Chapter Text
Bobette: Oh, hello! My apologies, we didn’t see you there! Now, gather round and- shhh! Quiet down, lil’ kiddos!
Ginger: It’s that magical time of year again, where we sit by the glittering tree, spend time with our friends and family, and reflect on the year past!
Rudie: It’s also the time I like to drain six twelve-can packs of Pop, put on my special Christmas pajamas backwards, and zoom around Gardenview at Mach 5 singing Christmas carols off-key at the top of my lungs! And-
Ginger: W-We’ll spare you that part, and just give you the feel-good holiday tune you unlawfully broke into an abandoned building for! Isn’t that right, Coal?
Coal: Bworf…
Bobette: So Merry Christmas, everyone! May this holiday season bring you the joy of Shrimpo bullying a child who did him no wrong, the peace of Arthur Walton as he ignored the parade of red flags that was Delilah’s everything, and the comfort of the Founders as they run away from their phenomenal screw-ups and leave us Toons to pick up the pieces! A-hem~
Bobette
Gardenview’s on fire,
The news is bleak
The general spirit: unwell
What’s more, if you couldn’t tell
Everything’s gone to h*ll
And at the heart of it, here’s the crux-
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
Basically, everything really sucks!
Bobette
It’s beginning to look a lot like “F This”-
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
Everywhere you go
Ginger
We're all panicky, pissed, and stressed-
Rudie
Everyone feels depressed-
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
With jawbreakers and gumballs running low
Bobette
It's beginning to smell a lot like BS- (Coal: RUFF! RUFF!)
Trauma at every door
And it isn’t far-fetched to think
That we’re standing on the brink-
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
-Of a Twisted world!
Bobette
More of our life-supports cut plus Gardenview’s shutdown to keep us all in suspense!
It’s all fallen flat and the world is so wack that Connie’s making sense!
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
And they left us here in Gardenview to purely our expense!
Ah-hah! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha~ *turns from laughing to sobbing*
Bobette
It’s beginning to look a lot like heck no! (Ginger & Rudie: HECK NO!)
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
Sanity’s running dry~
Bobette
Take a look at the f**ks we give (Ginger & Rudie: Hm?)
Notice the small amount (Ginger & Rudie: NONE.)
With ichor pressure soaring twice as high! (Ginger & Rudie: So high!)
It’s beginning to look a lot like “Please, Keen” (Ginger & Rudie: Please, Keen.)
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
Make the nightmare end! (Bobette: Good news!)
Bobette
‘Cause our mental health’s on thin ice
With a looming Twisted crisis around the bend!
Bobette
Both of the Founders schmooze while all us Toons chew
On a block of scrounged-up cheese
Corporate downsizing and a-holes uprising to crush our self-esteem
And now we’re running out of all our Christmas parodies (Ginger & Rudie: And now we’re running out of all our Christmas parodies~)
It’s beginning to look a lot like “Bye, girl!” (Ginger & Rudie: Bye! Bye! Bye!)
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
I'll be drunk by noon!
Rudie
But the positive to this verse
Is that it couldn’t get much worse~
Dandy: News just in: Everything just got MUCH worse!
Rudie: Darn it, I spoke too soon!
Bobette
It’s beginning to look a lot like “F This”-
Ginger
Piss off!
Rudie
BS!
Bobette
Please, Keen!
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
HECK NO!
Coal
RUFF! RUFF!
Bobette, Ginger, Rudie
Screw it, let’s just have fun!