zeit vergessen. … Ja. Wir kommen schon heim, die Busse fahren ja noch. … Jap. Bis dann."

He hangs up and lets out another sigh.

"What happened?"

"She's just worried. She was mad we sneaked out because they were looking for us."

Right. Feliciano didn't tell his brother either, and he was the one who drove him. He fishes out his phone and sure enough, he's met with a couple of angry messages asking where he ran off to and what he thinks he's doing. His fingers quickly type up a reply.

—I'm with Luddy. We're fine, don't worry about me! :)

"I'm sorry for causing you trouble," Feliciano mumbles, "I didn't know she'd shout at you."

"Don't say that," smiles the German, "It's not your fault at all. I followed you because I wanted to."

Feliciano looks around. Time ran way too fast. "So…" he starts, but really doesn't wanna finish that sentence, "We should start heading back now, huh?"

"Probably."

They get out of the gates and walk along the path for a while. An awkward feeling of melancholy dawns on Feliciano and lingers in the back of his mind for the remainder of the way.

They stop at a nearby bus station and before long, a bus heading into the right direction comes to pick them up. They go further back, squeezing themselves on their seats. They're nearly alone in here, a sole lady sitting at the front who gets off at the next stop anyway.

"Wanna listen to music?" Feliciano pulls out his wired earphones, offering Ludwig the left one. Ludwig nods and takes it, putting it into his ear. Feliciano plugs them into his phone and scrolls through his playlists. The bus shakes slightly as it drives.

"I really like this song," hums Feliciano as a gentle tune begins playing into his ear, "I found it recently and can't stop listening to it. I don't know what it says, though, since it's in German. Maybe you can teach me?" He smiles innocently. Ludwig tilts his head and nods hesitantly.

♫ Ich sehe, dass du denkst

Ich denke, dass du fühlst

Ich fühle, dass du willst, aber ich hör' dich nicht, ich

Hab' mir ein Wörterbuch gelieh'n

Dir A bis Z ins Ohr geschrien

Ich stapel' tausend wirre Worte auf, die dich am Ärmel zieh'n ♫

Feliciano cannot see Ludwig's expression. He's looking away and out of the window. However, his ear is flushing a deep, scarlet red. Feliciano wonders why.

♫ Oh, bitte gib mir nur ein

Oh, bitte gib mir nur ein

Oh, bitte gib mir nur ein

Bitte, bitte gib mir nur ein Wort ♫

Feliciano decides to close his eyes and softly hum the melody as he leans back in his seat, his hand sneakily making its way to search for Ludwig's. He squeezes gently when he finally feels the other's fingers in his palm. They sit there in silence as the minutes pass and the song comes to an end.

"So? What is it about?" Feliciano asks curiously. Ludwig clears his throat.

"Nothing special. Just a love song."

"I figured as much already!" snickers Feli, "C'mon, tell me."

"It's about a girl who falls for a guy who is very quiet and introverted. And she chases after him and wants to get to know his true self."

"Oh!" Feliciano's eyes widen. "That reminds me of a certain someone."

His teasing words are met with even redder cheeks and fleeting eye contact. Feliciano breathes a fond sigh, then rests his head on Ludwig's shoulder. The bus stops at a traffic light.

"Where are you gonna study?" Feliciano throws the naive question into the room. He doesn't know yet that he shouldn't have. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

"I'm not sure yet. I have to decide soon."

"Isn't there one right here in town?"

"Yes. But…" he pauses. What is he hesitating about?

"I'm thinking of going to Cambridge."

The bus shakes heavily and Feliciano's heart stumbles to a stop. His stomach twists in knots. He gulps for air as his throat tightens. Cambridge?

Hold on.

That can't be right.

"What?" He says it out loud. The world halts. No, they were supposed to be together after this. Spend time with each other as Feliciano studies for and takes his finals. Go to the same university after Feli graduated. Silence falls upon them and its sheer deafening. Feliciano threatens to sink down its depths if it doesn't get broken right this instant.

"My parents want me to go there, too. It's my best choice."

Feliciano gasps for words, but doesn't find them. He clenches his fists in his lap along with his jaw. His mind is racing with both questions and realizations.

"Feliciano."

Ludwig's palm settles on Feliciano's shoulder in a gentle touch. Feli catches his breath. Finally, something tumbles helplessly from his tongue.

"I-I thought you were gonna stay here." He tries his very hardest to not seem as distraught as he really is. But despite his best efforts, his voice is shaken with betrayal and his eyes sting with incoming tears.

"Yes. I know. But it's not set in stone yet. We'll–"

"Cambridge is so far away," the Italian panics, utterly disregarding Ludwig’s supposedly comforting words. "It's five hours by train and three by car." I can't handle being this far away from you for years.

His breathing comes quick and dangerously shallow. His tongue is heavy and his throat parched.

"It is, but it's not impossible. I'll have my driving license soon, so I'll be able to come visit you often. We can see each other every other week or at least twice a month–"

"But I wanna see you every day! I thought we'd be together every day!"

"Feliciano. I need you to listen to me."

Ludwig grabs both of his hands and entwines their fingers, fixing his gaze firmly. Feliciano's vision blurs with his desperate attempt to hold back tears.

"It's still so much time until then. We'll have months to hang out every day. And as I said, nothing is sure yet. Plans might change anytime."

Feliciano barely manages to focus on his words, the storm inside his mind still rioting wild.

"I've waited for you all this time, only for you to leave me again?"

"I'm not leaving you. I'm right here. I won't abandon you."

"You're lying…" pouts Feliciano, defeated. After the initial shock has passed, a feeling of deep disappointment has settled in his chest instead.

"I'm not. I just don't think it's worth it to think so far ahead into the future. Let's focus on now."

Feliciano sniffles. It's hard not to think about it, but maybe Ludwig is right. For now, he should focus on the next few summer months and all the nice things they'll be able to do now that Ludwig doesn't have school any longer. He meets his gaze, and then an announcement rings out.

Next stop – Cotham Park.

It's Ludwig's stop. Feliciano still has to ride a handful further inside the city.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." He gets up off his seat. "Text me when you're home. And please don't be sad, okay?"

A lot easier said than done. "Ludwig." His feelings must be written all over his face because without having to say another word, Ludwig tells him exactly what he wants to hear.

"Yes, Feliciano. I love you."

A bittersweet warmth weaves itself into the seams of Feliciano's being. He dares to look into those sky-blue eyes again.

"I-I love you too."

The bus stops and Ludwig swiftly presses a kiss to the back of Feli's hand, leaving him blushing before he hurries last-second out of the closing doors. Feliciano's eyes follow him until he's out of sight.

He's alone with his feelings now. Leaning his head on the cold window, he stares outside. He tries to see past his own reflection and into the darkness of the streets.

It'll be okay, he tries to tell himself, fighting desperately against tears that might well up in his eyes any moment now. Yet no matter how hard he tries to think of warm summer days and even warmer kisses on his skin, the sinking feeling in his stomach just keeps getting heavier. He knew the euphoria was too good to last.

Is he overreacting again? Why does he always have to feel everything so intensely? Maybe he should just sleep a night on this. Perhaps, he'll see it in a different light tomorrow.

He almost misses his stop, lost in thought as he was. He gets off and scurries through the lively Friday night's streets towards his train.

Once home, he pulls out his phone and texts Ludwig. He's met with the sight of his worried parents who promptly chide him for staying out so late and for not letting his brother drive him back home. Feliciano doesn't wanna hear it. He takes off and locks himself into his room, sinking down on his bed with a heavy sigh.

He should stay positive. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Saturday, November 2nd, 2:26 P.M.

"Why does studying for finals have to be so hard?"

Summer has passed, and with it, lots and lots of sunny days filled with love. Over the past few months, countless memories were made, journeys taken and places visited – lakes, cafés, the docks, picnics while watching the clouds drift by, an anniversary trip to Germany and even just the comforting space of each other's bedrooms. It didn't need to be anywhere fancy to mean something. Sometimes, the softness of a familiar-scented pillow and the warmth of a loved one's blanket was more than enough.

Feliciano whines as they sit in the bustling bistro, waiting for their order to arrive. Ludwig smiles at him fondly – that same smile that never fails to make Feliciano's face glow with glee. That smile he rarely gifts to anyone but him.

"Don't worry. It'll be over before you know it."

However, like many laughs were exchanged, just as many tears were shed when autumn came around. Ludwig had decided to go to Cambridge after all, and that included having to look for an apartment. As preparations for the move progressed, the realization started dawning on Feliciano that these coming weeks would be the last weeks the two of them could spend together, and the void in his chest he tried to suppress from the very beginning bloomed bigger and bigger with each passing day.

It was terribly hard saying goodbye. Even though he knew they'd see each other still, and he trusted Ludwig enough to know he wouldn't go back on his promise – the prospect of having to get used to a long distance relationship wasn't exactly comforting. In the end, he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks as he lay in his arms the day before Ludwig had to take off.

That day was more than a month ago now. The weeks fly by conveniently fast when you have piles of books and worksheets on your desk. Now they're spending another weekend together in Bristol, and it's like they never even parted ways.

"How's uni life?" Feliciano wonders, taking a sip from his coffee after the waiter came and left their order on their table, "Is it as exciting as they say?"

Ludwig hesitates. "It's… different. There's a lot to do."

"What?! Exams already? Didn't classes start, like, two weeks ago?"

"No exams yet, but projects and presentations."

"Wow, that sounds scary." Cold shivers tickle Feliciano's spine. Hopefully, university will be more fun for him than Ludwig's stories of it sound. Ah, that reminds him. "You know, I was thinking of studying art history."

Ludwig blinks at him, seemingly stunned. He chews slowly on his chocolate cake. You wouldn't expect it from him, but he has a surprisingly sweet tooth. Then, his expression softens.

"That suits you."

"Right?!" Feliciano exclaims, excited, "I like history, and I like art a lot, so why not combine the two?"

"What university are you thinking of?"

"I…" Feliciano bites his lip, "haven't thought much about that yet. But I looked it up, and there's a course in Bristol and also in Cambridge."

Ludwig tilts his head like he always does when he's deep in thought. It's an endearing sight.

"Well. Think about it a bit more and make sure to get opinions. I don't know at which uni the course is better, so I can't help you much." He takes a sip of his coffee. Feliciano gazes out of the big window, his eyes drawn to the passersby.

"I mean… I'd probably choose Cambridge either way."

Ludwig huffs. Like he expected him to say that.

"Just to be with me?"

"I-it's not always about you!" exclaims Feli, cheeks burning up with embarrassment. It's totally not about him at all.

Ludwig has to chuckle. But his expression quickly stiffens.

"I see. But I'm serious. You shouldn't choose one university over the other just because a person you know studies there, too."

Feliciano clenches his fist around the fork without noticing. He didn't want to hear those words. Even when deep down he knows they're true.

"Why not? Do you not want us to be together?" he grits his teeth, voice barely above a breath. He's aware he's acting childish. But he can't help but feel like Ludwig's pushing him away.

"Of course I do. But your decision shouldn't depend on somebody else."

"I'm not depending on anybody! Besides, you're not just some person. You're my boyfriend!" A sigh. "I just think it would be really nice to be together. Don't you think so, too? Or do you not want me there with you?" His voice cracks at the last sentence. He's probably making a scene with how one or two confused faces glanced his way already.

"Of course I want you with me." Ludwig says calmly. He reaches out a hand to rest it on Feli's trembling one. "I just need you to think about it with a clear mind. Because going to Cambridge is going to be a lot harder."

"Are you saying I don't have what it takes?" Feliciano asks, a part of him offended at the thought. He knows he's not exactly the best at school, but he's been putting all his blood, sweat and tears into making sure he aces these exams this past year. Because he really wants to make it there. He has to.

"I'm not saying that. You're very smart and I'm sure you'd get accepted." Feli feels like he's being looked down upon and he hates it. His heart stirs.

"Then what are you saying?"

Ludwig squeezes his hand. "It's a different city, different people. You have so many friends here, a loving brother and parents who support you. Over there, you'll know no one. It'll be hard on you."

"So what? I'll make friends easily." If there's one thing I'm good at, it's that.

"What about the move? You'll have to organize a student apartment and everything. There are many things to keep in mind."

"I'm not stupid. I know I'd have a lot of setting up to do. But I'm not alone. Lovi would probably help me with that."

Ludwig sighs, defeated. Feliciano swallows. He didn't plan on arguing today, but it sort of happened anyway.

"You shouldn't worry about me. I'm not a kid anymore and I can make my own decisions. And if there are any consequences, they're mine to deal with. Not yours." He sounds earnest and uncharacteristically mature.

"I know. You're right. I'm just… yeah, worried. I don't want you to regret things because of me."

Feliciano's stubborn heart races in his chest. Of course, Ludwig has a point. Of course, one shouldn't leave everything behind just to follow after the love of one's life, chasing sunshine and rainbows. Feliciano himself was torn in this dilemma for the longest time. He had always felt safe in this city. Had lived here all his life, born right after his family immigrated from Italy – so he doesn't know what it even means to be far away from home. This would be his first time stepping out into the wilderness, all on his own.

But what is the world made for if not to be explored?

Decisions, to be regretted?

And life, to be experienced to the fullest?

Friday, May 30th, 07:52 P.M.

Lovino wraps his arms tightly around his brother, holding the embrace for what feels like an eternity. Feliciano has to find himself again as he feels as though he blanked out for the past half hour. His legs feel like jelly.

"Sono così fiero di te, fratello."

The words are a blur in the midst of loud chatter and his own thundering heartbeat in his ears. Feliciano's eyes flutter open.

He did it. He graduated. With flying colours.

Lovino loosens the hug and lays his hand on Feliciano's shoulder. Behind him, Ludwig steps into sight.

The German had travelled to Bristol in the middle of his busy term, missed his important classes of today just to be here in time for Feli's graduation. Feliciano is beaming. He's so happy to see him here.

"Feliciano," he says, voice full of pride and a gentle, almost unnoticeable smile on his face. Ludwig has never been the expressive type, rarely showcasing his feelings on his face for the world to see. However, Feliciano knows him well enough by now and once you do get to know him, he turns out to be surprisingly easy to read. He just looks scary and stoic sometimes. But he's almost more emotional than Feliciano himself.

The Italian downright stumbles into Ludwig's arms when he extends them, and the blond has to practically catch him so he doesn't fall. Feliciano breathes deeply. He feels scorching all over, that familiar tingle in his feet and the urge to run and jump that comes with it. He might burst from elation.

His parents come over to congratulate him, too, exchanging kisses and smiles and sweet words. Feliciano's dad takes the binder from his hands and opens it to read the grades out loud.

"I knew you had it in you," boasts his father, ruffling through Feliciano's hair affectionately.

"Hey, it's only because of me that he was so successful," Lovino jokes, and Feliciano can't hold back a giggle. It's not completely wrong. He did help him a lot when he was preparing for exams, to the point they sat at his desk together past midnight even when Lovino had to get up at six the next day.

It was most definitely no walk in the park, that's for sure.

Feliciano grabs Ludwig’s hand. They no longer have to hide or pretend, now that Ludwig’s parents aren't here. And as it turned out, Feliciano's parents are more than fine with their relationship.

Feliciano looks around. He can't lie, he'll miss many of these people. The teachers who were always supportive, his classmates who he had a really good connection with. It feels strange – bittersweet – now that it's all coming to an end.

But with every ending, a new beginning awaits.

"Is anyone hungry? I could go for some food right now," Feliciano's mother says. Right that instant, Feliciano's stomach rumbles. All that excitement really makes you peckish.

"You're staying tonight, yes?"

Feliciano's father takes a bite of the pizza that has been handed out before contorting his face into a wince. Naturally, it's not up to his Italian standards. His gaze rests on Ludwig.

"If I'm allowed. I'd love to."

"Of course you're allowed," smiles Feliciano's mother, a faint accent brushing her perfect words. "We're not making you look for a hotel to stay in when you came all the way here just for Feliciano's graduation. Ah, that reminds me – how is it over there? Have you aced your first exams yet? Feliciano tells us you are very smart."

If there's one person Feliciano got his kindness, his chattiness, and his nosiness from, it's gonna have to be his mum. Feliciano can't help but blush. She's embarrassing him.

But Ludwig doesn't seem to bat an eye. "Thank you. And yes, exams have been fine. Not perfect, but fine."

"Well, that's all you need. University is hard enough when you're putting in effort."

Feliciano takes a sip from his wine. It's the same one as last time. He's having a déjà vu.

Unlike last year however, the conversation with Feli's parents feels much lighter than the tense talk with Ludwig’s. No need to act a certain way or feel the uncomfortable silence crushing them. They sit there and casually chat about whatever comes to mind, finishing their food. Feliciano's heel rocks absentmindedly on the footrest of the bar stool.

He startles when a hand pats his back. His head whips around to see Mr. Carriedo. He smiles at him cheerfully, like he always does.

"Congrats on your graduation," an affectionate grin rests on his face as he reaches out a hand to shake Feliciano's. The Italian reciprocates. "I believe I deserve some credit for being your Spanish teacher until the very end."

Feliciano laughs. He's one of those teachers that he'll be missing most, if not the most. There was never a time he wasn't excited when the next lesson was Spanish with him.

"Best believe I'll be asking your brother lots about you," he winks, "I heard from him you're planning to study art?"

"Art history, yes. At Cambridge."

Mr. Carriedo gapes in astonishment. "Oh, wow. The sights are set on high goals, I see. Well, I wish you lots of luck for this path you're taking. Fun, too. It's important to have fun with what you're doing in life." He raises his finger in a berating gesture for dramatic effect. Feliciano nods.

"Thank you, Mr. Carriedo. I will."

The Spanish teacher is off to congratulate another nearby graduate, and Feliciano blushes in ecstasy. That's right. He's going to Cambridge. He's made up his mind long ago. He'll go to Cambridge and get a waiter job to afford his apartment and make lots of new friends and study well and… be with Ludwig.

"We'll have to start looking for a place for you soon," states his father, cleaning the corners of his mouth with the napkin.

"Actually, I've been looking already. I found an affordable one, and it's not a long way from campus, either."

Feliciano's mother claps her hands. "That's good, then! You should try your luck with that one."

"I will," assures Feli. He jumps off the stool, full of excitement again. Just as he is about to say something however, Ludwig beats him to it.

"Wait, Feliciano," he hesitates, an adorable pink on his cheeks, "I have something for you."

"What?" Feliciano's eyes widen as Ludwig takes a smaller bag out of his backpack and hands it over to him.

"For your graduation. And your eighteenth. Because I didn't have a proper gift."

Feli reddens and takes the bag – it's surprisingly heavy – before peeking inside. A gasp.

"Oh my God, is that–" he reaches in and pulls out "–a set of oil paints?! The really good ones I told you about? But that's too expensive, you shouldn't have!"

Ludwig shakes his head with a smile. Feliciano inspects the paints – that's the actual ones! – and beams at Ludwig. "Are you sure I can take that?"

"Of course you can. They're yours."

Feliciano barely swallows a wail of joy and glares at his parents, shoving the set of paints in their faces. They smile and nod, delighted for their son.

And there's still more! Feliciano takes the next thing out of the bag, and he can't stop smiling upon recognizing what it is. "Gingerbread cookies? Where from?!"

"Germany. I remember you loved them when you tried them in Munich. So I ordered some."

Feliciano can already feel himself salivating at the mere memory. They were so yummy in fact, that he took home three packages and managed to gobble them all down within just one week. This time, he'll have to manage his rations better.

And one– no, two last things. Some kind of ceramic piece…?

He turns it around and blinks. The Kiss by Gustav Klimt. Feliciano's favourite work of art. As a cute little statuette to put on a shelf.

He's this close to tearing up. He mentioned it once, without thinking much to it, and Ludwig remembered. His face flushes and his chest blossoms with warmth. He feels heard, seen – loved.

"Where did you get this?"

"A local art store – the one I went to for the paints. It was more of a coincidence that I saw it."

"And you remembered–" Feliciano sniffles, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. There it is. He's gonna cry in public and embarrass himself. He takes a deep breath, his voice a mere whisper, "Thank you."

Ludwig chuckles and lays a hand on his arm, caressing tenderly. "Of course. Happy late birthday and congrats on your graduation."

"W-wasn't there something else inside?" Feli clears his throat, parting the bag a little. An envelope comes into view.

"Yes, but, uh… I think you should look at that later."

"Really? Why not now?" Feliciano seizes it and now Ludwig is the one blushing a deep red.

"Because it's private. And written really badly. Because it's in Italian." He says that last sentence quietly, like he's ashamed of the fact. Feliciano's mouth forms into an o-shape.

Italian?

Now he's made him want to look at it even more.

Wait – Italian?

"Did you write it yourself?"

"Y-yes."

Feliciano takes a moment to grasp what that really means. He's been learning Italian?

His heart stammers.

Feliciano didn't have the slightest clue. Has he been keeping it a secret on purpose? Just to surprise him? He stares blankly at the envelope.

Ludwig seems to have caught onto what's going through Feli's head. "D-don't expect too much. It's probably really broken."

"I don't care! I wanna read it right now!" shouts Feli, near-ripping it open. Ludwig props his elbow on the table and buries his face in his hand.

Feliciano unfolds the piece of paper. His eyes carefully scan over Ludwig's neat handwriting, reading sentences in slightly imperfect Italian but not nearly as imperfect as Feliciano had expected. He writes about his congratulations, about their time together and about his love for him – it's quite unlike Ludwig with how terribly cheesy it is, but Feliciano doesn't mind that at all. He's deeply touched. The fact he's learning a language just for Feliciano, even though he doesn't have to at all. The fact he went out of his way to keep it a sweet little secret until this very day. This is about the most romantic thing anyone could ever do. God, Feliciano doesn't even know what to say.

A tiny droplet of water stains the paper. He didn't even notice he was crying. He quickly wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and looks around – his parents are gone. They must have left to give them some privacy. Feliciano appreciates it, and he's sure Ludwig does too.

He reaches to hug the blond man, muffled sobs against his chest. Warm arms settle around Feliciano's back.

"Thank you," he pouts, giving the letter one last look before hiding it back in its envelope. "Thank you so much. This is the best gift ever."

"I'm glad you liked it. I hope the Italian wasn't too bad–"

"No, it was awesome! It was so good, seriously! I have so many questions. When did you start studying? Did you visit courses? I would've never thought– How did you–" Feliciano has to catch his breath at the waterfall of words. His head is cloudy with emotions. Ludwig’s expression softens.

"I started a while ago. When we were both at school, still. And yes, I visited courses."

"Is that why you were often so busy even after classes?"

The German chuckles. "Maybe."

"I–I can't believe you," Feliciano half laughs, half scoffs. "At this rate, your Italian will be better than mine. And here I was, thinking you were losing interest."

"Oh, I remember." Ludwig’s voice carries a fond tone, like he's recalling some deeply nostalgic memories.

"I'll have to start learning German to keep up with you," Feliciano says jokingly, "Oh, and we're definitely going to Italy this summer!" The ginger carefully puts the items back into the gift bag, grinning from ear to ear. He holds it tightly in his hand, but Ludwig reaches out his own.

"Let me take that from you until we're home." He hooks his fingers under the handle and takes it off Feli. The latter nods and takes a deep breath to calm himself.

"What did you want to say before, by the way? When you got off the chair."

"Oh, I think…" He tries to recall. "Ah! I was gonna say that the school band's getting ready to play some songs now! And I wanted to watch them." He looks over to the stage where they're setting up instruments and speakers. He turns his head to throw Ludwig a questioning glance, reaching out to grab him by his arm. Ludwig nods.

The two of them push through some people and find a pair of seats with a nice view to the stage.

"And you're absolutely sure that you want to go to Cambridge?"

Ludwig takes the towel off his shoulders and ruffles through his blond hair with it. He just came fresh out of the shower. His formal clothes are folded properly over Feliciano's chair and instead of those, he's wearing a simple undershirt and shorts. Feliciano gulps and averts his gaze. He leans back on his bed.

"Yes. And no, it's not just because of you. I thought long and hard about this."

"You, using your head? That's quite unlike you," teases Ludwig, laying the towel carefully to the side – he's an incredibly neat person, no matter where he goes – and sits next to the Italian on the mattress. Feliciano's pulse jumps. Ah, his thoughts are running wild and threatening to go in a direction he isn't sure if it's not too early for.

"You're so mean to me."

"Am I?" Ludwig looks over to meet his eyes. Feliciano can barely reciprocate the glance. He lays a hand on the back of Feli's, then comes to prop himself up over Feliciano, hovering over him as a sly smile is plastered on his face. He doesn't do anything. Doesn't push himself on him, doesn't kiss him, doesn't even touch him. He only looks, and that alone has Feliciano's heart racing up a storm.

Then finally, his palm rests tenderly on Feliciano's cheek. He strokes his face with his thumb, that fond glint in his eyes that he always carries when he fixes Feliciano with his gaze. It's like he winds up admiring him wholeheartedly each time anew.

"Y-you're staring."

"I know." He got an awful lot more confident – bold, even – over the time they've been together, and Feliciano isn't sure what to think of it.

But Feliciano can be confident too! Very much so. When he wants to, that is. He can't find it in himself right now.

Ludwig leans in to press a smooch on his cheek, and then on his forehead.

"Well. I hope we see each other on campus every day."

"I would hope so!" huffs Feliciano before putting his arms around Ludwig’s shoulders. His eyes drop from his eyes to his lips, and God, he wants to kiss him right now. He must've been staring like a madman because Ludwig’s lips promptly curl into a knowing chuckle. Feliciano furrows his brows and blushes.

This feels different. Yeah, they've cuddled before. Slept in the same bed before. Made out, even. Of course they have, after more than a year together! So why is this of all things making him so nervous all of a sudden?

Ludwig lowers his head and meets his lips with Feliciano's. Feliciano, the nervous wreck he is, utterly blanks out on what to do in this situation. Ah, there goes his mind again. Drifting off to unspeakable scenarios. Maybe he should stop it before it's too late.

Or should he?

He parts his lips and lets Ludwig claim territory on his tongue. He's being soft, gentle, considerate. Far too much so.

But he tastes so irresistibly good. Feliciano downright melts from nothing but a kiss. The bedsheets feel silky smooth like clouds against his skin. Oh, how badly he missed him. No one has ever made him feel this way before. And frankly, he doesn't want there to ever be another.

His fingers travel up Ludwig’s neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake, before they weave their way through Ludwig’s still slightly wet locks. Feliciano holds him close as they deepen their kiss, not ever worried about catching air because they'll simply breathe in each other instead.

Ah, this is bad.

Really, really bad.

He has no idea where this will lead them if they keep this up. No idea. That's what he tells himself.

However, deep down, he has already made up his mind. Tonight, he graduated. Tonight, Ludwig’s sleeping over at his place. Tonight, everything seems to fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle – and that would be the very last one needed to complete it.

So if not tonight, when the hell else?

"Ludwig," he whispers – pleads – against his mouth. Ludwig breaks their kiss and rises to meet his gaze, and in the darkness of the room, Feliciano is surprised to find the man's face flushed in a deep, flustered red. It catches him so entirely off guard in fact, that he can't hold back a chuckle before it's too late. Said chuckle turns into a full-blown laugh within mere seconds, leaving the abashed man above him clueless and confused as Feliciano giggles his heart out.

"What is there to laugh about," Ludwig grumbles with a pout, a heavy, serious, German accent on his words. It only serves for Feliciano to break into even louder laughter, a hand on his tummy as he cannot seem to stop for the life of him. Tears gather in the corners of his eyes. It hurts.

"Sorry, sorry," he manages to choke out, taking a deep breath as he calms down at last. "You looked so funny, is the thing."

Ludwig clears his throat and attempts to rise up and away from Feliciano for good, but Feliciano hugs his neck again before he gets the chance.

"No, no, no – come back here." He pulls him right back down, his stomach fluttering playfully. "I wasn't done with you."

The tips of their noses touch. Feliciano smiles. Is it really still the wine in his system, or what in the world is he so utterly drunk on?

"Kiss me again, like before. Please."

"Only if you promise not to make fun of me anymore."

"I wasn't making fun of you!" It's not a lie, but Ludwig looks at him like he truly believes it is. Feliciano rolls his eyes and sighs. "Okay, I won't make fun of you. I promise."

"Do you?" The German slides his hand up Feliciano's side. An embarrassing sound rips from the ginger's lips as he flinches violently. He's ticklish – Ludwig should know that!

Instead of an apology however, he's met with an amused smirk.

"Now we're even."

Feliciano puckers his lips and averts his gaze. Ludwig uses the opportunity to leave tender kisses on his cheek, his jawline, and finally, his neck. Feliciano's breath hitches. That tickles, too.

He leaves feathery fingerprints on Feliciano’s ribs, and the latter takes a deep, satisfied breath. Like this, his touch feels nice. He gazes at him through half-lidded eyes.

"L-Ludwig."

"Yes?" the blond mumbles, a faint spark in his cyan ones as they take him in wholly and sincerely.

Thump-thump.

Feliciano breathes a whisper, like the entire world is listening. Like it's been waiting all along.

"Can you…"

Thump-thump.

"…lock the door?"