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Sam had been wanting to tell Dean for a long time now. However, they're scared to actually do it. Sam knows Dean isn't the most....sensitive person when it comes to topics like this. Sam has no idea what Dean will say, what he'll think. Would he be upset? Angry? Would he think Sam's a freak? Would he not understand? Would he just make fun of Sam?
Sam shakes away those thoughts. They're just gonna do it. Sam's gonna come out to him. Dean's their brother. He's been right by their side all these years and been there for them almost their entire life.
Sam looks at themself in the mirror. Their hair's getting quite long, it reaches past their shoulders now. Sam likes it like that. The sensation of long, flowy, hair on the back of their neck feels freeing. It reminds Sam that they can be themself.
Dean's asked about it before.
"I don't understand how you can have your hair that long, Sammy." Dean told them once.
Sam simply shrugged in response.
"Why do you even grow it that long?" Dean asked.
But Sam didn't have a good answer for him. They couldn't really tell Dean the real reason - about how androgynous it makes them feel, and how much having long hair helps with the dysphoria - they couldn't possibly tell Dean about that. So they simplified it.
"I just like it, Dean. I like my hair long." Sam said.
"Well it's not like I care. It's not the 1950's, guys can have long hair." Dean commented.
Guys. Right.
"Yep." Sam replied awkwardly.
Sam blinked away the memory as they looked at themself again. What gender were they feeling today? Sam took a minute to think. They entertain the thought of being a man.
Yeah, no. The thought of being a guy sounds absolutely disgusting to Sam right now. Being a girl however, that sounds right.
Sam looks over to the drawers in her nightstand. That's where she keeps a few things that help for her more feminine days. In the drawer she has a few bracelets, necklaces, nail polish, and mascara.
The jewelry she can get away with wearing pretty easily. Most of it doesn't actually look too feminine. The ones that do, are because they actually used to belong to Jess. So, if Dean were to question Sam about wearing it, Sam could just.... y'know.... make Dean feel bad, which Sam has never had a problem with. Is it wrong to use your dead girlfriend as an excuse to hide your gender expression? Maybe, but Sam believes Jess wouldn't really mind. If Jess were here, she would probably tell her to stop being an idiot for thinking Dean would hate her for being genderfluid.
Anyway, the tougher things to get away with are the nail polish and the mascara. Sam only wears nail polish in secret, and takes it off immediately afterwards. And for the mascara, Sam only puts on a little bit around others. Enough to make it still look natural. Nothing too noticeable.
Now for her outfit, since Sam doesn't have any clothes that are very fem, she works with what she has in her closet. She puts on a simple, tight, purple v-neck shirt with flared jeans.
"Good enough." She whispers to herself.
Sam then quickly puts on a bit of mascara, and leaves her room. When she passes by the kitchen, she finds Dean cooking their breakfast. She enters and mentally prepares herself for coming out to her brother.
"Mornin' Sam. Want breakfast?" Dean greets.
"No, I- I'm good." Sam answers nervously.
Dean looks Sam up and down. It's clear to him that something's off.
"Okay, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, I just sorta need to talk to you about something." She says, fidgeting with her hands.
Dean pauses. "A deep talk at nine in the morning?" He laughs. "You going for some sort of record?"
Sam doesn't respond. Instead, she looks away, silently hoping Dean will actually take this conversation sincerely.
Dean's face changes when he sees Sam’s reaction. "Oh, that serious, huh? What is it?"
Sam sits down at the table across from Dean.
"So, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you. Mostly cause I didn’t know how you would even react to this....” Sam shakes her head. “Anyway, this is something really important to me and I want you to understand. This is something that defines who I am, and I hope you can respect that."
Dean nods as he waits for Sam to continue.
"I'm genderfluid, Dean." Sam says.
"Oh." Dean blinks. He has no idea what that word means. Whatever it is, he doesn't care. It's Sam. He's gonna support Sam no matter what. Dean tries to think of a good response, but comes up blank. He says the first thing that comes to his mind.
"Well if it helps, I think I'm bisexual." Dean supplies. He immediately regrets it.
Sam furrows her eyebrows at Dean. She speaks slowly. "Um, okay. What does that have to do with-"
"I don't know." Dean says quietly.
Sam looks expectantly at Dean. "So are you gonna acknowledge what I said, or....?"
"No, no, I heard you, I did. I'm sorry. I just- I don't know what genderfluid means." Dean replies awkwardly.
"Oh, okay, well-" Sam stops and processes what Dean confessed. "Wait, did you say you think you're bisexual?"
"Yeah, well, ignore my dumbass, tell me your thing first!" Dean interjects.
"I- so, um, being genderfluid for me, means that my gender changes. Sometimes I feel like a boy, sometimes a girl, sometimes neither, sometimes it's even a mix of multiple genders." Sam explains.
"It can do that?" Dean never realized that this was even an option.
"Y-yeah, Dean. It can." Sam chuckles.
After a pause Dean asks, "Well, how does this work, then? How should I refer to you?"
"Um, really, it depends on how I feel. Each day is different for me. I'll let you know what pronouns I prefer when it switches, but generally if you're not sure just use neutral pronouns like they/them, or words like sibling as your default and I'll correct you if I need to."
Dean nods. "I see. So, what pronouns are you feeling right now?"
"I like she/her right now. Is- is that cool with you?" Sam asks nervously.
"Uh, yeah? I don't care, Sammy. I don't care what the hell gender you are. If you say you're my little sister right now, then you're my little sister. End of story."
Sam smiles. Dean smiles back.
"Come here, Sammy." He says as he gets up and embraces Sam in a big hug.
"I'm glad that you told me this. I see this was hard for you." Dean says.
Sam laughs softly. "Yeah, I didn't know you would be so accepting about this."
"Well, I just don't see the point in not being so. You're still you, Sam. No matter the pronouns."
“Thanks, Dean.” Sam says, tearing up a little.
“Of course.” He replies.
They withdraw from the hug and sit back down. Sam is practically grinning from ear to ear by this point. She had no idea Dean would be so open-minded. Sam thinks about what Dean had said first when she came out. Her smile falters a bit.
"So, what were you saying about being bisexual?"
Dean looks down. "Uh, yeah, that was something that kinda slipped out."
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sam offers.
"Sam, You know I'm not the best at talking about my problems."
Oh, Sam knows. Very much. Getting Dean to talk about anything emotional is a struggle. It was even worse when they were younger - every time Sam would try to get Dean to talk about something Dean would always tell Sam, “No chick flick moments, Sammy.”
Sam replies, "Believe me, I know. I’m just saying if you need someone to talk to, I'm right here, man."
Dean rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. “Well if you must know,”
Dean takes a moment to collect his thoughts. He’s never shared this with anyone before.
“Sometimes certain guys….” He starts. “Just make me feel a certain way. And it's a feeling that I don't think completely straight guys are supposed to feel towards other men."
“Oh.” This time, Sam is the one not quite sure how to respond. “I see.”
“Yep.” Dean sighs. "And I don't really know what this means for me, but I don't think I can say I'm a hundred percent straight anymore."
"Hey, It's gonna be okay." Sam says, noticing her brother’s slight discomfort. “Whatever your sexuality turns out to be, it's okay.”
“Thanks Sammy.” Dean replies.
Sam leans in. “And you know why?”
“Why?” Dean asks.
“Because you’re still you. You’re still my big brother. End of story. No matter the sexuality.”
Dean laughs. “Wow, parodying my own words back to me? Good one.”
Sam smiles. “Yeah? Thanks.”
“Yeah, well, just don’t try to hug me. I’m all hugged out for one morning.”
Sam shakes her head. “You’re an idiot.” She says lightly.
Dean hits Sam’s shoulder. “Oh come on, you love me.”
Sam rolls her eyes. “Fine. I love you, jerk.”
“Love you too, bitch.”