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The night was excruciatingly silent, only the soft humming of the wind swinging against my bedroom window could be heard at this time of the night. Softly the material of my blanket drapped lazily over my body and i could feel how the coldness from my uncovered feet slowly crept up my legs, slithering up my spine like a snake preying on scorpions in the desert. Just unlike the desert it was freezing in here.
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I hated it.
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My heater broke about two weeks ago, but instead of someone actually fixing it they just left a bill and asked me to pay first before they actually did the service. A sharp almost stinging sigh left my slightly parted lips as i set my body into a somewhat upright sitting position. The freezing coldness was killing me, as the only gentle thing treating my roughened earthy skin with this sense of gentleness, was a blue hue the moon gave off.
No matter how much i wrapped the blanket around the shell of my own body and tried to think warm thoughts in order to distract me from the frigid room, none of it worked. I turned and tossed relentlessly in the gentle and smooth grey sheets, yet no matter how much i try my body cannot seem to rest and as my hand reaches underneath my head to pull away the pillow i was resting upon, a silly thought crosses my mind, but i quickly shook it off. Tugging the pillow closely against my chest, as i rely on the mere softness and comfort it can provide for me.
Sometimes i wish i had someone lie besides me, just the feeling of being in someone's, anyone's presence makes me tingly and i crave for the touches i once rejected with great disdain. What shame, i dream of turning time back everyday, but who am i to complain?
'I've got it all a job, an apartment, food, clothes, friends, my siblings, yet it doesn't feel complete. There's an empty space not only in my brain, but also in my bed...or was it meant to be heart? I don't know and neither do i care, i was never good at being poetically talented anyway.-'
a soft thump occurred on the outside of my window, i interrupt my mind rambling, as i take a share a glance at the noises coming from outside. Luckily it was just the tree as it swung from the heavy wind. '-Though the thought remains, why am i like this?'
my thoughts swirred and intertwined with one another, dancing around themselves graceful, agile, yet so hurtful when combined with one another. Perhaps this is how i was created to be, flawed as ever. That's something I've stood for most of my life, involuntarily. I lay my head down on the mattress and stare up at my ceiling, thoughts and feelings whispering sweet nothings to eachother. Exhaling shakily, before i sit up to be on the edge of my bed. This quietness was slowly killing me.
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I don't like it.
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Usually being alone felt like a reward, a victory more than a burden, but right now my body is aching and itching to be held, like...that time. Shaking my head softly, but burying my face deeply into the very palm of my hands,
'don't think about it'.
I scold myself internally.
'But that's the only way someone could ever like me...this is the only way they'll love me.' -
'No, No! Don't start again'
My body slumping back onto the bed as my hands still roamed over my face, digging the edge of my hands harshly into my eyes,
'i don't wanna have to think like this again, please.',
forming some kind of melody that slipped out of my throat. It's the only way to temporarily make all my thoughts step aside, even if just for a moment. I removed the callous skin of my eyelids as the bright, white light hit my eyes, I quickly covered them again until they properly adjusted to the lighting. Swinging my feet above the floor before letting them fully hit the freezing coldness below, as I pick up my blanket, I managed to adjust the bonnet that tucked my long but stiff locks in place, to look as decent as i could. Lifting my lazy body up into a standing position with the blanket, my thoughts wander to how i must look so childish right now, despite that i edit my balance pretty well.
This idea couldn't be any more ridiculous, going into Spirit's room at what, 2:37 in the morning and asking to sleep in his bed.
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'What if he finds it embarrassing or shameful? Or forbid he'll rhyme hinself together some helpleds love story of this.' -
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'No, that's ridiculous, it wouldn't be the first time i went up to him-'
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'Just don't think too much...',
and with that i waddle quietly out of my room and close the almost too small harf wood door tentatively behind myself. The moarsh floorboards creaking underneath my weight as i slumply walk over them. Luckily, Spirit's room wasn't far away from my own, which could make it harder in some situations but felt very pleasant in common ones. A rush of hesitation overwhelmed me as I ultimately stood infront of the birch wooden door, painted in vibrant colors. The doorway illuminated a cheerful, yet threatening presence, as i knew who was inside.
It was like a gate keeping me closed off from seeing the other side of the 'castle'. My body frozen in place as the overwhelming hesitation became clearly noticeable, i shook like i just stepped in a bath of ice, either that or it was actually because the floorboards made walking on them feel like an icey hell. Raising my right, balled fist, i gently take my turn to knock on the door. Loud enough to wake him, but quiet enough for no one else to hear. It took a few seconds before i heard any kind of reaction come from inside Spirit's room, but one quick cloth rumpling and a set of tippy toeing over the floor later and he opened the door.
My eyes almost subconsciously took in his messy appearance, his normally firey red curls completely tussled and tangled from sleep and even his eyes were emptier than a trashcan after pickup on friday, his 'nightshift at Foxy's' shirt was hanging halfway off his shoulder. The sleep being written all over his face, he mumbled something under his breath along the lines of-
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"Yer, wat' is it?..."
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I fiddled a bit with the blanket in my arms, but overall remained having a confident expression infront of Spirit.
I chuckled wackily, "I was hoping, i could sleep in your bed tonight?", retorted and could see the wheels practically turning inside of his head "-My heater is broken and well i wanted to take you up on that offer from yesterday.", adding with an unsure smile on my face.
That was when it seemingly clicked for Spirit, because he didn't hesitate to open the door further for me, so i stepped inside. Spirit huffed, as he spoke raspily
"Glad ta' ya remembered tis' soon enough", his voice laced with sarcasm, but only sprinkled cause the sleepiness that made him yawn overtuned it. I rubbed the back of my neck and bowed my head slightly in an apologetic manner, gaining a quick whack on the back of my head.
Spirit sprinted back into the warmth and comfort of his sheets as he nuzzled into his cushion. My feet hesitantly shuffled over and I layed down on his bed, curling slightly together so I'd make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible. Getting comfortable like this was strange, although the nice heating was putting my body in a tad bit of a sedative state... I felt the bed dip a bit down on the other side of Spirit's bed as he turned around, and the second pair of blankets shifted softly.
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"Goodnight'..."
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the other voice spoke to me, my only response was a gentle hum before the presence of his unusual warmth spread over to me like a wildfire or perhaps a Sireen lulling a song...Siren...Siree? Ah, doesn't matter.
My body swiftly wriggled over to Spirit's side and magically my arms wrapped around the small angel in a sense of comfort and security. The feeling of his muscles tensing, before they relaxed again felt so calming.
Ultimately before he knew it i already trapped him in my grip, his voice scruff "Everytime...sometimes i question if ya actually have a reason for coming her'."
"It's cold in my room you snobby bastard. These fuckass repairsmen have been buggin my ass for days now..greedy asses" a mischievous smile crept up my face as my forehead pressed gently against the suction of his neck and shoulder.
"Tis' s why i hate hangin' around ya.." Spirit laid his arm around my neck and pulled me closer,
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"Don't worry, i hate you too~"
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my voice offered one last time before we spent the entire rest of the night, snuggled in eachothers grip.