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Too silent.
Too cold.
Too dark.
'Alhaitham wash your own dishes after eating!'
It's hard to breathe. "Yes."
'You always say that but always leaving it until it smells like a rotten food!'
His heart feels like it's being crunches. "I'm sorry."
That red eyes that's full of life. That big smiles that's always saying that he's fine when things are tough. That beautiful hair that's always shining brighter than the sun.
The one and only person that has given Alhaitham beautiful life.
The one and only person that Alhaitham thought would never lose for the second time in his life.
That small hands who once touches his cheeks with so much warmth.
'Alhaitham, if you ever like someone just tell me! I'm sure a person like you would never be able to win that person's hearts!'
For the last time, Alhaitham grabbed that stiff hand. Full of calluses from making beautiful place for everyone, yet unable to have his own home that feels utterly his. Watching his eyelashes that is now not fluttering beautifully by the wind. Missing the sound of his laugh that harmonize within his life.
"I like you senior, please tell me how to win your heart."
He thought he already won in life. He thought he finally could keep Kaveh save in his arms. He thought he finally able to give everything to him without price.
Alhaitham is careless.
It was all his fault.
All his.
'Does it hurt? I never see you cry you know. I won't laugh at you, if it hurts just cry.'
The sleeping figure blurred from his vision.
"Ah. Kaveh, I'm crying. It hurts I think? You can laugh you know, I bet I look funny to you now."
Why he's not laughing. That beautiful laugh. That beautiful smile. It's stolen from Alhaitham.
He has lost it. He lost everything he have. He lost his friend, his senior, his love, his life, and his everything.
Alhaitham felt someone touch his shoulder softly. With eyes and nose red from crying, tighnari said with low voice, "Alhaitham, it's time."
Time? Time for what?
"It's time to let go." Cyno from behind Tighnari chimes in.
Let go?
Tighnari calls his name once again. "Alhaitham, I know it's hard. It's inevitable, you need to let go."
Inevitable.
Alhaitham carres the cold and stiff hand in his hands. Looking at the sleeping beauty who now doesn't wear his usual casual clothes that's so fit in him. Doesn't wear his usual braids that Alhaitham always do before going to work. His hands is so bare without the gloves that helps him design building. His enormous earrings that always takes people attention is also missing.
Why he's so unlike Kaveh. Kaveh won't like going around wearing boring white clothes that suffocate himself in hot weather. He also won't get out without putting some lip balm to make him less pale when going outside. Alhaitham also remember that Kaveh's keys is still in his pockets. What is he doing in here sleeping?
"Tighnari, why's Kaveh still sleeping? Didn't he said he have appointments the day I come back?" The second grew and Tighnari doesn't give him an answer.
"Cyno, didn't you say that Kaveh is able to fight even the biggest dragon with his stubborness? Why is he so pale and weak?"
The silence became so loud. Tighnari and Cyno does not even gaze the desperate eyes looking for answer from them.
"Kaveh..., Senior..., didn't you say that you are stronger than me? That my muscle is just a display and I can't even use it?" Alhaitham graps that cold hands harder, bringing it to his face and then slaps it into his own face.
Slap slap slap
With hoarse voice Alhaitham whisper softly. "Wake up senior."
He kisses that cold hands that's now wet with tears. He has been crying all this time. Burying his face to the last remain of his life. "Please."
Caressing Kaveh's now pale face. What he will do now? Should he die? What's should he do now?
"Where are you going when you are my life?"
Tighnari jolted. He caught that heartbreaking soft whisper from the stoic man he thought couldn't break. The man who everyone thought is abstain from any emotional feeling. The man who he consider to be his best friend, who he thinks could cope their losing of their friend, that man..., lost himself.
Cyno grasp Alhaitham hands. Trying to slowly loosen the graps as he tries to coax him. "Alhaitham, Kaveh won't like it if he sees you like this."
"Sees me like this?" Alhaitham look at Cyno in disbelief. "He doesn't even want to open his eyes!"
Cyno heart's clench. It's already hard for him to lost such a good bestfriend, but it's much more heartbreaking to see a lover losing his loved one. Forever losing your dearest one, Cyno is unable imagine how heartbreaking it is for Alhaitham. Unable to face Alhaitham's weavering eyes, Cyno loosen his graps.
He walk closer to Tighnari, wiping away Tighnari's tears. "What should we do?" Cyno asked, at lost.
"I don't know." Tignhari admits. "We might not lose only one friends today."
.
"Alhaitham?" Tighnari finally calls his name after opening the door with keys he get from Alhaitham himself.
Cyno follows inside, trailing Tighnari from behind while carrying few things for Alhaitham.
Messy. That's one word to describe now Alhaitham's small house. It's understandable that Alhaitham purchase another house to live in. Even Cyno would unable to cope with losing someone who used to be so close with your life.
Tignhari sigh deeply. Finally found the man they desperately need when knocking the door. The silver haired man that has been making his and Cyno mind occupied for fear of losing another friend for these 3 months.
Tignhari slapped Alhaitham thigh roughly. "You little shit, these are the things you've asked! You little rascal!"
Cyno chuckled slowly whilst putting things on Alhaitham new table. "You are not sleeping are you?" Cyno asked to the seemingly sleeping Alhaitham.
"No." Alhaitham answer. He finally open his eyes to have eye to eye contact with Cyno. Showing how his eyebags is worst than the last time they check up on him.
"I don't even think I could asked you 'how are you?' Alhaitham. You still can't sleep?" Tighnari asks.
"No."
Tighnari sigh. "What will you do then? I don't think he will be delighted seeing you being miserable."
"I only want to wait him to come back to me."
Cyno makes an eyecontant with Tighnari, having the same worried looks on their face. At lost for words they both sigh in union.
"But," Alhaitham look at the sunshine that shines bright from his new house window's. House that used to be designed by Kaveh to receive as much as sunlight as it can. House that he purchased 5 times its original price to ensure he can move in as fast as he can.
He thought he could escape from Kaveh's shadow. He thought he could runaway from his now astray life. He thought he could never have the same life ever again without Kaveh in his side.
Maybe that's why he thinks that it's already futile.
"I realized that maybe we are just meant to be end right here."
Alhaitham stands up, start walking up slowly towards the big window the house had.
Maybe Tighnari just imagining things but it looks like Alhaitham's eyes finally shines bright as if he's looking at Kaveh who's smiling at him.
Alhaitham raise his hands up, as if he's trying to grasp the sun in the sky. He put up a small smile that if someone is not looking at him carefully they might not realize it.
"I hope In another life, may the universe give its blessing to give all of my love for you."