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If Violet saw Nox right now, she'd be laughing at him.
She'd instilled in him one virtue since he was training to be a gentleman: that persuing a partner like this was pathetic.
Nox's gazes now rest on Chase's back, the tilt of his nose as he turns around to look back at Deacon, mouthing something from next to him. Even through mere gestures was Chase this animated.
Whenever Nox wasn't part of the story, wasn't in conflict with Chase, he watched with a tightened jaw and wished.
Wished for him, instead of trying to court him like Violet insisted gentlemen in stories had to do. Nox wasn't following that advice. Not when he felt that laid-back mask break around Chase.
He'd been avoiding Chase, somewhatโeven as Nox had wished and wished he'd push himself to try a little harder, to talk to Chase more. He'd looked away from the seeds of conversation Chase had planted, had decided to sit back in his chair and stare, horribly so.
In the nights that Nox slept in the library, away from stories, he'd mapped out the curve of Chase's nose, the faint sunspots that were so small you'd only notice them if you'd come up closeโnot like Deacon's, abrupt and annoying to look at.
And Nox didn't know when he'd started noticing Chase's soft brown eyes, fanning out in corners, already worn from everything he'd smile at.
It was why Chase's gaze swallowed him whole everytime Nox even attempted to return it.
And Nox was terrified of it. Really terrified. It was impossible to forget ChaseโChase. When had he stopped refering to him by idiot in his mind?
It had only been a few weeks since Chase and Buddy had been bickering, a few weeks since Nox had realized how much he'd missed company.
Chase was so warm in every moment. Could you blame Buddy's heart for twisting, his whole self for softening like a sponge, away from any moment of warmth?
It hurt, because Nox knew these moments were temporary.
Chase had changed his mind in a dangerous wayโthis was new. Nox knew what his task wasโgo into stories. Find out if our siblings are doing well. Do not trust the humans. And yet, Nox had started deviating from the task at hand, because of course he was falling back into his old ways.
He felt mad with Chase. His heart constricts with every little sway of Chase's body, every energetic movement and every word begging him to come close without even having to try.
Nox lets himself fall back to Chase. His back is turned as he remains the center of this scene, a star. His star. Nox was slipped away in the audience. His gaze meant nothing, neither did the moments of wishing Nox could call him fond nicknames.
Chase made him feel numb sometimes. It was why Nox had let himself keep some distance when he could, the only times they'd talk when they had a scene together, when Chase came up to him to ramble about something stupid. Like bread. Chase loved talking about bread.
Nox always entertained his ramblesโwhat is it that you like so much about bread? Tell me more. And Nox found that pathetic on his end, why was he talking to Chase so much?
Chase turns back to Nox in this moment, and maybe this was part of the story, Nox is supposed to know this, is supposed to remember. He's a key, every line of the story is drilled into him like the metal that he was made of.
But when those warm brown eyes find his, they seem to freeze Nox's blue ones over. Nox covers up his staring with an eye roll in this moment. When he looks back at Chase, he just gets a pout back. He's walking over hereโwait, this was part of the story. Focus. Focus. Focus.
Deacon gives Nox a quizzical look from next to him. "You good, Buddy?"
Nox snaps abruptly. "Can it, Freckles." He's looking back at Chase, snatching his lovesick stupor with annoyance.
And just like that, he's back into the scene. He is Buddy when he pretends. He isn't wishing, he isn't Nox, feeling odd about anything, letting those floodgates spill open.
Chase says something to Nox, and Nox must've answered, must've remembered, must've teased him about the bread just to have an excuse to talk to him again.
And they'd walked away, Deacon awkwardly following them as always. Once again, it felt like Chase was the only one in the room, and it felt like Nox had a heart again as he'd dragged him away.
Nox finds Chase at the corner of his eye, trying his best to inch his hand to brush against Chase's.
It doesn't work, because Chase is talking about bread, and Nox is trying his damndest to be normal and tell himself that this wasn't him.
It wasn't himโChase had made him mad.
And strangely, Nox liked that. Even if it meant he'd have to pretend.