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"Cabl—" you choked, coughing again as more lava erupted from your throat. At least, that was what it felt like, spilling from your lips again before you could stifle it.
There was no fiery glow until he hovered with the flame of a lamp.
"Let me see."
His words were patient. Like you hadn't let him down after being kept alive in the black baths for ten days while he searched a dangerous district for a rare tree, used its soulbloom for a cure and convinced you to drink the bitter tincture by pouring it into a flower. All that effort for this.
You were still sick. Even more pathetically so. Tired eyes were stinging, watery, difficult to see out of. Was the ground swimming, or was it a trick of the lighting?
"Breathe in deep through your nose," Caleb instructed, brushing your stray hairs away with one hand while his other crossed in front of your shoulders, a support beam to rest on as he guided your posture forward.
"Do you still feel sick? It might happen again. Try to relax while you can." He brought a clean towel to your face and wiped away the mess.
You'd always been sick. That was why he couldn't get rid of you. And if it meant staying by his side, then you'd choose to stay sick. You even tried to. Delayed the treatment that he tricked you into before it was too late.
So why were you ill now? After saying that even post-cure he would tie you up, to be placed in his basket with bundles of herbs? That sounded nice. But this was violent.
"Are you upset with me?" he patted your back as your eyes lingered on the white cloth blotted with bile. It didn't look normal.
"Why?" Chills ran down your arms, prompting you to crawl into his side.
"There is always a price. In this case, it is the lowest I could find, on your body and mind. The most difficult part was to procure and maintain its ingredients."
"What're you saying?" you poked his face, noticing starlight past the dark silhouette of dancing leaves. It was his idea to sleep outside.
"Vomiting is just a part of the process. But you'll feel better once it passes. I promise," his fourth finger interlocked with yours.
It wasn't like you had much to lose. This was gross, but if it would mean no longer waking in unbearable pain, you could handle it… There wasn't a choice.
"So? You're not saying anything."
"'m cold. You should let me play with fire." His body heat wasn't enough, and there was fabric in the way.
"We can burn stuff from this pile over here, but then it might not be dark enough for you to sleep."
"But I'm already awake." You stole his lamp and crawled toward the wood, beginning to build a fire while he stabilized the structure.
You dropped a piece, hands on the grass as more ichor fled your mouth. It burned. Your body felt sore inside, achey on the outside.
"Feel better?" Caleb rubbed your back as you coughed, arms trembling.
"I'm cold."
"Take a step back, then. We can light the fire."
He said as if he wasn't the one moving both of you to a more comfortable spot before throwing a needle, and the embers ignited. A house of fire that you'd built together heat the air.
"Come on," he tucked you back into bed. "Here's a bowl that you can throw up in. Go back to sleep."
He really did know this was going to happen. The firewood, the cut-out oval hidden beneath your pillow for puke bowl to fit under.
Should you be mad at him? You were too tired of it all to think straight. All you could manage was a glare, a pout. Not even a half-convincing scowl.
"If I told you before, then you would have worried. At least this way, you got to sleep for a couple hours."
He was losing sleep, too. Evident by the gravel in his voice that failed to smooth over completely.
You closed your eyes. He wouldn't tell you how long he stayed awake just to bring back the tonic. A ten-day trip… And books said the district he had to visit was dangerous. He lied before leaving, telling you he'd stay so you couldn't fight his real decision.
"Still restless? You've been tossing and turning for a while now. Drink this."
You eyed the small ceramic cup with suspicion.
"It'll help you sleep, and it should hurt a bit less."
The cup was warm, so you downed it in one go. He wasn't lying. It sort of numbed your throat.
"You can rest now." He took it back, fixed your hair that was messy again. "Let me guess. It's too bright?"
You hummed, "Normally it isn't…"
"You'll be more sensitive over the next few days. Until then… would you like a blindfold?"
It was like that for the following week. Impossible to sleep until he wrapped a soft folded fabric over your eyes and ears.
And every morning you woke up sick, stuttering as you sat between his legs, Caleb's chest pressed against your back as you threw up against your will. He'd whisper praises in your ear, pushing the blindfold up so it held the hair back from your face.
Sometimes you despised him for tricking you. But the alternative was death, and your motive for staying sick in the first place was to live with him for longer. So you endured it like you always did.
Caleb made you soft foods and boring soups with hardly any taste of poison. Truth be told, your tongue was sort of numb from the bile. Maybe from the medicine as well.
"Be patient." He caught your wrist before it could throw some toxic plants into the boiling pot, promising that you would regret eating them. Caleb's thumb pried your mouth open, felt along the sharp points of teeth, until he admit there was no poison on your breath. But his message was clear: leave the cooking alone. If you ate something that you weren't supposed to, he would find out.
And every day you felt a little lighter, until there was no ichor left in your lungs. For as long as you could remember, a barbed sort of rope had been tying you down from the inside out, and you hardly ever noticed until it was gone.
"Caleb, I feel weird," you whispered, four days since the last vomiting session.
"Weird how?" he asked while you helped to process herbs at a low table.
"Like… normal?" Your head tilted, not sure if that was right. "Nothing…"
"That's good. Or are you upset because you don't feel special anymore?"
It felt unfamiliar. Scarier than being out of the Hollow. Every breath you took was too big, every step too strong, and you woke up with energy. It was wrong. It was supposed to be that way. What were you supposed to do with it?
Your mouth ran ahead of your brain, uncertain if the words made sense at all.
Caleb laughed, "I told you. You'd be a normal girl, able to leave Shaoxi Hollow. Didn't you want to see the world? Or have you had enough exploring?"
You threw another herb onto the pile. It was almost finished, and you'd only begun not too long ago. It was kind of hard to recognize yourself, realizing what you'd been missing out on. That Caleb wasn't so much faster only because of his mastery, but the gap was even wider before with your weakness. Hands that were weak, that trembled, that dropped things, that failed in dexterity. You still managed then, but… Work passed by quickly now. Your paper folding was much neater. He even let you write the labels on, with legible handwriting.
The way he acted toward you didn't change. Still encouraging, teasing and teaching. He even showed you some new recipes, and they turned out okay. As long as you followed his instruction.. usually.
Sometimes you forgot your own strength. Spice jars weighed less, for example, and sometimes half would spill into the pot. That one was hard to save.
He said it wasn't only the substance that makes a poison. Preparation mattered, and so did the dose. Cooking incorrectly or adding too much of a subtle ingredient…
Were normal people so easily poisoned? How did they look after themselves? It must be exhausting to live. Or maybe those concerns were delegated to food stall owners, and not everyone had to remember such things.
Still, that weightless feeling annoyed you, like walking on air. So you'd collect heavy trinkets, wear layers in accessories. It helped a little. But they made so much noise. Caleb said it was like a little bell and you were a collared pet. So it wasn't ideal to go outside in. You stuck out enough already. There was another solution to this.
"Did someone steal my shoes to make sure that I couldn't leave her again?"
"No," you huffed.
"Oh, really? But I can see that you're wearing them." Caleb had his arms crossed with one hand on his chin. It really pissed you off sometimes. He didn't know every single thing about you. He should try harder.
Your attempt to run away clued him in. The rocks that lined his shoes, underneath your feet so they'd fit… It was more an attempt to tether yourself back to earth.
"Feeling better than before means it's easier to over-exert yourself. You should rest." He reached for your wrist and you laughed, eluding him.
The footing was awkward though, jagged edges stabbed your soles with each step, and instead of falling into Caleb you felt the ground. Fists still clenched around their own rocks, your palms felt sore at the sudden pressure, so you threw them at him before he could scold you.
He caught both stones with an agility that you might be able to match someday… maybe.
Those two rocks were the same. They fit nicely in the palms of your hands. It provided a comfort of gravity, a familiar weight that was lacking as your ailments lifted. Until you fucking fell on them.
"I know these are precious to you," he set them aside. "But show me some restraint, okay?"
You pouted, grabbing his wrist, distracted by the scent. He always smelled nice.
"Alright, you little freak," he tousled your hair, kneeling on the grass. "Now show me your feet. No? These are my shoes. So I have the final say where they go. Isn't it my turn to wear them?"
Caleb untied the ribbon that held his oversized shoes to your feet. The relief was instant, but you tried not to show it.
"How long were you walking around in these?" he glanced up at a blank face. "It was long enough to form blisters… You should stay off of your feet for a while."
"But that's boring," you complained. "I want to move around!"
Caleb cut you a look that said be serious. "How are your ankles?" His palms trailed up, feeling for a change in their range of motion or swelling. It might be a little early for that. "You're coming with me," he sighed, lifting you up before any protest.
But he offered to take you outside. On account of owing him a new pair of shoes, at least. His promise had you stop kicking up bathwater. Leaving the Hollow sounded fun. You could go on a longer trip this time. Farther away.
He actually did tie you up though. With poultices wrapped around bare feet, stuck inside his herb basket and unable to run off on your little side quests. At least being carried like that provided a reason to feel so weightless. He bought you new pastries to try, even if the red beans weren't of the jequirity variety, and you chose a new pair of shoes for him. Some of the townspeople shrunk back in fear of Caleb. Others found you to be a cute pair, and offered samples from their stalls. On lonely paths, your snake liked to climb from your sleeve onto Caleb's shoulder. It was still fond of him. The trip was going smoothly, you should be in a better mood.
The blisters were irritating. You wanted to bite them off. He caught you doing that once, amused at how numb your own bite felt. Then suddenly there was a taste of salt. It wasn't bad, just unexpected… The sack of skin on your toe was empty and broken. And then you realized what just happened. The blister popped into your mouth and you drank it.
"Did you seriously…" Caleb crossed the room, grabbed your foot to observe it for himself.
You didn't know why he zeroed in so fast. It wasn't really painful. The shock on your face was just from a sudden flavor. You looked over his shoulder, to where sunlight glazed against a small window, like looking into another world on the other side.
"Don't eat weird things," he sounded disappointed. Resolved to drain the remaining blisters himself before they could end up in your mouth. "Will you be good and leave these on for me?" he asked, securing the last bandage.
"Fine," you relented, letting him have his way.
"If I have to forbid you from your own body, then…"
"What?"
"Then I will."
"Promise?" you tilted your head, seeing how far he could be pushed.
"Just let it heal," he exhaled, and you settled under the covers.
Your stomach growled, but you weren't hungry for anything in the room. Caleb was finally dead asleep, for once in his life. You poked his face, and he didn't even mumble in coherently. You bit his arm, since it smelled good. But the taste wasn't satisfying, and it wouldn't fill your stomach.
You could find your own snacks.
He might have thought you didn't notice, but he'd bought a second pair of shoes. Thought they were hidden. Lucky for you, he wasn't the only one set on seeing past secrets. As long as he didn't wake up when you stole them from his pillowcase… Perfect.
You crept on your toes, hardly breathing until reaching the veranda. Only a thin layer of bandage was on your feet now. The shoes fit alright. Your gait adjusted as gravel and grass crunched underfoot.
Dun Prefecture was supposedly full of danger. But you were safe like a baby in Caleb's basket, bored of the clouds you loved to watch.
Foraging outside of the Hollow was more difficult. Even if you were good at recognizing plants, it was harder to tell where they might be growing. Back there, everything had its place. But they should follow the same principles anywhere… the same preference for streams or shade. The sun had already departed for the night, and starlight was obscured by moonlit clouds. Where else could you gather a sense of direction..
No sound escaped your lips before a rough hand tightly covered them. Its scent was too metallic, something else that wasn't herbal. Caleb would have said something by now. He would have thrown a needle or played a flute or something. But you were on your own. A stranger was dragging you away. Trees and streets passed by, filed away into mental notes.
Unable to scream, not well-versed in self-defense. He taught you to throw needles, but you hadn't thought to carry them…
This guy's steps were less graceful than Caleb's. Even his basket was stable, the motion fluid, while here you felt jostled around. You had to close your eyes and take a breath to recalibrate, while his uneven footsteps shifted from grass to dirt to wood, then a door creaked shut.
An even less-familiar man sniffed your hand. Gross. "No, this can't be right. You brought the wrong girl."
"No, this is the one. I'm certain. Same medicine vessel we lost before."
His supervisor sighed. "You have one hour to prove it. And send her back, unnoticed. Abducting anyone that happens to be nearest to him is just asking for a death sentence. Or worse."
You groaned, blinking around the dimly lit room. "Aren't you hungry?"
"We could fetch some red beans, I suppose…" The abductor trailed off.
"Jequirity."
"Those are poisonous." The older man deadpanned.
"See? I told you!"
"If she eats jequirity beans and survives, then I'll spare your head. Less can be said of his sentence suspending. Go."
Was it reckless to follow anyone who promised poison like a starving stray animal?
You didn't care. Caleb was sleeping and you were hungry and his basket didn't have anything that you craved. It was comfortable and it even smelled nice, but everything was so edible that it tasted of boredom. A cage.
You'd gather as much poison as possible, stuff your sleeves with it, and have a stash by the time he came for you. It was a good plan.
"This is it," you breathed, gathering black-red pearls off the plant, shoving a handful into your mouth before dropping the rest in your sleeve and reaching for more. How many days would it be until you saw them again? Caleb was your sun, but he was too strict.
"Don't fill yourself up yet," the guy muttered, detesting you.
You stuck your tongue out at him and ate more, straight off the stalk.
"So immature. How does someone like him put up with you?"
"I bet your master would say the same about you," you taunted.
"Shut up," he grabbed your ear and dragged you back to the dark room.
"Ow! That's mean. I can make you look like a liar, you know. I have no reason to spare your he—"
The building was closer than you thought.
"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" he kept walking.
"Wasn't that…"
At least he let go of your ear. But you were truly, hopelessly lost. Not a single familiar landmark you could actually identify. At best, the stars might be a guide. But every street looked the same to you. Your heart began to race, realizing that in a minute, you might be sold for parts. Even if you were now a failed medicine vessel, and your corpse couldn't heal anyone, you'd be long dead by the time they found that out. And why would they listen to your warnings about a failed business model? It would be dismissed as an attempt to spare your own life. There was nothing you could do to stop it. But at least the taste of those forbidden red beans still danced on your tongue. Even if it wasn't so good as you remembered.
"Quit shaking, you won't die yet. It could take five days to prove you're immune to those. "
Five days… Caleb would show up by then. And if they were really so afraid of him, then they'd want you to eat more poison, right? It could all work out in your favor. Maybe you could still run away on your own, somehow find that lodging before he wakes up…
You hit the ground, pebbles digging into your palms and knees. Disgruntled, you picked them out, catching a glimpse of your kidnapper dragged into the trees. So he finally caught up. Took long enough. Too bad you couldn't locate their hideout.
"Just how much did you…" Caleb's thumb pried your mouth open. His eyes closed at the toxic smell on your breath.
"Was I supposed to count them?"
"You're lucky I came prepared," he removed something from his belt. "Otherwise, in a few hours, your organs would be shutting down."
"What?" your brows wrinkled.
"I told you," he sighed, "You would be a normal girl who can leave the Hollow. You're not a medicine vessel anymore. You can't eat poison without the consequences."
"Oh…" Your face fell. You knew that, didn't you? Or were you too focused on the target on your back as an ingredient, a panacea, to accept the other half of that deal?
He told you before. Everything had a price. And this was yours. No more ingesting poison. To be a normal girl, you had to treat your body like one.
"Does your stomach hurt yet? It shouldn't have been that long. Your teeth marks are still there. How's your head? Been seeing anything weird?" The backs of his fingers pressed along your temple.
You shook your head, numbly pulling out fistful of grass.
Caleb sat down behind you, picking a flower and filling it with tonic. "Drink this."
You didn't fight it this time. Had caused him enough trouble already. The floral scent made up for the bitter antidote it held. And compared to the soulbloom, this wasn't so bad.
"Good," his arms wrapped around you tighter, counting heartbeats. "Stop scaring me. And if you feel sick, don't swallow it. Promise."
"I promise," you mumbled, locking pinkies as you watched rays of sunlight begin to warm the distant sky.