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"I love you, Mr. Milverton, from all my heart. I kept it a secret for many years, but I am unable to hold it back anymore. I live to make you happy, sir, you are the meaning of my life. Even if you can never return my feelings, I wanted you to know the truth. For me, a "no" will change nothing. I belong to you and I never want to belong to anyone else."
Ruskin finished his speech and let out a sigh. He was rehearsing his confession for hours, trying to make it perfect by the time he would finally stand in front of his employer and tell him about his love. The decision that he would share the truth with Mr. Milverton, that he fell in love with him the day he became his secretary was in his mind for a long, long time, but he was finally ready to make the necessary step. He was not scared anymore, not even if Mr. Milverton would turn him down. He really didn't need anything - just his employer to know that he loved him.
But even if he had no goals, Ruskin wanted everything to go perfectly, so he chose to practice beforehand while Mr. Milverton was visiting the House of Lords and he couldn't disturb him, unrevealing the surprise before Ruskin was prepared. He thought that the speech that he learned was fine, but he felt like something was still missing from it. What could it be? Ruskin fell into his thoughts and tried to find the problem, but he needed to look up when the door to his room suddenly opened. He forgot to lock it, Ruskin realized and he cursed himself for it. He froze when he saw who peeked inside. He had a terrible suspicion and he could only hope that it was not true. But when the chatty woman began to talk, Ruskin's hope crumbled to pieces.
"Oh, Mr. Ruskin, you finally decided to confess to Master Milverton!"
It was Miss Agatha, the most gossip-loving maid from the household. Ruskin knew that he shouldn't be surprised that of all people it was her who distracted him. Miss Agatha was always everywhere and she really liked eavesdropping. She also thought herself the specialist of love-related topics due to the lot of boyfriends she had. She somehow figured out Ruskin's secret and unlike everyone in her place, she was not disgusted that Ruskin showed affection for another man, which kind of thing was despised in that era. Ruskin made her promise under the threat of death that she would not tell anyone - yet, Ruskin still turned red as he realized that the woman heard his entire rehearsal. His most sacred feelings for Mr. Milverton.
"Miss Agatha, I think I told you before that you shouldn't eavesdrop on me!" Ruskin lashed out with a burning face and gave an angry look at the maid. "What are you even doing in front of my room?" He asked, but he was sure that the woman would come up with a lie easily.
But Miss Agatha was too excited to even answer the question.
"I am sorry, Mr. Ruskin, but this is so beautiful!" She said cheerfully. "Master Milverton will finally learn about your feelings. I don't doubt that he would return them!"
Ruskin doubted it, but he didn't want to talk about the matter with Miss Agatha. He still glared at her furiously and wondered what he should do to get her out of his room.
But before he could say anything, Miss Agatha spoke again.
"Are you trying to practice what you are going to say to the master?" She asked.
"This is not your business." Ruskin grunted, determined to keep the woman away from his love life, but Miss Agatha was not bothered by the hostile tone.
"Your speech is good and conveys your feelings." She noted and Ruskin could see that she just replayed his words in her mind. "But your voice, Mr. Ruskin... you are too serious, too ordered." She continued. "Your voice doesn't show how much you love Master Milverton. It’s like you are making a business report to him."
Ruskin was about to lash out again, but he stopped and just stared at the woman. He didn't ask Miss Agatha's opinion, but what she said might have been true. Ruskin always had trouble visibly showing his emotions. However, now he wanted to show them - wanted to show all of them. He wanted to make Mr. Milverton feel how much he loved him and that he was his entire world.
He needed more practice. But at least, he knew what he needed to practice.
Thanks to Miss Agatha.
Ruskin rolled his eyes. It was annoying to admit that the chatty maid was right.
"It is true. But you really should leave my room, Miss Agatha. I don't want to run out of time."
Miss Agatha let out a chuckle.
"Of course. You want everything to be perfect. But in the end, only what is in your heart will matter."
With that, she finally walked out of Ruskin's room and closed the door behind herself. Ruskin closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind from the frustration. When he was finally calm again, he continued practicing, even if he needed to admit that Miss Agatha was once again right.
In the end, it was what was in his heart that mattered the most.