Work Text:
"Seriously, you expect me to find a parking spot near the Staples Center while a Laker's game is going on?" Gunn tossed a glare at Cordelia, who was squeezed between Gunn and Wesley in the cab of Gunn's truck.
"Hey! Just the messenger here. The Staples Center was in the vision"
"Perhaps you could just pull into an alley-"
"What?" Gunn cut Wes off. To be fair, maybe he was trying to be reasonable. Gunn had certainly created parking before when he needed it. "Did I mention the Laker's game? Half the cops in LA are hangin' out down here in case the crowd becomes too enthusiastic after the game. In other words, while they'd love to be inside watching the game, they're probably in their patrol cars breaking the rules by even listening to the game. Top that off with some envy over all the celebrities hogging the floor seats, and do you think they're going to look at me and my baby and not give her a ticket? There is street parking around here if you look hard enough." Gunn stroked the steering wheel possessively.
Wes said, "Actually, they'd probably tow the truck. Look, there are plenty of lots south of the arena on Figueroa."
"And who's paying for that?"
"Gunn!" Both Cordelia and Wes shouted, but it was Cordelia who pressed the urgency of the mission. "Look, we've got the stop the killer tomato, or it'll be the little shop of horrors out here."
"Fine!" Gunn swooped into the first parking lot and took a ticket from the attendant. "This is one of those moments that I miss Angel. We'd be risking his ride if he was here."
The statement had just come out without thinking. Gunn could see Cordy and Wes trying to put the resolve in their faces, and Gunn knew he had to do the same.
Cordy took Wes' hand as she climbed out of the truck muttering, "We don't need him. What's a set of fangs going to do against a plant anyway?"
Gunn wanted to take his ax, but since they were standing next to a sports complex about to let out thousands of fans, incognito weapons were what he needed now. He caught Wes' eye as they both rummaged behind the seat. There was strength in that man's eyes, friendship. He didn't know why it did, but it made Gunn feel good. Well, maybe he did know because in the last couple of weeks, he and Wesley had found some other common interest beyond playing Risk.
They were pretty far away, but had a view of the front of the complex. Wesley asked, "Cordelia, do you recognize any landmarks specific to where the demon was?"
"More importantly, do you remember how big it was, like was it palm tree sized?" Gunn asked.
"Give me a second - I'm still getting my bearings." Cordelia was standing on her toes, so Gunn dropped the tailgate and helped her up into the back of the truck. "I don't even know if we're on the right side of the arena. What I saw was a mob of people - no distinct faces. It's like the whole crowd was in danger. Then I saw the big bad plant sneezing something on them."
"Giant sized sneeze or mosquito sized sneeze?" Gunn pressed.
"It was more like potted palm in the lobby size. Of course, then another plant joined the first and it was making like a Venus fly trap with the sharp, nasty teeth."
Gunn nodded. "That mob has to be the crowd watching the game. Most of them will only be out in the street long enough to get to their cars or the Blue Line trains. It's quarter to ten, so the game should be letting out any minute. Wes, what's the deal with the plant demon?"
"I'm afraid that I don't know much - botany wasn't a specialty in my studies. I do know that most plants are fairly primitive. It could be a fight over territory."
"Or possibly dinner - man-eating plant," Cordy said.
Wes pulled a thick paperback out of his jacket pocket. "I brought the Field Guide to Mystical Plants. Hopefully, I'll be able to identify it quickly."
"Always a boy scout," Gunn said.
"There are people leaving the center, a couple of dozen," Cordelia said.
"Heads up. That's the first wave, not waiting for the final whistle. Shouldn't it be easy to find a tree that's on the move?" Gunn spread his hands and shook his head. Life had been easier when he was just hunting vamps.
"Uh, I think I found it."
Cordy and Gunn turned. Wes was pointing at the tree shambling down the street toward the Staples Center.
"That's bigger than a potted palm," Gunn pointed out.
"Maybe a little," Cordelia whispered.
Both Gunn and Wesley just looked at her.
"What the hell is it anyway?" Cordy demanded.
Wesley bit his lip. "It's hard to tell from this distance, but I think that it may be a maple."
"Yo! That thing is not full of syrup. What kind of demon?"
Wesley began flipping through the book.
"Come on, Wesley. You don't have to move at the same pace as the tree," Cordelia said.
"Ah ah! I think I have it - an Audrus demon. Oh, oh my."
"Wes, I hate when you, oh my," Gunn said.
"To mate, the Audrus need to spread its pollen on a carrier, the role that bees have in nature."
"So, that would be the sneezing tree thing I saw," Cordelia said.
"And in this case, the bees are all Laker fans," Gunn noted.
"But unlike bees, rubbing against a second Audrus is not enough. For expediency the second Audrus eats the carrier, pollen and all."
"And we kill it, how?" Gunn asked.
"Blessed-"
Wes paused when Cordelia's hand shot up holding what Gunn knew was container full of holy water.
"Epsom salts," Wesley finished.
Cordy made a face at Gunn like Wesley's words had somehow betrayed them. Then she snapped, "What are we supposed to do, give it a soothing bath?"
"Epsom salts in small quantities actually enhances many plants, but in large quantities is toxic. That combined with the blessing, would do the trick against a demon plant."
"And the other ways to kill it?" Gunn asked.
"Hack and slash, but if you've ever tried to cut down a tree with a pocket knife, you'll know what we're up against," Wesley said.
"Right," Cordelia sighed. "We need a chain saw and a grocery store, maybe a pharmacy."
With a smile, Gunn headed back to the cab. After unloading a few of the concealed weapons, he said. "I've got my ax. I hope that will do." Gunn hefted the hand-made weapon, its weight feeling right in his hand.
"Wait, didn't we pass a Ralph's Market while we were endlessly looking for parking spot?" Cordelia jumped out of the bed of the truck.
"It's on 9th and Hope," Gunn said with a glare.
Cordy's hand was extended. "Gimme the keys."
"What?"
Wes touched his shoulder. "Gunn, the look on your face. I always imagined that look on her father's face when Cordelia asked for money to buy designer handbags."
"Shut-up, Wesley." Cordy said with the hint of snarl and then she smiled big. "Come on, Gunn, you've let other people drive this truck."
Gunn felt his keys digging into his hand because he was squeezing them so hard. "Yeah, but…"
"But?"
"The last time you borrowed Angel's car, you left the keys in the ignition and it was stolen."
"We don't have time for this." Wesley took Gunn's hand and tapped his closed fingers. With a grudging sigh, Gunn opened his hand. Despite the fact that Wesley was handing over his truck keys to Cordelia, Gunn liked the feel of Wesley's hand on his even though it only lasted for a few second.
They heard Cordy yell at the gate guard just before she squealed the tires as she pulled out of the lot.
"I know it's not much consolation, but we didn’t have to pay for parking," Wesley said.
"Nope, that's no comfort at all," Gunn said.
"Come on, you'll feel better if you take that ax to the tree."
"I suppose."
Wesley's fingers gently pushed against Gunn's shoulder. "I promise to pull your splinters if you promise to pull mine."
How was Gunn supposed to not smile when Wes said things like that? All he could imagine was Wesley treating his skin like an artifact or a big old book. Long lean fingers, tracing every inch of flesh, looking for a splinter. "Sounds like it's going to be an interesting night. What about Cordy's splinters?"
"She's got Dennis."
"Sounds like Dennis is going to have an interesting night too." Gunn said. He hefted his ax to his shoulder. "Let's go make some splinters."
"Indeed." Wesley smiled.
"Hey, you two. The crazy chick said you'd pay the parking ticket." The parking attendant stepped in front of them trying to look imposing to a guy carrying an ax and another guy with a machete.
"We've been here for less than five minutes," Wesley insisted.
"I knew y'all were going to stick me with the bill," Gunn muttered.
Wesley looked from Gunn to the guard and then pointed up the street. "Look, a walking tree."
"Well now I've heard it all. Three hour minimum on a game night - pay up."
Wes gave Gunn a look, like somehow Gunn wasn't helping. Gunn pointed with his ax and tried for the panicked guy in a horror movie. "A walking tree!"
This time the guard glanced and then turned and then went completely stiff.
Wes and Gunn rushed passed him.
**20 minutes later**
Gunfire rang out and mixed with screams.
Gunn was crouched down behind a dumpster with Wes' chest pressed up against his back as both of them tried to access the mayhem on the streets. Wes' proximity was making it hard to concentrate. Since they had started spending their evenings getting naked, Gunn would get turned on when they were together, but never before in the middle of a mission.
They had advanced on the first Audrus and started taking ineffective swipes at it. The tree actually bent around and tried to knock them back with its long limbs. Their efforts did nothing to the Audrus, but the commotion sure as hell made an impression on the crowd pouring out of the Staples Center. The crowd immediately galvanized into a mob. Unfortunately, it wasn't the kind of mob that would grab torches and pitchforks. It was the kind of a mob that ran in circles, and screamed about killer trees. On the sort of fortunate side, the LAPD was always happy to shoot first and ask questions later.
When the bullets started flying, Gunn and Wesley ran for cover. Some cops had spotted them fighting the tree and tried to interrogate them on the run. That was the one and only reason that Gunn was happy that he and Wes were covered in demon tree snot. The cops backed off and there wasn't a chance in hell that they'd could make out Wes and Gunns faces. Maybe the police would have chased them, but the second Audrus showed up and the cops became fully engaged with trees.
"Damn it, Wes, I don't know what it is, maybe the rush of the fight, but you smell too good to be this close right now."
"Huh, I was just thinking that I wanted to lick your neck." Wesley brushed harder against him but then took a step back. "But your neck is covered in demon pollen. Perhaps it's not the adrenaline, but the pheromones in that stuff."
Gunn turned around and leaned against the dumpster. "I'd ask you what that all meant, but what I really want to know is, are we about to turn into acorns? Actually what I really want to know is if we can leave this one to the police. Then we can go back to your place, take advantage of that king-sized shower of yours and maybe have sex while we're doing that."
Wesley smiled. Gunn liked that. "The pollen isn't harmful, so we won't be turning into anything. It does seem like between the police and general mayhem we won't get to fight. Perhaps the early warning was all we needed to do to save the people in Cordelia's vision."
They looked at one another and in unison said, "Cordelia."
"She may try to fight the demon on her own," Wesley said.
"She may wreck my truck in the process."
"Gunn! –"
"Dog, calm down. I'm worried about her too. Call her up."
Wesley pulled out his cell phone but before he could hit the speed dial button, Gunn saw his truck. He tapped Wes on the shoulder and stepped behind the dumpster. "Cordelia!" The truck rushed passed the alley and then backed up.
"Ew! What the hell is all over the two of you?" Cordelia demanded.
"Tree spit," Gunn said.
"Did you get the Epsom salts?"
"Two dozen boxes. I made them unload the store room." Cordy held up a grocery bag. "Of course, I'm not sure how we're going to use them."
The scene in front of the Staples center was pure chaos. The second Audrus had approached from the opposite direction, knocking over cars and trees in its path. The police were in the middle fighting a war on both fronts, amidst the wreckage.
Gunn said the first thing that came to mind. "Damn, those cops never run out of bullets do they."
"It would seem. We have the holy water, so we can bless the Epsom salts. Then it's just the challenge of delivering them."
Gunn assessed the state of the street. People, cars, branches, leaves, broken glass, broken hydrant… "Hey, maybe we can give these demons a soothing bath after all."
It was against his better judgment, but Gunn let Cordy drive – not a testament to her skill, but an acknowledgement that he didn't want the cab of his truck covered with demon tree pollen. He and Wes were in the back with a case of Epsom salts.
Cordy punched the accelerator and leaned on the horn. Weapon in hand, Gunn held on, while Wesley kneeled in front of the boxes, dowsing them with holy water and chanting something in Latin or some other dead language. "Here we go, Wes. Get those boxes ready!"
Gunn connected with one flailing tree limb as the truck zoomed past the first Audrus that they had encountered. The cops made way for the truck, just like they had been doing for the ambulances and other emergency vehicles. Fountains of water splashed up everywhere. The broken hydrant had sent a river's worth of water over everything. Wesley started pouring the Epsom salts into it.
Gunn's hand flew to his ear as a skull splitting shriek cut through the night air.
"It's working!" Wes shouted. Sure enough the Audrus was wobbling and screaming.
"Watch out!" Gunn dived on top of Wesley as the branches of the second Audrus swept over the top of the truck bed. When they cleared the leaves, Gunn looked into the energy that seemed to be pulsing out of Wes' baby blues. This time he didn't stop himself and kissed Wes.
Maybe he was confused or thinking too much, because at first Wesley didn't respond. Then he was in it, 110%. Damn, if that boy didn't know what to do with his mouth. All those languages must have been good exercise on his lips and tongue.
"Are you two alive?"
Cordy had slid open the back window. Gunn was hoping that she only saw that they were down. Reluctantly, he pushed off Wes.
"Hey! Watch wHere you're driving," Gunn called.
"Careful, backseat driver. I'm making another pass. This time get the salt on it!"
Wes already had a box in each hand. Gunn stood close, ax at the ready. This time his ax connected with a limb and bit in. It took all Gunn had to hang onto the weapon as he got dragged across the bed of the truck. He could hear Wes telling him to let go, as he grabbed Gunns' legs.
The tree was screaming, and the ax was still caught, but the pressure in his shoulders eased enough, so Gunn could hold on with one hand. With the other he grabbed the last box of salt and tossed it at the tree. The screeching amplified and suddenly his ax was free. It was a good thing too because he needed both hands to cover his ears.
Cordy, as always, was tougher than she looked. She just kept driving until they were a quarter mile away. Wes and Gunn had to cling to one another as they slammed to a sudden stop. Half way out the door, Cordy was standing up and looking back at the trees and then down at them. "We did it – at least I think we did. You two look disgusting. "
Maybe she was a little sweaty, but for the most part, Cordy's hair and make-up were still looking good. "You two are not coming back to my place."
"Based on the screams of the trees, I'd say we won," Wesley agreed.
"We won and now I need a shower. Why don’t you drop the two of us at Wes' apartment? You can take the truck back to your place." Gunn could hardly believe the words were coming out of his mouth, but there they were.
Cordelia lifted one perfectly plucked eyebrow. "So there's a new found respect for my driving skills."
A whine came from the back of Gunn's throat, but then Wesley's hand was squeezing his leg.
"We're a team, we trust each other with the important things." Wesley had been looking at Cordy, but now he turned back to look Gunn in the eye. There was that strength again, and affection too, but the spirit of the team was overriding it all.
Gunn looked into Cordy's eyes. "I trust you." Cordy smiled at him. Suddenly the Care Bear-ness of it all became too much. "It's also about damn time a white person chauffeured my black ass around this town."
"I'll chauffeur your ass," Cordy snarked.
Wes and Gunn were forced to cling to one another as she punched the accelerator.
"Oh, my baby," Gunn cried with a laugh.
Wes shook his head with a smile and chuckle.
"Hey." Gunn poked him in the chest. "I wasn't just talking about the truck."
Wesley was on top of him again, kissing the breath out of his body.