Chapter Text
In the last few months since the Circus almost fell apart beneath their feet, Pomni thinks they’re all doing well, all things considered. It took time to fully wrap their minds around everything they’d learned–being brain scans and being stuck here forever the real heavy hitters–and plenty of tears had been shed, when it happened and throughout the months, but it felt better now, lighter. She’s sure the support system they had all built around each other was the main factor in it, their bonds quickly becoming close knit, their resident AI included.
Caine was actually pretty likeable, oddly enough, now that he wasn’t hellbent on controlling them anymore, at least. The AI had turned over a new leaf, and seemed to be enjoying himself with them more than he ever had before as the ringleader. He yearned to learn, to understand, and that more aggressive part of his personality seemed to have simply vanished.
Truthfully, she was still a little on edge around him at times, since he had literally lost his mind and tortured all of them in a fit of rage after all, but it was lessening…slowly, very slowly.
The Circus was looking quite enchanting–as Ragatha had put it recently–larger, built up by her and her fellow members over the months. They took advantage of the rather underused spacious atmosphere, making their forever home into their own. They spent many late nights bouncing ideas off of each-other, moments spent with laughter and jokes dancing around their heads.
It was nice, fulfilling, looking at their own handiwork around them daily, they’d all gotten quite good at this whole admin thing, Kinger had expressed that to them himself recently. Picking up the pieces of the Circus piece by piece had been taxing, but worth it in the end, a lively world surrounding them. They even had some plans and ideas for more additions, but they weren’t in any rush, content with their current additions.
Caine seemed to really enjoy the changes, and had joined them in their renovations often, giving his own ideas and input, though not expecting them to be followed. He’d been learning a lot, and everyone had come around to him for the most part, which he enjoyed greatly, relishing in the friendships he’s formed. They all enjoyed the former ringmaster like this, the general vibe of the Circus much calmer.
She sat outside the Circus tent, the early morning sun–thankfully keeping its mouth shut–hitting against her milky white skin, still in her pajamas, which she crafted herself. A soft baby blue shirt and sweatpants, complete with some white socks, hair pulled up into a small bun as she breathes in the digital air, leaning back on her hands in distant thought, eyes still a bit heavy with sleep.
She comes out here often, enjoying the view of the bright, digitized world. It helped her think, oddly enough, sort through her thoughts. She doubts her human self would agree, but hey, they’re essentially different people now.
She can’t help her mind wandering though, back to a topic that’s been a frequent visitor in her mind for weeks now, relentlessly pounding against her skull.
Caine had come up to them two months prior, practically glitching with excitement, sharing that they may be able to potentially heal abstraction. He wasn’t positive, but he’d been working closely in the digital files of the Circus lately, giving himself something to do in between their regular activities. He found that the files of their lost friends still existed, but were corrupted, damaged, though fixable, if he was looking at it correctly at least. He couldn’t promise anything, but he had hope that they could actually do something.
This had caused excitement to rise within the group, eyes sparkling and discussion rampant. Voices had overlapped each other, and Pomni couldn’t help the heaviness on her chest of their most recent cast member lost lightening a bit at the positivity of the group, eyes drifting to the large circus tent he resided in most days, when he wasn’t in the aquarium with the others.
She still hasn’t told anyone what exactly she saw in Jax’s mind that day, and they didn’t push too hard, understanding the strain it had on her. It was personal, something that she’d never give away freely, it was his business to tell, to speak of. No matter how much it would help the group understand him, she wouldn’t say a word, aside from a few purposefully vague statements.
She understood him more than ever before, a crystal clear view into his psyche, and didn’t even get a chance to help him, too far gone to save him. She knows, logically, that it wasn’t her responsibility to save him, that a big part of that was Jax himself wanting to change, but she couldn't help but still feel like she failed him in some way. The idea of there being a chance of bringing him and the friends he lost back? Even if it wasn’t definite, the idea excited her, though she tried not to get too excited. It was a theory, as Caine put it, never done before.
Kinger had shared some of his own input, saying that the darkness would definitely help the potential recovery in the long run, keeping them calmer and their minds a bit more clear. He’d spoken to them that night about how he theorized himself in the past that abstraction could be healed with the right tools and right support, similar to healing a deep mental illness. Taking time and careful work, but possible. He never got the chance to try before though, with Caine’s previous vice grip over the Circus and its inhabitants, as well as Kinger losing parts of his mind over the years.
Since then, Pomni had spent everyday in Jax’s tent, more often than she already did, sitting and just talking about everything and nothing, while multicolored eyes stayed locked on her as he rested. It was oddly comforting, being able to sit with her lost friend knowing that there was a chance he could return, and she’s held back many tears over the last few weeks every time he looked even vaguely receptive.
Ragatha would join her the most during these times, adding to the light conversations, which had surprised Pomni originally, given the tense relationship the two had. Ragatha had sighed sadly when Pomni brought this up to her, explaining how she still held out hope for who Jax used to be, deep down. She wanted him to come back, hoping that maybe being given another chance could truly save him, though she worried that may be wishful thinking.
Ragatha had gone on to explain that she’d be willing to try to work on things with him, if he was willing. She wasn’t anywhere close to forgiving him, she’d said so herself, but she had a lot of care in her heart, clear as day to Pomni, who had listened aptly. Pomni held a lot more respect for the ragdoll than she already had after these conversations they'd have late into the night, warmed by her kind aura.
The two of them spoke to Jax together relatively often, hoping he could hear them while they filled him in on what he’s missed over the last few months. Kinger thought they could, deep in their minds, though they might not be able to respond, they could vaguely communicate at times, in their own way, at least.
It hurt sometimes, looking into the multicolored eyes of Jax, knowing that currently his mind was lost, scattered across the floor of his memories, especially after everything Pomni had seen in his mind that day. It left a heaviness over her shoulders, and his piercing gaze, innocent or not, didn’t help.
Pomni held a lot of guilt over Jax’s abstraction, and they could all admit that they weren’t as vigilant as they should’ve been with him when the Circus fell apart, focusing more on themselves instead of keeping him in their eyesight. They knew he was one of the higher risk members of the group, yet they had gotten too distracted, too absorbed in their own minds. Kinger sat them all down one night though, trying to settle their minds on the matter.
He held a lot of regret of his own over the loss of Jax, wishing he had tried to help him earlier, but also told them that they weren’t fully at fault at all. Jax was an incredibly difficult person to get through to, to help. He purposefully secluded himself from them, and truthfully, there was only so much they could’ve potentially done for him at that moment.
They all had their own sanity to worry about too, all fragile and trying to heal after the events of that day, Jax included, but he was too stubborn to be with them. They couldn’t blame themselves for his own coping mechanisms. Kinger managed to settle everyone’s minds for the most part, lightening the lingering guilt that danced between the group.
While the conversation had helped, Pomni still held the lingering guilt, and there were many whispered apologies a few months back between her and the abstraction she sat across most days, eyes heavy with repressed grief.
Kinger had walked in that night, seeming to somehow sense her presence, sitting with her as she cried, hand settled comfortingly on her back. He spoke to her of his own guilt with his wife abstracting, regret tinging his every word. He also spoke of forgiveness, of acceptance, and how they couldn’t torture themselves forever, as Queenie and Jax wouldn’t want them to do that.
He spoke to Queenie often, spending many of his own nights spending time with her, and that only increased after Caine’s announcement. Each abstraction got their own space to be in around the Circus, Queenie herself resided near the amusement park in a space much like Jax’s tent.
They all had their areas, along with a large opening in the floor for them to get into the aquarium underneath the Circus floors. It was a fun project to do for them, mainly Pomni and Kinger’s idea, the two spending many nights working on it together until it was finalized, and it turned out gorgeous.
Pomni was sure that the human world would envy how fast they could build things here, as it took infinitely less time than you’d see in real life, but that’s the benefit to being in a digital world, she supposes. Her and Gangle had joked about building a skyscraper at some point, and with the technology at their fingertips, it’s entirely possible.
Caine had suggested to the group that Jax may be the easiest abstraction to heal since he was the most recent, suggesting that they be around him often, comforting presences and casual conversations becoming common from the group. Caine did his own work digitally, though he did sit with them while picking at the corrupted files of Jax’s model and brain scan, adding bits of his own words and thoughts to the conversations.
Kinger, Zooble and Gangle joined often, and while Zooble and Gangle wouldn’t sit as closely as the other three, their issues with Jax more prominent, they would still join the conversations, poking jokes and jabs at the mutated rabbit much like he would do to them, though definitely much more lighthearted.
Pomni smiles to herself remembering what Zooble said to him a week prior, ‘ If you come back, I am kicking your ass so hard you’ll forget what abstraction even is, you dick. ‘ followed by Gangle’s gentle giggle, hidden behind a ribbon.
Pomni had enough conversations with Zooble and everyone else in the Circus by now to learn that somehow, shockingly, no one actually hated Jax. Zooble was definitely the closest to hate, but even they had thought that something mentally was powering his antagonistic attitude, even if that wasn’t an excuse. He had expressed a lot of frustration towards the lagomorph, feeling that so many issues with him could’ve been solved if he had just stopped being ‘ such a jackass and talked to us, for once. ‘
Gangle had clearly held a lot of uneasiness around Jax, didn’t like him in the slightest due to his treatment of her, but she held a lot of confusion as to why she was such a big target for him. The conversation was full of quiet words and ribbons tangling around each other anxiously, her discontent clear.
If he did come back, Pomni was going to wrangle him into so many apologies she was sure his head would spin. She’d seen the good parts of him, herself and in his mind, she knew he could change, but only if he wanted to. She’d worry about that if they got him back though, one step at a time.
Ragatha had shared the story of Ribbit and Jax’s friendship to the group soon after Pomni’s conversations with the other two, and how relatively normal he used to be, a jokester always, but he wasn’t malicious at all, before something had shifted in their bond, distance growing between the two friends as Jax became more outwardly antagonistic towards her, and she abstracted some time after.
He had become more of a monster after that, mask solidified and kept on, a shell of who he was when he entered the Circus, and it had caused a lot of tension between him and Ragatha in particular, the two going from friendly to hostile. Kaufmo had been heavily distanced from him as well afterwards, pushed away to the backburner along with Ragatha.
It made sense, thinking about it, Ragatha and Kaufmo were the only people left that knew him before everything changed, aside from Kinger, who was lost in his mind so often Jax didn’t seem as worried about him.
They had seen parts of his vulnerability, his kindness, his genuine bonds and care for the people around him before something had destroyed his bond with his best friend. He came to hate vulnerability, and essentially axed it from his personality, becoming cruel and malicious to everyone around him, making himself as unlikeable as possible.
Pomni hadn’t missed the sympathy in Zooble’s eyes hearing about Ribbit’s abstraction, eyes heavy. That was a big thing Pomni had come to like with Zooble, as the two grew closer, they had a lot of sympathy and empathy within them, an innate ability to understand. They both had that in common, both willing to listen and figure out what’s going on with someone.
The two of them hung out often, as often as she and Ragatha did, and Gangle was definitely becoming closer as well. Pomni was glad that she was making her friendships in the Circus stronger, the ones she had the strongest connections to initially being Kinger and well…Jax, before he had blown up at her and tried to push her away.
Jax seemed to have that habit, and Ragatha had pointed that out during their talk, expressing a large amount of confusion on what happened between Jax and Ribbit. She mentioned that she tried getting Ribbit to talk to her about it, but they wouldn’t budge, they were immensely loyal of a friend, even when her and Jax’s friendship was falling apart. Ragatha said she had tried once or twice with Jax, and he had dodged around it so quickly she had given up.
While Pomni knew the missing information that Ragatha couldn’t provide to the group, she hadn’t really said much, it wasn’t her story to tell. It was his, if he chose to do so. She just vaguely shared that the guy had atrociously terrible coping mechanisms, and poor Ribbit was a target of that, to give the group at least a bit more context.
She was just with Jax last night, laying down on her back relatively close to him, while he listened to her talk, edges smooth, eyes dimmer than usual. It was the most subdued he’d been so far, sometimes it even looked like he understood her. It made her wonder if maybe these last two months really had been working, the differences throughout the weeks small but noticeable.
Her conversations with him alone would be the most personal, and she would be braver than she was around the others. Speaking gently about the things she saw in him that day, his relationship with his friends, how nice he used to be. How it wasn’t his fault for how his parents treated him, for how whatever was going on with him inside, she accepted whatever it was.
He clearly had something going on deep in his mind, suppressed even from himself, even if she wasn’t fully sure what specifically, she got the vibe from him just off of what she saw between him and Ribbit that he was closeted in some way.
She didn’t want to assume what it was definitely though, that was for him to figure out and tell her when he did. She hoped they got that chance, as she was getting a bit tired of the tears hidden under a stolen quilted blanket in her bedroom when the thoughts and emotions got too loud.
She hasn’t seen him yet today actually, she was up rather early, she didn’t think anyone else was awake yet, except for maybe Gangle. She liked to get up early sometimes to draw, sitting in various parts of the Circus for inspiration, though she hadn’t seen her this morning. Thinking back to the previous night, while they were eating dinner, Gangle and Zooble were definitely more outwardly flirty, and Pomni can make some…adult assumptions about how they might’ve ended up.
After a moment of consideration with herself, she decides she wants to actually get dressed for the day, and she drags herself up with a heavy sigh. She moves back into the tent to drag herself back to her room with a large yawn, stretching her arms above her head.
Her feet tap quietly against the floor as she heads into the hallway, listening for the sounds of any of her friends, finding none, settling at the knowledge. She didn’t know if she was awake enough to socialize yet, she was never a morning person, after all.
Pomni plans to visit Jax again after breakfast, once she gets some energy, and maybe later today could be a nice moment to sit down with everyone in the aquarium…
She shuffles into her room quietly, quickly moving to dress into her typical jester outfit, pulling her hair out of its bun as it falls down against her face and neck. She takes a moment, studying her face in the mirror of the small bathroom she had added to her room, more so for familiarity if anything, since they didn’t need to use a toilet or anything.
She enjoyed being able to take a shower, to freshen up in the mirror, a private space of her own, in a similar color scheme to the rest of her room, but it was still nice. She had designed it, after all.
She sighs, rubbing at her tired eyes as she pulls her jester hat on, brushing herself off before stepping off of the stepstool she had in front of the sink, stretching. She had to adjust the bathroom size eventually, making everything a bit too tall for her shorter figure accidentally, an earlier addition to the Circus when she had still been learning. She could manage just fine, but she had been procrastinating fixing it. She wasn’t too sure as to why…
Pomni opens her door to leave, closing it behind her. Before she can walk out to the kitchen though, something catches her eye, and she turns her head, looking at Jax’s vacant door across from her, blinking in confusion. The big glaring red x was gone, the portrait on the door nearly the same, though his model had changed a bit, and she rubs at her blurry eyes, squinting. Is she still dreaming? She must be, surely he wouldn’t be–
She then proceeds to hear a yelp and a small crash from the main area of the Circus, and she takes off running towards it before she even realizes she’s moving. Her socks slide against the smooth flooring of the Circus as she looks around–and she vaguely remembers she hadn’t put her shoes on– unsure of what she’s really looking for, until she rounds the corner, nearly sliding into the wall, seeing a very familiar figure gripping at the large mirror on the wall, frozen in place, aside from the heaving breaths of his–her–their chest?
Pomni can’t help but stare for a moment, stunned in place, looking at her friend who she thought was long gone forever two months prior. Jax looked relatively similar to their previous model, still a purple lagomorph, tall with pink overalls, but they were shorter now, cuffed above the knee. It left their legs more exposed than Pomni was ever used to seeing, and their legs had a few abstraction-looking marks on them, void of eyes, purely black and spiked over their fur.
They almost looked like scars, a similar mark on one of her ears and arms, angry, but not violent like she was used to seeing abstractions be in the light.
Jax also definitely was a bit less…lanky than she remembered, still very tall and lean but with some curves added to their form, and from the bit of their face she could see, eyeliner identical to when they had been forced into that maid dress laid on their face. There was also a black tank top under their overalls, maybe a half top? It’s also covering a small part of their neck, in a turtleneck-like style.
“ …Jax? “ she asks carefully, quietly, scared that speaking would shatter this image, and she’d wake up in her bed, tears soaking her pillow. The purple rabbit stiffens, looking over their shoulder at her, fear and confusion so clearly across their face, eyes a bit dazed and lost, like they just woke up from a long sleep. In a way, they kind of did.
“ P–Pomni– “ they gasp for air, hunching over, and Pomni moves immediately, meeting them on the floor as they shake, eyes wide, and Pomni grabs their still gloved hands carefully, looking them over, selfishly taking in the moment just in case it isn’t real, in case she loses them in her hands once again.
“ You’re okay, I promise you’re okay, it’s just me, no one else is here, “ she says quietly, Jax’s ears flickering towards her, eyes darting around the open space. They look overwhelmed, chest heaving, pupils small and shaking.
They look terrified.
“ Too open? “ she guesses, and they hesitate a moment before nodding, eyes stuck looking down at the checkerboard flooring. Pomni’s brows furrow, and she hums, squeezing their hands to grab their attention, “ I’ll bring you to my room, no one’s awake yet, so you won’t be seen, “ she mumbles into their ear, and when she stands, they follow the movement.
Jax’s legs shake, but thankfully hold them up, to Pomni’s silent appreciation. She’s already on the edge of freaking out herself right now, she doesn’t know if she has the mental or physical strength to carry Jax’s lanky body down the hall.
Silently, aside from their own heaving breaths, Jax lets Pomni lead them towards the hallway of doors, passing the other’s rooms before stopping in front of Pomni’s. Pomni turns the door knob as quietly as she can, pushing the door open and dragging them in. Pomni can barely contain her excitement for having them back, but holds it back for now, making it her goal to at least calm them down first before tackling them in a hug.
She closes the door behind her, flicking her lamp on, turning it onto its lowest setting, letting the room be encased by its dim warm orange glow. She looks Jax over, who still looks completely lost, but calmer than they were out in the open. They’re standing still in the middle of her room, looking down at one of their gloved hands, turning it over with a furrowed brow.
She pads across the floor and grabs both of their hands, holding them gently in hers, and their large eyes flick to her own. Jax is definitely disoriented, though Pomni supposes that makes sense, since they literally just came back from abstraction. Holy shit.
“ Jax, you’re back! I didn’t think it would be this fast! Holy shit, “ she says with a smile, tears pricking at her eyes, eyes wide and staring at the lagamorph like they might disappear in a split second. Jax blinks, looking down at their hands, “ Back..? “ they mutter, voice lighter than it used to be, the tone she recognized as Jax still present, but definitely more feminine.
“ You–you’re telling me this is actually happening? “ they ask quietly, brows furrowed, and Pomni nods, smiling gently, reeling in her excitement, trying to be reassuring, “ We’ve spent the last two months trying to bring you back, we found a way to potentially heal abstraction, over time, you were just the easiest. “
Jax blinks at her words again, chest lightly heaving, “ Then..then why do I look like this… “ they don’t sound upset, necessarily, more stressed if anything, the most outwardly anxious Pomni has ever seen them, aside from the day they abstracted.
“ I’m not sure, I didn’t know our models could change that much… “ she trails off, looking them up and down thoughtfully, “ the scarring looks like just an after effect of abstraction, but as for the rest of it… “ she looks up at the bunny knowingly, who looks away, breath catching in their throat.
“ Do you..not want to look like this? “ she asks carefully, tone light, and Jax’s head snaps back towards her, stress so prominent in their eyes she almost regrets asking.
“ I’m–I…I’m not supposed to– “ they cut themselves off, biting their lip, sharp teeth poking into their fur as they frown. Pomni feels sympathy poke at her heart, sharp like claws, and she shakes her head, a gentle frown settled on her face.
“ Who says? There’s nothing wrong with this, if this is what you want. If it isn’t, we can alter your model and voice back, I’m sure, “ she says in an honest voice, sincerity dancing between her words, and Jax seems to be hanging onto every syllable, worry settled between their brows. Their eyes still look a bit distant, like their mind is still recalibrating.
“ I…I don’t– “ a huff of air, “ I don’t know—I don’t– “ a hitch of breath, a shiver, and one of their gloves is pulled out of Pomni’s grip, settling shakily over their face, a tremor going down their entire body. Pomni hesitates, unsure of what to do in this situation as the bunny quietly cries in front of her, the situation feeling eerily familiar to their abstraction.
Though, maybe this time it’ll work…
She shifts forward, wrapping her arms gently around their front, and she feels them stiffen, before huffing out a shaky breath, mumbling, “ You never quit, do you? “
“ No, no I don’t, “ she says in a teasing voice, and Jax takes a small step back, leaning down onto their knees and hugging her back shakily, eyes wide and leaking tears down their face. At that moment, the tears hit Pomni again, and she sniffles, burying her face against the lagomorph’s shoulder, feeling the other do the same, height difference aside.
Jax’s chest is heaving, though not as harshly as she’s seen them get before, and holding onto her back tightly, fingers clenched around her sides, like she might float away if they let go.
“ I..I miss—missed you, Jax, “ Pomni says against their arm, tightening her grip around them, eyes glassy, and Jax huffs, shaking their head, “ I’m–I’m surprised you did. “ they say back, bottom lashes tickling against Pomni’s neck.
Pomni squints, pushing back from the hug, keeping them at arms length, frowning in their face, “ Asshole, why are you surprised? Did I not spend multiple moments making it clear that I give a shit about you? “ she raises a disbelieving eyebrow, blinking tears back. A frown pulls at Jax’s mouth, and they look to the side, exhaling harshly, rubbing a gloved hand over their face.
“ No–no you’ve made it plenty clear, you literally broke into my mind. “ they say with a squint, though it doesn’t hold too much anger, more vulnerability if anything. Pomni shrugs, putting her hands up in mock defense, “ To be fair, I did not know that would happen. “
Jax huffs, shaking their head in disbelief, settling to sit on the floor with a scrutinizing gaze on the carpet. Pomni follows their movements, sitting across from them. It’s silent for a moment, the awkwardness suffocating, before Jax turns to look themselves over again, hands barely touching their body as they travel around their figure, brow furrowed.
Pomni watches them respectfully, biting her lip, unsure if the words on the tip of her tongue would be well received, but decides to bite the bullet, “ You look nice, “ she offers up a bit awkwardly, and Jax freezes, ear flicking as they look up, “ What? “
Pomni blinks, raising an eyebrow, “ I said you look nice? This, “ she gestures over their figure, “ looks really good on you, it’s pretty. “ she smiles, and Jax looks like Pomni just slapped them across the face, blinking rapidly, before croaking out, “ Pretty? “
Pomni flounders, hands moving rapidly in her brief panic, “ Was that the wrong thing to say? I wasn’t sure if it would be, I’m sorry if it was– “
“ No. “ Jax cuts her off, eyes wide, scarily glassy, and Pomni’s mouth shuts with an audible click, the two staring at each other in silence. Jax doesn’t move, pupils wide and blown out, and Pomni slowly leans forward on her knees, unsure of what braveness is possessing her, bringing a hand up, settling her glove against the short fur of Jax’s face.
“ You’re pretty, “ she whispers, and Jax’s eyes seem to get impossibly wider, hands clenching in their lap, and they look down sharply, eyes downcast.
“ Is this what you want, Jax? I don’t think you came out of abstraction like this for no reason,“ she mumbles, and when the lagomorph’s eyes drift back up to her own, she continues quietly, kindness dripping from her words like molasses, “ are you a girl? “
Putting one of the many questions out that's been floating in her mind the last few months out there, Pomni isn’t sure what to expect. She expects a shove, profanities pulling themselves out of the purple bunny’s mouth. She expects aggression, defense, denial.
What she doesn’t expect is Jax’s face to contort, tears springing to life in their eyes, mouth wobbling. She wasn’t sure what being abstracted did to Jax, but clearly they were more emotionally open than they were before, and it was scarily jarring.
“ Jax– “
“ Is–is it not obvious? “ she growls, pushing Pomni’s hand away from her face, “ Damn–damn circus decided to–to out me, fuck–“ she bites out, clearly trying to come off as aggressive as she gestures to her body, mouth trembling, but it doesn’t hold, and her face drops into her hands, chest heaving.
Pomni’s eyebrows knit together in sympathy, and she stands up silently, moving over to her bed to grab the quilt she stole from the bunny, dragging it over and settling it over the lagomorph’s shoulders, who flinches at the surprise pressure against her back. She lowers her hands, looking at the bit of the blanket that hangs over her shoulder, sniffling.
Her brow furrows, and she looks up at Pomni, eyes drowning in confusion and tears, “ You–you stole my quilt? “ she asks, disbelief clear in her shaky tone, and Pomni coughs awkwardly, looking off to the side, “ I was grieving, asshole. “
Jax stays silent for a moment, before reaching up to secure the quilt more securely around her shoulders, eyes distant as she wipes at her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief, “ My emotions haven’t been this outwardly unstable in a–a long time, “ she mumbles, a faint violet blush dancing across her face, and Pomni chuckles lightly, sitting across from her again, knees practically touching the rabbit’s own.
“ If you ask me? Needed to happen eventually, “ Pomni pokes at her with a teasing head tilt, vague humor in her eyes, and Jax huffs in annoyance, continuing to try and wipe her face as a few more tears escape her eyes.
“ Well no, I didn’t ask, but thanks for the input, “ she croaks in response, eyes staring at the abstraction scar on her arm, fingers twitching. Pomni reaches out gently, grabbing her gloved hand to pull it down to her lap.
“ Don’t worry about those right now, that’s a later conversation, “ she says, a stern tone to her voice, and Jax sighs, relenting. Pomni sits with her in silence for a few moments, letting her pull herself together as she works through sniffles and tears. After a few moments, Jax exhales, looking up again.
“ What do I–what do I do about this? This is just…this is crazy, “ she mumbles, gesturing wildly, and Pomni raises an eyebrow, leaning back on her hands with a calm smile, “ Well, you like this look, don’t you? “ she asks, and Jax frowns, looking away.
“ That doesn’t matter, this, this is a problem– “ she huffs, shaking her head, “ I can’t keep this look, regardless of what I want. “ Pomni blinks, the emotional whiplash of the last few minutes disorienting, “ Who says that? You? There is legitimately nothing wrong with this, if this is what you want to look like, to be perceived as. “ she explains with a shrug, and Jax looks at her with a conflicted stare, brow furrowed.
“ Pomni, you don’t understand– “
“ No I understand plenty, I know you got like multiple walls of self-hate up in your mind, “ she starts, putting a hand up to cut off Jax’s immediate retort, “ but I am telling you that this is okay! I promise you this is okay, if this is who you are, then that’s what it is. Clearly some part of you accepted this part of yourself more in the last few months of being abstracted for you to come back like this, you just don’t want to admit it, “ she points an accusatory finger at the other’s face, who stares at it with an agitated expression, ear twitching. The fight seems to seep out of her after a moment though, and she sighs, ducking her head, mumbling a barely audible apology, but Pomni accepts it all the same.
“ My–my memories of while I was…gone are fuzzy, “ the lagomorph explains after a moment with a pained squint at the floor, almost as if trying to think back is causing physical pain, or that may just be the vulnerability issues flaring, “ I remember pieces, I remember being spoken to…I’m assuming that was mainly you, “ she raises an eyebrow, shifting to get more comfortable underneath the quilt, and Pomni nods gently.
“ Not just me, the others were a big help too, though truthfully it was me and Ragatha the most, “ she says, and Jax blinks in surprise at the mention of the ragdoll, “ You’re joking, right? Ragatha? Gangle, Zooble? Why would they want me back? “ a hand goes to her chest at the phrase, then immediately pulls away at the curved bust there, eyes wide. Pomni can’t help but snort, a gloved hand covering her smile.
Jax’s head snaps up, a blush settling across her face, squinting at the jester with a frown, and she puts a hand up, pulling herself together, “ Sorry, sorry, “ she mumbles, sighing as the purple bunny calms down next to her, eyes stuck staring at her, seemingly itching for an answer.
“ Look, Jax, I know you made it your life goal to make everyone here despise you or whatever, “ Jax frowns, but doesn’t disagree, “ but fortunately you failed, because they somehow don’t hate you, and didn’t want you to die. “ she explains with an absent shrug, not missing the way Jax’s eyes barely soften.
“ I’m not saying they like you, because they don’t, especially Zooble and Gangle, but I’m telling you that you have a chance here, especially now that you’re back, “ at Jax’s questioning gaze, she continues, “ you can change, try to be better? You got another chance, a chance I don’t think either of us thought you’d get. “ she offers up, and Jax huffs, leaning back on her hands and looking to the side.
“ Even if I did try to change, who’s to say they’d even believe I’m trying to be better? Especially after everything I’ve done to them… “ she asks, eyes distant, and Pomni sighs, moving closer to the bunny and putting a hand on her knee. Her eyes snap to it immediately, pupils wide.
“ Well, I think you outwardly accepting a rather suppressed part of yourself would be a good start, “ Jax blinks in surprise, looking down at her figure again. She’s silent, clearly contemplating, before some sort of panic seems to set into her eyes. Before Pomni can say anything, she shoots up, quilt falling onto the floor behind her, making a few long striding steps towards Pomni’s little bathroom. A faint tremor settles over her fur as she gracelessly fumbles her way into the bathroom, flicking the light on with a squint, clearly still disoriented and weakened.
Pomni follows behind Jax, watching as she looks into the mirror with a scrutinizing look, but under that expression there’s a look of awe, of familiarity, almost. Pomni stands next to her silently, allowing her the grace to properly take herself in, as she probably hadn’t gotten much of a focused view before when she was panicking.
She takes a moment herself to look her over again, with a clearer mind and context behind the situation, and she notices a small detail of the bunny’s new overalls, two small flowers sewn into the corner of her big pocket, green and red, respectively. Cute.
Jax’s hands grip the edge of the sink, fingers clenching harshly against the white porcelain, and she exhales out of her mouth, not taking her gaze off of the mirror, almost as if she can’t look away, eyes stuck studying her form.
“ What if they laugh at me…? “ she asks, vulnerability laced into her tone, and Pomni blinks in surprise, before looking at the girl in front of her with an unimpressed expression. Jax doesn’t seem to notice, focused entirely on the mirror, brows furrowed in worry.
“ You do realize multiple of us are queer, right? “ she asks, eyebrow raised, and Jax looks at her, an unreadable expression on her face, seeming to be in brief surprise at Pomni including herself in the statement, before she turns away, leaning more heavily over the sink, head hanging low, “ That doesn’t matter, it’s different. “
Pomni splutters in surprise and disbelief, arms gesturing wildly to her sides, “ No it isn’t?! Why is it different? Plus, Zooble is literally genderfluid? You literally know this? “ she says with furrowed brows, huffing, “ If anyone would understand this specifically it would be him? “
Jax looks at her out of the corner of her eye, seeming to digest her words for a moment, before sighing heavily, standing back up to her full height, towering over Pomni as she frowns. Pomni can see the insecurity in her figure more clearly now, with her standing straight towards her. She’s nervous, clearly not displeased with the look, deep down anyway.
Jax has a lot of self-loathing to work through, and she’s sure accepting this part of herself makes that much harder.
“ Jax… “ she starts, and her eyes latch onto her own immediately, “ they wouldn’t laugh at you, or ridicule you. Just because they don’t like you doesn’t mean they’d shame you for this… “ she leaves the like your mom unsaid, though she’s sure Jax thought it at least, her ears drooping a little at the words, looking off to the side, studying the red and blue towels Pomni has hung up on the wall.
After a moment, Jax sighs heavily, turning back to Pomni, “ I can’t hide in your room forever, can I? “ she asks, a light joking tone seeping into her voice, and Pomni smiles, rocking back on her heels as she shakes her head, “ Not really, plus your door updated, so it’s kinda obvious you’re back. “
Jax blinks, then blinks again, “ It what? “
Pomni nods, shrugging, “ The big red x is gone, and uh, your portrait updated, I guess to match with well… “ she gestures at the lagomorph, “ you now. So, not to freak you out, but they’re going to start waking up soon, and there’s a good chance they’ll notice the difference quickly. “
Jax groans, pulling at her ears, eyes shut tightly, “ Shit. “
“ Yeah, “ Pomni strains through a smile, “ shit is right. “ she laughs lightly, and while they’re just joking around, she can see the tenseness in Jax’s shoulders, betraying her true attitude about the situation. She looks a bit dazed still, a weakness in her stance that worries Pomni.
“ You look worn out, “ she says gently, and Jax shrugs, crossing her arms, “ Well, I did just come back from abstraction after, what, multiple months? “ she asks with a raised eyebrow, and Pomni nods.
“ Yeah…you know what? What if we go to the kitchen, maybe some digital food and a cup of coffee could help? “ she offers with a shrug, and Jax huffs, a faint smile dancing across her face, “ I don’t see why not, but are you sure we should now? Everyone’s going to be up soon… “
The anxiety behind her words is clear, and Pomni smiles sympathetically, grabbing her hands again gently, “ Like you said, you can’t avoid them forever, it’ll be okay. “ she says with a gentle tug, moving to walk out of the bathroom, Jax following wordlessly.
Pomni hopes this goes well, she really does.