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Winry leaned against the counter with a smile plastered against her face as she assessed the damage in the kitchen. More dishes were dirtied than normal with Edward and Alphons being home now that Al had his original body back. Though he was still on the mend and would be for more months to come, he still ate his fair share. He definitely overate, but he was a trooper till Ed watched him walk himself up the stairs to their room to go to bed, Al insisting he needed to do things on his own so his muscles would return back to normal. That didn’t stop Edward from watching him at the bottom, however.
Speaking of, she peered into the living room with no one to show for it. Granny was working on some automail down the hall but Edward was nowhere to be found. Curious, she thought as she pulled her hair back and went in search of him. It wasn’t until she saw a body sitting outside in the grass that she found him. Now that the initial excitement of their return had passed, she was able to analyze Edward properly. His hair was longer, worn in a ponytail rather than in its usual braid, and he had definitely grown a couple inches since she last saw him. His features were somehow softer and boyish as she looked at him from the doorway, but there was still that military hardness he had garnered since becoming a State Alchemist.
Another thing that Winry found odd was Edward was slightly more reserved in the sense he was hiding something. Over the years, she had grown used to the familiar traits of the Elric brothers and their knack for keeping information to themselves. Edward was still hiding something and her heart clenched just a little more at that thought. The Promised Day was months ago, and though Alphons was in the hospital for rehabilitation for a while, Winry didn’t actually know anything else. Edward updated her and Pinako on what’s going on with the military now that King Bradley died and the rest of the superiors were purged. How Ling and Lan Fan went back to Xing to bury Fu and present his findings. How, now that they had their bodies back, they retired out of the military. But in telling them all of these things, there was a particular lack of details that made Winry squirm for the truth.
The first few steps were timid as she walked down the front stairs and into the dirt, wondering if she should bother him or not. Then again, it would be just as weird if she didn’t go and pester him like she normally would. She internally cringed knowing she was overthinking things again as she had the last year. Ever since she realized her feelings, that’s all she did was overthink and analyze just how it had happened and why it had to happen then.
“Hey,” Ed stated as she walked up, leaning back on his hands as golden eyes were looking up at the several stars.
“Hey yourself,” Winry stated back, sitting down much in the same way, though her eyes were on him rather than the shimmering sky. They sat in silence for a while, neither one moving much other than their hair in the slight breeze. The air was cool but welcome in the summer heat. She let her eyes shift to his right arm, trailing down from his shoulder to his fingertips. An intruding thought told her to grab it but she refrained.
“I can practically hear your mind turning, Winry. If you don’t say anything, you’ll smoke us out.” His voice didn’t hold any of the usual heat, but there was an attempt. Edward sounded tired if anything else. Still trying to mock and joke, but the usual bite was muted. If anything, that made her chest constrict a little more.
She scoffed, rolling her eyes away from his hand and up to the sky. “I’m just really glad you guys are home.” Hopefully, he would catch the emphasis and understand what she meant. Home with her and Granny, home in their original bodies, home for what she hoped was for good.
“Well, we did make a promise, idiot. As if we’d break it after all these years.” There was more silence that followed, a shift in the wind around them. His eyes hadn’t left the sky once since she came outside and sat down next to him. Winry couldn’t remember the last time they had done this. Ever since Alphons was bound to the suit of armor, he never slept so he was usually right next to his older brother. With Alphons asleep, Winry really had to dig deep for a memory where it was just her and Edward sitting outside watching the stars like this and came up with it had to be before. Before the transmutation, before they lost their bodies, before they left to serve in the military. If Winry dug deep enough, she could remember it was the night before they made the attempt at the transmutation but she knew more now than she did at that point. No one knew what would happen the next day. She figures now, watching the same boy next to her years later much in the same position, that she should have noticed that steady resolve on his face and knew something was going to happen.
“Edward?” Winry had to know what was on his mind, even if it would kill her. There were several pieces missing from a country-sized puzzle; the final pieces, she hoped. The blond boy hummed in response, eyes still unmoving, unblinking. Well, it was now or never. “Ed, what’s on your mind? Something has been off since you returned home. There’s something you’re not saying.” Before she could get too heated in her passion, she stopped herself. In a split second she could feel herself start a heated rambling. Now wasn’t the time to get into a petty argument.
He halfheartedly laughed through his nose as if he were amused, though there was a hint of relief in it. “Nothing gets past you, does it? A man can’t even keep a few secrets to himself without needing to alert anyone.”
“Don’t start that with me, Edward Elric. I refuse to apologize for worrying and caring–”
“I never said you had to apologize, idiot. Truth be told, I’m still processing things myself.” His golden eyes were finally on her, his expression open for once. Vulnerable. No, this wasn’t the first time. She had seen this briefly before when they were at Briggs but it was fleeting at the time. Another silence as his eyes searched hers, but she didn’t know what he was looking for or what he might find in them. Heaving in a sigh, his gaze went down to his hands, now in front of him as if questioning himself. A moment later, he was clapping his hands together then to the ground with nothing. No flashing blue lights, no weird figurine made of the ground. Nothing. Her brows pinched together not understanding.
“What–”
“What I didn’t tell you and Granny,” Edward started, looking back at his hands with a distant grin, “was what I exchanged for getting Al’s body back.” It only took a second for understanding to dawn on her, her features morphing to that of concern then to sadness. “I had other options, sure. Ling was going to give me a Philosopher’s Stone. Hohenheim offered up himself to save his son. There were options, but I refused to use the soul of anyone. Al wouldn’t have wanted it; we promised. So, the only other thing I could exchange other than my own body was my alchemy.”
Winry’s gasp was light, probably taken along in the breeze, but she could feel the tears begin to form in her eyes. Alchemy to Edward was what automail was to her. It was a part of himself that he had always been so proud of and now he can’t even use it anymore. For as far back as she could remember, he was always performing some kind of alchemy around the house and yard, constantly practicing and reading through old, rugged books in Hohenheim’s office.
“You can learn it again though, right? There are so many books, different methods and–”
“I’ll never be able to use it again.” His right hand clenched into a fist in front of him, contemplating his next words. “I don’t regret it one bit, saving him. He sacrificed himself for me to get my right arm back so I could finish the battle out. I couldn’t transmute anything without my automail; I was a sitting duck, literally. It’s just…a weird feeling. I don’t mind that I can’t do it anymore, but the feeling of not being able to is an adjustment.”
Winry could understand that much. The cost for each boy always seemed to be so great, it was maddening. They were children, but that’s what equivalent exchange was all about, wasn’t it? Edward sacrificed what he felt was his entire being to save his brother no questions asked. The cost had to be greater or of equal value to the means.
“I’m so sorry, Ed.” Without thinking, she leaned into him and started to let out the tears she had been holding. The moment called for it and she found she no longer had the strength to keep them back. Edward was surprised for a second at the contact, but brought his arm around her without thought and held her close. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know why you’re crying, stupid. That was the smallest price I could ever pay to have my brother back and I’d do it again a thousand times over.”
“Jesus, Ed. Don’t be so dramatic.”
“Why you–who the hell are you calling dramatic? You’re the one crying, idiot.” The usual yelling that accompanied their banter was lost on them, but the heat was beginning to rise between them as it normally did. Only, this time, they were in a much closer proximity that was now crossing their collective minds at the same time.
“Crying because you’ve had to sacrifice so much. At least your height is finally starting to show. I was worried about that for a while.” Edward growled, eyes pinched closed as he dropped his arm so Winry fell to the grass. “Ow, Ed!” Though her anger disappeared as she noticed he was leaning over her, his hair falling over one of his shoulders.
“Winry–I mean–I’ve been thinking for some time now. All of the promises I’ve made, all of the sacrifices. All of the people I’ve met along the way and one thing always stuck out in the forefront of my mind; the thought next to getting our bodies back, that is.” His cheeks were heating up; he could tell but he refused to lose his nerve right now. Months of finding his resolve for this one thing and he would not blow it. With his right hand, he maneuvered it so his fingers were brushing her bangs out of her eyes. “I’ve made you worry for years about us; I never offered up any information if I could help it. I held you at arm’s length more often than not and have put you into some serious situations all because you affiliated with me in front of the wrong people.”
“Hey, Ed. It’s okay. If I hadn’t of been so abrasive, some of those things probably never would have happened.” Winry started, but he clenched his hand and hit the ground next to them in frustration. She hardly flinched, knowing he’d never hurt her, but it still startled her to some degree.
“You don’t get it, do you?” His tone was raspy with irritation, but he was trying to hold it back. “There were countless times where I was reminded I had a weakness, Winry. Countless times it was used against me and I had to follow along with whatever shit plan because of it. And do you know what that was?” Blue eyes were locked onto his as he stared down at her, tears still clearly waiting to spill. His heart sputtered, not again. She shook her head, her hair beginning to get caught up in the grass while his breathing was turning erratic. “You, Winry. My weakness has always been you. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been used as a pawn to keep me in line. You wouldn’t have been taken as an unknowing hostage. You could have lived a near normal life if it weren’t for me.”
Edward sat back, arms down at his sides with his face tilted up to the sky again. Only this time, he was crying. All of the years they fought over nothing, all of the yelling and screaming, all of the wrenches thrown at his head. All of the goodbyes with unsaid words, all of the hidden expressions. It all came pouring out of him at once. To hell with being a ‘perfect human being.’ He was finally allowing himself the time to face his weakness head on like a man rather than a bratty teenager like he’d always done. He was tired of waiting, tired of holding back, tired of always needing to hide something from someone. Edward was just so damn tired.
Before he could react, Winry sat up and pulled him into her arms. Her fingers were threading into his hair at the base of his scalp as she held him as close as she could. What else could she do? Apologize? For what? What happened, happened. Nothing could be changed now. The only thing they could do was live each day differently going forward. A chill ran through both of their bodies, but Winry held Edward to her as if she were his lifeline, which, now that she thought about it, maybe she was. In a weird way, he was hers, too.
“I spent countless days looking out the windows hoping I’d see you walking up the dirt road.” Her voice came out in a harsh whisper, her tears falling alongside his. “Any time I heard Den bark, I would race to the door hoping to see your stupid smile with your timid wave because you broke something. Every moment I spent in Central, or Rush Valley, or even Briggs, I was always searching for you. I think I’ve been silently searching for you since you first left to become a State Alchemist. You’re my weakness as much as I am yours, Ed.”
His arms wrapped around her, the heat of his chest pushing into her like a furnace. It was a different sort of sensation to feel two fleshy arms rather than the cool metal she had grown accustomed to. He’d always been lean and muscular for his size, but he was even more so now that he had both of his arms back and had grown. She should feel embarrassed, she should feel shy, but right in this moment, she felt needed. Like she truly and finally had belonged.
“You stupid idiot. I told you I’d always come back, didn’t I?”
“Who are you calling a stupid idiot, moron? Just because you said that didn’t mean I couldn’t keep a look out.” Which was true. She really did never stop looking for them, even when months would pass by without so much as a word. Deep in her heart, she knew they would always come back home, it was just a matter of when and how.
Edward leaned back, still keeping Winry in a gentle embrace. Taking stock of her, he noticed her eyes were misty but no longer overflowing, the blue shinning just as bright as the stars looking down on them. Her blonde hair had grass strewn in it but she looked oddly content. If he was deemed as the perfect human being, then something had to be said about each moment leading up to it. Edward knew he had done a lot of wrong leading up to this moment like so many countless others. He knew there wasn’t much more he could deserve in this lifetime now that he got his and Al’s bodies back. Yet, right now, he wondered idly if he really deserved to hold her; if he deserved her. Her love, her affection, her time. For years he had been lying to himself, running away by what she might give and the longer he ran, the more it would catch up to him.
The night Hawkeye spoke to him flashed in his mind.
“Say, Winry,” Edward wasn’t sure how to even mention the thought of loving the woman in his arms. For years, he had been pushing the feelings down with the busyness of his everyday life. Time and time again, he refused to think of anything else other than getting his and his younger brother’s bodies back, but now? There was nothing standing in his way other than his own insecurities. Though he was still a teenager, he didn’t really know how to act like one. Since the moment he first saw Truth, his age was only a number in the grand scheme of things. Edward had performed human transmutation – and failed it – at a young age. He lost two of his limbs and the body of his brother and had to learn how to live again. He became the youngest State Alchemist in history and was traveling the country by the age of fifteen. Hell, he even fought an embodiment of God and saved the country. He had been through literal hell and back several times over the course of his life but nothing could prepare him for feeling such a mundane emotion.
“What is it, Ed?” Winry finally asked as he didn’t say anything more. She was curious what he could possibly say right now given that he all but confessed he loved her without having to actually say it. Would hearing it be nice? Absolutely. She was still a girl at the end of the day, but she knew better than to expect Edward Elric to ever speak what was on his mind when feelings from the heart were concerned. Winry wasn’t any better, either. She was more than capable to tell him the three words silently dancing between them but thought better of it. If she were to say anything right now, who knew how he’d react?
“I said you were my weakness–”
“That much has been established, thanks–”
“Will you just shut up for two seconds–”
“I don’t need the reminder that I was used against you, Edward–”
“Winry, I swear to–”
“And besides, I would easily do it all again–”
“You try to tell a girl you love her and she won’t even shut up for two seconds to hear it.” Edward rasped to himself, but Winry had stopped herself long enough to hear it. “Oh, now you stop talking. I swear, you always have impeccable timing, Win.”
“You…you what?” Her eyes were wide, her body beginning to tingle with anticipation of what she had heard only a few seconds ago in the night between them.
“I said I love you, moron. Or do you need me to shout it for the whole countryside to hear? Do I need to go wake Al and have him make a banner? What about Granny so she can stare at us long enough with that stupid knowing smirk she’s been giving us since we were kids? Or maybe I can call Mustang and put in a request for him to blast it all over the radio? Bastard owes me anyway–”
Lips crashed against his delicately, attentively, forcing him to stop his frustrated rambling. For everything he had ever experienced, this was surely a first for him. For her too, since she was a greased-up gearhead most of the time. Neither of them had ever really imagined what it would be like to kiss another person let alone each other. Yet, here they were, sitting in the grassy field outside of their house in Resembool doing just that.
“You could at least react when a girl kisses you, Ed. Jeez.” Winry pulled back, rolling her eyes and beginning to close in on herself. Edward knew the telltale signs and refused to allow his boggled mind to keep him from this.
He pulled her back forcefully, lips against hers once more. If he could manage it, he would never allow Winry to ever shrink in on herself ever again. He had seen it too many times over the years and was going to put a stop to it right now with this kiss as a silent promise.
They parted soon after, breathing erratic between them as if they’d ran down the lane and back, foreheads leaning in close, eyes closed with contemplation. Taking in the moment for what it was, Ed ran his nose along hers, unsure of what he was doing but knowing it was what he wanted. It was instinctual and he would be damned if he didn’t prove his intentions were real.
“Hey, Ed?” Winry whispered, eyes fluttering open as he pulled back just enough to take her in. There was an evident flush on her cheeks, even though it was entirely too dark out to see clearly. The sky was still vast and looking down on them, witnessing what others might deem as impossible.
“What’s up?”
“I love you, too, you know.”
Hand searching for hers in the grass, he gripped it with confirmation.
“Yea, I know.” He’d known for years but never allowed himself to fully comprehend it. Now, he was thinking it was high time to allow himself that luxury.