Work Text:
Dear h,
There are days where I scroll through old photos, wondering how something that once felt so right could fade into silence. I missed the way we laughed, and the comfort in your presence. I also don’t know what you look like anymore, don’t follow you through all my socials, and blocked you in countless accounts.
But I also know I can't stay in the past forever. Some days I smile at the memories, other days they sting. I'm learning that missing you and moving on can exist at the same time.
But it pains me, why do I still think of you every other day?
Why do you still linger through my mind, you’re there doing anything but disappearing. I hated you as much as i loved you. Why are you so hard to forget?
Are you that special?
Oh Haewon, you for sure are unfair. Unfair because you have moved on, but what about me? I’m still here, stuck to your string. Our string. I haven’t let you go yet. I couldn’t. But if you called, i’d go to you, instantly. Pathetic, right?
I’m supposed to be moving on, think about future plans and situations yet at some point you are always there to disturb and distract me like the ugly person that you are. You make an impact that no one can ever replace, not even my closest friends. I hated your guts, I hated every piece of you.
Every night, I think of you before going to sleep. Every morning, I think of you right after I wake up. Even while doing dishes, hanging clothes, even listening to music. You appear immediately. Like you live in my mind. Like my mind has a world of their own. I try to make myself forget you and be distracted by doing something else.
Everything i’ve ever done, it’s all so pointless when at the end of the day, you’re all I think about.
I don’t even like you, I don’t even love you anymore. I don’t keep track of what you’re up to because that’s not any of my business, yet here I am thinking of you in ways people can never know.
What would’ve happened if you had just hid your feelings for me at the bottom of your heart?
What would’ve happened if I didn’t accept your confession?
What would’ve happened if we had just stayed oblivious forever?
I hated that we broke apart, hated every feeling when you made my heart flutter by just doing the simplest things.
you hated me anyway, might as well return the favor.