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It was pouring heavily outside, unusual for that time of year.
For a while, it felt like there was nothing else in the world but that fuzzy sound of pelting raindrops. Nothing to see, nothing to hear. All except the pitter-patter of rain, thrumming against the ground.
-
Josuke awoke to a low rumble in the distance, cracking his eyes open to the familiar setting of his classroom. Squinting against the harsh fluorescent lights, he could barely make out the faint outline of the chalkboard and desks. He rubbed his sleep-crusted eyes in an attempt to clear his hazy vision only to find it wasn't sleep that was blinding him, but just that everything was blurry. No one had any of their usual defining characteristics that he could use to distinguish one from another, everything there just.. the concept of what it was supposed to be.
Weirdly enough, it didn't really bother him- he still had a general gist of what was going on, despite the glaring lack of context; like somehow he'd done this before and now was just waiting for what he already knew was to come.
It was a very vague feeling though— still dazed from whatever knocked him unconscious— so Josuke sat still, trying to make sense of the situation.
The sound of feet shuffling and idle chatter told him that he slept his way straight to break. He watched as his classmates started unwinding and excitedly spew gibberish, unable to comprehend anything they were saying.
Suddenly, Koichi slammed a hand on his desk, a fat grin plastered on his face and his words muffled by the rain.
"Wha— huh??"
"…I said let’s go- we're leaving right now! They're starting, c'mon!!"
Huh?
Josuke could only squint at him, still too disoriented to generate a proper response.
Koichi sighed to his lack of a response, and decided to just grab his hand, fervently dragging him into the open hall where the rest of his classmates were running. Josuke quickly glanced back at the now empty classroom, more confused than ever.
The hall echoed with laughter and various cheers and whoops as their legs all moved in rapid succession. Everyone was brimming with such unbridled excitement the energy buzzed off the walls.
Through the windows, the sky was as vivid as ever, a bright blue blanketing the hall with a warm, happy feeling. As Josuke made his way down, the clouds parted way, revealing even more of the radiant sky. It was uncharacteristically lively: friends jumping in each others arms, girls and guys alike skipping with their hands held, and smiles as wide as the sky.
It all looked so… perfect. Too perfect.
Suspicion and doubt creeped through his body, leaving goosebumps on his skin. As dead as his brain felt, he still had killer instincts and he quickly assessed then questioned the situation (well, to the best of his abilities).
Why is Koichi run- no, why are we running? What's going on? And why is everyone so happy? Who… what are we doing?
Despite the collective euphoria, Josuke felt kind of.. empty, like something was missing. It seemed like he was the only one forced along, the only one who's legs weren't moving on their own.
His head spun and his stomach twisted at the uncertainty, dread crawling under his skin and his body aching for reason, but looking at this from any logical angle was useless.
He felt sick, but he wouldn't— or couldn't— stop running.
"Koichi, what's going on? Where are we goin??", he begged, the words scraping in his throat.
Koichi said nothing. His head remained forward, shoulders stiffening as he continued to pull, pull, pull him along with the rest of the students. His grip was tight, much stronger than he ever pegged him for, and no matter how much sprinting he did, he couldn't catch up to him; Koichi always in the front and Josuke an arm behind.
Clearly being ignored, he examined the area, hoping for at least some sort of clue for what was happening. He looked back and saw that each time they'd pass another class's door, it'd swing open, pouring out the other students to follow right behind them. The hallway quickly filled, flooded with people as far as he could see.
It wasn't necessarily crowded though: there was enough room for him to swing his arms without issue, just an expanse of students racing to what seemed to be no end.
It was a sickening feeling. The atmosphere felt uncanny— yes, it was happy, and as much as Josuke wanted to be too, he couldn't shake the feeling, his instincts screaming at him. The situation was overwhelming and confusing, but most of all, his emotions were on overdrive. His heart continued to thump harshly against his chest, not because he was running, but because he was scared. His heart ached, the hole there nearly doubling in size. How could he have felt so empty and scared and hurt all at the same time?
The sound of everyone's steps pounded into his head, each step like another nail in the coffin.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
He forced himself past the headache and past the lump in his throat and with all of his might, he screamed, "Koichi! What's going on?!"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Why're we running? Where're we goin'?! What's goin' on??"
"Huh? Weren't you listening earlier? We're gonna be late for our graduation ceremony if we don't hurry!"
What?
"C'mon!" Koichi's voice beckoned to him.
…
…
…..graduation ceremony? for… graduating?
Oh. Oh! OH! Right!
They were graduating! He and Okuyasu and Koichi and Yukako and everyone was graduating, high school was over!
Everything was starting to click into place: he vaguely remembered a sudden announcement about the graduation ceremony starting earlier than planned. For some reason, they had gotten their news much later than the other half of the school, so his class had to rush to get there on time.
There was still so much he felt was missing, but the sudden rush of memories was already overwhelming to his still-hazy state of mind. Not to mention the cacophony of footsteps, chatter, and screams numbing his senses, forcibly shutting down his brain.
But even then, even with his mind a mess, he suddenly remembered Okuyasu, the memory of him taking precedence over whatever else he remembered. Josuke hastily forced his hand off of Koichi's, rushing to find Okuyasu admist the chaos.
He must've been released with the other classes by now: at this point, the hallway was so full, every classroom must have been released.
Free from Koichi's restraint, he sprinted as fast as he could, scouring the scene for his scarred friend. But it was difficult to see, let alone move, against the strong current of people as their paces quickened.
"Okuyasu! Where're you?!" He shouted, panic tightening his throat as his desperate pleas fell victim to the void, drowned out by the clamour of footsteps and his beating heart. It was starting to set how hard it'd be to find him, Josuke himself getting lost in a swarm of blurred faces.
"Okuyasu!" "Okuyasu!!" "Okuyasu, please!"
Josuke cried over and over as he looked, turned, and searched, something in him compelling him to act with urgency.
"Someo—"
"Josuke!!"
Like in an act from God himself, that rough voice came through. A ray of sunshine had even slipped through the windows, spotlighting Okuyasu.
"Okuyasu!!"
All the fear suddenly dissipated from his body, relief taking place. He forced his way through to Okuyasu to where they were both now standing in the middle of the hall.
Josuke let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding before immediately reaching for his arm, ready to take him just like Koichi did. His voice shook, his body still jittery from the anxiety and the sense of urgency still lingering.
"Dude there you are, thank God! What're ya doin' just standin' there? C'mon let's go, take my hand!"
"Yo Josuke, what's up?" He smiled, his face as pretty as he remembered him. He felt like it was his first time seeing him all over again, like he forgot how warm he was.
"Don't tell me you don't know either? We're all leavin' for graduation dude, we're finally done with high school!"
"What? What're ya talkin' about?"
"Didn't yer class get an announcement too or somethin'? Well actually.. I dunno fer sure either.. 'm kinda just followin' Koichi. Plus, looks like we're all goin' somewhere so might as well follow, right?" He gestured his hands around.
"Hah! So yer jus' gonna follow Koichi?"
"Pfft whatever man, I trust him. Let's just go, what's the worst that can happen?"
Okuyasu paused, thinking of a way to phrase his next reply. "…I can't go witcha, Josuke."
"Hah? Dude, why're ya bein' so stubborn? Are ya scared or somethin'? Nothin' bad's gonna happen, I promise, I'll be right here. Now hurry- take my hand!" Josuke glared at the pensive look forming on his face. He'd never seen such a grim expression before.
It wasn't a good look for him.
"Okuyasu… why're you just— why're you still standing there? C'mon, don't you trust me?"
"Wh- N-No, of course I trust you! I'd trust you with my life! I… I'd give my life for you, man. I care about ya so much— it'd never be that. I just.. can't. I wish I could go with you."
Okuyasu looked up to meet his eyes, tears already making their way down his scarred face.
To say he was caught off guard was an understatement. Where the hell was this coming from? Shouldn't they be happy? Didn't they deserve to be? Everyone else was, it was only right they should be too. Worry began to manifest itself once again, that gnawing off feeling amplifying tenfold. Josuke searched Okuyasu's face for reassurance only to find he looked just as scared as he did.
A mean shoulder check brought him back to reality where he found himself getting swept away. Seemingly out of nowhere, the hall was suddenly congested with kids, accelerating at an alarming rate. The uncanny cheerful vibe was gone, replaced by anxious shoving and pushing. It was only a matter of time before the crowd dragged Josuke away, away from Okuyasu, who stubbornly remained in his position. A few more shoulder checks caused him to stumble on his feet, trying to maintain his balance as he urged his hand toward Okuyasu again.
"Okuyasu, what- what're you talking about? I mean, I care about you too 'n all but is now really the time? Seriously dude, just take my hand 'fore I lose ya again!"
"Josuke… I can't. You gotta go without me dude."
"What? 'm not leavin' without ya, y'know that, right? Seriously, what're you on about? I'm so confused man."
"'m sorry, Josuke but ya hafta go."
"Dude we're not that late—"
"Josuke, stop. Please. You're not listening. You need to go." The tears didn't stop but his voice was firm.
"Okuyasu what the fuck are you talking ab— fuck, I can't hold on much longer, where're all these people comin' from?? Oku, dude hurry, take my hand—"
"I'm sorry, Josuke. Y'know I'll always care about you."
"What?"
"I'll.. I'll always love you."
What?
"I love you, Josuke."
What?
The last thing he saw before being thrown into the endless sea of people was Okuyasu's face, eyes teary and adorning the warm smile he fell in love with not so long ago.
-
Josuke awoke to the sound of clapping, everyone decorated in caps and gowns. Koichi was next to him, diploma in one hand and Josuke's hand in the other. They were outside— the earthy smell after rain mixing with the sweet scents of the blooming cherry blossoms, its shedding petals congratulating the new graduates. The ground was soon painted with light pink petals, a beautiful sight, really. It was calming and refreshing: nature tended to do that.
The storm was over, but the sound of raindrops persisted, lingering in the background.
A faint, repetitive motion singing in his ears.
Josuke dazedly looked down at his own gown, embellished with a heart pin on one side and yen pin on the other.
Okuyasu.
Right. He didn't graduate. He never even got the chance.
It'd already been two years since he died, to the hands of serial killer no less, yet it felt like it was just yesterday. Like it was just yesterday he and Okuyasu were walking to school together; indulging in their weekly ice cream; playing video games; skipping classes; pranking Rohan.
It felt like just yesterday, sleeping together on weekends, whispering to each other in the dark and sharing gentle cuddles.
It felt like it was just yesterday when they were fighting together, like they always do, before he was inevitably caught in the hands of Kira. In the blink of an eye, he saw the flash of orange followed by a splash of red, a hole already in the side of his body.
It'd already been two years, yet he grieved him as hard as the day he lost him; the pain still fresh and some days so overwhelming he forced himself to forget it ever happened. But no matter how badly he wished he could unlearn it all, he could never forget Okuyasu: his best friend, the love of his life.
Regret tore him up from the inside out; he never got the chance to say goodbye, Okuyasu's dying body blocked by Stray Cat's invisible air bubbles. Whatever last words Okuyasu had left were lost forever, never to be heard. Hell, he doubted that he even heard Josuke cry for him, probably having died within seconds. Did he ever know how much he meant to him?
Okuyasu, with a heart of gold, had died with dignity and honor, fighting to protect his friends and Morioh. To protect Hayato, a kid he didn't even know. And for Josuke, risking his life to fight by his side.
It wasn’t fair. How could the world have taken someone so pure, someone who continued to smile even after everything he went through, away?
But it did, and when it did, the world kept spinning. No one stopped to mourn him save the few friends he made. The world kept spinning, all of Morioh moving on without knowing the man who died protecting them.
Josuke didn't want to be a part of that world, the part of society where everyone just continued to live their lives. What was the point if he had to do it without Okuyasu?
But he did, somehow. He didn't really remember or care for much of how he got there, but he graduated, all while thinking about Okuyasu.
Okuyasu: the man— no, the boy— who should've been with him, the boy who he could've given the world to and more.
His heart ached for to feel his touch again, to feel the rough, gentle hands that were always around his waist or shoulder. It longed to once again be embraced in a warm, solid hug, to be so close he could smell the sweet, woodsy vanilla mixed with sweat and soap: the smell that lingered after sleepovers and on the shirts he slept in after his passing.
He wished to hear his voice one last time, something to better represent him than a painful scream.
And most of all, he wished to know if he ever felt the same. If Okuyasu knew he was cared and loved for immensely. He wondered if he would’ve ever gotten a chance at a life with Okuyasu by his side, sharing kisses and longing stares, ring in each hand.
The longing hurt; his death left an open wound in his soul, a pain so raw and agonizing he wished he died with him. At least then they'd be together.
It was pitiful. He should be living, living for Okuyasu— but he couldn't. How could he? How could he move on? Would he want to? Would this pain ever go away?
Some days, the rain turned into a light drizzle, softly buzzing away. The smell stayed, but it wasn't necessarily bad; it smelled like nature, life continuing to grow by any means. Koichi, Yukako, Mikitaka, or even Tomoko would stand there with an umbrella and open arms, waiting for whenever he was ready.
Some days, Josuke didn't cry. He lived life as he should, in honor of Okuyasu. He ate ice cream, one scoop strawberry and the other choco strawberry cone flavored. He played Doom or Smash, a save file or character to remain inactive forever. He skipped class, walking an hour to lay in a field covered in sunflowers, daisies, and yellow tulips. He visited Trattoria Trussardi, giving his regards to Tonio before visiting Kunimitōge Graveyard, where Okuyasu lied next to Keicho. Each visit, he'd place a bouquet of xeranthemum and yellow acacias along with a letter, the contents of which unknown.
Some days, Josuke looked up to see Okuyasu's soul breeze peacefully along with Reimi and Shigechi.
-
Some days, Josuke's heart stops beating to hear the quiet rain start again. And when the raindrops lull him to sleep, he dreams of him all over again.