Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

<p& Ilya Rozanov Jeopardy</p>

“Harris, what is this?” Ilya asked, sitting down on the chair that had a sign directing the ‘BIRTHDAY BOY’ to sit there.

The giant screen usually used for game recaps had a jeopardy board on it. Shane was already sitting on the couch with a grin.

“This is your birthday video for the channel,” Harris said distractedly as he messed with the camera.

The rest of the team came into the room slowly. Some of them had their partners and kids with them. Ilya just watched as they all wished him a happy birthday. Evan’s two year old daughter ran over and gave him a hug.

“Hi, Susie,” Ilya pulled her into his lap. “Do you know what’s going on?”

“No!” She jumped off his lap as Wyatt walked in with Lisa. Wyatt scooped her up and the noise levels continued to rise.

Shane just kept smiling. Eventually Shane knelt down next to Ilya’s chair. Usually, Ilya would be ecstatic, but the grin on Shane’s face was irregular with these big events. Shane grabbed Ilya’s hand and rubbed it.

“Are you okay, baby?” Shane asked.

“Yeah,” Ilya said. “I’m just confused. What’s happening?”

“Okay,” Shane shifted into a more comfortable position. “We’re going to play a game of Jeopardy about you and you’re going to see just how loved you are,” Shane looked around. “I think there’s bets going around about who will do better than me,”

“Who has the most amount of money for them?”

Shane opened his mouth to respond when Holmberg started to sit down where he’d been sitting. “Do not fucking dare sit there,”

Homberg’s eyes widened and he scrambled away.

“Okay, so, as far as I can tell, Bood is who everybody thinks is most likely to win. Obviously, they’re wrong. I’m going to win,”

Ilya saw the twinkle of competitiveness in Shane’s eyes that he’d fallen in love with. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” Shane leaned in and kissed him quickly. “Happy early birthday, baby,”

“Why today?”

“Well, doing it on your birthday would be to obvious,” Shane winked. “Plus, Harris needs time to edit everything so that he can upload it on your birthday,”

“Ahh, there it is,” Ilya laughed.

“Okay everyone, here’s the plan,” Harris said. “We’re going to play Jeopardy. If someone other than Shane wins, please wait to collect your money until after I’ve stopped recording, not that I think that will happen. After that, I’ll talk to Shane and then he and Ilya will leave, then you’ll do your thing with me,” Harris smiled like it would be easy. He had no idea what was going to happen.

“I’ll let someone else try first,” Shane said, taking his seat again.

“Haasy,” Harris pointed to him and started recording. “Please start us off,”

“Right, uh, Rituals for 200, please,” Luca shifted in his seat.

Harris nodded and pressed a button on his laptop.

“This is how we see how Ilya feels in the morning,” Harris read.

Luca hit the button first. It practically screamed his name. Ilya had to hold back a laugh at hearing his own voice call out Luca’s name.

“What is the colour of his water bottle,” Luca said, without even consulting his teammates.

“Ding, ding, ding,” Harris nodded and wrote 200 under Luca’s name on the whiteboard. “Next?”

“Um,” Luca turned to whisper to Holmberg and LaPointe. “Snack Attack for 100,”

“This is Ilya’s favourite pregame snack,” Harris read out.

Shane hit the buzzer first. “What are Peanut M&Ms,”

“Correct,”

“No it’s not!” Evan exclaimed.

Shane looked over, confused. “Yes? It is?”

Ilya nodded in agreement.

“No! He always has the granola bar,”

Shane laughed. “I make him eat that, but he always has peanut M&Ms in his bag to munch on,”

“Not even secretly,” Ilya said. “It is my vice,”

“Vice,” Shane whispered, looking over at Ilya.

“Ottawa Citizen,” Ilya winked.

“Shane, what category?” Harris interrupted.

“Concerts and Headphones for 100, please,”

“Okie dokie,”

“This person is Ilya’s favourite singer,” Harris read out.

Evan hit the buzzer. “Who is Bad Bunny?”

“Correct,” 

Evan and Wyatt high-fived. Shane scowled. His hand had hit the buzzer a second too late. Ilya giggled at the difference between Evan’s “EVAAAAAN,” and Shane’s “Shane,”; Shane’s sounded like how the pink sparkly heart emoji looks.

“Evan, next category?”

The Hayes team discussed. “We’ll take Concerts and Headphones for 200,”

“On it,”

“This is Ilya’s favourite song,” Harris was getting more invested. His handwriting was showing that on the board. The quick scribbles were nearly illegible.

Shane hit the buzzer. “What is ‘Moscow Mule’ by Bad Bunny?”

“That is correct,”

Shane leaned over and kissed Ilya’s cheek dramatically.

“Dude, we need to fucking answer questions,” Dillon said, hitting Bood’s shoulder gently.

“I fucking know,” Bood rolled his eyes and took Milo from Cassie to avoid getting hit again.

“I’ll take Concerts and Headphones for 300, please, Harris,” Shane said, ignoring the chaos.

“This is the first concert that Ilya went to,” Harris sighed, knowing the craziness that was about to erupt.

“Bood!” The buzzer sounded.

“What is Dave Matthews Band?”

“Yep!”

“You saw Dave Matthews Band?” Luca asked.

“Yeah,” Ilya nodded. “I used to listen to their music when I was in Boston. I saw them in 2013,”

“Aren’t they as old as you?” Bood asked.

“You’re not that much older than me,”

“I’d like Animals for 100,” Bood said, rolling his eyes and seemingly marking the conversation as over.

“This is the species of animal that Ilya’s current team mascot is.”

Every buzzer went off at the same time. Harris looked at Ilya. “Just give it to Troy. He needs the win,”

Harris nodded and looked at Troy. “What are centaurs?”

“Correct!” Harris grinned.

“I’d like Animals for 200,”

“This is the species of animal that Ilya’s team prior to 2018 was,”

Shane’s, Luca’s, and Wyatt’s buzzers all went off, closely followed by the other two.

“Luca,” Harris decided

“What are bears?”

“Well, you see, bears are queer men with large builds and/or body hair,” Shane said. He had his arms crossed after getting passed over for points in the previous round.

“Is that from fucking Wikipedia?” Luca exclaimed.

Shane looked up with a roll of his eyes. “Shut up, Luca,”

“Yeah, just because Shane had to learn everything about being queer from Wikipedia doesn’t mean he doesn’t get to be funny sometimes,” Ilya laughed.

“And just because Ilya thinks he’s hilarious doesn’t mean that I will hesitate to make him sleep on the couch,” Shane raised his eyebrows.

“Sorry, my love,”

“I’ll take Snack Attack for 200,” Luca said.

“This is Ilya’s favourite Gatorade flavour,”

Troy’s buzzer went off, but Shane held a smug smile on his face as he hit a half second later.

“Blue!” Troy said after Harris nodded to him.

“Did you forget the rules of the game?” Selena asked, swatting at him. She was on his team if only to make it fair in terms of teams.

“Fuck!”

“Shane?”

“What is light blue,” He said, reaching out to grab Ilya’s hand.

“Correct,” Harris nodded.

“I’ll take Snack Attack for 300, please,”

“This is Ilya’s favourite food combination that he likes,”

Luca buzzed first. Holmberg and LaPointe looked smug from beside him. “What is celery and strawberry jam?”

“Correct!”

“How the Hell did you know that?” Ilya asked, looking almost offended.

“It was in a video from when you were a rookie,” Luca said, blushing.

“I didn’t even know that,” Shane said.

“I hid it from you, my love,” Ilya said, not taking his eyes off of Luca. “I knew you would not like,”

“Honestly, I’m just happy it’s not jelly,”

Ilya took Shane’s hand before he could start talking about the difference between jam and jelly and why jam is better. “Yes, my love,”

“Snack Attack for 400, please,” Luca said, with a cocky smile. Shane took his hand out of Ilya’s so that he could be ready to press the buzzer.

“This is Ilya’s favourite meal,”

Shane buzzed in first, sticking his tongue out at Luca—very maturely.

“Shane,” Harris nodded.

“Pelmeni,” Shane said, smiling softly.

Ilya grinned.

Luca swore. “I wasn’t going to say that,”

“I’d like to finish off Snack Attack for 500,” Shane smiled.

“This is Ilya’s favourite restaurant,”

Wyatt hit his buzzer. “What is McDonald’s?”

“No, anyone else?”

Troy hit his. “What is Arby’s?”

“Correct,”

“It used to be McDonald’s,” Shane said. “But I convinced him to try Arby’s once and we haven’t gone back. If it helps, Wyatt,”

Wyatt muttered something under his breath.

“Troy, what category? Remember that Snack Attack is out of clues,”

“Rituals for 100, please,”

“Okay!”

“This is Ilya’s post-game drink of choice,”

Shane hit his buzzer in record time.

“Shane,” Harris nodded.

“What is vodka,”

“Correct,”

“I’d like Rituals for 300,”

“These are the names on Ilya’s stick,”

Zane managed to hit his buzzer first. “Who are Irina, Yuna, and Shane?”

“Correct,” Harris smiled. “Not for any extra points, but can anyone say where they are?”

“Shane is on the blade and Yuna and Irina are on either side of the shaft,” Wyatt said.

Shane looked over at Ilya smiling softly. ‘I love you,’ he mouthed.

“Zane?” Harris prompted.

“Get the Popcorn for 100, please,”

“This is Ilya’s favourite TV show,”

Wyatt hit the buzzer. He was quick. Ilya chalked that up to his goalie stuff. Ilya knew that Wyatt would know this one because they’d talked about it nearly relentlessly.

“What is Shoresy?”

“Correct!”

“Get the Popcorn for 200,” Wyatt said, sitting on the edge of his seat.

“This is Ilya’s favourite cartoon character,”

Wyatt hit the buzzer again. Ilya glanced over to the scoreboard. Maybe there was a chance for him after all. “Who is Winnie the Pooh?”

“Correct again!” Harris cheered. “What next?”

“Get the Popcorn for 300!” Wyatt was practically falling off his seat in excitement.

“This is Ilya’s favourite movie,”

Wyatt’s hand slammed against the buzzer and didn’t even wait for confirmation from Harris. “What is Ocean’s Eleven?”

Shane shook his head with a ‘tsk tsk tsk’. “It’s actually Fast and Furious 9,”

The room erupted into pandemonium.

“That is the worst one!” Both Bood’s cried at the same time.

Wyatt went to tears; if because of Ilya’s choice in films or the loss of points, nobody will ever know.

The rookies all started talking about why it just had to be a Fast and Furious movie.

Troy just stared directly at the camera and spoke completely deadpan. “Salud mi familia,”

The WAGs just watched the chaos in pure joy.

“Alright, alright,” Ilya held up a hand. “It’s all for the fun of the game-and the family-but somebody needs to pick a category. Shane, yes?”

Shane looked at Ilya with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. “Right, Get the Popcorn for 400,”

“What is Ilya’s comfort movie,”

Shane hit the buzzer. “That’s Ocean’s Eleven,”

“Yep!”

Ilya reached over and took Shane’s hand to kiss it.

“Animals for 300,”

“What is Ilya’s dog’s name?”

Bood hit his buzzer first. “Who is Anya,”

“Right on,”

“Fucking A!” Dillon high fived Bood.

“Rituals for 400,”

“This is the person who Ilya shakes the hand of before every game,”

Luca hit his buzzer first, blushing as he did. “Who is the person to the left of the sin bin?”

Harris nodded, already turning to make the points for Luca. “No points, but why?”

“He figured it would be best to be friendly with someone he’d spend a lot of time with,” Luca said without hesitation. He looked bashful as he turned to look at Ilya. “You mentioned it your sophomore year,”

Ilya nodded. He remembered that interview.

“Um, Concerts and Headphones for 400,” Luca said.

“This is Ilya’s guilty pleasure song.”

Shane hit the buzzer. “What is Love Story by Taylor Swift,”

“Yeah!”

Ilya leaned over, stretching to reach, to kiss Shane’s cheek.

“Animals for 400,”

“These two animals are tattooed on Ilya,”

Hayes hit the buzzer first. “What is a bear and a duck,”

Shane tsk’d again. “It’s a loon. What is a bear and a loon,”

Harris nodded, holding back a smile.

Ilya leaned towards the camera. “They are very scary. Canadian wolf-birds. Have you heard their call? Scary as hell. Shane can do it,”

Shane shook his head with a small smile. “Animals for 500,”

“This is Ilya’s favourite animal,”

Troy hit his buzzer. “What is a bunny?”

“Correct!”

“I thought it was an ostrich,” Wyatt said.

Everybody turned to look at him.

He held up his hands. “Okay, I was wrong,”

Troy laughed. “I’ll take Get the Popcorn for 500,”

“This is Ilya’s guilty pleasure movie,”

Wyatt hit his buzzer. “What is Twilight?”

“Yep!”

Wyatt stood up and took a small victory lap. He kissed Lisa before taking his seat again. “I’ll take Rituals for 500,”

“Second last,” Harris said, before clicking a button to see the clue. “This is Ilya’s pregame song.”

Bood hit the buzzer. “What is ‘Call It What You Want’ by Taylor Swift?”

“Correct,” Harris smiled. He knew why.

“Why?” Luca asked.

Shane blushed. “It came out a couple months after we were exclusive,”

“So?”

“Have you heard the song, Haas?” Selena asked.

“No, why?”

“Just listen to it.” Ilya and the WAGs said at the same time.

“Shane, would you run away with me?” Ilya asked dramatically.

“Yes,” Shane blushed even harder.

“Case in point,”

“Where’d you learn that?”

“TikTok,”

“Okay, last clue,” Harris said. “This is the first song that Ilya learned in English,”

Shane didn’t even bother with the buzzer. He was the only one who knew. “What is ‘Dreams’ by The Cranberries?”

Harris just nodded.

Ilya felt like his heart was going to explode. He’d never told Shane that. He’d told Sveta, but— Sveta must’ve told Shane.

“I love you so much.” Ilya said, standing up to pull Shane into a kiss.

“I love you too,” Shane managed.

“Okay, so Shane won,” Harris said, without even having to add up the scores.

“Who came second, though?”

“Bood,” Harris said after a moment.