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"So, about what-"
"I just wanted-"
Pomni and Ragatha both spoke, but just like before the awards show, they found themselves starting at the same time. A nervous chuckle broke out between them as they looked away briefly. Around them, the post-award party was underway, food and drinks laid out on fancy tables, while NPCs milled around, filling the space with nonsensical background conversation.
Literally, in the case of Orbsman.
Looking back, Pomni realized that Ragatha was waiting patiently for her to start, hands folded over themselves in front of her. Which was fine, Pomni figured. They'd kind of needed to talk for a while now, probably since the stargazing adventure? She took a breath, getting ready to launch into it, and then she mentally stumbled as if she'd just noticed a cliff in front of her.
Pomni had just been about to talk about what happened with Jax, because of course, a lot of what was going on between the two girls had to do with that jerk. But if Ragatha was just trying to talk about the problems between her and Pomni, then bringing up Jax would be like bringing up an ex on a date. She hated how that was the example that popped into her head.
Fuck, she should have made Ragatha go first! She quickly scrambled for something else to say, like...
"I'm...uh, sorry for shooting you back there? I kind of just went with the game and got a little carried away, ah ha..." Pomni forced a little laugh, rubbing the back of her head.
"What...? Oh!" Ragatha blinked, like she'd forgotten that had even happened. "Oh, don't worry about that. I mean, that was the point of the adventure, and everyone else seemed to have fun with it too, so no hard feelings!" Ragatha gave her one of those smiles that always made Pomni feel a little put off. Like the ragdoll wasn't really happy, but wanted to be assuring anyway. "Even Kinger sounded like he had a lot of fun! And you should have seen Gangle-"
The more Ragatha talked, the more the forced smile somehow became more real. Pomni found herself giggling, especially when the doll started describing how they all made themselves cat ears and tails in the loser corner...for some reason. How ironic that the low-effort adventure Caine had made after pretty much giving up had been one of the most fun so far.
A disappointed frown crossed Ragatha's face as she crossed her arms. "But...man, I can't believe I picked up a stupid fake gun. I would have taken another life off Jax if it wasn't for that." She complained lightly.
Pomni paused at the mention of Jax, but the moment passed, and it seemed Ragatha really was just complaining about a bit of bad luck. Which, to be fair... "There were fake guns too? And here I thought the tube area not having any ammo was bad." She laughed before noticing a nearby upholstered couch was empty. Gesturing towards it, Ragatha caught on, and they claimed it before some NPC could, sitting side-by-side.
"So...what was that thing you wanted to talk to me about?" Pomni asked, settling in.
"Huh...? Oh, right!" Ragatha's eyes widened, clearly just now remembering what the point of them meeting up after the show was. But she began to speak quickly without hesitation. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I was...kind of pushy? Earlier? I mean, telling you I'm here to listen if you have any problems, or if you need to talk, or..." Ragatha's lips formed a wavy line as she somehow seemed unsatisfied with her own rushed words. "I mean, uh...I will be! Always...here to talk. Or help." Her sentences became stilted, and her hands moved nervously through the air, like they were trying to help put together what she wanted to say. "But um...I shouldn't have reminded you...?"
Pomni blinked, the quickly spoken words followed by odd pauses doing her no favors in tracking what was said. "I, uh...are you apologizing for being nice?" She asked, lost.
"Yes...I mean, no! I..." Ragatha pulled at her hair and groaned. "I just mean...that...ughhh, why can't I just- say it!?"
Pomni looked on helplessly, chewing her lip. Ragatha was...nice, but she was also kind of bad with words sometimes. Or maybe she just had a problem with rambling without watching what she was saying...? Either way, she knew this wasn't what Ragatha wanted to talk about, but her rushed apology had derailed Pomni's train of thought. Damn it, what had this been about again?
Something had been off about their friendship for a while now.
"...I don't mind if it takes you a few tries. Take your time, Ragatha." Pomni offered, hoping Ragatha's finding her words would help Pomni put it to words too. Maybe it was just one of those things where someone had to say it out loud for it to click.
"Right, sorry..." The doll took a deep breath before shifting to sit up properly. Her back straightened, her hands clasped over themselves in her lap, her chin held level. "I-"
She hesitated, and after a moment seemed to give up on it. Taking another breath, she redid everything, straightening her back and fixing her pose, but this time she waited for her fidgeting hands to steady. Pomni watched and waited patiently. She'd stay here all night if it meant fixing this...thing between them.
When the doll finally spoke, her voice was slow and a little unsteady. "I think I've been...a little overbearing. You've been...getting along just fine. You're friends with the others, even..." Ragatha hesitated before a realization seemed to cross her. "Even Kinger, actually. Heh...that makes a lot more sense now..." She remarked to herself. Pomni frowned slightly. It definitely hadn't been Kinger that the doll had been thinking about at the start of that sentence.
"-Anyway, you've been doing great, but then...there I am, still...butting in, like...like you're making a big mistake, and I need to be the one to help you."
Pomni nodded, slowly and unsurely. That...did kind of describe it? But it also didn't feel like the right way to say it either.
"Instead of being there for when you need me, it's more like...I'm standing over your shoulder?" Ragatha looked pained for a moment. "Like I'm some...mom guilt-tripping their kid or something..."
The jester's mouth fell open, shocked Ragatha would go there. What little she knew about Ragatha's past was enough to make it clear those weren't easy words to say...but also, that didn't sound right at all. Ragatha wasn't manipulating like that. She just sucked with words sometimes.
And yet the doll kept going, her expression tired as she seemed to spiral further into negativity. "It...probably sounded like I didn't trust you to make your own decisions, or-"
"That's not the problem." Pomni interrupted sharply.
Ragatha faltered. "I- um, what?"
Pomni swallowed a lump in her throat, not really ready to speak, but she couldn't just keep letting the doll beat herself up over something that wasn't true. "You were just worried about me. I get it. I don't feel like you were trying to control me or anything..." Pomni bit her lip. "I...don't really like how it makes me feel like a kid sometimes, but...I'm still glad you care."
No. That sounded too weak. She'd already thanked Ragatha for caring before, but...it felt like she hadn't made it clear how much it had mattered. Maybe if she had, Ragatha wouldn't have felt the need for...all that had led to tonight.
Ragatha was about to say something, but Pomni held up a hand. "No, wait, I don't think I said that right...Ragatha, when I first came to the circus, I thought I was going to go crazy. I was going crazy! I had the worst nightmare, that I was abstracting and I fell into the cellar, and no one even cared, just making fun of me for abstracting so quick-” Her breaths quickened as she recalled that. “You...were the only one who really looked after me then, and I think that's one of the only reasons I didn't completely lose it."
The thing that had bothered her the most about the circus was how unreal it felt, and everyone acting so…casually after one of their apparent friends had died had contributed to that. From Caine making a joke of his abstraction to Zooble's comment that she thought Kinger would be next...it had painted a grim picture. No wonder she'd had a nightmare.
In retrospect, everyone aside from Caine had shown they cared more than they'd let on at first, but Ragatha had been the one to actually reach out and do something to help Pomni right from the get go...even if Pomni had been a bit too overwhelmed at the time for it to really do that much. But it still made a difference.
"I don't think I could ever thank you enough for that, Ragatha..." She said, meaning it. "But right now, I think what really bothers me is...I'm worried that you're going to drive yourself crazy worrying about me."
Ragatha, who'd been listening with increasingly wide eyes, suddenly startled at that last part. "O-oh! I wouldn't say I was...well, okay, maybe a little, but..."
Pomni snorted with a playful obnoxiousness. "Ragatha, you looked like you thought you'd sentenced me to death this morning."
"I- well, I just thought-" Ragatha sputtered. “...Did I really look like that?”
"You did." Pomni confirmed gently. "I'm glad you care, Ragatha, but...it just feels like I'm walking on eggshells around you recently, like if I don't show you I'm okay you'll have a heart attack on my behalf. It's...kind of a lot of pressure."
Ragatha frowned deeply, turning away slightly to avoid meeting Pomni's eyes. "Oh...oh Pomni, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to be worried about little ol' me..."
In response the Jester leaned over, barging into the doll's field of view. "Well, too bad, I do, because I care about you too. And what, you can worry about me, but I can't worry about you?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Well, when you put it like that..." Ragatha mumbled before letting out a sigh. "I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?"
"Maybe we both are." Pomni admitted, sitting back again. "I think we've both been worrying too much."
"Maybe..." Ragatha said distantly, a flicker of something crossing her face, before she let it go. "...Well, I'm just glad you don't hate me. I thought I'd pushed you away by trying too hard to get on your good side."
"You are on my good side, I could never hate you." Pomni assured. "But...I feel like we haven't really had a chance to be just friends, either. So...how how about we just try to forget about being worried over everything, and just...relax? I promise, if I need help, I'll talk to you, but until then...can we just not overthink it?"
Pomni tried to say it casually, because it was simple. It should have been. Pomni cared. Ragatha cared. They could just...be friends, instead of caretaker and crazy jester. But near the end her voice trembled and pleaded slightly.
And unfortunately, Ragatha seemed to pick that up. "Y-yeah. That would be-" She hesitated, before forcing a thumbs up. "That would be...great! I won't let you down, Pomni!" She gave a reassuring smile.
The same damned smile that screamed she was trying to sound more confident than she was.
Pomni knew better than to fall for it. And she had a pretty good guess as to what caused it. What they said so far was progress...but really, they were dancing around the elephant in the room at this point. Or rabbit, rather.
Jax.
Well, she would have rather avoided this, but avoiding things wasn't how you fixed them. Honestly, it felt like it was an even worse time to bring him up than before, but...if they were going to be friends, it would be better not to have anything unsaid hanging over them.
Deciding the Ragatha needed to be reassured, Pomni pushed past her usual reservations and leaned her head over onto the doll's shoulder, much to their surprise. She was usually a little reserved about touch, but the situation called for it. "...Actually, Ragatha, to tell the truth...I did have something else I wanted to talk about. Are you...worried about me hanging out with Jax?"
She could feel Ragatha stiffen under her head, and the way she hesitated to say something. Which was enough of an answer for Pomni. "I...get it if you do. He's...well, a lousy jerk." She said suddenly, letting out a frustrated sigh. "If one of my friends was getting close with a guy like that, I'd lose sleep over it too."
"Um...y-yeah. Right?" Ragatha chuckled, a little forced. "So then...why are you...?"
"Yeah, I'd like to hear why, too." A higher-pitched voice suddenly called from behind the couch.
Pomni and Ragatha jumped apart, looking back over the couch to see Gangle standing behind them, her ribbon hands clenched before her. Her comedy mask was nowhere to be seen (oh wait, Pomni had been the one to break it today by shooting it...woops?), and her expression was...troubled. "What exactly is going on between you and Jax...?"
Pomni's mouth dried at the sight of Gangle. She'd had...words. Sentences, even. To describe what she'd been thinking, spending time with Jax. But suddenly the reassurance that she could handle Jax even if he decided to be a jerk felt rather insensitive.
Ragatha spoke before Pomni could. "Oh, Gangle! Uh, I'm sure Pomni has her reasons, and..." The doll started in her usual frantic reassuring tone. But then she paused, straightening herself out. "...and it's her choice who she spends time with and why. She doesn't have to explain if she doesn't want to." She said, surprisingly assertive.
Pomni blinked. She felt like that wasn't true, she really should explain herself...but it did make her feel better. If Ragatha could have that confidence in her, then she had a feeling everything would be okay.
Gangle drew back a bit with every word. "I didn't mean it like that! I was just..." She looked over at Pomni. "I thought you were really nice! Especially after Spudy's..." Gangle turned away, fidgeting with herself. "But...it feels like now whenever I see you, you're next to Jax. He's not...threatening you to hang out with him, is he?" Gangle asked, in a small, fearful voice.
Oh. It seemed like Ragatha wasn't the only one worried about Pomni. Did no one trust her to handle herself or something? She took a quick glance, half-expecting to see Zooble walking up to ask what her deal was as well, but then she realized Zooble was sprawled out a distance away on another couch, seemingly asleep. Pink sauce in her eye...ah, right. Totally hammered during the show.
Shaking her head, Pomni got back on track. "No, Jax hasn't tried anything like that." Pomni faltered, wondering how to describe what was going on between the two of them, especially now. "I don't...really know how things turned out this way. At first he'd just sometimes get chatty with me, and I'd just...let him talk. I mean, he wasn't really bothering me, and I figured it was keeping him from getting bored and pulling something on one of you guys, so..."
"Pomni, you don't have to do that for our sakes..." Ragatha said, concerned. Gangle nodded along, although there was a fair amount of hesitation on her part.
"I wasn't really doing it for anyone else? I just...liked it better when he was chatting with me, rather than watching him bother you guys. Or get me caught up in something..." She muttered. Pomni wouldn't have said they were friends before today's adventure, not really. It took more than being able to have a decent conversation to be friends. She had plenty of people back at her old job who she talked with regularly, but she wouldn't really call them friends either.
Ragatha and Gangle shared a slightly unsure look.
Pomni probably could have stopped there. Maybe that would be best. She'd given them a good enough reason...except now they'd probably wonder what was going on if Jax avoided Pomni. Shoot, she was going to have to say it. "...But then today we kind of...bonded? A little?" She added, already bracing herself.
Both of the others turned to her, Gangle seeming doubtful and Ragatha...well, she was raising an eyebrow, but otherwise kept a straight face. "Well...maybe him having a friend would be good...?" She said, not seeming to fully believe it, but also not rejecting it out of hand. Which was progress.
"...And then we had a fight because he wouldn't admit it and wanted to act like he didn't care about anyone," Pomni added sheepishly. The moment she saw a horrified look cross Gangle's face, she hastily added. "Uh! I mean, we argued, and I tried to knock some sense into him, but it didn't really work. I didn't get hurt or anything."
"...Thought so." Ragatha sighed before seeming startled by her own words. "Uh, I mean...er...at least you tried?" She corrected herself.
"Does that mean you're not going to be hanging out with Jax anymore...?" Gangle asked, seeming conflicted. Probably worried Jax would come after her...huh, Pomni decided to keep an eye out for that.
"...Probably not. If he's going to avoid me, there's not much I can do about it. But...still..." Pomni drew up her knees into her chest, letting her thoughts flow. "I know he was lying. About not caring. And he was trying so hard to pretend he was something he's not, to act like nothing was bothering him, but it was obvious he was, like..." Pomni's gaze tracked to Ragatha. For some reason.
Both pretended like things didn't bother them, although they did very different things with it.
"...He's being stubborn now, but I know he had fun. Without having to bully anyone. I'll...see if I can't encourage that side of him more...?" Pomni shrugged.
"...Pomni, are you trying to pull an 'I can fix him'?" Gangle asked, tilting her head. And sounding…interested.
Oh, god. Hearing it put like that... "I'm..." She sputtered. "...going to go somewhere else and abstract real quick. Be right back." She tried to get up and leave as Gangle squeaked in surprise, but Ragatha caught her wrist.
"Don't say that!" Ragatha admonished, helping Pomni back to the seat. "Look, it's okay. I...tried to help Jax too. It didn't work, but maybe he'll trust you more...?"
Pomni looked at Ragatha, quickly understanding the farm girl probably didn't know what that phrase meant. Which was good. She sighed. "Maybe. I'll see what I can do. If he gets over himself, at least. But...for now I just want to spend some time with some people who won't push me away." Pomni smiled at the two of them.
“I’d…like that a lot.” Ragatha smiled back. “Hopefully the next adventure gives us a chance to hang out somewhere nice.”