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If you had told Haruka Sakura when she was a fifteen-year old boy who had barely begun to learn what care from others looked like that, in seven years, she would semi-regularly be having lunch with Yamato Endo — of all people — she would have looked at you like you were insane. Of course, if you had told her that, someday, she would be a twenty-two year-old woman, she also wouldn't have believed you. Life is funny that way. It loves to throw the unexpected at you. That has certainly happened to her over and over again as the years have gone by.
But here Haruka is, sitting across the table from Endo, yet again. It's comfortable now, too, especially after she quickly learned that she needed to pick out the restaurant ahead of time, lest they end up somewhere unreasonably fancy. He's still weird, don't get her wrong, but there is a mutual respect they've developed over time. They have a comfortable back and forth nowadays, the playing field between them equal.
They've finished their meals, done the catching up thing she always seems to have to do as an adult with a busy life and a busy schedule. There's a silence that's settled between them, though she's in no hurry to breach it. Can't say the same for her companion, though.
"Can I ask ya somethin'?" Endo asks, an oddly serious look on his face.
It automatically puts her on edge. It's not that he's never serious, only that him being serious unprompted usually means Haruka's life is about to get more complicated.
"Go for it," Haruka says, waving a hand as if she doesn't have the sudden urge to start fiddling with her piercings. Hayato always says it's one of her easiest tells, then laughs when she tells him to fuck off.
"There a reason ya don't wanna date?"
The question lands like a punch to the face. It's a question she's long been hoping to avoid, if she's being at all honest with herself. She tries to be, especially these days, so, unfortunately, she also has to admit that she has kind of seen it coming.
Haruka's romantic life has been getting complicated. There was Hayato, then Sakae, then Jo. All steady, all carving out time for her the way they always have, but instead of hanging out as friends, it's date nights. Then there's Mitsuki, more casually, Ren every once in a while, and Kotoha, too, when she's in the mood. It had been overwhelming at first, but everyone in her life loves her dearly and was ready and willing to help her sort everything out. It feels like everything has only properly settled down recently.
Which, of course, means Endo has decided to upend everything. Not maliciously, but because it's often what he does.
"Whad'ya mean?" she asks, as if she doesn't know exactly what he's getting at. As if her face isn't already bright red at the implication.
He gives her a look like he knows exactly what Haruka is doing, but continues anyway. "Ya clearly don't have any issues datin' a buncha people. We already have history. I figured if ya wanted to, you'd have asked by now, cause ya know I'd say yes. So I'm wonderin' why ya haven't." Endo finishes with a shrug, casual as you'd like, as if this isn't something that has been eating away at him. Not like Haruka doesn't know him well enough by now; it clearly has.
He's right, of course. They have a history. They never dated, really, but there was a time when they used to hook up. It was part of a bigger spiral she went through after high school, where she felt miserable and purposeless and was barely at home in the apartment she shared with Hayato and Akihiko. She went over to Endo's more often than she's ever admitted to anyone else, and when he suggested hooking up, well… It sounded kinda nice. It sounded like a way to have some control in her life. It was a semi-regular thing they did for the better part of a year before she broke things off, because the entire situation was unsustainable and rapidly approaching more serious territory.
Haruka sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "Fuck," she mutters, coming to a realization as the words leave her mouth. "I never explained why I ended things."
Endo just shrugs, pretending at a nonchalance that does not reflect in the tightness of his jaw. "Kinda figured ya remembered I was bad news."
She laughs, a harsh bark of a thing. If that was all, she would have ended things sooner. She never even would have asked in the first place. Hell, if she was worried about people being bad news, she wouldn't be dating half the people she was dating; every single one of the people she's serious about are people she's gotten into very direct fist fights with.
"No, hotshot, I was well aware you were a bad idea the whole time," she says, unable to stop the fond smile from peeking in. "That wasn't what did it."
Endo doesn't say anything, but confusion mars his features. She is not explaining herself well at all. She tongues the inside of one of her lip piercings, the stud in her tongue clacking against it, trying to find the best way to say what she needs to.
"That time I stayed the night," Haruka starts, words coming out slowly and deliberately. "I woke up before ya. I was fuckin' starving, so I went into the kitchen to find somethin' to eat." She pauses, lacing her fingers together in an attempt to stop herself from fiddling with anything out of nerves, and bites the bullet. "Takiishi was there."
It's like she watches a light bulb go off in Endo's head. She only notices because she's looking so carefully, but the signs of realization are all there. The widening of his eyes, the subtle slackness his features take on. He knows where this is going, but doesn't stop her.
"I'm not gonna say he scares me, or nothin'," she says. "But, I don't know. It's like I can't get comfortable around him. He doesn't feel safe, he's never stopped being unpredictable. And I was standin' there, realizing that even if you were in the room, there would be nothin' to do if he decided I was in his way."
"So, ya left," he finishes for her.
She sighs and agrees. "So I left."
Haruka remembers the day clearly, even now. The panic she felt, the first time she'd stayed the night at what she knew was a shared apartment, and had come face-to-face with the roommate. She realized all in one moment that she was not as safe as she had thought she was, and that was even setting aside the low-grade panic she had already been feeling at doing something outside of her normal routine.
Endo was always dangerous, and she had always known that, but he was a known quantity. It was well-established fact that he would never do anything she didn't want him to. Takiishi was a different story, always had been, but she had been ignoring it, just like she had been overlooking so many things about the whole situation, because she hadn't really seen him up until then. He didn't even do anything, just looked at her blankly. But that was really all it took.
She didn't even wake Endo up, just wrote him a note and took the train home. She spent days thinking over the whole situation before calling and telling him it was over. He took it with an amount of grace that probably would have been surprising to anyone who didn't know him well, with just a single, Are ya sure?
"It's not like I haven't thought about it," Haruka admits now. "And it's not like that was the only thing. I also wasn't telling anyone, which, y'know, wasn't great. I just— Figuring all this shit out now, I've realized I need stability. The people I date are, I dunno, my rocks, or whatever. I know they have my back, hell or high water."
Endo seems to roll that information in his head, pursing his lips slightly. "So what you're sayin' is that ya don't trust me," he says slowly.
For the briefest moment, she gets angry. That's not what she meant, and he should damn well know that— And then she looks at him again. There's hurt in his eyes, a vulnerability in them that he doesn't often show. He can't read her mind. She sighs, long and loud, and releases the tension and defensiveness. She's… better about that, these days. Not perfect, but better. She tries again.
"No," Haruka retorts emphatically. "I do trust ya. You've gotten me out of how many situations over the years?" She blows out another heavy breath. "Anyway, if I didn't trust ya, things never would've gone as far as they did. That's not what I'm tryin'a say here."
"What are ya tryin'a say then?" Endo challenges. "You're sayin' a lot of words, sweetheart, and most of it sounds like you softening the blow."
She sighs again, more controlled, and tries to get her thoughts together. What is she trying to say? The problem is that the no isn't as firm as it may have been just a few years ago. She likes Endo. She trusts him. The friendship that they've developed over the years is odd, sure, but solid. There are a few glaring caveats, though.
"Maybe it could work as a casual thing, but I'm not eighteen and naive anymore. You can't do casual with me. Not really," Haruka states firmly. "And not casual brings Takiishi into the picture. He's an important part of your life, and I'm not going to tell ya to cut him out. What I am saying is that I don't know how to make it work when I'm not comfortable around him."
Endo tilts his head to the side, considering. "Chika is… I'm not gonna claim he's changed entirely, but he's changed some." He pauses, like he's trying to think of the best way to explain before he continues. "Do ya remember when I was in the hospital?"
Does she fucking remember when he was in the hospital… Setting aside the fact that it only happened last year, it's hard to forget getting that call in the middle of the night. She picked up to a nurse kindly asking for her by name and then informing her that Endo, who inexplicably had her listed as his emergency contact, had been shot and was in surgery. She'd rushed over as soon as visiting hours started the next day, to both check on the man's condition and shout at him for not fucking warning her there was a possibility she'd get that kind of phone call.
"Vividly," Haruka bites out. Endo just grins at her, like he always does when she's annoyed with him. He'd been utterly unapologetic then, too, explaining that Takiishi never had his phone on him and would have been useless to list down, but he knew she would pick up if something happened. Which she obviously had, though after no small amount of anxiety that Hayato and Akihiko had needed to calm her down from in the wake of the call.
"Well, while you were worryin' your pretty little head over me, Chika was still at our place. With fuckin' Umemiya," Endo grumbles.
Ignoring the way he still spits out Hajime Umemiya's name after all these years, she nods. Hayato had borrowed Hajime's car to take her to the hospital, but Hajime had asked if they could drop him off at Endo and Takiishi's apartment first. Hajime and Takiishi have a weird friendship, and it's been that way since they were teenagers. He was the only one who considered that Takiishi might be confused about the whole situation and had wanted to inform him. She'd never really asked how the whole thing went down, figured it didn't really have anything to do with her, anyway.
"Apparently, they had a big, long talk about what happened and how Chika felt about the whole thing," Endo reveals, grinning all the while. "And he ended up visitin' me in the hospital."
Haruka's eyebrows shoot up. "Wait. Takiishi visited you?"
It's not like she's been able to completely avoid Takiishi over the years, but it was always alongside Endo and in a way she could mostly observe from a distance. Takiishi is, and has always been for as long as she's known him, generally uninterested in people that aren't Hajime, and that does include her. Endo gets something of a pass from him, but she had always gotten the impression that was because he spends most of his time providing the man with anything he wants. It's never been equal, or healthy, but that was none of her business. Endo, for his part, always seemed perfectly happy with his place in the whole thing.
But Takiishi visiting Endo in the hospital. That's new. That's notable.
"He did," Endo confirms. "Surprised the shit outta me, honestly. Door opened and I figured it was you again. But, no, Chika strolled right in and sat down. Kept starin' at me, like he was tryin' to figure me out. He only stayed a couple of hours, but before he left he asked if I wanted him to bring anythin' next time."
That shocks Haruka more than anything else he's said today. Granted, she isn't around Takiishi much, but she has never once seen the man ask Endo about what he wants. He mostly just does things, moving from place to place to the tune of his own drum. The idea that he would care enough about Endo landing in the hospital to sit with him and offer to bring him things is hard to wrap her head around.
She must be making a face, because he huffs out a laugh and says, "Yeah, I know." He sobers up a little though, looking searchingly at her face. "If he really is the biggest obstacle, you could get to know him better. He's changed a little. Calls me Yamato, asks what I wanna do sometimes." A goofy grin lights up his face. "Actually, he asked about ya recently. If we were still a thing. Said no, obviously, but it made me think about it. Figured I'd bring it up, see where it went."
It makes a shocking amount of sense that Takiishi is the reason this conversation is happening at all, though she doubts he mentioned anything Endo hadn't already been thinking about for a while. And there's that clear offer Endo is making. Get to know Chika Takiishi better, decide if it's a deal breaker to getting closer to Endo again. To, maybe, properly dating him this time. The worst part of all of it is how tempting it is.
Yamato Endo is a confounding man. He is dangerous and kind of unstable and has the sort of intelligence that can catch you off guard. And yet, Haruka spends time with him. On purpose. Has for years. There is something magnetic about Endo that makes her sort of understand how the members of Noroshi, for as independent as they tended to be, all gathered when he called. When she's with him, Haruka feels like she's the center of his entire universe. There is a knowledge there that he would do anything she asked, up to and including disappearing from her life entirely. But she doesn't. She plans to have meals with him, even if there are a lot of people in her life that don't understand their bond and would rather she didn't. When she's called by the hospital in the middle of the night, she shows up to make sure he's okay.
So, fuck it. Sure. She'll give this a try.
"Takiishi likes fireworks, right?" she starts.
"Loves 'em," Endo confirms.
"There's this festival where Jo lives, they have a pretty good fireworks display. I know a good spot to watch 'em," Haruka offers.
Endo's face lights up. He grins, not the manic one she's seen in a fight or the sly one he likes to give her when he's riling her up on purpose, but a true ecstatic smile. He tempers it after a moment. "Ah, but won't your friends be there?" The smile turns a little crooked. "Bet they won't be happy to see me."
She rolls her eyes. "I'm not gonna lie and say they won't complain, but they'll keep it to a minimum if I have anythin' to say about it." Which she does. Never let it be said that Haruka isn't aware of how many of her friends she has wrapped around her little finger, it just isn't a power she exercises often. "'Sides, Hajime will probably be there, too. He should be able to keep Takiishi occupied and keep the peace if need be."
Endo's smile twitches at the corners when she mentions the other former head of Furin. Endo really has never liked him, for reasons she's only ever kind of understood but knows mostly have to do with Takiishi. The first human Takiishi saw as another person, and it wasn't even Endo, who had been by his side for years. It's gotta sting, but, whether he likes it or not, Hajime and Takiishi are friends.
"I'll run it past Chika," he says. "I think he'll wanna come."
"I'll message you the information," Haruka confirms with a nod.
And figure out how to make Hayato behave, she doesn't say.
For all that her loved ones care for her and respect her ability to make her own choices, the topic of Endo's continued place in her life has always been one that makes Hayato in particular act crazy. Or, well, crazier than normal. It won't be a small task, but she'll do it. Even if she has to stick Jo and Akihiko by his side the whole evening to accomplish it.
But, strangely, Haruka finds herself looking forward to it. Maybe there was a part of her that missed the intimacy she used to have with Endo, even as she stubbornly kept an artificial distance between them. Maybe it can work, because she wants it to.
Ain't that a thought.