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Sometimes, Remus Lupin heard voices.
-Hey! I’m not a voice!
-Shut up, James. Moony has to focus.
-Sirius, you’ve forgotten your astronomy homework again. Look, it’s there on the table….
Remus blinked.
The parchment in front of him swam into focus. It was not astronomy homework. It was Parvati Patil’s essay on Red Caps, and he had yet to mark it.
He sighed and rubbed his hand on his forehead, getting up and tidying the scrolls of parchment together with a wave of his wand. The homework would have to wait.
His office was nice enough, with its warm brown wood and plush armchair, but right now it was too hot- suffocating him, and he wanted to get out, clear his head a little.
-Prongs, look, the defence classroom is empty, and Moony’s in it, alone!
Remus tried to put Black firmly in the back of his head, where he belonged.
-Is it true? Moony, up to mischief? I feel like a proud father. We’ve done well, Padfoot.
He slammed the door shut behind him and walked resolutely down the defense corridor towards the courtyard. Goodness knew he could do with some fresh air.
-Oh, go on James, let's skip Transfiguration.
-McGonagall will realise we’re gone, Padfoot. Eyes like a cat, you know. Don’t need another detention when the Quidditch final is coming up.
-Oh, come off it. Prongs? Scared of detentions? Are you hearing this, Remus?
-You know… I think that this might have something to do with the fact that James sits next to a certain Lily Evans in Transfiguration. Doesn’t it, James?
Remus smiled in spite of himself.
The memory was so clear that he could almost see James looking up at him, an abashed expression under his mop of hair. He thinks, if he just reached out his hand to give him a playful punch, he’d be right there…
Remus’ fist closed on pale moonlight. Empty.
-Remus, quick, hide us!
-What have you done now?
The wry amusement in young Remus’ voice cut through the air like a knife. He shuddered. He didn’t want to hear this. Didn’t want to hear James. Didn’t want to hear Peter. Didn’t want to hear himself, as he’d been 15 years ago.
-Oh Remus, you’ve got to help us. A tragedy has occurred.
-What have you done now?
-Professor Sprout may have realised it was us who laced her fertiliser with itching powder
-Peter got caught, then?
-Alas, a soldier has fallen. A tragedy, nonetheless, that could be fixed by that shiny badge on your chest.
-Shut up, James. She’s coming.
Remus shut his eyes tightly. Maybe if he closed everything out, it would go away. It’s not like he’s tried that already….
There must be something in the air today. It’s a sad sort of day, but when he closes his eyes, the dark autumn sky is replaced by a hot summer that erupts in colours.
-Listen, Sirius, if you don’t help me with this, I’ll fail my OWLS. You wouldn’t want that on your conscience, would you?
-Oh, if I could I would… but, you see, the tree is so comfortable to lean against- it’s shielding me from the glaring hot sun. If I left the shade, I’d get sunburn. You wouldn’t want that on your conscience, would you, Moony?
-Sunburn?
-Yes, Peter. Unfortunately for me, the Black family skin is terribly delicate. Hereditary. Oy- Remus!
-Git.
-Why don’t you ask James?
-He’s currently preoccupied with staring at Lily Evans, who has taken off her shoes to cool herself off by the lake.
-Am not!
-Ouch! You berk, you’re supposed to hit Remus, not me.
-Peter can do Remus for me. I’m going to go and try my luck with Lily.
-........
-How long before he gets hexed?
-Less than a minute.
-Should we go stop him, then?
-Ah now, Peter- you see… If I were to get up right now, I would run the risk of damaging my awfully fragile skin- OW, REMUS!
Remus blinked. Sirius was still staring up at him with those piercing grey eyes.
Rain had started to drop down from the angry clouds. Unfortunately for him, his feet had forgotten how to move. He just stood there, feeling the angry pellets hit him as the drops of cold water soaked through his robes. Not even the freezing temperature could shock his body into movement. He was numb, had been numb for 15 years now.
The puddle in front of him morphed cruelly into James's face, grinning up at him innocently. Remus stared at his lopsided smile, his warm hazel eyes. He was so young. Merlin, they had all been so young. And now it was Remus who was old, and James and Peter were-
“I'm sorry,” he whispered to the air.
He felt his salty tears mingle with the wet raindrops sliding down his cheeks.
The face morphed into Peter's, his face scrunched up in confusion in the way it did when he was trying to understand some joke he had probably been the butt of.
Remus could taste the salt dripping into his mouth.
“I'm sorry,” he sobbed. Rain drops clung desperately to the ends of his hair and fell to their deaths as he shook with tears.
The puddle changed again and he was staring into the grey eyes of Sirius Black.
The cold grasped him mercilessly, sending shivers down his back. He was soaked through, and his fingers frozen solid. He stared, unmoving, into Sirius’ eyes.
“Remus?”
Remus whirled around to see Professor McGonagall staring at him from under the entrance to the courtyard.
He stood dumbly for a second, looking at her. He felt his feet move slowly towards the entrance, but didn’t register when the raindrops stopped falling, protected by the hard ceiling.
“What are you doing?” She asked, looking at his dripping figure.
He shrugged, not meeting her eyes.
“You're all wet. Here.”
She waved her wand and a dry warmth washed over him. It didn't provide him any comfort.
He looked up at her silently, noting how her eyes crinkled in sympathy.
For a moment they stared at each other. Then he started.
“Happy New year, Pr- Minerva.”
She sniffed suddenly, and it seemed to him that her eyes looked remarkably watery.
“Happy New year, Remus.”
There was another silence. Then:
“They would have liked to see it,” she said softly, in an uncharacteristic display of warmth.
He looked at her questionably.
“The New Year, I mean. Lily and James.”
Oh. He looked down at his feet silently.
“Yeah, they would have,” he said gruffly. He paused.
“They would have liked to see him.”
Now it was McGonagall’s turn to stay silent.
Remus cleared his throat and looked away.
“I'd better get going,” he mumbled.
As he walked away, he looked back at the puddle of water in the courtyard. Sirius was still grinning up at him, but as he stared, a raindrop fell right onto his face, and the ripples melted his features back into water.
Sometimes, Remus Lupin heard voices.
-Moony, don’t look so glum. Here, James has nicked some firewhiskey-