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It all started at a slow pace, the way these things start. Mornye woke up on a monday, ready to go to work at the academy as always.
“Naenae, have you seen my uniform? I have to go to the Academy” Mornye said in a rush but still walking slowly, searching through her wardrobe. Lynae looked at her with a puzzled expression.
“What for? I don’t think you even have the uniform anymore” Lynae exclaimed as she approached her wife.
“What do you mean? I have to go to class, my students are waiting for me” Mornye said in a blunt tone as if it was obvious.
“Darling, are you ok? Do you have a fever?” Lynae started getting worried. She took her hand and looked at her dearly.
“You don’t have to go to the Academy anymore, at least not to teach anything, you’re retired” Lynae said, caressing her silvery hair with some white strands.
“I don’t? I could swear I do, are you sure?” Mornye still hesitated, still holding her old purple tie.
“I’m sure, remember we said we would go to the new museum today?” Lynae tried to remind her of the original plan they had for that morning.
“Ooh, yes the museum, I’m excited, how could I forget about it, thanks honey” With that Mornye left a kiss on the younger’s cheek, who was still worried about the conversation.
“Fine then, we should go get ready before it’s too late Naenae”
Months after that conversation, Lynae started noticing how her wife started forgetting little details. Sometimes she would ask Lynae what time it was and 20 minutes after she would ask the same question. One time Lynae remembers is when Mornye lost her glasses.
“Lynae, have you seen my glasses? I can’t find them anywhere”
“Haven’t you left them on your desk as always?” Lynae asked, Mornye was usually very organised with her essentials.
“No, they’re not, I don’t know where I left them”
“It’s fine we can look for them together, give me a moment” Lynae said calmly.
They spent almost an hour putting the whole place upside down until Lynae found the red glasses inside one of the kitchen’s cabinets. How the hell had they ended up there?
“I found them! How did they get there?” She asked in surprise.
“Dear, I-I don’t know, I would never leave them in such a place. Thanks for finding them darling” With that she left a quick peck in Lynae’s lips, one that for some reason felt bittersweet to Lynae, one she would have preferred not to receive which is a horrible thing to think about her wife.
“I love you Naenae”
“ I love you too star”
Lynae had been waiting for this day, there was going to be a meteor shower tonight and Mornye and her were going to the frostlands to watch it together, it was a little tradition they had established after Lynae first took her to see it in person for the first time. She still remembers the look on her now wife’s face when they saw it unfold before their eyes, her emotion, how she thanked her.
Lynae fell in love even a bit more if it was possible with Mornye’s smile when she saw her under that starry night the older had dedicated her life to but had never had the opportunity to watch it until that moment, together with her.
As they had grown older this tradition had reduced a bit but they still tried to do it twice or thrice a year and for their anniversary. Today was one of those times, Lynae couldn’t contain her excitement as they approached their usual spot. Many other couples and families were also getting ready to see the event. Lynae and Mornye finally arrived and sat down.
A comfortable silence that had settled between them was interrupted by Mornye speaking.
“I want to go home.” Sudden, serious, unexpected, maybe Lynae had heard her wrong?
“B-but, it’s about to start” Lynae looked at her wife whose gaze gave nothing away.
“I want to go home now” Mornye insisted as if the message hadn’t been clear enough.
“Are you cold? I can give you my scarf” she took off her scarf and was about to extend it to Mornye but the latter swatted her hand away making Lynae take a step back.
“I don’t want it! I said I want to go home!” Mornye screamed at her just as the meteor shower began. “oohs” and “Wows” could be heard coming from the kids who looked at the sky but all Lynae heard was a too heavy to bear silence as her wife ignored the meteor shower entirely and threw herself into her arms leaving her no time to react, she stood there, still, stiff as her wife hugged her.
“ I don’t want to be here, I want to go home, pleasee” Mornye’s tone was vulnerable, raw, far more emotional than the one she had heard before. Lynae stood silent for a few seconds before she hugged her back.
“It’s fine, ok, we’re going home now” Lynae took the older’s hand and turned her face as she felt tears threatening to come out of her eyes.
Lynae is standing nervously at the hospital’s waiting room, it’s been almost an hour since Mornye entered the doctor’s office. A nurse comes knocking at the waiting room making everyone lift their heads from their activities.
“Miss Lynae?” the nurse called and Lynae’s feet moved faster than she could process almost tripping.
“Yes, here!”
“You can go to the doctor’s office, right hand third door”
“Thank you” She walked to the door and knocked before coming in.
“Please, take a seat” Lynae looked at her wife who had a worried expression all over her face, she seemed scared to confront the moment. She sat down and took Mornye’s hand, pressing a bit in an attempt to calm her a bit.
“Miss Mornye, you’re showing symptoms of a middle-stage Alzheimer’s disease Unfortunately, there’s no cure but following certain indications and routines may slow its advance. We may conduct further studies in the near future to determine its exact reach in the brain”
Silence took hold of the car on the ride back home. Lynae tried to focus on the road as Mornye’s eyes alternated from looking at her lover’s side profile and staring through the window, in fear of forgetting how beautiful her home was, the beauty of Lahai-Roi’s sky.
When they arrived home, Lynae stopped the engine and talked “We’re together in this one, if you let me learn, I will take care of you, I promise” That night as Mornye had dinner in the living room, Lynae cried all her worries and fears out before going back out and having dinner with her wife.
“Where am I? What is this?” it’s 2 a.m, Friday, Mornye has just woken up and turned on the lights waking up her wife who looks at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world and tries to stay composed
“Mornye, you are home, in our bedroom, it’s 2 a.m” her tone was sweet, understanding.
Mornye felt like a stranger, in a new place “This is not my house” Lynae’s heart felt a painful pang but held it together. She tried to, she had to. An idea came to her head. She stood up slowly, still sleepy and extended her hand to Mornye.
“Do you want to come with me?” Lynae guided her slowly through the corridors, first stop, the bathroom.
Lynae signaled at the glass which had two toothbrushes together.
“See? the blue one is yours and the violet one is mine” she took the blue one and moved its hairs. “The blue one is yours because you like the hairs to be soft and not too stiff”
“ I see, thanks for keeping mine even if I don’t usually live here, that’s considerate from you”
Lynae didn’t know how to respond “You do live here, always, ever since we moved in together” She quickly looked around and took out a little box from one of the drawers, inside it was a pair of hair clips, two little triangles, simple not very flashy and showed them to her wife.
“These are yours, you wear them on the daily and I- I think they look really cute on you, they suit your hair”
Lynae took her hand again and they went to the living room. She looked around for something that could help her make her wife remember.
She took a little stack of CDs which were next to the tv “These are all documentaries and films you like to watch, we watch them together sometimes, though I usually fall asleep before they finish”
Mornye looked through them and her eyes recovered a bit of their usual glow. “These are my favourites, we could watch this one together” She said putting one of the CDs in Lynae’s hand who smiled.
“Yes, of course we can, tomorrow if you want” Lynae tried to keep smiling but the feeling was catching up to her. She decided to go to the next place, the kitchen.
She took them to a corner of the kitchen and pointed at one of the tiles. It was missing a little part in one of its corners.
“That part that’s missing broke after we dropped a pot full of porridge while we were...on a rush, kinda (in truth, Lynae had surprised Mornye who got startled and hit the pot, which left them without dinner and earned Lynae a little scolding from her wife)
Mornye laughed at the anecdote and Lynae could swear she heard an angel sing. And the best part was yet to come.
“Oooh, now I remember! that was the day we had to order take out” She said smiling at the memory.
“Yes! it was that exact day, a good anecdote to remember in the future”
“Yes, indeed, it was funny, even if I got a bit angry at the time”
A bit? Lynae wanted to object but she decided it was better to leave it that way. She took Mornye’s hand and made way to the last place, back to their bedroom. Her last resource sat inside the bed’s divan. A black box.
“What is that for?” Mornye asked as Lynae set the little object up pointing to the ceiling,
“Wait and see” She plugged the object and turned off the lights. Little stars started slowly dancing in the bedroom’s ceiling, they had their own little night sky. Lynae and Mornye sat on the bed.
“This is very pretty, I like the little stars” Mornye said as constellations, little galaxies showed in her ceiling. Lynae watched as her wife was in awe looking up.
“You know? This little projector is yours, you brought it here, to your new home.” She got closer to Mornye who asked her.
“I brought it?” She asked as she took Lynae’s hand who in turn held her hand as if she was about to slip at any second.
“You did, when you were younger, you brought it from Rinascita, because Lahai-Roi didn’t have its own stars. So you used this to see those stars you have always loved at least in your room. Wishing to create a sky for Lahai-Roi, one people could shout, whisper and confide their wishes and fears to”
Lynae stopped to look at the woman next to her and kissed her, slow, tender, with purpose. “And you did it brilliantly, Lahai-Roi’s sky has your name engraved on it, my little genie”
“I think I remember, you may be right, I think this is my home” Mornye said and Lynae was almost tearing up. It’s 4 a.m already, they should go to sleep again.
“And if you ever feel like it isn’t your home, tell me, so we can make it feel like a home together, our home”
Lynae freezed on the spot, her worst fear, the moment she wasn’t prepared to handle no matter how many times she tried to convince herself, happening right before her eyes.
Mornye looked at her the way you would look at a stranger, one who didn’t know your likes and dislikes, goals and fears.
“Who are you?” Three words, one question Lynae wasn’t ready to hear. Her blood ran cold, her mind going at full speed trying to process the question. Her tone wavered
“I- I’m your wife…Lynae” She said waiting for Mornye to remember, to realise why she wore a ring in her left hand.
“But… I am not married, not yet, Ly-nae” Mornye insisted because she didn’t remember ever sharing an altar with another woman, even less with the black haired woman who claimed to precisely be her wife.
“Uh…maybe it’s my hair! It used to be blonde but it’s been black for a long while now” Lynae tried to force a laugh but she was out of breath, Mornye’s question had stolen it from her lungs. Lynae had had her hair blonde ever since she arrived in Lahai Roi but her natural colour was black. When they got together, Lynae was insecure about her original hair colour and tried to dye her hair as much as she could to hide it, even getting to the point of damaging it.
When Mornye learned this she tried to reassure her lover “Hey, you don’t need to constantly dye your hair. Black suits you, it goes well with your eyes and it also combines with my grey hair” Ever since, Lynae started leaving her hair in her natural black colour without feeling anxious about it.
“And you say we were married?” Mornye asked innocently, not looking to hurt Lynae. Still it hurt her soul and she knew it wasn’t her fault.
“Yes! we are, you are my wife and I am your wife, we’ve been married for quite a while now, around…26 years now but I’m not so sure because you were the one who… kept track of dates… at least better than me”
Lynae resorted to the obvious choice her brain hadn’t been able to process at first, she showed her her ring and took her left hand which had the exact same white gold ring. She put their hands side to side.
“See? it’s the same ring, a very pretty one by the way, we chose it together” Lynae took off her ring and put it close to Mornye’s eyes, the letters L and M engraved on the inside layer. “It has our initials”
Lynae looked at Mornye as her red eyes started slowly filling with little tears. This sight broke Lynae’s heart, it was a shared pain.
“I- I’m so sorry… Naenae… How-how could I forget, god, I’m the worst” Mornye started hitting her head with the palm of her hand. Lynae stopped her immediately.
“Don’t hurt yourself like this please. You are the best wife I could have asked for Mornye, you are the one for me” Lynae reassured her as she cleaned the tears who kept slowly falling to her wife’s cheeks.
“I, I’m so sorry, Lynae, I shouldn’t forget… I don’t want to forget. Please, forgive me, please” She hugged her tight, pressing their bodies together as tears kept running.
“My love, my little star, please, don’t say that, I don’t have to forgive anything, you can forget, forget the day we’re in, forget we had dinner, forget me…But if you let yourself remember. If you let me remember, I promise I won’t let you forget”
“Nae- you, you shouldn’t have to carry with this, with me” Mornye felt her arms getting weaker and her body tiring at the emotion.
“Mornye, darling, please, don’t say that. I don’t carry with you, I live with you, laugh with you, love with you. I am in love with you, you will never be a burden to me. So please, let me help you remember. If you ever forget how to love, let me remind you, by loving you”
“ I love you, Lynae”
“I love you too, Mornye, today, tomorrow, til the day we see the stars no more”
“Til the day we see the stars no more”