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Ever since Avery found me at the cave, I have been feeling quite content and satisfied with him.
His smile made me feel weird, as if they activated something within my flesh and bones. It made me sick and made me yearn for that same picture more.
Is this what it feels to love? Is this what it feels to be friends with someone whom you tried to save from an eldritch being who wanted to consume him and take over this damned world?
I asked myself the same questions, the same questions that kept me ruminating on and on. I didn't even know if this was normal between us but yet, he mistook it as a close bond between friends and nothing more.
I didn't complain as I looked away when it was his turn to talk, looking over to a forget-me-not. The blue petals swayed and danced with the wind, as if it adored it.
Myosotis (/ˌmaɪəˈsoʊtɪs/ MY-ə-SOH-tiss) is a genus of flowering plants in the borage family Boraginaceae. In the Northern Hemisphere, they are colloquially known as forget-me-nots or scorpion grasses. The forget-me-not is the official flower of Alaska.
The thought quickly passed my mind, I would imagine doing the same with Avery if I had the chance to, yet the sky blue flower reminded me of my circumstance that I wished to get out of.
Those were the same flowers that painted my lungs and my mouth every time I coughed them out, the same flowers that reminded me of the now unknown disease I had.
Perhaps the gods above hated me and wanted to prolong my cries, perhaps this was their way of giving me more time with Avery while they waited for me to go back to heaven.
A part of me yearned to go back in time and take back my wish to meet him again and spend a bit more time with him, perhaps I was a bit too selfish to even wish that in the first place.
But I have already made my own bed, now I have to cherish the moments I have with him and make him happy like he deserved to. Avery deserved better than this; he deserved better than a selfish wish I made.
I sighed, I made my way into the conversation, ignoring the bits of infinite knowledge I had while I stared at him and kept stroking my helmet.
…
“Look, Derek!” He went over to a flower growing into the green plains of the overgrown forest. I looked over to his shoulder in curiosity as he turned back to me.
He pointed at it while he was kneeling down, I knew he had a thing for plants. “What type of flower is this?” Avery spoke, his eyes widening as he plucked it.
The flower was white, the tips of the petals were leaning down and the center of it was colored with a green leaning over to a yellow hue—
Jasminum sambac (Arabian jasmine or Sambac jasmine or Mogra) is a species of jasmine native to Bhutan and India. It is cultivated in many places, especially West Asia, South Asia and Southeast Asia—
“Sampaguita, it's another type of jasmine flower.” I mumbled out to him, he nodded. He seemed to like the flower he found, I wouldn't blame him, it is mesmerizing.
“Sa—... Sampuguita?” He raised his brow, he looked over to me again with a question looming in his head, “How do you pronounce that?”
“Uhm…” I thought deeply, trying to explain a word that has been spoken by a different kind far from our home. I wasn't good at explaining such things to people, even to mobs. “Sam… pa.. gee… ta… that’s how it’s pronounced.”
“Sa… pa.. Geeta? Sampaguita?” He said, I smiled as I nodded to him. I feel a bit proud and glad that he got it, I spoke with joy. “Yep, that’s the one.”
He grinned before he got up and held the flower between his hands before he hovered it over to his head as if he's trying to put it on, he looks adorable if I have to be honest.
“What are you doing?” I chuckled, he looked over to me as he put it in his slime formed hair, he smiled again as I stopped chuckling. “Putting it in my hair, well slime that is…” He looked away, unsure on how to describe himself.
My heart fluttered again as I looked at him before I shook my head, not wanting to stare and look weird in front of him. “You look amazing, though we should keep going. The night is coming soon.” I reminded him.
“Oh yeah, we should. Thanks for reminding me!” He adjusted the flower in his hair before he bounced away, I followed with that picture ingrained in my head, I cursed myself for it.
As we followed along the pathway, Avery watched along the plants scattering the fields, admiring it as always. I watched him as I had nothing to do. I couldn't afford to stare at the flowers again.
“Do you know the meaning of the flower I plucked?” He mumbled to himself, I abruptly stopped and so he did, he sounded concerned as I looked away in thought.
“What? What happened?” I could feel him staring at him, his hand hovering to my shoulder as I stayed in place before I answered to give him some peace of mind.
“Promise, the flower means promise.” I spoke, he was still confused so Avery responded back to me with a raised eyebrow, he had gotten a bit fussy over me since I started to cough up flowers (which I hid the flowers from him.)
“What?” He said, I look at him to reassure him as always, I'm used to his fussy nature. “You spoke about the flower, I was a bit taken back so I answered it.” I mumbled out to him.
His eyebrows raised before he sighed, Avery let his hand retreat back as he was a bit reassured, he spoke again with a breathy tone. “You scared me, haha.” He sighed.
I let my hand touch his back, stroking it to calm him down. “You don't have to worry about me, I-I’m fine.” I said, that itch coming back to my throat again.
“Yeah, I know…” His eyes softened, I felt a bit bad for hiding the flowers from him now. “It’s just that, ever since I found you at the cave, I can't help but worry.” Avery said as I reflected on the earlier times he met me.
“I feel like I owe you something, I should have known you better. You saved me, remember?” He said, looking over to me with a smile, instead of my heart fluttering, it lamented. “You deserve so much better than me to sacrifice yourself for me who doesn't have any use in this world.”
I listened, as much as I loathed myself, he was the same as me but twice. “You don't have to bring yourself down, Avery. It wasn't your fault you were here.” I spoke, before saying the very thing that spoke out my heart.
“Even if you aren't special to anyone, you are special to me.” I said, even though I couldn't bring myself to say the three special words, “So don't think you have no use in this world because you do in mine.”
I stopped, letting him process my words for once, I was technically a confession at this point. But I knew the truth, he wouldn't get it anyway.
“You… think I'm special?” Avery asked, looking down as his eyes widened as if it touched a part of his heart, as if I was a realization when it's been the whole truth this time.
He didn't speak, he rubbed his own slime as a way to ground himself. Avery opened his mouth, “I… I don't know what to say about that but thank you.”
But then he spoke out with a smile, “But that doesn't mean you should leave me again okay?”
I chuckled at the absurdity of it before patting his back and reassuring him, “I won't… I promise.” I said, half-heartedly, knowing my own end will leave him desperate and depressed.
Avery chuckled before his posture changed, “Okay fine, let’s just go.” He glanced up at the sky, it was orange followed by yellow and a few colors that painted the whole sky. “I can sense it getting dark.”
I nodded before we picked up the pace, focusing on getting home as soon as possible. None of us were good at seeing in the dark, especially handling with a few creepy noises.
The pathway stretched out, we talked along the way to occupy ourselves, I enjoyed my time being with him like it always has been.
“Do you think we have the chance to watch the sunset?” He asked, looking up at me as I glanced at the sky again, I thought about it more as I stayed silent.
Maybe…
“Sure, but we have to get to a good place in order to watch it.” I answered, he nodded as he stopped before I added a disclaimer, “But we might get home late.”
He groaned as I laughed, the afternoon stretched out as we made our way to the destination, ignoring the looming doom I was about to encounter by the next few months.
I would spend the days being with him forever if I could.
…
I stared at the ceiling, Avery being by my side after dealing with my coughing fit for the last few months. I lost myself into the memories of what could have been, maybe an ending where this one didn't exist and I could have something different.
But I couldn't find myself ignoring it, it was too grand and obvious due to my body weakening. I’m too useless to even keep fighting back.
Avery already knew about the flowers, he couldn't understand why this kept happening to me, he searched in every book he could find. But however that disease is lost in history and is sadly just a fairytale to anyone else who’s a descendant of whoever knew that disease.
I sat up, another cough came up but I managed to suppress it and made it quieter, not wanting to wake Avery up by disrupting his long deserved sleep.
I stared at the window beside me, the moon shining upon me as if it’s taking pity upon me. I stared at it back, wondering to myself.
The Moon is the only natural satellite of Earth. It orbits around Earth at an average distance of 384,399 kilometers (238,854 mi),[f] a distance roughly 30 times the width of Earth. It completes an orbit (lunar month) in relation to Earth and the Sun (synodically) every 29.5 days. The Moon and Earth are bound by gravitational attraction, which is stronger on the sides facing each oth—
Stop.
I thought to myself, feeling quite tired of the infinite knowledge I had been cursed with. What was the point of even surviving this spell if I had little time left?
Not even my head could answer that.
I sighed, I felt bad for hiding this from Avery but he didn't deserve to spend the last 5 months worrying about me, especially when he doesn't feel the same, he loves me but not in the way I love him.
I look back at him, my scarred hand hovering over him as he slept peacefully before me. I stroked his slimy hair, enjoying the way it slides under my hand like normal slime does.
I stared at him, continuing to comfort him in his sleep before my end would come. A tear slid under my chin without me noticing enough, but I didn't care as long as I could be with Avery.
I look back at the moon, smiling up at it as I continue my stroking, making my one last wish to Avery this time.
“I hope you think of me when you stare up at the stars, Avery.”
Then the coughing fit came, I coughed out without suppressing it in time, blood splattered out as the flowers came bubbling down into my hand. Enough to wake Avery up with a panicked startle.
“D-Derek?!” He quickly woke up and looked at me in horror as he came closer to me, about to pat my back before he stopped. Looking around in panic, he was about to go before I put my hand on his shoulder.
“D-Don't go….” I cried out, coughing violently as blood dripped down to my lap, wanting to spend my last few moments with him, I knew he had nowhere to go anyway.
“Just stay… please.” I begged him, my hand moved to his face as he held my wrist with tears bubbling down to his face as if he wanted to leave as soon as possible.
“B-But we have to bring you somewhere else!” He lamented, I knew he doesn't have the heart to resist me, he doesn't even know if he can get me in time. “Please—”
I coughed up blood, my vision blurring as I fell onto him slowly, he held me as Avery cried, “D-Derek please, hold on! We have to get you help!” he screamed, trying to prop me onto his arms.
I shook my head, with a smile, I knew this was my time and so I looked up at him with adoring eyes, complementary to his scared, panicked eyes that were widened.
“Don't forget me, Avery.”
From there, I had my last breath and cough before my soul was plucked from my weakening body, his cries were the only last thing I heard.