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Thinking back, it was somewhere around his last month in his previous company, when his desperation to debut had started to outweigh his patience, and he’d taken a nasty fall during a monthly evaluation. He couldn't let it get in his way then, and he’d gotten up and continued despite the waves of pain shooting through his lower back. It had stayed with him through the years, as a reminder perhaps, of the fiery passion he had at the time. He never bothered going to the doctor about it, considering it a side effect of the career path he’d chosen for himself even before all his milk teeth had fallen off.
Maybe it was the tour, or the hours of bus rides, he couldn't tell, but the pain had crawled up his spine, lodged itself between each vertebrae, and started to lick at his jaw bone, not even letting him sit without letting out a wince. Mackiah must have noticed, there was no way he hadn’t, with how carefully he’d been treating Seungmo the past few days, offering his chair, letting him take the shower first, even taking his makeup off for him after a long concert, but true to his respectful nature, he hadn’t said a word.
Jiho was in the shower, courtesy of being older or whatever it was he said whenever he wanted something from the younger members. Seungmo could hear him humming through the walls. He liked it when Jiho sang like this, not self conscious about his English or his accent.
His clothes were sticky, and he hadn’t wiped his makeup off yet, but laying face down on his bed, despite knowing it probably transferred all the dirt of the day on the fluffy white comforter, provided him some form of relief from the knives in his back. He couldn’t bear to move his neck to reach for his phone kept somewhere on the nightstand. He tried to stretch in place, raising his arms above to try to reduce the stinging, but stopped himself halfway when a pinprick of pain shot up his spine, his neck, and his jaw, leaving him with tears forming behind his eyes. His breathing had grown heavy. This was getting frustrating, it was starting to get in the way of his daily activities, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could carry on.
At some point, jiho was done with his shower, and his skincare and hair care, marked by the sounds of several bottles and packets being opened. The door to the bathroom opened and he could smell Jiho before he heard him.
“Shower’s free.”
He let out a non committal sound, muffled by his face in the comforter, before steeling himself to get up and take a shower without accidentally letting tears out on the painful 3 step walk he had to take. (come on, the hot water will soothe the pain). In a daze, he rushed through his cleansing routine, gave up entirely on putting a shirt on, and was back on his bed, face down again(the hot water did not soothe the pain), this time sure his eyes were red with the amount of time tears had been forming, and refusing to fall.
After a while of scrolling through his phone, Jiho reached out to switch off the night lamp that had been bathing the room in its glow, seemingly registering Seungmo’s immobility of the past ten minutes as fatigue from the show, which wasn't entirely wrong.
“Goodnight Seungmo-yah.” Jiho yawned out, before turning around on his bed and snuggling into his own comforter. Seungmo felt like he was going mad. The back pain must have gotten to his head, he couldn't even sleep it off.
Frustration lodged in his throat, he called out softly, “Hyung?”
Cringing when his voice cracked midway, he cleared his throat and tried again.
“Jiho hyung?”
In the pitch blackness of the room, he heard Jiho shuffling around, then hearing a “yes?”
“I- could you help me? Please?”
Suddenly aware of how pitiful he sounded, he tried to get up to a less pitiful position(he couldn't) before Jiho could switch the nightlamp on. The click of a switch, and he could see jiho blinking away the bleariness from the ‘less pitiful’ way he’d managed to turn his head to face him. Jiho must have sensed the pain in his voice, for he rushed to be at Seungmo’s side, worry clear across his face.
“Of course Seungmo-yah, what happened?” Seungmo almost felt bad for waking Jiho up to make him worry like this, but it was getting unbearable, the vines gripping his spine had started to tighten to a white-hot pain, constantly taking up too much of his brain for him to even let out a sentence normally, leaving him a reduced mess. He must have let out a few tears, because Jiho was now cupping his face and wiping at his cheeks, waiting for him to answer.
“It hurts, my back, could you- please just do anything, I don't know, hyung, it hurts” As soon as the words left his mouth, Seungmo cracked. Burying his face in his arms, he couldn't control the tears streaming down his face. He wasn't used to this, showing weakness, letting someone know he was weak.
Jiho, rightly shocked at the sudden outburst, hesitated, before moving onto Seungmos bed. His legs bracketing Seungmos thighs, he started to massage down Seungmo’s back slowly. Carefully, narrowing down the area of pain to his spine based off of Seungmos reactions, he started to ease the pain. He spent time around the juncture of his neck and shoulder, beneath the blades of his back, and around each vertebrae, decompressing them one by one. He waited, and listened for Seungmo’s sniffles to slow down, and his breath to even out. “Feeling better?” he asked cautiously, leaning over to see Seungmo’s face as he slowly straightened up and lifted his head.
“Thank you hyung” his voice was unsteady, and there were fresh tear tracks down his face. Jiho instructed him to lay back down, and continued to apply pressure down his body. He had no idea Seungmo had been going through so much, that he’d come to the point of tears, asking for help in the dead of night. As Jiho worked his way to his lower back, where the epicentre of his pain was, Seungmo visibly shuddered, and finally, finally relaxed enough to breathe properly again. He spent more time there, around the red indents of where a mic pack was placed just a few hours prior, reminding him of the way Seungmo was jumping around during My Way, beaming with happiness. Just now was he beginning to realise just how much their youngest member was hiding behind his bright smile and smart comments. Using his knuckles to undo the knots in Seungmo’s back, He couldn't help but notice the amount of weight Seungmo had lost now, his ribs peeking through the sides whenever took a breath in. They all knew Seungmo was a little sensitive and worn out during tour, but no one knew the extent of his discomfort.
“Hey” Jiho started softly, a hand on Seungmo’s hair in an attempt to comfort him, “why didn't you tell us earlier?” He could feel Seungmo let out a sigh, collecting his thoughts before saying, in a voice that was impossibly small, "I didn't think it would get this bad. It's never been this bad, I didn't want to make it a big deal.”
Jiho had to stop himself from saying that it was Seungmo of all people, and it was and it should have been a big deal if it was clearly causing him so much pain, but that was probably the last thing Seungmo wanted to hear in his current state, with all his walls down against his will, so he chose to get up and off Seungmo, and on the floor next to his face. Knowing him, there was no way Seungmo had ever been to the doctor regarding this, because then it would be a thing, and a thing would become a big deal, and Seungmo would rather live through it than have people fret over him like he was a child.
Sensing Jiho had gotten up, seungmo looked around and met his face, concern so evident that his eyes held unshed tears.
Slowly, Jiho rested a hand on Seungmos head, and spoke. “It’s okay to make it a big deal. You’re in too much pain to be alone like this. You know all of your members are here to help you for anything you need, and yet it takes you so much time to finally approach us.” Jihos trembling hand was caressing Seungmo’s face, “You will go to the doctor once we get back, okay?”
In the warm light of the nightlamp of the room, the sharp lines of Seungmo’s face seemed to soften in front of Jihos eyes, and in those red rimmed eyes and that tired face, he could see glimpses of the Seungmo he’d met all those years ago when he’d first joined FNC. The Seungmo who carried dreams too big for his young body to handle, the Seungmo who never allowed himself to be seen as too weak or too young, the same Seungmo who had passion burning in his eyes and bleeding into every movement of his. His teenage features were long gone now, replaced by now hollow cheekbones and a chiseled face, but even in the dead of night, the passion in his eyes was the same.
“Why are you staring? come on, you're making this embarrassing” Seungmo whined, stuffing his head back into the pillow beneath him. Sensing that he wasn’t going to get a response to his question, Jiho scoffed at him affectionately, before ruffling his hair once more, and going back to his own bed. As he reached out to switch the nightlamp off for the second time that night, he saw Seungmo turn to face him, now with his features much more relaxed than before. “I’ll go to the doctor hyung, I'm sorry for making you worry”
“I choose to worry about you, and all of us always will, stop being sorry, okay?” Jiho smiled at him, small and reassuring.
It must have been the late hour, or the way that jiho treated him, like there was no rush and their call time wasn’t at the asscrack of dawn the next day, or the words he said, which caused Seungmo to relax, this time mentally more than physically, as he nodded, and turned around to face the wall as he said an “I love you, hyung”, muffled by his comforter.
Jiho flicked the light switch off, and settled down to sleep, a smile on his face which wouldn't go away.
“I love you too, Seungmo-yah. goodnight.”